Wide Awake

by Shelly Crane

  His hand reached under my shirt in the back and rested there on my skin. I may have swayed from pleasure.

  "Well, how about I order a pizza?" Mason said, trying to rein in the awkwardness. "Can you stay, Em?"

  I nodded. "Yeah."

  So we all sat dispersed on the two couches. Mason called and ordered three pizzas from his cell and then sat next to me. He pulled my legs into his lap and started massaging my calves through my jeans. "You walked here again, huh?"

  "Yep. Exercise is good for you, you know."

  He chuckled. "So they tell me."

  "So, Emma," the girl ventured. "How are you doing? I can only imagine going through what you have."

  "I'm working it all out. Some days aren't as easy as others." I looked at Mason. "But then there are these really, really great days..."

  He smiled shyly and looked down at his fingers as they worked my muscles. When I looked back up at her, she was giving me this look. At first, I thought it might be jealousy or protection, but it was unbelief. Was she doubting my feelings for him, or doubting his?

  But then she said softly, "We went to school with Mason."

  I got her meaning. That she knew all about the horrible things Mason had been through.

  He looked up at her. "Patrice-"

  "And he's the sweetest, most caring, loving man I know." She looked at the guy. "Sorry, babe, but you know it's true." He shrugged and smiled. "He cares to a fault. What happens to him if you remember everything?"

  Wow, so she really did know everything about my situation.

  "Patrice," Mason complained in a hiss.

  I didn't need to think about the answer. "It won't matter."

  I took my legs from his lap and set them on the floor. I scooted to the edge of the couch, and her eyes bulged like she was imagining that I was about to bolt, but she didn't know me yet.

  And Mason probably thought I was angry at her for questioning me, but she cared about him. And anyone that protected Mason, the boy who cared so much for his mother and brother that he put his entire life on hold for them, was a friend of mine.

  So I went on. "I know I must seem like a liability." I peeked at Mason to find him watching me closely, his fists on his knees. "And I don't know what's going to happen. I wish I did, so much. Mason is impossible not to love-" I stopped. Crap, I just said that out loud. Her eyes softened. "Anyway, you don't have anything to worry about."

  I licked my lips as they sat silently. Then she grinned and leaned forward, her hand outstretched. "Mason is so rude." Mason chuckled and touched the small of my back. "We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Patrice, and this impossible lug is Rob."

  I took her hand. "Nice to meet you."

  "You, too. Well, stick around, Emma." She looked at Mason with obvious affection. "I've never seen Mason so...shiny before."

  I laughed. "Shiny?"

  "He's glowing like a freaking lightning bug," Rob added.

  I smiled, biting into my lip to keep it contained.

  "Shut up," Mason muttered. The hand on my back gripped my shirt and tugged me back to his chest. I slid gently, leaning into his outstretched arm. "Leave me alone, Rob. I can glow if I want to."

  Rob chuckled just as someone knocked on the door. Mason kicked Rob's shoe and nodded for him to get it. "Why don't you pay since you sneak into places and scare the crap outta people?"

  Rob smiled at me and twisted his lips in chagrin. "I am sorry 'bout that." He got up, but Mason still reached into his pocket and pulled out two twenties. Rob snatched one and left the other. "I can get my half."

  Mason smiled. When he leaned over and kissed my temple, sighing into my hair, it could have been the sweetest thing known to man. Jane Austen would have written about this moment had she not met her untimely demise at the hands of Addison's disease so long ago.

  I lifted my face and his was right there, our noses almost touching. Everything went away but him and his fingers as he reached up to touch my face, his fingers moving and caressing me until my eyelashes fluttered. The corner of his mouth lifted. I reached my hand up and shook his perfect hair out a bit. "There. No more work hair."

  He chuckled and rubbed it. "You don't like my work hair?" I scrunched my nose and he laughed again, but then he looked at his watch and his brow bunched. "It's kinda late for you to be walking over here," he chastised softly. "You OK?"

  "Later," I promised. His brow bunched in concern. "It's OK, just...stuff."

  He nodded, not seeming entirely sure. I inched closer and gripped his shirt in my fingers. He pulled my chin up and moved as close as he could get without his lips touching mine.

  "I missed you today," he announced in a whisper and pulled me the rest of the way to meet him. It was a small, light brush of a kiss. I was glad because I wanted much more than that, but if he started, it would be hard to stop. And he had...company.

  His eyes shifted to the aforementioned guests and he smirked. I heard Rob laughing. "OK, OK. Let's eat, yeah?"

  "What about your mom?" I asked.

  "I called to say I was going to be late. The nurse cooked."

  I nodded. I sat there snuggled into Mason's side as we ate and laughed at Rob and Mason's ribbing. As soon as Rob said he'd be back later for a new tattoo and then left, Mason pulled me into his lap. His strong arms lifted me gently until my legs were on both sides of him as he held my face with his hands and took my mouth with force. I let my fingers slide under his shirt, but he jerked and chuckled. "Ticklish, Em."

  "I remember, Yoda."

  I still had his jacket on and he inched his hands inside it to be closer to my skin. I gasped into his mouth when the fingers of his other hand ventured into the waistband of the back of my jeans just barely, and he caressed the bandaged tattoo there that he had given me.

  His hand still on my face reached and tugged at my hair gently to maneuver me. So instead of hanging on to his shoulder desperately, I leaned, pressing my chest to his and drove both of my hands into his hair. He groaned into my mouth and it felt amazing. Then he gently sucked on my tongue and I felt a rush of blood to my head. My lips kept time with his and soon, I was breathing so hard that I had to pull back.

  His breaths matched mine as we stared at each other. "I better take you home."

  "Why don't you come in with me?" I suggested and gave him a look that said why.

  "Tomorrow." He smiled and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "You can come here after school, I'll cook you and Mom some dinner, and then we'll go over at a decent hour to hash it all out." He looked at the clock behind me. "It's almost nine."

  I sighed and pulled my phone out. I texted Isabella, telling her I would be there in a few minutes and that I had supper already. I was tired and was just going to go to bed. She didn't argue when she texted back, 'Ok, honey.'

  "OK. That sounds good. But...what are you going to say if they say that they don't want me to see you."

  He looked down and shook his head. "I won't give up on you. I really don't want that to happen, but if they do say that..." He shrugged. "I don't know, Emma." He rubbed his head, a sign I was realizing as stress. "I still think that you should try to have a relationship with them. I don't want me to be the reason that you don't."

  "I've been trying," I argued.

  "Have you really? Like...really?"

  I thought back. I didn't know anymore. "I'm legal anyway. I'm almost out of school-"

  "This isn't about you being some teenager and needing your parent's permission, Em." He smiled sadly and rubbed my arm. "You're nineteen, an adult. This is about getting their blessing," he corrected. "Either way...I won't let you go," he insisted and touched my chin. "I mean it. I just want to let them know what's going on and hope that they understand. But by the way Isabella was so angry with me before, I'm guessing it won't work out that way. If not, we'll cross that bridge then. Maybe we'll wait for you to graduate as a way to show them respect and help them change their mind." I opened my mouth to protest and he put his thumb over my lips. "I
know, I know, but you've only got one family."

  I felt a cloud of doubt settle over me. "There's only one you."

  He smiled. "I'm not going anywhere." He gripped my upper arms. "Anywhere."

  I scowled at him. "I don't like this sensible side of you."

  He laughed out loud. "Well, I'm sorry. There's a way to keep the peace and make everyone happy, and we'll find it. If we try and try and things still don't work out with, then at least we know that we did everything we could. We can be together with a clear conscience."

  I nodded and twisted my lips. "As long as the end result is us together, that's all that matters."

  "That's a given," he said sweetly. "And I know I seem like a stiff for wanting to talk to your parents." He looked at his lap. I squinted at the top of his head. "I know it's not normal for a guy to do that anymore, but I always-"

  "I know why you're doing it." He looked up. "There's nothing wrong with being the good guy, Mason. There's nothing wrong with doing the right thing."

  He chuckled. "Yeah," he said mildly.

  "I know that bad boys are all the rage now, but...I want someone like you. Someone good and who I know cares about me. The tattoos do help your bad boy image though."

  His smile grew a little on the side. "Yeah? You like the ink, huh?"

  "I kinda love it," I said breathlessly as I traced the one on his shoulder and neck.

  He stared into my eyes silently before speaking so softly, but I felt it whisper through my bones. "I never thought I'd meet someone like you." I thought about making a joke, but the tension between us wasn't the kind you wanted to be rid of, it was the kind you wanted to bathe in. I waited for him to continue, because I knew he would. "I always thought I'd be alone forever, never finding someone who saw me. Girls see me now with the tattoos and the shop and the crazy, tattooed biker friends and think that I'm like that, that I'm something I'm not. And then...I always thought one day that the guilt would be too much and I'd choke on it."

  "Mason..."

  "But you saw through that, too. I never thought I'd find someone that I couldn't see myself without."

  I heard more than felt the breath as it caught in my throat. He chuckled in an embarrassed way. "I'm sorry. I know that probably scares the hell outta you, but I mean it-"

  I didn't let him finish as I put my fingers over his lips. His scruff from the day made me bite my lips at the feel of it against the pads of my fingers. It felt amazingly sensual. I wonder if he realized that it was that sexy. If it was on purpose or just because the end of the day was wearing on him. Either way, it had me melting. "It doesn't scare me," I sighed each word. "Because I feel the same. You're the only one who gets me, and that may not seem like much to some people, but for me, it's all I've got."

  "It's not all you've got," he argued in a whisper against my fingers before pulling them away and holding my hand hostage, "you just don't know it yet." He leaned forward and kissed my mouth in an achingly slow fashion. "Come on. I'll take you home."

  I let him lift me up and tow me to his car. When we reached my driveway, I started to lean in, but he made a noise in his throat. "Don't."

  "What?"

  He nodded his head toward the house. "There."

  I looked and saw my mother's perfect quaffed head peeking out the curtains. I looked back to Mason while rolling my eyes. "They're going to find out tomorrow anyway."

  "Yes, the right way." I felt a scowl coming. He sighed and gave me a little exasperated smile. "I need to do this the right way, baby."

  I felt my insides flutter a little. "Who said chivalry was dead?"

  He laughed and took my hand, his thumb rubbing over my fingers. "Exactly. I'll come pick you up from school tomorrow, OK? I'll get off work early. Then after dinner at my house...we'll do this thing right."

  "OK," I conceded and opened the door, but didn't get out. "Bye, you."

  "Bye, you."

  "And Mason?"

  "Yeah?"

  "Don't forget your shining armor in the back when you get out."

  His laughter followed me up the driveway.

  Useless Fact Number Fourteen

  It's impossible to lick your elbow...and 75% of people who

  read this try to anyway.

  I smiled happily and felt light as I hopped up the steps. The door swung open as soon as I reached it.

  "Hey," I said brightly.

  "Well hello, Emmie." She seemed surprised at my brightness. "How was your day? I didn't realize you had a session today." The word session seemed to get stuck behind her teeth. I smiled even brighter.

  "I didn't, but I did need to see Mason about something."

  She seemed like she wanted to say more, but didn't. "Well, I saved you some cake from supper." She smiled and looped her arm through mine. "It's your favorite."

  I wondered what it was I was about to endure and pretend to like. I asked her about her day. She told me all about the charity auction she was helping the church set up. It was for all handmade and quilted items, and she was taking a quilting class so that she could do a square and be a contributor on the church quilt. I scowled on the inside. That seemed like an awful lot of work when they obviously had the money. Why not just donate the money for the quilt instead of doing all that work just for one quilt square?

  We sat down and the dog ran in and planted itself in between my shoes. I reached down, almost on instinct, and petted it between the ears. The growly, moaning noise it produced made Isabella and I both laugh.

  "That dog missed you so much, Emmie," she said as she put a slice of cake onto a delicate china plate. She put one on another for herself. She winked. "Another slice for me won't hurt, right?"

  I smiled. "I won't tell if you won't."

  She smiled, too, and took a bite, watching me. Waiting. I took a bite and noticed the slightly sweet taste of angel food cake, with whipped cream cheese that was really heavy, and strawberries. I moaned and she laughed. "Oh, my gosh. This is heaven on a plate."

  She laughed again. "It was my mother's great aunt's recipe," she said proudly. "When we visited my mother, you kids always begged for this."

  "Where is she?" I asked.

  She swallowed her food and touched a locket on her neck shaped in an oval. "She passed a couple years ago." She opened it and showed me a woman and man who looked happy in their old age. "You took it pretty hard."

  I sighed. "I wish I remembered. I wish I knew her."

  She set her fork down and touched my hand. She stood, took both plates in her hands, and looked down at me. "Come with me. Let's see if we can jog your memory."

  I waited for her to come back from the kitchen and then followed her into the den. She showed me scrapbooks and leather album after album of pictures of the whole family. Of us as kids, on vacation and in school plays. Some of us playing football in the yard together. Tons of professional portraits. We sat there for hours. The ones of me when I was little were fascinating to me. I was such a normal girl, awkward and strange in my own skin, but happy. As the years progressed, I became more and more prissy and smiley. My hair got blonder and blonder and the skirts got shorter and shorter, but I still looked happy. Not fake like I did with those pictures of Andy in my room, but really happy. I could tell the old me really loved my family. I wanted to remember so badly. I wanted to feel for one real second what it was like to feel so confident in her love for this family.

  Isabella cried through some stories of us as kids, just normal things that every family goes through. I didn't cry though. I was in a weird place in my head. When it was late, Isabella said I should go to bed. I nodded and thanked her for showing me.

  She smiled. "Come back to us, Emma. We're waiting for you."

  She walked out, the little dog following her closely, like she hadn't just dropped a bomb in our den. That one sentence broke my heart into a million un-pick-up-able pieces. I stared at the walls, lined with photos and events of people that I didn't know and couldn't remember. It took this, this one innocent lit
tle slice of strawberry cream cheese cake with my mother, who just wanted her daughter back, to see that I would never be welcome there. No matter how hard I tried, they would always be waiting for Emmie.

  So that was that. I guess I'd just live here until graduation and then leave. Maybe by my leaving, this family could finally grieve their daughter and get some peace. And I wouldn't feel so obligated to be someone that I wasn't, or feel guilty that I was disappointing people just by being me.

  I went upstairs and took Mason's coat off. I still had it on and slung it across the chair, fully intending to wear it the next day. It was like a letter jacket to me. I would wear it with pride, and though it was too big, it was his.

  A small piece of paper fluttered from the pocket when I let go and I bent to retrieve it. I felt my lips part when I realized what it was. It was the note I'd given Mason with the kiss lips in lipgloss. He carried it around with him? I felt the smile tug hard at my lips. Man, my big softy was turning me completely to mush.

  I returned it to the pocket and climbed into bed with a heavy mood, but a light heart. It hurt to know the truth sometimes, but at least I knew and could make plans for my life. And tomorrow, when Mason and I told them we wanted to be together, I knew they'd be angry, but I was past the point of return.

  I stayed up to late hours of the night before going to bed. My Calculus and Science homework made my brain strain behind my eyes. If I didn't have two tests coming up, I wouldn't have done it at all. Even though I could barely keep my eyes open, I wasn't stopping until I was done.

  I'd only been in bed for about an hour when I heard a noise in my room. I sat up and looked around, thinking that Isabella had come in or something, but the room was still and dark. I heard it again. I pushed the covers back and stood. The window was rattling. I almost smiled, thinking Mason was coming to see me or something, though sneaking in the window didn't seem like his style, but it wasn't Mason. It was Andy.