Loving in the Light

by Alexandria Bishop

  Tinley contemplates how exactly to explain to the little girl what’s going on without really giving her much information at all. Without knowing for sure what’s happened to Marek, she doesn’t want to give false information or cause her any pain. “Sweetie, sometimes grown-ups are just sad, and they don’t always have a reason for it. Emotions can be a crazy thing, and sometimes you just need to allow yourself to really feel them in order to get better.”

  Luna contemplates that for a minute. She taps her little finger against her chin as she thinks, and Tinley can’t help but want to huge her. Luna’s voice comes out quieter than before when she asks, “Is she always going to be sad?”

  Shaking her head, Tinley says, “No, it won’t last forever, I promise.” She chokes on that last word as it slips from her lips. It’s not her place to make promises like that, but she can’t help but think things will work out for the best. She needs them to work out—if not for her and Giselle, for Luna and the unborn child inside of her. They need their father, and Tinley refuses to believe they won’t have him. As she watches the little girl continue spooning unicorn marshmallows into her mouth, she can’t help but feel like they need to do something—a distraction to at least get their minds off the ominous. Even though Luna doesn’t know what’s going on specifically, she at least knows something is.

  Tinley glances around the spotless kitchen and is reminded of how much Dakota has been helping her lately. She has really stepped up and become an even better friend than she was before. Sure, they’ve always been great friends, but Tinley was more of the clean freak than Dakota. More often than not she found herself vacuuming the floors and doing the dishes, but Dakota has been doing it all. If Tinley had any misgivings about repairing her friendship with her best friend, she doesn’t have them anymore. She supposes it takes a major crisis for shit to come into perspective and turn things around—another overly dramatic part of her life she doesn’t want to tell her sister she was right about.

  Damn, it’s like Tara is a freaking life genius or something. Maybe she should become a life coach—not like the super spiritual ones, but the blunt in-your-face kind who tell you when you need to get your crap together, and not necessarily in a nice way. She’s sure plenty of people would pay her to yell at them. Plus, odds are she’ll be pregnant when she’s doing it, because obviously Clark likes knocking her up, and you can’t really yell back at a pregnant woman. Well, you can, but you’ll look like a dick while doing it.

  Where did that thought process even come from? That whole random tangent has her brain going off in weird directions, and she pulls her phone toward her on the counter. Speaking of her sister, maybe she’ll have an idea of what Tinley can do with Luna. She has been a mom forever—almost a decade—but either way she’s got to have some ideas up her sleeve.

  Me: If you needed to entertain a toddler, what kinds of things would you do? Games or activities? I need some ideas.

  The little gray dots appear at the bottom of her screen almost immediately, and she chuckles to herself wondering if Tara’s breastfeeding again. Those seem to be the times she replies back the quickest. Or at all really.

  Tara: I’m going to assume you’re referring to Luna here. What kind of activity are you looking for?

  * * *

  Me: I don’t know. Something that would be fun for both of us while making me not feel guilty for being a shitty human being and hiding the fact that her father might be dead.

  * * *

  Tara: Don’t do that to yourself. There is no reason to frighten her unnecessarily if there’s nothing wrong, and you know that. I agree with you completely on this decision. Marek could be perfectly safe and just unable to contact you or come home.

  * * *

  Tara: Could you imagine telling Luna her daddy won’t be coming home and then he suddenly does? That would be horribly traumatic for her.

  * * *

  Me: You’re right. I know you are. It’s just hard. I feel like I’m lying to her, but I know I’m not because I don’t know anything either.

  * * *

  Tara: I know it is, but you’re doing great. As far as activities go, you could make slime? Lord knows I have a zillion and one containers of that shit all over my house because Livi is currently obsessed. Whoever decided it was a good idea to let children watch YouTube videos should be shot.

  Tinley can’t help the laugh she releases. Her sister holds some serious animosity toward slime, whatever the heck that is. In all honesty it sounds pretty gross. If it’s that bad, then she definitely doesn’t want Luna to start making it or playing with it, that’s for sure.

  Tara: Okay, not really, but seriously, it looks like a unicorn shit all over her bedroom floor. There’s a giant bright blue glittery spot I’ve been trying to get out of her carpet for months, to no avail.

  * * *

  Me: Yeah, I’m going to have to pass on that one. You can enjoy all the slime for the both of us. But, that does give me an idea of something else we can do. Thanks for the chat.

  * * *

  Tara: Good talk bro.

  Tinley laughs at her sister’s response and puts her phone back down on the counter. It reminds her a little bit of when Luna said it to her; odds are that’s probably where Tara got it from. Some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth is definitely influenced by her pre-teen daughter Livi. Just thinking about it brings her back to the Friday night dinners she used to have with both her sister and Dakota. They’d spend the whole night eating, drinking (when Tara wasn’t pregnant), and gorging themselves on cupcakes. It was a simpler time, that’s for sure, but not necessarily a happier time. And that gives Tinley and idea of what she can do with Luna.

  She doesn’t know why she didn’t think of the idea sooner, and it sounds like the perfect thing to distract the both of them. Luna has her bowl in her hand as she slurps down the last drops of milk, and when she puts it back down on the countertop, Tinley laughs at the liquid mustache forming underneath her nose. Her tiny tongue pokes out, running along the top of her lip and gathering every morsel into her mouth. Tinley is suddenly hit with how much she loves this little girl. They’ve spent so much time together recently that she couldn’t imagine not being in her life any longer. There have been a number of mornings she’s woken up to Luna giving her a kiss on the nose and telling her to wake up. It’s a ridiculously adorable way to start the day and puts a smile on her face. That’s the kind of wake-up call she wants every morning.

  She picks up the empty cup and bowl, rinsing them in the sink before placing them in the dishwasher. She wipes down the granite counter in front of Luna with a washcloth making sure to get every last crumb. If there’s one thing that Tinley has learned it’s that no matter how careful Luna is she makes a mess out of everything. With a new paper towel, she also cleans the little girl’s face. Tinley doesn’t even want to think about how she possibly could have gotten milk on her forehead, but she smiles anyway. If there’s one thing that’s for sure, it’s that life with Luna is never boring.

  Luna picks up her napkin and wipes her hands and mouth. Balling it up she puts it into her empty cereal bowl and pushes it away from herself. The little girl smiles up at Tinley with an expectant face and asks, “Tinley, can I be excused?”

  That’s one thing they’ve been working on a lot together lately. Marek is a sucker when it comes to his little girl, and she has him tightly wrapped around her finger. Although Tinley is new to this whole parenting thing, she could see that Luna was quickly going down the road of being a little brat, and they’ve been working on having good manners. It was a little tough to instill in the beginning but has gotten a bit easier every single day. For example, what she just asked has been becoming instinct for her, and she doesn’t even notice that she’s asking anymore.

  Tinley smiles and says, “You could, but I was actually thinking we could do something fun. Would you like that?”

  Luna nods her head vigorously, and Tinley knows she made the right choice. She’s just n
ot sure how dirty the kitchen will get in the process. But she can’t honestly say she even cares at this point. A few dirty dishes compared to a moment of happiness, no matter how brief, is totally worth it. Tinley just hopes that Luna will be just as excited about this as she is. She leans down on the counter and puts a smile on her face hoping that it actually looks real and not her forcing herself to feel anything other than grief. Shaking her head, she pushes all of those negative thoughts away for the time being. She can’t lose her focus and that right now is spending time with Luna and doing something fun together.

  Chapter Eight

  She leans forward on the counter and gets eye level with Luna. “Well I have this idea that I think would be a lot of fun. But I’m not sure if you would like it or not. Do you want to know what it is?”

  “What?” The little girl gets up on her knees in her chair and the biggest grin spreads on her face as she hops up and down. All Tinley can think is that has got to be doing some serious damage to her knees. Hopefully they won’t be too bruised up.

  Tinley decides to have a little fun with her and looks around the kitchen. She taps her finger against her chin as if she doesn’t actually know what they’re going to be doing. She picks her phone up, looks at it for a minute, and sets it back down on the counter again, all the while watching Luna out of the corner of her eye. Slyly she walks around the island toward the little girl and bends down, tickling her sides as she lets out little squeals and laughs. The one thing she learned very quickly about Luna is how ticklish she is. The first time it happened, it was an accident. She tried picking her up and her t-shirt raised a little bit, and her fingertips lightly touching her skin had the little girl wiggling and laughing like crazy. Now she does it every chance she gets because the best way of cheering herself up is by listening to Luna’s giggles.

  “What? What do you mean what?”

  “Okay, okay, stop tickling me.” Tinley stops briefly and Luna adds, “What are we going to do? I promise, I’m really excited and want to know.”

  She drops her voice down to a low volume and asks, “Want to make some,” she pauses for dramatic affect and then whispers, “cupcakes?”

  Luna’s mouth drops open and her eyes go wide like Tinley just said the best thing in the universe. She jumps like crazy and her tiny squeals echo throughout the small room. Her excitement level is completely off the charts when she says, “Yes! With sprinkles?”

  “Whatever you want sweetie.”

  Somberness comes over her as Luna slides her body back down into her chair. She tilts her head to the side and Tinley can tell she’s very deep in thought. The silence in the room adds a level of concern for Tinley, and she almost asks Luna what she’s thinking about then the little girl asks, “Do you think they’ll cheer Auntie Giselle up?”

  That one little question is enough to break Tinley’s heart. No matter what, Luna is always concerned about others and making sure everyone around her is also happy. It’s such an amazing quality and something she hopes will never go away. With a small smile and a shrug, she tells her, “They might.”

  That’s enough to appease the tiny tot, and Tinley heads off to get everything they need. She grabs the array of ingredients from the pantry, including the red food coloring and pastel rainbow sprinkles. It definitely seems like a sparkly pink cupcake kind of day—unicorn ones, for sure.

  “How do you feel about unicorn cupcakes, Luna?”

  Her eyes go wide and her mouth falls open. She jumps up and down with her little squeals and says, “That sounds like the best thing ever! Will they have unicorn horns too?”

  She didn’t really think that much about the idea or the fact that Luna would even ask about something like that. She racks her brain, takes a quick step into the pantry, and looks around. She might not be a Pinterest failure when it comes to baking, but she’s also never attempted anything too difficult before. She scans the shelves, and shoved in the back behind some boxes of cereal, she spots a shiny tin. She crosses her fingers as she digs around and pulls the container out.

  Jackpot.

  She opens it up and sees it’s an unopened container of Pepperidge Farm Pirouette cookies. She opens the foil bag inside and sneaks a cookie, gobbling it down before walking back into the kitchen. Luna is waiting patiently and expectantly on one of the barstools. She’s got the container of sprinkles in her hands and she’s shaking it from side to side. Her eyes go wide each time she shakes it as the light from overhead makes the crystals glisten. It’s the same look she would imagine any grown woman would have walking into a Tiffany’s store.

  Holding up the cookies, Tinley says, “Look what I found.”

  Luna stops her little game to look up at Tinley. She tilts her little head to the side and asks, “Cookies?”

  “They look like cookies, don’t they?” Tinley holds the tin up and inspects both the outside and inside. She acts confused for a moment and with a shrugs adds, “Sneaky little things are good at masking what they really are.”

  “What are they?” Luna asks as she lays down on the granite counter with her hands reaching out toward Tinley for the cookies. She looks adorable with her little hands grabbing in the air.

  Reaching into the container, Tinley grabs out a pirouette and hands it to Luna. While the little girl munches Tinley says, “They’re magical unicorn horns specifically for cupcakes. The moment we place them on the cupcakes, they’ll go from ordinary cupcakes to something extraordinary. You’ll see.”

  Tinley smiles down at Luna then shows her every step of mixing the batter. They laugh, and Luna excitedly and vigorously mixes up the cupcakes, her smile never leaving her face. She tries to be sneaky and when Tinley turns away to grab the muffin tins, she dips her tiny finger into the bowl and takes a giant scoop. Her eyes light up as the mixture of vanilla and strawberries hit her taste buds, and Tinley follows suit, doing exactly the same thing. It tastes absolutely amazing, and she even takes a second scoop when she realizes how long it has been since she did any baking. This has always been something that makes her happy, and she’s been so preoccupied trying to make everyone else happy that she hasn’t done it for herself. A little self-care was definitely in need and she’s happy it’s something she can do with Luna as well.

  She pops both pans into the oven and sets a timer. There is a bit of a mess on the counter, but she isn’t as concerned about that as she is about getting off her feet. Tiny pinpricks are traveling across the bottoms of her feet, and she sighs out as she slides her shoes off. She helps Luna down from the barstool and they make their way into the living room. At the same time, they plop themselves onto the couch while they wait for the cupcakes to bake.

  Luna lays her head against the armrest and releases a giant sigh. After a few moments of silence, she suddenly sits up and in an excited voice asks, “Tinley, are unicorns real?”

  Leaning back on the couch, she raises her legs and reclines, wincing at the pain radiating through her lower back. She looks across the couch toward Luna and asks, “What do you think?”

  “I hope they are. When I grow up and become a big sister, I want my daddy to buy me a unicorn for my birthday.”

  All the air releases from Tinley’s lungs at Luna’s statement. It’s so honest and innocent, and the little girl doesn’t understand the magnitude of it. She will be a big sister soon, but it’s possible that her father won’t be there for the birth of this baby, let alone for Luna’s next birthday. She chokes as she tries to gasp for air, and she swiftly gets up from the couch and heads back to the kitchen. With a glass in hand she fills it with water from the sink. The icy cold liquid easily slides down her throat, and she slowly pulls herself back together. She allows herself a moment before going back into the living room where Luna is patiently waiting for her on the couch.

  With a fake smile plastered on, she turns her attention back to the sweet, innocent girl who’s currently sucking on her fingers, no doubt where remnants of frosting were left behind. “That sounds like a fantastic p
resent to ask for. You might want to think of a few other things just in case, though. I hear unicorns are pretty hard to find.”

  “Yeah, but my daddy will get me one. I just know it.” Luna taps her finger against her chin and then, with a shrug, adds, “I guess I’ll ask him for a kitty too. I don’t have one of those yet.”

  She doesn’t have one of any of them yet. Wow that would be one thing to cause Marek to go crazy. He’d come home to find a zoo of animals living in his home. Sure, there’s no such thing as unicorns, but there are plenty of other pets out there that Luna could choose from. Which kind of makes Tinley wonder why Marek doesn’t have any pets at all.

  “A kitty and a unicorn—sounds like the start to quite a zoo.”

  “Yes!” Luna jumps up onto her knees and bounces on her end of the couch. “I want my own zoo. Can I have a mermaid too?”

  That one has Tinley coughing on a laugh. “I’m not so sure about that. I don’t think mermaids can be pets.”

  “I guess. They’re people too. I know! I want a mermaid best friend.”

  “Good plan,” Dakota says when she walks into the room and plops down onto the couch in between Tinley and Luna. “What are you lazy bums up to?”

  “We just made unicorn cupcakes!” Luna shouts as she jumps up onto the couch and jumps up and down.

  Geez, Tinley gave her one cookie and she’s already bouncing off the walls. Maybe making cupcakes wasn’t the best idea after all? She doesn’t even want to know what all of that sugar will do to her. Putting her sternest voice on she says, “Luna, do we jump on the furniture?”