“I don’t care if every single one of us turns silver. Troylus will understand that it isn’t worth the risk of him being found out.” She grabbed the holo from her dad, her finger hovering over the image, waiting to tap out the command to erase all of it, taking a minute to hope Troylus would forgive her.
“Okay, wait,” Stephen said, taking it back from her.
“No. We don’t know what will happen if other people find out about this.” She balled her hands into fists, trying not to snatch it back and run with it anywhere she could find on the ship and do what needed to be done.
“Listen, give me a couple days. I can keep this with me for a couple days, not let it out of my sight.”
She opened her mouth to argue but he raised a palm and she closed it again, waiting for him to continue. Every minute he hung onto the information felt like an additional risk.
“No one wants more people on board, who for some strange reason randomly want to attack certain people.” Stephen remained motionless while she tried to suppress the urge to yell at him.
“Troylus got over the anger, and they will too. It’s just a matter of time as they adjust to whatever is going on,” she said, proud of herself that she didn’t sound anywhere near as enraged as she felt.
“He wants answers to what’s going on, and I would like the chance to find some for him.”
Ouch. His words made her hands curl around her stomach as she bent forward enough to protect it. His words were like a physical blow. Troylus deserved answers. She had ignored his concerns about his eye before. She couldn’t do that to him again — just ignore what he needed. She wouldn’t do it.
“Fine, good, okay.” She struggled to get in big enough breaths. Maybe she should stay away from Troylus. She clearly wasn’t a good enough friend to think about what he wanted. The way back to her quarters loomed long in her mind at that moment, but she didn’t want to be there anymore, so she turned to go.
“Zellendine, you still need your check for clearance,” Stephen said, his hand touching the arm of her uniform enough for her to feel the fabric move, but not enough to press against her.
“Yeah.” It was all she could think to say as she sat down and waited for him to examine her and run his scans.
It didn’t take that long, he skipped part of it, but she barely noticed. Her mind was running over all the ways in which she had been hard on Troylus. All the ways in which she had not been as good to him as he was to her.
“So, I want to talk to you about the other thing you’re concerned about,” he said, as if it made sense.
“Huh?” she asked, shaking her head and focusing back on what he was saying.
“Your plan for once we touch down on the planet.”
Oh. The plan to broadcast out to the other ships what the computer was doing with the wombs.
“Do you have some idea about that?” She wasn’t sure why he was being cagier now when he was speaking more openly about Troylus just a little while ago.
“The room next to this one is full for right now, but if some others need to get clearance today, we can probably find time.” Stephen turned to tap away at his hollow and raised his eyes to hers before he looked at the wall behind her.
Ah, so people could hear them now. Got it.
“Was there something you think we could do about my concerns?” she asked, her voice low and even, trying for bored if anyone did hear.
“I have an idea, but it will take me some more looking. If I find something, I’ll let you know. It may be a way to do what you need to in regards to a solution,” he said, managing a small smile and a wink.
He wasn’t great at subterfuge. She repressed a smile, thinking about how glad she was that he excelled at finding a way to help people. Stephen was a lot of things, but one of them was a very good medic. Another was a damn good dad because she was snapped out of her pity party.
“I need to go find Troylus,” she said, hopping up from the chair.
The smile on his face grew. She shook her head and smiled back.
8
Troylus
Even the orchard was too full of people. He couldn’t get away from them. There was no specificity to them in his mind. He wanted to be away from practically everyone.
“Please let the planet have a lot of space for us,” he said to the empty cryo bay as he stared out the window to the green, brown, and occasional blue of their new home as they got closer to it and he could start to see the colors as separate from each other.
The cryo bay was one of the only places on the ship that he could expect to remain alone. Supposedly the stasis crew had all been reassigned to something else after they made sure the tanks would remain in good working order for when they needed them again. He had no idea what crews they were assigned to. Maybe he was going to show up to the starwalker office the day after he got his clearance and there would be new people from stasis they would need to train. Maybe they were all in the service crew helping to make sure the ridiculous number of mouths were fed.
He decided he didn’t really care. Even if there was another starwalker, there would already be too many of them from all the shifts for him to learn their names. Unless they were going to be stuck on the planet together for a long time before everyone else came down, he didn’t care to even try to get to know them all.
Zellendine had set off irrational rage last shift, now he wondered if the same thing was happening to him because of people in the crowds. Or maybe he was just a jerk who didn’t like so many bodies and eyeballs around all the time.
A laugh escaped him, humorless, and with a melancholy to it he didn’t like hearing.
“Screw it. Maybe I should just move in here.” He leaned back against the stack of tanks behind him and wondered if it would be comfortable to actually sleep in the cryo tank or if he would miss his bed.
“If you do, can Stephen and I move in with you?” Zellendine asked, standing just inside the doorway, a small smile on her face.
“You don’t like your new roommates?” he asked, leaning forward and putting his arms across his knees.
“No, I mean I don’t know them at all. I’m sure they’re fine. But I would feel safer and more… normal if I were in here rather than in my same quarters with strangers.” She crossed the room and took a seat on the floor next to him, crossing her legs and looking out the window. Her face softened as she watched the last of the planet cross out of view of the window while the ship turned.
“Maybe I should talk to them and have them switch with us. I was serious when I suggested that.” He didn’t look at her while he offered again. He picked at a spot on the knee of his uniform.
“Troylus,” she said, then she bit her lip and looked down at her lap.
Well, that reaction couldn’t be good. Maybe he should have just stayed quiet and pretended she wasn’t going to turn him down and that she wasn’t going to end up with Briar once he got over his irrational period.
“Listen, I don’t even know what’s going on right now. But I’m scared.” Her voice cracked and he couldn’t have looked away or stopped himself from reaching a hand out to her if he tried.
Forget trying to distance himself from her. If she was scared, he was going to be there to try and help.
“Zellendine, what can I do?” he asked, threading his fingers through hers.
She laughed the saddest laugh he had ever heard, shaking her head.
“Make it so that I can say, sure let’s room up, like you’re just my friend and it doesn’t matter at all.” Meeting his eyes, letting him see the tear running down one of her cheeks. Her bottom lip shook until she bit it.
“I…” he tried to answer, he tried to ask, he tried to say anything at all, but nothing came out past the first syllable.
Her lashes fluttered lower, her eyes falling from his face to the floor between them.
“Why does it matter, Zellendine?” he asked, his voice a whisper.
“Because…” She turned her face away from hi
m and raised a shaky hand to her forehead. “Shit, I suck at this.”
“This?” He leaned back, furrowing his brow. That almost sounded like it was some kind of mission, or some kind of trick she was playing on him. Was she that cruel? He didn’t think so, but it was a strange thing to say and made his heart pound in his chest like it did right before he went out the airlock.
Zellendine swiped at her eyes and raised her face to him, her neck elongated so she was looking down her nose at him.
“Troylus—”
A massive crash and explosion sound from the hallway cut her off, and sent her careening into his chest as he was knocked back toward the floor, barely catching himself with his hands so he didn’t bounce his head off the hard metal. The door on the cryo bay started to close.
Just beyond the room, in the hall, screams rent the air before cutting off. Her body started to get dragged off him toward the too slow sliding door.
“No,” Troylus screamed, flinging his hands out to grab Zellendine, but before he could, the blue light poured out of them and sealed off the opening to the hallway.
The air around them evened out, she stopped being sucked toward the door while it finished sealing itself off.
He forced himself to look at Zellendine, to keep his eyes locked on hers as she sat up and took deep breaths. It was the only way he could get the blue to stop. They didn’t need it anymore, but part of him clearly didn’t think it was safe still.
She put a hand on his leg, her breath hitching, and finally he could drop his hands to his sides and the blue light stopped.
“Does that mean what I think it does?” she asked, tilting her head toward the door, not letting go of him although her hand was shaking.
“I think so,” he said. He didn’t care if she were playing a trick on him, or if he would be the butt of a joke. He wrapped her in his arms and held her tight while tremors ran through her and her breathing hitched.
“We… we should… help.” Her voice was stumbling and unsure, it only made him hold on tighter.
“Not yet.” His voice sounded like he was growling, and maybe he was. It didn’t matter if she ended up with Briar. He couldn’t imagine ever not caring what happened to her.
9
Zellendine
She clung to him, trying to calm her breathing and her heart. Finally, she thought she could speak without tripping over her own words.
“Troylus, we have to help,” she said, not bothering to pull her face out of the crook of his neck. “We need to know what happened. How bad it is.”
“I know.” He didn’t let go. He buried his face in her neck, his breath warm, sending chills down her back that calmed her.
“Come on,” she said. “We need to check on our dads.”
He let go of her then, scrambling to pull her to her feet. Once she was up, he wrapped her in a quick, tight hug before letting go and heading out the door on the other side of the room from whatever catastrophe had happened.
The hall was a melee, people were weaving in and out of each other trying to be the first to whatever destination they were headed toward.
“Shit,” Troylus said, grabbing her hand and pulling her along, merciless in his march through everyone else.
More than one person was left swearing as they passed. She wasn’t sure if he was physically pushing people out of the way, but it wouldn’t be a surprise to her if he did.
“I need to go that way,” she said, tugging on his arm as they passed the branch to the clinic.
“But we’ll have a better idea of what happened if we go to the starwalker office.” He at least stopped pulling her along and stepped to the side of the hall, out of the direct way of traffic.
“Okay, you go, check with your crew, find Rullon. I’ll go to the clinic and check on my dad. Whenever we get done, we’ll meet up back at the…” She stopped and looked around as if the mass of bodies moving past them would help her come up with a good place to meet up.
“If you’re not in the cryo bay, I’ll find you at your quarters.” He stared at her, and she couldn’t help but think that this would be the perfect time for a hug. She wanted to reach out, but they both knew it wasn’t wise, even if everyone was distracted.
He bit his lip and squeezed her hand before he turned and shoved his way through some other people that were just too damned slow for him.
She skirted along the wall, taking the turn toward the clinic she ran into someone, bouncing off their chest.
“Oh, Zellendine, have you seen Briar?” Journo asked, stepping back from her and putting a hand to his chest like she had scared him.
“No. I don’t even know what’s going on, I have to find my dad.” Her voice was too high, she didn’t want to explain anything to Journo, if he thought she was likely to know where Briar was, then he didn’t know about their argument the day before. And the last thing she could hold in her brain was the possibility that Briar was in trouble. “Do you need me to help you find him?” She was only partially sure she wanted to offer it, but she did it anyway.
“Go to your dad, I’m sure we need medics right now. I’ll get word to you when I know about Briar and the family.” He nodded and headed off, disappearing among the many grey uniforms.
A part of her said to follow him, to find him, grab him, and go check on Briar, but the rest of her replayed his rage from the day before. She didn’t trust that he wouldn’t lash out at her violently. She definitely didn’t think he would be happy to see her.
No, she decided, taking off down the hall toward the clinic, it would be better if she waited to find out from Journo. She would just have to pretend that no one she cared about was hurt by whatever had happened.
It would have been a lot easier if she could get her hands to stop shaking, and if she could just get through the damned crowd.
“Come on,” she muttered, earning her a nod from the person next to her.
Finally, she put her arms together in front of her, pointing them forward like a needle and let them force the people away from the wall, giving her the narrow space needed to move.
She got to the clinic in time to see someone being carried in, their body hanging lifeless between the two people acting as transport, their arms hanging, flopping around with every hurried step of the people trying to get them help.
“What happened?” she said it out loud, although she wasn’t really asking any of the panicked people milling through the space.
But her father answered her anyway.
He grabbed her into a hug before she knew what was happening.
“An explosion,” he said into her ear before he pulled back and she realized he had a singed sleeve. In the center of the blackened area of fabric, some of the sleeve was burnt away entirely, the skin below it red and bubbled. His entire side was fire stained. Dark, angry splashes of black made him look like he was being grasped in the clutches of a monster made of ash.
“Dad, you’re hurt,” she grabbed his good arm and hauled him into an alcove where they kept the burn plant.
“No. I’m fine. Zellendine, listen,” he said, yanking his arm out of her grasp.
“You’re not fine. You’re burnt.” She snapped off a piece of the plant and smeared his burns with the juices from the inside, making him hiss in a breath.
“That’s all we can do.” He turned to head back to the rest of the clinic, but she grabbed him and slapped a bandage over the wound, making him yelp.
“Stop it. If you weren’t such a stubborn ass, and held still, this wouldn’t hurt. There are other medics, Dad.” She snapped her jaw shut and fought the urge to swear at him more.
“I get it, but this is bad. And I’ll live.” He stared at her, his eyes wide, the fear in them plain, and she finally processed what the explosion meant, what his words meant about his own wounds.
“But some won’t.”
He nodded, his face softening into grief like she hadn’t seen since her mother died.
Keep moving forward, she told he
rself and nodded. As much as she hated the Chapter’s motto, now it was something she could use.
She followed her dad into a room where other medics were hooking someone up to a breathing machine and others were arguing over the best way to treat someone else.
Instead of joining that effort when there were already so many working on the person, she headed out to the main room, grabbed a holo along the way, and began the horrible task of triage.
Every time she looked at someone and made a choice about whether they could get back into the clinic right away or if they could afford to wait for a minute until someone was available, she was aware they might have internal injuries that even her holo scans couldn’t see. With every second, and every decision, she was aware that she was taking the lives of the people in front of her into her hands.
The medic in her, her father’s daughter, wanted to hold the people who were crying. Wanted to help each and every one of them right that second instead of doing the bare minimum to make them comfortable so she could help more people faster, and treat the ones that couldn’t wait a second.
But she couldn’t be that kind of medic today. Today she had to be the kind that barely saw her patients as people, they were just injuries to be categorized and prioritized. Today she had to be the perfect citizen of the Wheel and keep moving forward.
At least it kept her from thinking. Most of the time.
10
Troylus
If one more fucking person got in his way, he was likely to punch them in the face and just keep walking.
But, at last he could see the starwalker office ahead of him, and it seemed like he wasn’t the only one who thought to come here.
He couldn’t see Rullon, but he couldn’t see through the crew members standing three deep clogging the doorway to the small office, so he wasn’t panicked yet.
The Spindle Page 4
