Hatefully Yours

by Callahan, Kelli

  “There you are, Runt.” Boone walked up behind me. “Mom and dad were looking for you.”

  “They probably want pictures.” I turned towards him and smiled.

  My brother and I would never see eye-to-eye, but after he left for college, I found that being an only child wasn’t as good as I thought it would be. I missed the asshole—partially because he kept my parents busy when he was around. I might have been on the receiving end of a few less bullshits from my father if Boone was there to keep him occupied with his usual shenanigans.

  I met up with my parents, took the necessary pictures in my graduation gown, and Boone even graced us with an appearance in a few of them. After I was done with them, I walked around to mingle with a few of my friends and met with Keely again for a few pictures with her family. I was just about to walk back to where my parents were talking with some guys that my dad worked with when I noticed someone sitting in the bleachers—someone with a pair of familiar ocean-blue eyes and sandy-colored hair that was a longer than I remembered. He waved and stood up when he saw me.

  “Oh my god! Trent!” I walked over and hugged him as he made it to the bottom of the stairs.

  “We both recognized each other this time.” He laughed as we embraced.

  “Yes!” I nodded and leaned back from our hug. “What are you doing here?”

  “My cousin is in your class—Joey Hill. I came to see him graduate.” He smiled and took a step back.

  “Joey Hill is your cousin?” I blinked in surprise. “I had no idea!”

  “He doesn’t really like for anyone to know we’re related.” Trent shrugged. “Something about living in my shadow…”

  “You did leave some pretty big cleats to fill.” I nodded in understanding. “Does Boone know you’re in town? He didn’t tell me…”

  “Boone…” Trent exhaled sharply. “We’re not as close as we used to be.”

  “Oh!” My head snapped back in surprise. “I didn’t know that either.”

  “It’s no big deal.” Trent sighed. “We’re just growing up, you know? People drift apart—he’s busy with his girlfriend.”

  “Yeah, but you two go to school together.” I tilted my head in confusion.

  “I guess he didn’t mention that either.” Trent shook his head. “Nah, I lost my scholarship after I quit playing football. I’m going to school in New York now.”

  “Wow! You’re not playing anymore? Why?” I tried to wrap my head around everything I was hearing.

  “Long story.” Trent waved off my concern. “No big deal, I have different priorities now.”

  “Well damn, it sounds like a lot has changed.” I glanced over my shoulder. “I’d love to keep talking to you, but I need to get back to my parents before they start looking for me. I’m sorry…”

  “No reason to be sorry.” Trent shook his head. “This is your big day.”

  “How long are you in town for?” I looked back towards him.

  “I’m leaving tonight…” He nodded. “I don’t know when I’ll be back—if I’ll be back.”

  “Then this may be our last goodbye?” I felt my heart sinking into my stomach, and I wasn’t sure why—I had already put Trent in the past.

  Or have I?

  “Yeah, probably so.” A weak smile formed on the edge of his lips.

  It was easier to believe I would never see Trent again when the last memory I had of him was at Keely’s party. It was hard to stare him in the face and know that we were saying our final goodbye. Apparently, I still had feelings for him—that crush just never went away. Those conversations we had during his senior year of high school—when I was still a girl that couldn’t even get a guy to look at me—that meant more to me than any of the dates I went on in high school.

  “Goodbye, Trent.” I forced myself to say the words I didn’t want to say.

  “Goodbye, Brooke.” He waved as I turned to walk back towards my parents. “I still think about it, you know—that night by the pool.”

  “What?” I felt a chill sweep through my body, and I turned back towards him. “You do?”

  “I wonder what would have happened if I did what I wanted to do—and actually kissed you.” He sighed.

  “Trent…” I looked down, and my head started spinning.

  “I know. That was a long time ago.” He sighed. “I just thought you should know.”

  “Wait…” I looked up at him. “What are you doing tonight—before you leave?”

  “I don’t know.” He shook his head.

  “My parents are taking me to dinner, but after that, I’m going to the graduation party. It’s at Brandy Madison’s house—I’m sure you remember where she lives.” I felt a sense of excitement growing as I spoke.

  “Yeah, I do.” He nodded. “I could possibly swing by…”

  “It would be nice to see you before you go.” I smiled and nodded.

  “Okay.” He smiled and saw a hint of excitement in his eyes. “I’ll see you there.”

  I had a silly grin on my face when I made it back to my parents. Boone had already taken off but was supposed to meet us at the house for dinner. I had a lot of thoughts going through my head. I always thought Trent was on the verge of kissing me that night before Boone interrupted us, but over the years—I wondered if my mind was just playing tricks on me. I accepted that it could have just been the fantasy of a teenage girl that read too many romance novels. Finding out that it wasn’t just a fantasy brought so many emotions to the surface, and I had to see Trent one more time—even if we only had one night together.

  I know what I want. It’s all I’ve ever wanted…

  I didn’t say much at dinner, even when Boone tried to tease me about the graduation party. My mother pulled me to the side after we finished clearing the table and told me that it was okay if I had fun, but to be careful. She made me promise to call her if there was some reason that I couldn’t drive home. Surprisingly, I got the same speech from Boone ten minutes later—it was one of the rare times when he acted like my brother instead of an asshole. I was tempted to ask him about Trent because I was curious to know why they weren’t friends anymore, but I didn’t want anything to sour my evening.

  Tonight is going to be perfect.

  I put on an outfit that was rather modest compared to what I wore the last time I thought I was going to get a chance to see Trent. It wasn’t about temptation or showing him that I wasn’t the same girl he remembered. He liked me before I could squeeze myself into tight clothes and get attention from guys—before I knew how to cover my flaws with makeup, mascara, and lipstick. I wasn’t a fifteen year old girl, and he wasn’t a seventeen year old boy. I was practically a woman, and he was basically a man—less than a year away from being able to legally buy a beer. I knew what I wanted. It was what I had always wanted, and I finally had the confidence to go for it.

  It looks like I won’t be a virgin when I leave Cabot Beach after all—not if I have anything to say about it.

  * * *

  There were a lot more people at the party than I expected. It seemed that everyone at Cabot High decided to show up, whether they walked across the stage at graduation or not. I even recognized a few of them from the class that graduated the previous year. I weaved through the crowd and asked a few people if they had seen Trent. None of them had. I immediately regretted not getting his phone number when we spoke earlier in the day because it was like searching for a needle in a room full of drunk people.

  I really hope he didn’t change his mind.

  Trent’s ocean blue eyes were like a doorway into his soul. That was what made me fall for him when I was fifteen. Every time we talked, that doorway seemed to open, and there were times when I felt like I was the only one that could see into it. Boone certainly couldn’t. He didn’t see the depth in his best friend—I never even understood why they were friends. They were nothing alike. Boone was a jerk and a perpetual asshole. Trent was caring, kind, and extremely charismatic. I knew he had been with other girls, b
ut it didn’t mean our moment wasn’t real—there was no promise that was broken. There was just a lingering connection that neither of us knew how to explore.

  Until tonight—even if it’s just for one night.

  “Hey Brittany!” I waved to someone that I had sorta become friends with during my last year of high school.

  “Brooke! You made it.” She smiled. “Why don’t you have a drink in your hand?”

  “I don’t want a drink quite yet.” I shook my head. “You haven’t seen Trent Rigsby tonight by any chance, have you?”

  “Uh…” Her eyes darted back and forth. “Yeah, he got here about an hour ago. I saw him go upstairs…”

  “Awesome, thank you.” I smiled and started to walk away.

  “Wait, Brooke.” She reached out and grabbed my arm. “He’s with someone.”

  “What do you mean?” I blinked in confusion.

  “You know…” She raised her eyebrows as if I should be able to catch her drift.

  “Probably just a friend.” I waved off her concern.

  There weren’t many people that knew I liked Trent. I had obviously shared it with Keely—especially after she saw me make such a big deal out of the fact that he was at her party earlier in the school year. Brittany and a few other girls found out during an ill-advised game of Truth or Dare when another one of our parties was winding down, and we were just trying to kill some time until we had to go home. They thought I was crazy to believe that a guy like Trent Rigsby would ever date someone in high school when he had a college girl buffet to choose from. I was ready to prove all of them wrong—and prove a few things to myself in the process.

  Maybe Brittany is mistaken and he’s up there by himself—waiting on me.

  A cascade of emotions surged through me as I headed to the staircase. I had waited so long, and it felt like my dream was finally coming true—the perfect conclusion to my high school years. There was always something holding me back when I dated other guys. I told myself that it was because they ignored me when I didn’t meet their definition of pretty, but maybe there was more—maybe my heart just never let go of Trent Rigsby—as foolish as it was.

  I walked to the top of the stairs and heard a noise from one of the bedrooms. A couple of alarm bells went off, but I walked towards the door anyway. It was slightly ajar. I peeked through the crack and saw two silhouettes in the dim light. The broad shoulders and muscular frame was unmistakable, but he wasn’t alone—someone was in there with him.

  “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this…” A girl’s voice—one that I knew almost as well as my own.

  “Keely, I…” Trent’s voice—and what he was going to say next was silenced by my best friend’s lips.

  She’s kissing him! Oh my god—his hands are on her hips! He’s kissing her!

  “What the…” My words came out before I had a chance to silence them.

  “Brooke!” Trent turned his head and saw me.

  “You…” I took a step back and stammered over my words. “You asshole!”

  “Brooke, I can explain.” Trent took a step towards me, and I realized that my best friend wasn’t wearing a shirt.

  “You bitch!” I practically shot daggers at Keely, who didn’t even try to pretend that my eyes were deceiving me.

  I didn’t give Trent a chance to explain because I refused to let him see me cry. I could feel the tears coming. The look on Trent’s face—it was the look of a man who had just been caught doing something wrong. The image was seared in my head. It wasn’t an accidental kiss—he wasn’t pushing her away. The only reason they stopped was because I walked in on them. I made it outside before the tears started to come, and I got to my car before they turned into sobs. My best friend had betrayed me. She knew how much I liked Trent. I waited for three long years, and he couldn’t even wait for me to get to the fucking party.

  Maybe it’s better this way. I won’t spend the rest of my life wondering what could have happened if we just had one chance…

  Chapter Five

  Trent

  “Brooke, please wait!” I ran towards the stairs as fast as I could. “I can explain…”

  “What the hell are you going to explain to her?” Keely walked out behind me. “I didn’t force you to do a damn thing.”

  “Keely…” I turned and felt anger starting to build inside me. “I told you that I was here to see Brooke! You lied to me!”

  “I saved you.” Keely scoffed. “Brooke wasn’t going to do anything except leave you holding your hard dick tonight. I had other plans for it.”

  I decided to leave before I said something I would regret. My outburst had already drawn a considerable amount of attention. I felt awful—it was the worst feeling in the world. Keely told me that Brooke was upstairs, and I believed her. As soon as we were alone, she pounced on me like a lioness that wanted a snack. I wasn’t totally innocent. I was weak. I had feelings for Brooke, but Keely was a very pretty girl—and we had history. Brooke didn’t know that. She had kept me on a pedestal I didn’t deserve to be on since I was seventeen, but I wanted to be worthy of it—even if it was just for one night.

  “Dude, where are you going?” A familiar voice—Maurice, a guy that I played football with in high school, followed me outside.

  “I’m leaving.” I waved over my shoulder.

  “I thought we were going to hang out?” There was concern in his voice.

  “Maybe next time.” I sighed and opened the door of my truck.

  That’s a lie. I’m never coming back to Cabot Beach again. I should have never come back in the first place.

  My life had taken some unexpected turns after high school. I got a scholarship to the University of Michigan to play football, but I wasn’t mature enough to realize how good the opportunity was. Playing on Saturday with real athletes was a lot different than running over high school kids on Friday night. I chose to party instead of put in the effort required to keep my scholarship, and an ankle injury forced me to miss an entire season. I didn’t have the appetite for football when it was time for me to come back, and it didn’t take them long to revoke my scholarship.

  I tried to stay in Michigan. I got a full-time job, burned the candle at both ends, but—I was used to partying with no real responsibilities. The only thing that kept me there was my best friend, Boone, and I managed to ruin that friendship by being a fucking idiot. After that, there was nothing left for me in Michigan, so I ended up in New York—living with a drug addict that I used to call mom. My life was at a turning point, and there was one thing that kept me from moving forward—one thing that I left unresolved in my hometown.

  It resolved itself tonight in the absolute worst way possible.

  * * *

  I tried to go back to the hotel that I was staying at and pack my shit to leave Cabot Beach, but I was too frustrated to drive all the way back to New York. It had been a long day, and I was fairly exhausted on top of the frustration from what happened with Brooke. I decided to try and get a few hours of sleep and then leave as soon as the sun came up. There was no way for me to explain what Brooke saw. Keely didn’t force me into the room. I didn’t leave when she took off her shirt—and I let myself get tempted.

  Why do I keep making terrible decisions? I came back to Cabot Beach for Brooke—and I was so fucking close.

  My life seemed to be fueled by one impulsive decision after another, and I didn’t know how to break the damn cycle. It seemed to get worse as I got older—every time I looked in the mirror and saw more of my father’s face staring back at me. I swore I would never turn out like him, but I was a few long alcohol-fueled benders away from being his fucking clone. He made rash decisions—stupid ones—and everyone else paid the price.

  Leaving right now would be impulsive. I would regret it. I can’t justify what Brooke saw, but maybe I can just tell her the truth.

  I didn’t think it would fix things, but taking responsibility was the exact opposite of what my father would do. I needed to be
different. There was always a spark in my soul for my best friend’s little sister. It was there when I was a kid, when we used to tease her and call her a runt. It was there as I got older—and after I saw her on the rocks, it turned into a flicker that scorched my heart. I was so close to telling her—so fucking close to kissing her—but I resisted because of Boone. He would have never forgiven me if I broke his sister’s heart, and there was no way to stop it from happening if I gave in to what I wanted in that moment.

  I was leaving Cabot Beach after my senior year. She had years of high school in front of her. It wouldn’t have been fair…

  Maybe driving to Brooke’s house was a rash decision that was doomed to cause more pain to both of us, but I didn’t feel like I had a choice. Leaving it unresolved felt worse. Brooke was the entire reason I came back to Cabot Beach. I wasn’t that close with my cousin—certainly not close enough to come all the way back to my hometown for his high school graduation. Seeing her again was what made me do it, and I wasn’t even sure if I would have the courage to talk to her. It would have probably been better if she didn’t see me sitting in the bleachers, but there was no way to turn back the clock. I just needed to say what was in my heart before I left Cabot Beach for the very last time.

  “What the fuck are you doing here, Trent?” Boone walked out of the house before I even made it to the door. “Didn’t I make it crystal clear when I said that I didn’t want to ever see your fucking face again?”

  “I’m not here to fight.” I held up my hands.

  “I know exactly why you’re here.” Boone squared his shoulders, and I realized that he was ready to start throwing punches if I didn’t back off. “My sister came home in tears last night—now I know why. You just couldn’t stay away, could you?”

  “You don’t understand…” I looked down and sighed.

  “Oh, I understand.” Boone narrowed his eyes. “You were the one that was too drunk to remember your confession—not me.”