Retrieve

by Sarah Addison-Fox

  Hadley took a mouthful of her creamy porridge and tried not to pull a face at the unusual taste and gritty consistency. How could she complain about the food when so many went hungry?

  Kade asked the question she didn’t have the gumption to. “What’s the spice this time, Jack?”

  Jack smiled. “Oh well, that’ll be cinnamon.”

  The old man’s gaze shifted to her as Kade nodded in understanding. “My late wife bought a few barrels of spices from a spice trader from Amaria. I’m trying to use them up before they go rancid.”

  Kade wrinkled his nose. “Pleased you finished with that barrel of curry powder. I don’t care if I never see that yellow gunk again.”

  Jack chuckled, and the two carried on talking as old friends did, with a mixture of concern and companionship she’d sorely missed.

  Something about the way Kade was genuinely concerned relaxed her. Surely he couldn’t be all bad if he worried about the well-being of an old man?

  A pang struck at how much this was like her life had been before. Before the plague had come to her village and wiped out everything and everyone she’d loved. Before my friends either got sick or were sent away. Before mum and dad died and before I went to bed each night crying from hunger.

  She avoided looking at Kade, still trying to decide whether he could be trusted. One night alone with him wasn’t enough to see if he was just like every other boy she’d known. He was still a threat.

  Hadley finished her porridge, and despite Kade’s occasional frown aimed in her direction, she felt strangely at home in the simple kitchen, with the rain and wind howling outside.

  Jack caught her eye. “I might have a dress of Molly’s somewhere. I’m sure she won’t mind lending you one while you stay.”

  Hadley gulped and found her voice a little strained as she answered. “That’s very kind, but I’m fine with what I have.”

  Jack looked hurt, and she rushed to smooth things over. “It’s safer to travel as a boy.”

  He shot a look at Kade and frowned. “But you can be a girl while you’re here surely?”

  Kade set his spoon down and eyed Jack. “What for?”

  Jack sighed deeply then prodded her elbow. “Wouldn’t you like to wear a dress?”

  She gulped. Did she? More than anything, but not if it drew attention to her already precarious position. Before she could answer Jack gave her a coy smile.

  “Let me go find that dress. See if you make up your mind when you see it. You eat up while it’s hot. Nothing worse than cold porridge.”

  Her mouth was still slack as Jack slipped from the room with an order to watch the coffee on the stove. Before he continued speaking, Kade grabbed the pot of liquid bubbling away.

  The bitter scent was achingly familiar as he placed it on the table. “I’ve been thinking. The Stormers are moving on for the season. They’ll be gone by the time the weather clears, and we’re too far to walk all that way just to tell Cester I need another scout.”

  Hadley kept her eyes on him, her heart thudding against her ribs as he poured the black liquid into two cups. “I have two choices. I leave you here and go alone—"

  Her mouth opened but he raised a hand to silence her as he pushed a cup closer to her. The scent of bitter malt and molasses wafted up to her, assaulting her senses with memories of her mother.

  She shook off her grief and focused on what he was saying. “But that’s against Cester’s rules, and I don’t want to take the chance he’ll sack me. Especially not now when Meg is on her way to the Retreat.”

  Hadley’s brows knotted in confusion. “Retreat?”

  Kade sipped his coffee before answering. “Northern Stormers don’t generally work winters. It’s too tough to travel effectively. And it’s one of the reasons Northern Stormer positions are so highly sought after. Cester gives us a three-month break at his family home. We call it the Retreat. Meg loves it there. We all do.”

  “What’s the other choice?”

  His lips quirked. “Like I said, working for Cester is the best racket you’ll find. He’s not unfair, if you can convince him you’re worth the effort and show you can pull your weight, he might let you hang around.”

  Hadley sighed deeply before sipping her drink again. A spark of hope mingled with the molasses warmth.

  Maybe if they found Thomas, he could join the Stormers too? She could stay with them still and help with washing and cooking.

  Kade reached for the coffee pot and topped up his cup. “Anyway, those are my two options. But I’m still trying to figure out how much of a liability you’ll be if you scout. I can’t afford anything to go wrong with this job.”

  Hadley’s entire body flooded with desperation. “I won’t be a problem. I can climb better than all the other recruits, I can run pretty fast, and I’ll be disguised as a boy again.”

  Kade stared down at the table, his fingertips pressing into the wood. “I don’t know. There are risks. The Numachi warriors are bloodthirsty savages, you don’t want to know what they are capable of.”

  Hadley swallowed, her food sitting like a stone in her stomach. Her voice caught as she bunched her fists under the table. “Then what am I supposed to do? Go back alone to the lower district and keep hiding from Flynn? Hope that Thomas will come back? I need to do something, not keep waiting for someone to save me.”

  Kade ran his finger around the rim of the mug before his eyes met hers. “Who’s Flynn?”

  She shook her head, unwilling to share what awaited her if she returned without her brother as protection.

  Hadley held his unwavering gaze, lifting her chin a fraction as she replied as calmly as her hammering heart and trembling hands would allow. “I heard the other boys talking about Cester’s rules and how you and Carl keep getting in trouble for breaking them. You need me to come.”

  Kade’s jawbone worked, his eyes narrowing as he glared hard at her. “You do realise the chances of finding your brother alive are almost zero? Even if by some great stroke of luck we retrieve the princess and locate your brother, how are we supposed to get him out? I’ll be doing all the work, and you’ll be dead weight.”

  Her voice held steel she’d not known she possessed. “I can take care of myself.”

  He choked on a laugh and shook his head. “You’re delusional. This was going to be a tough retrieval even without all your added drama.”

  Hadley’s chest puffed a little, annoyance causing her to bristle at him. “No one knows I’m a girl except for you. You’re making this more difficult than it needs to be.”

  Kade’s lips twitched. “I’m making it more difficult? I’m not the one who lied and got myself on the toughest kind of retrieval.”

  At the smug look he was sending her, she forced a smirk past her anxiety, feigning confidence she didn’t feel. “I’m coming with you. You need a scout. I can do that just as well as anyone else. Maybe even better because I’m a girl.”

  He stared at her, his finger tracing the rim of his coffee cup until a faint hum emitted. “Fine. I’ll give you a chance. But only because you might actually come in handy if the princess is injured. And if we’re not drawing too much attention, I’ll see if anyone knows anything about your brother.”

  Hadley’s lips curved into a smile. “You won’t regret having me there.”

  Kade was still formulating a response when Jack ambled back into the kitchen. His wrinkled face creased with a smile as he strolled towards Hadley with a mound of silky fabric in his hands. “Here you are, I’m afraid it’s a little musty smelling. It’s her wedding dress of all things, but with all her husband and children taken, I doubt she’ll mind now, I think it caused her too much pain to keep it in her house.”

  His eyes misted as Hadley took the dress from his hands, shock lacing her face as she examined the dress. “I can’t. I can’t put this on, not a wedding dress, what if I damage it?”

  Jack shook his head, and his face became stern. “Make an old man happy, brighten my day eh? It’s been too
long since we had such a pretty girl staying.”

  Kade almost felt sorry for her as she reluctantly agreed. He eased back and motioned to Hadley to join him. “We’ll be discussing a few things.”

  Jack nodded, a smile covering his face. “I’ll make sure her room is all set up for tonight.”

  Kade nodded and pulled on Hadley’s arm, steering her out of the warm kitchen. Her eyes were wild when they were out of earshot. “I can’t wear this, why does he want me to wear her wedding dress?” she hissed.

  He didn’t reply until he was sure Jack couldn’t hear them. “What does it matter? If it makes him smile, it’s worth it. He’s lost nearly his entire family, his wife, his sons, and his grandchildren, don’t be so selfish, it’s just a dress.”

  Her eyes still locked on the fabric draped over her arms, she stumbled up the stairs. “It’s not just a dress. I haven’t seen something this beautiful since before my—”

  Hadley’s eyes snapped to his before she hastily looked away. Her forehead was knotted, another protest on her lips as they took the stairs. “I can’t. Not something like this. It’s not right.”

  He stomped into the room, heat flooding his cheeks as he opened the door. She was infuriatingly girlish now she wasn’t pretending. “Who cares? I haven’t seen him smile so much in six months.”

  He closed the door behind her, and she returned his scowl, her bottom lip protruding slightly. “I can’t wear another woman’s dress. What if it’s bad luck?”

  Kade huffed out a breath as she gingerly placed the dress down on the table. “That’s what this is about? You’re superstitious?”

  Hadley’s eyes flashed annoyance. “Wouldn’t you be? If there are gods, they must be pretty angry with us to send a plague to wipe most of us out.”

  “What difference does it make if they’re angry? People are still dead, people are still hungry, we have to make the best of it, and try to survive.”

  Hadley stared at him, her forehead knotted. “I’m tired of just surviving. Everything is so grey now. I remember when we had colour. When we had things to look forward to.”

  Kade ran a hand through his hair wondering how on earth they’d gotten so far off topic. “Look at you! Going mental over a dress of all things! I had doubts before I knew you were a girl. If you can’t bring yourself to wear a bloody dress how are you going to handle arrows being shot at you?”

  Hadley rose from her chair so abruptly it clattered to the floor. She stomped towards him, and for a moment Kade thought she might try to slap him. “If you hadn’t been so sneaky and dishonourable and looked, we wouldn’t need to keep having this discussion!”

  Kade backed away from her, his own anger swelling. “You think this is my fault? I only looked because you were lying and because I needed to know if I could trust you, which obviously I can’t.”

  Hadley clenched her fists at her sides, her eyes blazing with anger. “I didn’t know what you would do. I don’t know you, I don’t trust you or any other men, you only want one thing!”

  Kade blinked rapidly. Stunned for a moment before he found his tongue. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Hadley’s cheeks flushed, and her voice lowered. “I was alone with you, and I didn’t know what you would do if you knew I was a girl. I needed to leave before…I wasn’t thinking about the weather, I, I, I didn’t know if you would…”

  Kade stomach knotted at precisely the moment the accusation crushed the air from his chest. “You’re right. You don’t know me at all.”

  Hadley opened her mouth to speak, but her mouth slowly closed. Instead of speaking, she stared at the floorboards. “I spent a lot of time looking after myself. I’m not completely useless. I really do think I can help you.”

  Kade slouched down on the bed and placed his head in his hands. Hadley’s presence was inconvenient. The weather was inconvenient. The lack of horses was inconvenient.

  But most of all, his stupid desire to protect girls like Hadley was irreversibly inconvenient.

  He sighed as she examined the dress, her fingers trailing over the fabric, a look of wonder on her face as if seeing something she’d missed seeing for a long time. A look that reminded him of the way Meg grew wistful anytime they were near their old hometown.

  “Alright. But two rules.”

  Hadley’s shoulders went rigid as she quickly nodded her head. “Anything.”

  I must be mad. Cester is going to throttle me.

  “First rule. Obviously, you travel as a boy. Second rule you do everything I tell you to do, and you do it immediately.”

  Hadley raised an eyebrow but extended her hand. “I understand.”

  Kade clamped his hand around her slender fingers. “No, you don’t. Because until you get to Amaria, you have no idea of what you’re in for.”

  Hadley shrugged, her brow knotted as they broke off the handshake. “I think I can handle myself.”

  Kade refrained from commenting. All newbies thought that they could handle themselves, usually right up to the moment a bunch of Numachi warriors showed up.

  Chapter Five

  Hadley brushed her hands down the silken fabric. A ridiculous giggle locked in her chest as she hesitantly twirled around, her eyes on her reflection in the window pane.

  If mum could see me, she’d say I looked like a princess…

  Her smile faltered as she stared at herself, her eyes filling as pain caused her chest to constrict. Her mother would never see her. Never see her marry. Never see her wear another dress she’d sewn. Her father wouldn’t be there to give her away.

  Hadley blinked away the tears and turned her back on the reflection that taunted. She needed to be stronger and tougher, not feel every emotion that bubbled to the surface.

  I need to be cold. Like Kade.

  Her lips tugged downwards at the thought. A tremor of fear crept along her spine. What was she thinking putting a dress on? After a night spent worrying about his character, she’d wrapped herself in a dress that highlighted her femininity and put her at risk. All because an old man had asked. Was she that desperate to be a girl again, she’d be so utterly reckless?

  A knock at the door caused her heart to begin thumping in her chest. She needed to take it off before he saw. Jack’s disappointment was less important than her safety. Surely he’d understand she didn’t want to play dress up with a Stormer as her only company?

  Her hands shook as she fumbled with the buttons at the side of the dress, Kade’s voice making her freeze. “I haven’t got all night.”

  Heat crept over her cheeks as she continued wrestling with the tiny buttons. “I just need a minute.”

  His exasperation was evident even through the door. “I’ll give you to the count of ten then I’m taking the food into my room.”

  She frowned at the door. Food? Her curiosity overtaking her trepidation, she tip-toed across the floorboards and eased open the door. “Why do you have food?”

  Kade’s eyes widened, his hands wrapped around a tray filled with plates of food. His voice was strained as his eyes ran the length of her. “If you keep me waiting any longer it’ll get even colder.”

  His face set hard before he stepped into her room, leaving her flummoxed as he brushed past her and headed towards the table. “Why are you in my room? We’re supposed to be eating in the kitchen with Jack.”

  He placed the tray on the table and cleared his throat as he played with the utensils on the tray. “I’m in your room because mine doesn’t have a table. And we’re not eating with Jack because he says he’s not feeling well.”

  Alarm filled her, and she hurried across the room, trying to ignore the way the dress swished around her. “What’s wrong with him?”

  A deep frown grew as he pulled out a chair and slumped into it. “He’s fine. I know a faker when I see one. Carl’s pulled it enough over the years.”

  She stood gaping at him as he pulled his plate towards him and started eating. When he didn’t look up at her, she took the chair op
posite and peered over the candle at him. “Why would he pretend to be sick?”

  Kade stuck a piece of meat with his fork. “He’s tricky like that. You should eat.”

  With her eyes locked on Kade, Hadley took her plate off the tray, barely looking at the meat smeared with gravy. “He doesn’t seem tricky.”

  He shrugged. “Seeing the wedding dress made him sentimental I guess. It’s been years since anyone got married around here.”

  Hadley’s brow knotted at the way he was shovelling his food down. “I was about to take it off.”

  Still not looking at her, he reached for the wine bottle and scowled as he read the dusty label. “He’s given us the last bottle of his favourite wine.”

  She followed his gaze, confusion mounting at his continued bad manners. “Do you want to have a drink?”

  His brow knotted, a flare of heat crossed his tanned cheeks. “Not with you I don’t.”

  He placed the bottle back with a thunk and concentrated on his rapidly diminishing food. What is wrong with him?

  “Aren’t you going to say something?”

  He frowned at a pea as he tried to herd it onto his fork. His eyes lifted long enough for him to give her a puzzled look. “Something about what?”

  Hadley sat back in her chair and eyed him, not touching her food while she waited him out. His eyebrow cocked as he met her gaze. “What?” he said between mouthfuls.

  Hadley pursed her lips before gesturing to the dress.

  Kade squinted at her. “I saw it before.”

  Her stomach tugged though she had no idea why. She kept her voice icy as she spoke. “I shouldn’t have put it on. It was a silly idea.”

  Kade raised an eyebrow before shrugging. “You’re right. You shouldn’t have.”

  Too stunned to reply, she merely stared at him, as he noisily scraped his fork chasing every last pea around until he’d cleaned his plate.

  “You were the one who told me to wear it to cheer Jack up!”

  His fork dropped with a clatter as he wiped his mouth. “The wind is easing. I’ll set out tomorrow morning to see if the horses are anywhere nearby.”