Wally

by Rowan Massey

  “Only in my thoughts,” I said, and made a fainting gesture, with my hand to my forehead. They laughed.

  After I gave Spitz the gift of the three apples, and he gave two to the girls, we headed off down the street. Other people, mostly fielders, were coming out of the buildings and walking towards the field. My eyes were on my feet, but I kept close to Spitz, and bumped into him now and then. The girls walked ahead of us, talking loudly and waving hello to everyone they’d ever met. I gave the hem of Spitz’s jacket a little pull, trying to get him to fall back a little and talk to me. He closed his jacket around his chest and didn’t slow down. I fumbled with my back pack while still walking so I could give him the pill and the socks. He took them and only frowned, pocketing them. I showed him how much I had in our little money bag, and his frown got worse. He took the gifts but didn’t say thanks or ask about my day.

  Just before we reached the field, I took off ahead of my friends to find Nando or Rydel. I wanted to give Spitz his fielders as one more try to get him to get over it, even though we shared all our money and bought the fielders together every day. The mud had dried and left the trash looking more filthy than ever. For Halloween we would burn enormous trash piles and nearly die from the toxic smoke. At least it would be cleaned up.

  A few minutes were spent finding Nando. I saw Rydel, but kept going. Nando was leaning in a sloppy way against a tree and dealing to people. A crumpled dollar bill fell from a user’s hand onto the ground. Close up, I could tell Nando was drunk.

  “Nando!” I called.

  His head came up slowly, and he looked at me with a smile.

  “Heeey, Skippy.” he said, and landed a heavy hand on my shoulder as soon as I got close enough. “You look good. Nice hat.”

  He rubbed my head, which made me wince, and my hat almost fell off. I put it back in place.

  “Why’d you get drunk? Are you okay?”

  “Sure. New batch of fielders. You need one?”

  “Yeah, two.” I handed him the money, and he gave me the fielders.

  A couple girls needed him so I stood out of the way. Nando was fumbling their money, laughing while he tried to figure out how to get pills out of his dispenser. My feet shuffled around in the dirt, watching it. Dealers were supposed to have their heads on straight while they were working. I wondered if anybody would find out. I had no idea who his boss was. Would Rydel tell anyone?

  When the girls left, I took him by the shoulders to get him to face me.

  “How much did you drink?” I asked.

  He waved his hand around, annoyed.

  “I’m good. More fun with a few tips. Sips.”

  “Can I see the flask?”

  “Don’t drink it all.” He took it out of his back pocket and handed it over. It was empty.

  “What if I gave you a break?” I said. “You can sit down and drink some water for a while. Have a snack.”

  He looked around the field, then at me.

  “Tha’s nice of you,” he slurred.

  “No problem.”

  I got him to sit at the base of the tree and hand over whatever he was holding. Fielders and a few Ds. I wondered if I had made them. There was water and a few vitamin bars in my pack so I gave him those.

  When people approached, I was standing in front of Nando, asking them how many. It was strange, but felt natural at the same time. This was my field if it was anyone’s. Most people recognized me just from seeing me around, so they didn’t hesitate to buy, or even try to haggle. Not to mention, I had Nando at my back. A few times, he gave me a grin, lifting his water bottle to toast me as if it were a beer.

  “What the holy fuck, Wally?”

  Spitz was walking towards me slowly like he was afraid of something. Fiona was looking from me to Nando, looking ready for trouble.

  “He’s just not feeling good. I’m helping out.”

  Spitz roughly grabbed the front of my jacket and pulled me to the side a few steps.

  “You’re asking for it!” he whispered. “What the hell, man?”

  “He’s drunk.” I stood close to him. “He’s gonna fuck up the money and drop the fielders. Somebody’s got to help.”

  “You are the stupidest fucking…” He let a breath out past his teeth and glared at me. “I’ll find Rydel.”

  “He’ll get in trouble, Spitz. C’mon. No telling if Rydel is a real friend. Nando will sober up in a little bit.” I’d grabbed his jacket and was begging.

  “You are going to get in trouble, dipshit.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “How do you figure?” He’d never looked at me so confused and angry.

  “Dr. Sardana made sure… I mean, he basically told this runner he’s got my back.” When Spitz gave me a blank look, I went on. “He made sure she saw me and knew who I was. He had a gun out on the table so she’d know he wasn’t playing. Seems like she’s going to tell everybody to recognize me. You know?”

  “What? What the fuck, Wally. Why did he need a gun out?”

  I could only shrug. I put my hands in my pockets and felt the fielders there. I took one out and gave it to him. He popped it in his mouth, probably out of habit, then looked at me when I didn’t take mine.

  “Um, I’ll cut your head up if it gets nasty, but Nando said it’s a new batch.”

  “Nando said.” Spitz imitated me and pressed a hand to his forehead. “You’re not taking yours yet?”

  I shrugged, and his brows moved up and down in worry.

  “I’ll just find Veronica and start the night with her, I guess,” he said. “But this isn’t you. Whatever. You go ahead and babysit your drunk boyfriend over there…but be careful.”

  Without any choice, he took off, almost at a jog. I didn’t have time to think about it because some guy was trying to buy something off Nando, and Nando seemed to have forgotten I had his stash. Stepping into the middle of it, I smoothed it over with a smile and a little chatting.

  ◆◆◆

  The night was strange; hanging around for hours without taking fielders. Watching everyone else dance, and not joining them, made me restless. My face felt heavy. I was starting to frown at all the buyers.

  I needed to dance. Maybe it would be better than usual when I took the fielders, since I’d gotten to the point where the night seemed almost sad. I knew from experience it was because I was getting closer to withdrawal. If Dr. Sardana asked me about the happiness scale right then, I wouldn’t be a ten. It all made me feel like I needed a hug from someone. Nando was sitting slumped against the tree, glaring at the dancers. I didn’t try it.

  About two hours later, Nando stood up, took the few pills that were left from my jacket pocket, and gave me a shove towards the dancing. I wheeled around back to him. He stood like a fighter, chest out, about to tell me to get lost. The money in my pants pocket couldn’t come out and hand itself over fast enough. He snatched it and nodded his chin at the crowd. I fucked off.

  The crowd seemed more chaotic than fun. I didn’t feel like stopping to watch any of them. I just wanted to find Spitz and make sure he forgave me. He was probably coming off the field. Maybe he was looking for me. I moved straight through the crowd and walked up and down the city side. He was there with Fiona. She’d waited on him instead of going home. They were sprawled on the filthy ground, Spitz’s head in her lap.

  “Guys?”

  Their eyes moved over to mine sleepily.

  “Are you okay?” Spitz asked, and I felt relief. I plopped down next to him, and he sat up, letting me give him a good hug.

  “Did you dance yet?” Fiona asked.

  “No. I feel kind of bad…I think…”

  They gave each other a look.

  “That Nando guy isn’t good for you. Take it. We can stick around,” Fiona said. She reached out and squeezed my wrist.

  “Thanks,” I sighed.

  “We’ll be right here. Give us a good dance to watch.” Spitz said, and took my pack from me, but he put his head back to rest on Fiona’s
leg again, and closed his eyes. “I love you, man,” he mumbled.

  I hoped he would watch and didn’t fall asleep. It was nice knowing somebody was watching.

  I took the pill and wandered around in the crowd, waiting for it to kick in. It only took a minute. The crawls lasted two seconds before I was given the big, overwhelming embrace I’d needed all night. My head was pulled back by an enormous ecstasy that went beyond me and into the whole city. I looked up at the stars, which were swarming around like birds or bugs. My feet left the ground, and I went up there to join them.

  Chapter Five

  Having gotten myself turned around wasn’t a likely explanation. I’d been on the field so many years, I knew it better than I knew myself. But I was looking at the spot where I’d left Spitz and Fiona, and they were nowhere in sight. They’d had to leave for some reason. They might have left a message with somebody, but the field was emptying out, and I didn’t see anyone we knew very well. Veronica was our only close friend, and she never stayed out this long because not a lot of heads needed cutting so late at night.

  I walked with my head sagging sideways to rest on my collar bone, dragging my feet, until I got to the end of the field that was still packed. I’d forgotten people did that—using one end instead of the whole area after the crowd got thin. The dancing wasn’t any less mesmerizing in the late night. My vision blurred from one swaying, stomping body to the next. Sometimes it was amazing that we rarely crashed into each other.

  “Jesus, you look like shit all the time.”

  Nando playfully stole my hat off my head, making the bandage rip sideways. I sucked air through my teeth from the pain and tried to stick it back. He mumbled a sorry and handed it back.

  “That’s not what you said a few hours ago,” I said, carefully getting my beanie back on.

  He looked confused for a split second, then embarrassed, but he changed the subject.

  “Who tried to fix you up? The doc?” He squinted his eyes at me and sucked on a cigarette that smelled like more than tobacco. “He give you the hat?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Oh man, I’m supposed to wash my hair. Do you know if a spigot is working around here?”

  He laughed. “You’ll have icicles hanging off you. It’s fucking freezing tonight.” But he slowly turned serious, looking away.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Come stay with me. You’re alone again. Those friends of yours are letting you down.”

  “No, that’s okay. They probably left a message with somebody around here. And my pack. I have to meet them somewhere.”

  “They left a message with some guy who told me to tell you. Apparently we’re coworkers now. You know anything about that?”

  His voice was joking but his eyes weren’t.

  “Um, so what was the message?” I asked.

  “The girl got sick.”

  “Shit. Sick how?”

  He shrugged. “Stomach ache maybe. You coming or not?” He turned and walked city-side, legs a little wobbly. I looked at the dancing, wondering what to do. I’d never gotten a second-hand message like that, and I was worried about Fiona. Or what if it was Veronica? It was hard to decide. I had no idea where they might have gone. There was only half a chance they went to Fiona’s dad’s house and not to a friend’s house.

  I caught up with Nando. He didn’t say anything when I reached his side. I was starving and thirsty, but my pack was gone, maybe stolen. If I’d lost it...

  Nando pointed over to Rydel, who was waiting at the same lamp post as the night before, smoking a joint and holding my back pack out to me. At first, I couldn’t tell in the light if it was really mine, but the stains and tears made it easy to tell. I jogged a few steps to take it from him. The weight was right. I knelt on the sidewalk and went through it, worried about the doc’s phone. All there. I took out a water bottle and guzzled it. I didn’t have any food bars and wished I’d kept the apples.

  “Man, you really think anybody would steal from you after today?” Rydel said. “You’re the doc’s house boy and now you’re moving product with us. Your career is taking off.”

  I tensed up when he chuckled deep in his big chest. I wasn’t sure what he meant by “house boy” so I let it go. He was pissed off, and I thought I was probably lucky he was stoned. But when I looked up at him, he was glaring at Nando, not me.

  “It’s okay.” I looked up and Nando was pinching the cigarette between two fingers. He took one last hit off it and flicked it into the dirt. I stood and faced him.

  “Really?” I asked. “I was trying to help. Didn’t mean—”

  “It’s okay,” he said again, this time sounding like he meant it, and maybe also wanted me to shut up. After giving Rydel a warning look, he took the pack out of my hand and started walking. I followed.

  As we went, I looked around and sometimes called out for Spitz and Fiona. Nando helped me look into a lot of the alleys, crossing the street over and over, but I could tell he was just humoring me. When we passed near a store, I asked them to stop and let me buy some food bars. Rydel leaned against a wall without saying anything, and Nando followed me to the cashier’s window. They didn’t open the doors this late at night.

  The cashier gave me a hard time, not telling me that only some flavors were on sale. He said peanut was on sale, then tried to charge me full price. I didn’t know if he was stupid or trying to rip me off. My stomach was begging for something other than water, and I considered forgetting it and walking way. I was really worried about my friends. I leaned my elbow on the little counter and closed my eyes for a quick breather.

  “Give him whatever he wants,” Nando snapped at the cashier. I felt his chest brush against my shoulder. He placed a few dollars into the little hole for cash.

  “I have the money,” I said.

  He grabbed me by the back of my sweatshirt and gently pulled me away from the window, stepping into my place.

  “Give me four of the peanut shit and don’t give me any bull,” he growled, his face stony and irritated. The bars and some change came through the opening in four seconds flat. Nando took the change and handed me the bars.

  “Thanks,” I said, smiling.

  His eyes met mine, and his expression switched fast from intimidating to smirking. I felt like my stomach was trying to boil the water I’d drank. Even on a bad night, I couldn’t help getting lost in thoughts about kissing him.

  My cold fingers didn’t want to open the wrapper, so he did that for me too. Someone else might have started feeling stupid, but I loved that he was doing things for me.

  I took a huge bite. We turned to get back to Rydel. Nando’s arm went around my shoulders, pulling me to his side as we walked. In the three steps to where Rydel stood, it sunk in that Nando was into me. My body pressed against his, and I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder, but he dropped his arm. We walked the way we had before, him and Rydel a step ahead of me. I didn’t mind, since I was finally eating.

  I ate fast, guzzled more water, and was thinking that maybe when Rydel wasn’t around I’d get Nando’s arm around me again. Maybe he’d downright cuddle me later. Maybe kissing. Who knew. We walked a block in quiet.

  I felt guilty that I wasn’t thinking about Fiona and Spitz. I shouted their names, and when we came to the next alley, I ran in to look, then back out to Nando and Rydel. All the running around took a lot of energy, but I didn’t stop looking.

  The two of them were walking ahead of me a few yards when we came in sight of Nando’s building. Rydel started looking back at me, grinning and laughing. They’d been talking in low voices, and Nando had hit Rydel in the back of the head a few times. I knew they were up to something, but I was almost too tired to care. It was only when I saw we were a few doors away, I figured I should think a little.

  I hurried over into an alley. There were three sleeping bodies by a heap of old furniture. I leaned against the wall. I tried to think about it the way Spitz or Fiona would—not so emotionally. What were they whispering
about? Me? Whatever it was, they thought it was funny. Or at least, Rydel did. I had nothing for them to steal unless they knew about the phone, but there was a chance they wanted to fuck me up. Nando had been mad at me for hawking his stuff, but then he’d been so nice about the food bars. Dr. Sardana’s protection and Nando’s acting sweet made getting jumped seem like a dumb thing to worry about.

  “C’mon, little business man!” Rydel shouted teasingly. “Bedtime!”

  I couldn’t stay out of sight forever. I jogged across the street to where they waited on the stoop. Nando was giving me that look again—up and down, through half-closed eyes. Rydel was still grinning and snickering to himself.

  “What’s funny?” I asked.

  He laughed harder. Maybe it was all just because they were a little high.

  Nando opened the heavy door and shoved Rydel inside. I went up the stoop, Nando watching me.

  “Ignore him,” he said. “He’s a dumbass.”

  “Okay,” I said slowly, “but what’s so funny? Are you guys planning a prank? ’Cause I’m really too tired for all that.”

  “Listen,” he said, “he’s going up to bed. Don’t worry about him.”

  Rydel was laughing his way up the stairs. In a few seconds, I heard a door open and slam shut.

  “Good?” Nando asked.

  I nodded and slowly brushed past him through the door.

  Down the hall, he stopped me with a hand to my chest, and went in his room to get me a towel. When he gave it to me a moment later, I saw he had another one in his other hand. My eyes connected with his, and we stood there, still and breathing.

  “You aren’t the only one who stinks,” he said, and one side of his mouth went up. He handed me my pack.

  I smiled. Damn if I didn’t like the idea of him in the shower next to mine. I doubted that I smelled bad after all the showers I’d been taking, but I’d take another one if it was next to him. He stepped close, his nose and chest barely touching mine, and put a hand on my arm, pushing me a little to make his way around me to the bathroom door. A feeling like rushing water was ramping up in my head. Worries about getting jumped and mean pranks went out the window.