Psychic Eclipse (of the Heart)

by Amie Gibbons

  “What?” Carvi asked.

  “Order,” I said again as it clicked into place. “The place doesn’t change, doesn’t have anything goin’ on. Not even any people. It’s completely quiet and nothing is unique. It’s order. I think this is Grant’s mind trying to hang onto order in the middle of the chaos.”

  Carvi looked around as we kept walking.

  “I think you’re right,” he said slowly. “If so, that’s the exact wrong thing to do.”

  Metal stung the back of my tongue, and I forced myself to take a deep breath as panic gripped my stomach.

  “Why?” I asked.

  Carvi pressed his lips together. “I’m trying to think how to explain this. If Grant is fighting the chaos, and expending the energy required to keep this order around himself, he isn’t actually fighting to get out. He can’t stand the chaos, so he’s protecting himself, but he has to drop that protection to actually be able to work his way through it instead of hiding from it.”

  “Grant doesn’t hide,” I said.

  Carvi arched an eyebrow at me.

  “He does if he doesn’t realize that’s what he’s doing,” he said. “He probably thinks he’s fighting the chaos by not letting it get to him, when really, he needs to put in the energy to work through it.

  “It’s like grief. The only way out is through.”

  I nodded. “Fantastic. So we just have to find him to tell him that? And he’ll be able to get out because he has the power to do it, once he knows where to put it. Okay, good. We just have to find him.”

  “Ariana,” Carvi said.

  Then paused.

  “What?” I asked.

  He gave me a look I couldn’t interpret and shook his head after a moment.

  I rolled my eyes and walked faster.

  Grant’s life force felt stronger to the right after a while, so we went that way.

  One good thing about this being in his head was everything was moving faster than in the real world. An hour here would only be a few minutes or so in reality.

  How was Fae time moving?

  Based on how the guys had been describing it, the eclipse had to be at the same time on both sides, so that like, what? Tied the time down?

  “Carvi,” I said as we passed another midsized building.

  “Hmmm?” he said, squinting at the building as we went by.

  “Does the eclipse have to line up to be at the same time on both sides?”

  “It doesn’t have to, like every eclipse doesn’t, but for them to break out easily, it does. Which is probably why they’re focusing on this one. I’m betting it is one they could divine will line up.”

  “So after this, we really are going to have to go in for a war to keep them from coming through?”

  “Yes.”

  It was said so flat and simply that I wanted to believe it’d be easy.

  But I knew it wouldn’t.

  We were going to war.

  And for that, we needed our General back.

  I bit my lip, turning on my heel as Grant’s life force felt weaker and pointed at the building we’d just passed.

  Carvi nodded. “Yes, I think so. I can sense him now that we’re closer.”

  “Okay.” I licked my lips and walked up the steps to the front door.

  There was no porch, just the few steps to keep the bottom of the building off the flat ground, and somehow that just felt wrong.

  Didn’t most big buildings have some kind of porch or patio or something?

  Was that really important right now?

  I grabbed the doorknob, and Carvi hissed, “Carefully. You don’t know what’s in there.”

  I stepped to the side, just in case something came barreling out.

  And opened the door fast, using it to shield myself as I projected over to see the other side.

  Nothing.

  I blew out the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding and stepped around the door.

  The inside was much smaller than the out.

  And looked like the grand foyer of a mansion instead of the lobby of a skyscraper.

  I went through first, Carvi a solid hot line right behind me.

  How he was able to be that close without stepping on my heels or running into me is just part of the vamp mystique.

  The door swung closed behind us and I took a deep breath, panic bubbling in my stomach.

  Grant’s mind was a mysterious place, alright.

  Literally.

  This looked like something outta a gothic mystery novel.

  The place was shrouded in soft grey light, like windows letting in the barest bit of light outside through grime lost to time or something.

  The blue pattered carpet underfoot looked like it would’ve been rich and expensive in its heyday, but had faded and frayed and gotten covered in dust after a hundred years of being abandoned.

  The large staircase in the middle was the kind with two sets sweeping down from either side of the landing and spilled out to frame the large lobby. It was a rich dark wood also covered in thick dust.

  Abandoned.

  It was the only word to describe this place.

  In a real house, there’d be doors or hallways off the foyer, but here there was just the room and stairs.

  “I think we’re affecting what we see in here,” Carvi whispered.

  “Why?” I asked, whispering too.

  This place just called for it.

  “Because we’ve seen this house before. Not in this condition, but this is the house I take people too when I’m trapping them in their minds.”

  “Ohhhh,” I said.

  I’d been in Jade’s mind with him last year when he’d trapped her in a giant Victorian. But that place had been rich and decorated, and had tons of rooms off of the giant front.

  “So we’re changing Grant’s mind?” I asked. “That’d be a first.”

  Carvi snorted. “No, this is just how I see it, and you are along for the ride. He would see something different. So would anyone else in here.”

  I sighed as we hit the stairs and started going up. “None of this makes any sense.”

  “I know. Stop trying to understand it. It makes it a lot easier. Just go with it.”

  “Okay.” I shrugged.

  “This isn’t showing the rooms I normally use though,” he said. “I’m normally downstairs.”

  I shrugged.

  Who knew what was going on here.

  “Stop trying to see it logically,” I said, talking more to myself than to Carvi. “We’re in his head, but all of this defies logic. So maybe we feel more than think?”

  He blinked as I looked up at him and shook himself.

  “I don’t know, lea,” he said. “I don’t like how this place feels. It feels like Fae in here. It smells like them. It’s… disgusting.”

  “Right there with ya.” I help up my hands. “It’s not okay with me either. But I’m not nauseous, so I’ll take that.”

  He made a small noise and his neck cracked as his head snapped to the side.

  “There,” he said, nodding down the hall to the left.

  “You can smell him?”

  “No.”

  I looked at him as he took strong steps forward and followed on his heels.

  “I don’t get it,” I said after he didn’t follow up.

  “I don’t smell him over there,” Carvi said, nodding to the door at the end of the hallway. “I can smell him all over because this is his mind, but not there. All I smell is Fae, so odds are, that’s where he is and he’s holding it back.”

  “Cuz that’s where it’s the thickest, around him, so you can’t smell him,” I said. “I think that makes sense.”

  “Stop making sense,” he said. “This is Fae magic. There is no sense. There is no time. No place. These are beings of chaos. They thrive on it and love it like a human loves order. That’s why they smell and feel so wrong to us.

  “They are evil to us because what they value, what their entire culture, w
ays, life forces, are based on, are things completely opposite to us. We grieve death and hate it. They love it. They feed on it. We like patterns and logic, making sense of the world through experimentation. They love destroying that, the more chaotic, the better.”

  “So they’re two-year-olds,” I said. “Got it.”

  He didn’t even crack a smile as he glared down at me.

  I shrugged.

  Maybe he’d never babysat, but I sure as hell had.

  And that defined a two-year-old.

  We walked to the door, and it took longer than it should’ve.

  Like the hall wasn’t that long, but still.

  We hit it, and Carvi held up a hand at me and placed the other on the door.

  Like he was feeling a door in a burning building to make sure there wasn’t fire on the other side.

  And he jerked his hand off just like it’d been burned.

  “He’s in there,” I said.

  It wasn’t a question.

  “And it’s bad,” Carvi said. “Ariana, it’s worse than the room we found him in. I can feel it. Can you take this?”

  I nodded.

  “How do you know?” he asked, snapping his fingers and changing into the centaur he’d been.

  “I can feel it,” I said. “It’s chaos, but I’m water. I can go through it. I can flow. I don’t think I can take it long, but yeah, I got this.”

  Carvi smiled very slightly then, giant eyes glowing.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You have no idea how strong you are,” he said, patting his back. “Hop on. This will be bad, so we take it in shifts. We go in, I hold the chaos. Get Grant to let his fight go while I hold the chaos down outside, and you hold it in there. When he’s out, you let go, and I’ll take over while you run out, hop back on, then we both run.”

  I nodded.

  “Ariana, I need to know you can take this,” he said. “I will have to hold down parts on the outside once Grant lets go, which means the inside is all you.”

  “I know,” I said.

  “Okay,” Carvi said, taking the bow off his back and loading an arrow.

  “So I don’t get on?” I asked.

  “No, get on. Just stay back from the quiver.”

  “I can’t.”

  “I won’t drop you, just get on my ass.”

  “Aren’t I supposed to say that last part to you?”

  He shot me a look. “I have been a bad influence on you.”

  “You have no idea.”

  “No, I do.”

  I took a deep breath again and hopped on.

  Carvi looked at the door and it flew open.

  Chaos crashed out and I screamed, closing my eyes against it.

  No, my voice said in my head. We’re water. We got this. Don’t fight it. Go with it. It can’t break you if you bend, remember?

  Right.

  I let go.

  Let go of Carvi, let go of the sense of the world around me, let the rush take me like a river.

  And I opened my eyes.

  The world twisted and churned around me, making my stomach lurch.

  But it wasn’t as bad as when I’d been in Fae earlier.

  Maybe it got less bad when I wasn’t fighting it!

  Maybe that’s why I’d gotten sick so easily earlier and then just wasn’t. Maybe it wasn’t Carvi or anything like that. Maybe it was me going with it.

  “Okay,” I said.

  If any sound came out, I couldn’t hear it.

  The rushing filled my ears, changing tone, pitch, everything.

  The world around me was shapes, then colors, animals, inside me, then out.

  A spider crawled up my arm and I swatted it away.

  More followed.

  Singing a warning.

  I rolled my eyes and ignored them.

  Let them crawl on me.

  What different did it make in the long run?

  They couldn’t do anything to me.

  I was water.

  I flowed through the mess, letting it pass wherever it wanted.

  It crawled up inside me and I tightened around it, told it to come right in, I’d get off before it did.

  It tickled my front as it pulsated inside me, and I focused on Grant.

  On how much I wished this sensation was him.

  On how I’d love him till the day I died.

  Whether I ever had him or not. Whether he ever kissed me, slept with me, wanted to be with me or not.

  It was just like AB.

  He was one of my people. I loved him. And I knew he loved me.

  It wasn’t the same way, but that didn’t matter. Not right now. I loved him even if I couldn’t have him. I loved him enough to want him to be happy.

  Even if it wasn’t with me.

  Even if it killed me that it wasn’t with me.

  I loved him.

  The pressure inside dissolved like the love was acid to it, and I growled under my breath as it left me aching for more.

  After we got outta here, I’d probably have to take Carvi for another ride.

  I focused on Grant harder and he slipped outta my mind.

  Nope, couldn’t do that. Couldn’t think that much.

  The only way out was through. I had to feel this. Stop thinking and just go with it.

  I felt the way I did when I saw Grant.

  Safe.

  Protected.

  Like I wanted him to hold me every day for the rest of our lives.

  Like I wanted to crawl into his lap like a child, even when I wanted him inside me.

  Like I’d give anything to know what it’d feel like to kiss his thick lips.

  The sadness that came with love you couldn’t have.

  The anger at him for leaving me cuz it was too hard for us to be around each other with the emotions.

  When you loved someone, you worked it out.

  No matter what.

  I didn’t realize my eyes were closed until I opened them in the swirl.

  And Grant was right in front of me.

  Struggling, fighting the chaos back, fists clenched so hard I was surprised the bones in his hands weren’t breaking.

  “Grant,” I said, hearing it this time.

  I walked up to him, dancing, flowing, skipping through the mess around me.

  So easy once I figured out to go with it.

  But for how long?

  Cuz I wasn’t stupid. I could feel it creeping in on my brain, corroding my thoughts.

  It’d get me soon. But for now, it was easy.

  I touched Grant’s arm.

  And everything stopped.

  We stood in the eye of a tornado, and Grant held perfectly still, sweat pouring down his face from the stress of holding onto his unbreakable control.

  The immovable object running into the irresistible force.

  “Ariana?” he panted. “Ryder? What are you doing here?”

  “I’m here to save you,” I said with a laugh, clapping my hands together.

  He was okay!

  It hadn’t gotten him yet!

  We could save him.

  “Get out of here!” he commanded, the extra stress of putting his will into the words making the eye of the storm close in around us.

  My breath came out sharp and fast and I forced myself to take a deep one.

  The walls weren’t closing in.

  This wasn’t real.

  We were just in his head.

  “Sir, Carvi’s in here with me. He’s pinning down the chaos outside your little spinning thingy here. We’re the cavalry! We broke into your head to save you. We just have to get you out.”

  “I’ve been fighting to get out, Ryder,” he said. “You don’t realize how hard this is. Get out while you can.”

  “No, sir,” I said, crossing my arms. “You need to let go. Stop fighting. You need to let go so you can actually fight your way out. And with me and Carvi here holding the chaos, you should be able to. You just have to go with it. So let go. Rig
ht now. I’m ready to take it.”

  “You can’t, Ryder. You’re not strong enough.”

  My head snapped back like he’d slapped me.

  “Excuse you?” I said. “I broke in here. I’m sure as shootin’ strong enough to do this.”

  I shook my head. “But that’s not the point. Grant, it’s not about strength. It’s about the ability to bend and go with it. And you of all people know that is not your strong suit.

  “It is mine.

  “I’m water, I flowed and went with it and got in here by doing that. You don’t have to though, cuz I know you can’t. You just have to let go. Let us do the rest. You let go, I hold this stuff back, and you run for Carvi. He’s holding down the outside.”

  I don’t know how I knew Carvi actually had the outside since I’d fallen off his back so soon after breaking in, but I did.

  I knew Carvi had this just as much as I knew I did.

  Grant shook his head.

  I flung my hands up. “What’s the problem!”

  “I can’t let go.”

  “Yes, you can. Let go, Grant. Take the dive. Whatever you want to call it. Cuz you got people here to catch you.”

  He shook, the effort of holding onto this showing more obviously.

  “Grant!” I snapped when nothing happened. “Come on!”

  What was he doing!

  “The center must hold,” Grant said, staring straight ahead, iron will the only thing holding back the madness trying to take his brain.

  Oh my god.

  He was not serious.

  This was no time for his famous stubbornness.

  “Yes, it does,” I said, trying to keep calm, not let the desperation show in my voice. “It does, but you can’t hold it. You need to get out.”

  He didn’t look at me.

  “Grant,” I said, “you have to let go to be able to fight your way out. You have to let go of this little bubble of order and fight through the chaos. I get that you’re scared. You can’t handle chaos. But, sir, I can! I can hold this back long enough for you to get out without having to deal with the chaos all by yourself. I mean it, me and Carvi got this.”

  “No, you can’t,” he said, voice heavy with strain. “Ryder, get out of here. I can only hold it for so long. Get out, save yourself. That’s an order.”

  “I’m in here to save you, you idiot!” I screamed, grabbing his arm. “Grant, let go. I got this.”

  He shook his head and I may as well have been tugging on a support beam for how much give he had.

  “Then you’ll be trapped,” he said.