Always the Bridesmaid

by E K Murdoch, Emily

She reached for the whiskey bottle and poured the amber liquid into the fireplace, tutting. Without meeting his eyes, she walked away from him and placed the bottle on a table.

  It was only then that she raised her gaze to his and said fiercely, “No husband of mine is going to drink like that. Four o’clock in the afternoon! Shame on you.”

  If he had not been leaning against the mantlepiece, Richard would have fallen over. Tabitha, Tabitha at Stonehaven Lacey? Ordering around his servants, and them letting her, and what’s more, ordering him!

  This was not the reunion he had expected. Richard felt his chest grow warm with outrage.

  “T-Tabitha,” he spluttered, with no thought how to continue, but certain he had to say something. This was his chance to make things right, and he had no idea how. It was easy to kiss away most differences, but this time, charm was not the answer.

  Before he could say another word, she smiled and stood a mere foot from him. She took a deep breath. “You do know I love you, don’t you?”

  He stopped searching for the right words as his gaze raked over her face. She looked fearful, hopeful, angry, and desperately happy. How could so many emotions be in just one expression?

  By God, she was so precious. Was there any chance he was still lying on the sofa, in a drunken stupor, dreaming?

  “’Tis strange, but I have never loved anyone like this,” Tabitha continued softly. “I truly think I love you more than I could ever imagine caring for anyone else.”

  Something painful stabbed through Richard’s heart. He wanted to reach out for her, but she was a thousand leagues away.

  “And so,” she took a deep breath, “I have seen Mr. Birch the accountant, and that is that.”

  She stared in silence, a smile playing on her face, but Richard had no idea what she meant.

  “That is that?” he muttered.

  She nodded. “I gave it some serious thought, because–well, it is quite a step. But I thought it was for the best, and Mr. Birch agreed, and so…well, ’tis done.”

  Her smile brightened, but Richard was still confused. “Tabitha–Miss Chesworth, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. What has happened? What have you done?”

  She laughed gently. “Why, I have gifted you my entire fortune, Richard.”

  He stumbled over the fender and had to grasp the mantlepiece to stop from falling to the floor. Her dowry–her entire fortune, made over to him?

  Tabitha laughed and reached out to take his hand. She was real, definitely not the product of a whiskey stupor, and she squeezed his hand with such warmth, that he smiled weakly.

  “Oh, Richard, money is such nonsense,” she said quietly, her green eyes never leaving him. “It has hurt you for the lack of it, and it has weighed on me ever since hearing that disgusting Mr. Lister speak of my dowry in more glowing terms than myself. What joy has money? I have fixed the problem. Now neither of us need worry.”

  “You…you are mad,” said Richard finally, a smile turning up the corners of his mouth as he beheld the beautiful woman he loved. “I did not want your money, Tabitha, and I utterly refuse to accept it!”

  She was still smiling. “I am afraid it does not work like that. I have talked it all through with Mr. Birch, and he is quite the expert, and well–the transfer has been made.”

  Richard laughed, shaking his head at the nonsense of it, but did not let go of Tabitha’s hand. He wanted her so badly, he could sweep everything off the table and have her right there, but he wanted more. More than an encounter. More than her body.

  He wanted her. In some strange twist of fate, he did not quite understand, she was here. He was not going to let this opportunity slip through his fingers.

  “There is always a way,” he said gently, pulling on her hand so she was forced to either let go or take a small step toward him. “It cannot be impossible to return the money, Miss Chesworth–and that is what I intend to do.”

  She did not ask him to call her Tabitha, and he felt panic spark up his spine. Could it be possible she loved him, but did not want him?

  “Return the money? What nonsense,” she said. “I will repeat the transaction again, and there we will go, around in circles. I do think that is a little wasteful for Mr. Birch’s time, do you not agree?”

  Richard could not help himself, he laughed. He pulled her into his arms, and she came willingly. She was his Tabitha, the only woman worth anything in the world, the only woman he ever wanted in his arms again.

  “Even I,” he said eventually, tilting her head so he could gaze into her face, “could not have made this up. By God, Tabitha, you are here–and you love me. I have never thought love was even possible. I had shied away from any thought of it, but you have shown me love is not always something you choose. I may have picked you out at a wedding, but you have had the greater hold on me from that moment, and I-I would do anything for you, because you are the most precious–”

  “The whole world thought you were courting me for my money,” Tabitha said softly, smiling as she interrupted him. “I thought you were courting me because of my beauty–”

  “And your body,” growled Richard with a smile, moving his hands to her slender waist and trying not to groan aloud.

  “And my body,” she repeated with a smile. “But really, what were you courting me for?”

  Silence fell between them. She looked at him, searching for the truth. Richard swallowed. He had to tell her, though it would sound ridiculous at first.

  “I courted you at first for your body,” he said with a slightly shameful smile, “and then your wit, and then your company. But by the end, I wanted your soul—to love you completely.”

  Her mouth opened in surprise. And then they were kissing as if they never had before.

  Richard’s hand was on her cheek, guiding her lips to his own, and she welcomed it. She moaned as his hands moved to her waist, pulling her closer. He shivered as her wandering hands found his buttocks and clasped them, hesitantly but then with greater certainty.

  They clung to each other, the passion and misunderstandings of the last few days pouring out in uncontrolled desire.

  Eventually, they broke apart.

  “I love you,” Richard muttered, his forehead against hers, arms tightly around her. “I love you, Tabitha, and I will go on loving you come what may.”

  “Why has it taken you so long to say that?” she asked.

  “Because I am an idiot.”

  Tabitha laughed. “Yes, you are, but you are going to need to change. No child of mine is going to have an idiot for a father.”

  Richard did not mishear the words.

  Mouth open, he staggered a few steps away so he could see her properly, all of her. She was joyful—radiant. He raised his eyebrows in a silent question, and she nodded.

  “Yes,” she whispered. “I am sure.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “You mean?” Words failed him, and Tabitha tried to stem her giggles as happiness overwhelmed her. It did her soul good to see him this confused, excited, happy, and with a pinch of fear in there for good measure.

  She nodded as she calmed herself. After all, the father of her child deserved an explanation.

  “As sure as I can be. I missed my menses…ten days ago? It has never happened before,” she said, her gaze lowered in embarrassment. “I have spoken with no fewer than three doctors, all in utter confidence you understand, and they agree I am with child.”

  Her hands moved unconsciously to her stomach where beneath her gown, a new life was starting.

  She had expected shock, she had expected surprise, but this complete lack of expression from Richard…it frightened her. He had stepped to the other side of the room, head in his hands. Was he going to abandon her, even after admitting they cared so dearly for each other, now that he knew there was a child?

  In a swift movement that made her gasp, he strode across the room and pulled her into his arms, kissing her with a new reverence. She responded warmly, wrapping
her arms around him.

  Hope and fear danced in his brown eyes. “Are you quite sure?”

  She laughed. “’Tis impossible to be completely sure until a few weeks have passed, but…yes. I feel different, different in a way I do not think I can explain in words. I can barely keep my breakfast down, for one thing!”

  He laughed and poured kisses onto her cheeks, eyes, mouth, until she pulled away.

  “Which I hope you realize means you will have to marry me,” she said with a playful, stern look. “I cannot have the future seventeenth Duke of Axwick unable to claim his birthright because his parents were not married.”

  “Well, you have heard the phrase,” Richard said with a teasing smile. “Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride. I think the odds may be against you.”

  She tapped him lightly on the nose. “Is that any way to speak to a woman with child? And even if we are not,” she said, “I am sure we can try again.”

  He growled and pulled her tightly to him. “I am going to make absolutely sure.”

  Tabitha grinned. “You will have plenty of time for all that after we are married.”

  “And soon,” Richard grinned, lowering his lips to hers.

  Tabitha reveled in the kiss, the closeness, the safety, and passion restrained but not for long. He was hers and she was his, and nothing could break them apart, nothing.

  “Wait a moment. You have transferred your entire–your entire fortune! Tabitha, that is thirty thousand pounds.”

  She looked up without speaking. He had been wild and untamed when she had met him, only interested in bedding her and taking his pleasure. Now he worshipped the ground she walked on, without thought of himself. Until now.

  “It is.”

  Something like horror flickered across his face. “Tabitha, ’tis a fortune!”

  “And is mine to give,” she said, kissing him swiftly. “Do you think I have not considered this, that I have thoughtlessly made such a decision? But I am yours, Richard, it will amount to the same thing once we are married. And what care have we for money?”

  “Only those with money say that,” he muttered with a grin.

  She tapped him on the nose again. “You are a duke and can hardly talk–and now your fortunes are restored. I am just happy that I could be a part of it.”

  He stared, unblinking, for what felt like a very long time. Surely, he was not going to try to argue with her again?

  And then Richard smiled. “Fortunes restored? You could have come to me penniless, and I would have been the richest man in the world. You have given me yourself, unreservedly, and perhaps a child, too? I do not think there is any bridesmaid in the world that deserves her own happy ending more than you.”

  Epilogue

  Tabitha could feel her breath rising from her lungs and tried to focus on the way it disappeared in the cool spring air. It was just a day. Just another day. She watched the light fall through the stained-glass windows. With one shaking hand, she smoothed her pale, blue gown and clung onto a small poesy of flowers–this time, her favorites. White roses and red poked through the greenery she had picked herself that morning. She would not drop them, no matter how quickly her heart fluttered.

  Organ music rang out in the quiet air, breaking the silence around her. As she clutched the flowers tightly, she could feel a heavy signet ring on the third finger of her right hand. It was cold but warmed her in a way nothing else could.

  “Are you ready?”

  Her mother smiled, and Tabitha returned the gesture. She had guided her through so much and would now take her the last few steps toward a future she wanted desperately–but could not imagine being given.

  Tabitha nodded. She cleared her throat and took a step forward.

  It was impossible not to be overwhelmed with happiness as she stepped slowly but surely down the long aisle. Tears pinched at the corners of her eyes, and she quashed the emotion for fear of completely losing control.

  This was it. This was her moment. She could never have imagined such a day, though she had wished for it more than she would ever confess.

  Every person in St. Gabriel’s turned slowly to look at her and smiled, and this time, unlike the three times before, they did not then look past her to see another. This time, their gazes followed her with each step, because at this wedding, unlike all those before, it was she, Miss Tabitha Chesworth, who was the bride.

  It took her an age to reach the front of the church, but she kept her attention on the gentleman whose silhouette she could just make out.

  Richard. Richard St. Maur, sixteenth Duke of Axwick. He was staring as though he had never seen a woman before.

  “And how,” he whispered in such a low voice that even the Reverend Michaels could not hear him, “did you ever manage to force me into this?”

  A smile danced across his face, and Tabitha laughed, forced to quell the noise as the vicar glared sternly at them, then smiled beneficently at his congregation.

  “Dearly beloved, welcome on this brisk and bright spring day. We are gathered here today…”

  Tabitha was overwhelmed as the familiar words echoed through the church, but not so overcome to ignore her future husband’s words.

  “I had to,” she whispered back with a grin. “You stole all my money, and this was the only way I could think of to get it back!”

  Richard grinned, and Tabitha stared, greedily taking in the sight of him—the hint of strength, the controlled but powerful movement of his arms.

  “Nay, you are the thief,” he murmured with a smile. “You are the one who stole my heart.”

  Tabitha giggled as her mouth fell open in mock horror, but before she could respond, the rings were brought forward. She turned to hand her poesy bouquet to Charlotte who was her bridesmaid. Charlotte stepped forward and halted her gentle crying into a lace handkerchief.

  “…forever hold thy peace,” concluded Reverend Michaels, glancing out across the church for anyone to object. When silence echoed for at least fifty heartbeats, if Tabitha was any judge, he smiled and continued. “Wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”

  He was waiting for Richard, and Tabitha followed his gaze, her heart in her throat. This was the time when he gave himself to her, gave up the idea of bachelorhood, and promised to be with her forever.

  She watched with growing concern as he said not a word. His eyes were on the reverend, and he seemed unable to utter a sound. Surely, he would not do this to her? He would not leave her unwed and shamed and with child at the altar?

  Without thinking, Tabitha reached out and took his hand. It was sweaty and warm. The sensation made him look at her, and as soon as their gazes met, all the tension in his shoulders and jaw disappeared. His dark eyes lost their fear, and he squeezed her hand tightly.

  “I will.” The words were said in a strong voice, and Tabitha relaxed.

  The rest of the ceremony disappeared in a blur, and it was only when Reverend Michaels’s words, “I pronounce that they be man and wife together,” reached her ears, that she realized it had happened.

  They were married.

  In a whirlwind of congratulations, joy, excitement, and stolen kisses, Tabitha found herself standing on the lawn at Stonehaven Lacey with her hand in her husband’s and feet dancing in the clouds.

  Well-wishers surrounded them, but one broke from the crowd and came to hug her.

  “I could not be more pleased to be proved wrong,” laughed Charlotte as she clasped her new sister closely. “It is clear to anyone who loves Richard that he is absolutely besotted with you.”

  Tabitha laughed as Charlotte pulled away. “I do not think I could have asked for a better husband, nor a better welcome into a family. Thank you for being my bridesmaid, Charlotte. I do not think I would have had the courage to m
arry today without you.”

  She laughed, and Tabitha sensed bitterness beneath it. “Well, it certainly beats being a chaperone any day.”

  Before Tabitha could ask her what she meant, a young lady she recognized as Miss Mary Darby approached them with a smile.

  “Lady Charlotte? I beg a moment of your time and apologize for the intrusion, your grace.”

  Tabitha blinked, wondering who Miss Darby could be apologizing to, but before she could ask, Charlotte gave a brittle smile and said, “Yes, Miss Darby?”

  The young lady smiled nervously and continued, “’Tis only that I thought you may be attending The Magic Flute in Bath next week, and I would very much like to attend also, but my father is too unwell to leave the house, and I have been asked to attend by William Lennox–the Duke of Richmond. Of course, I may not attend alone, so I was wondering whether you would accompany me and act as chaperone?”

  Tabitha glanced at her sister-in-law and saw the pain Miss Darby unwittingly caused. To be asked to act as a chaperone, as though one was truly past the age of love and marriage, …it was not well done of Miss Darby. She did not blame Charlotte for hesitating at such a scandalously thoughtless request.

  But her elder was evidently a better woman than she, for Charlotte nodded. “Of course, Miss Darby. I would be delighted to accompany you. Please send round the details in a notecard, so I shall ensure not to engage myself for anything else that evening.”

  Miss Darby was nothing but raptures, and Charlotte squeezed Tabitha’s hand gently before walking away with the excitable young woman.

  Tabitha sighed and shook her head. Before she could think how to rescue Charlotte from such a fate, she felt Richard’s strong arms come around her waist.

  “And how is the Duchess of Axwick feeling?” he murmured in her ear.

  Tabitha looked out at the throng of guests who were laughing and talking on the lawn of Stonehaven Lacey, and it was only Richard’s soft laughter that nudged her memory.

  “I am not sure if I will ever become accustomed to hearing myself described as the Duchess of Axwick! How does anyone learn to–”