Ever Loving

by Carolyne Aarsen

  Josh nodded, his eyes sparkling with anticipation. Nate gave Tango another quick once-over but Tango stood quietly, his one foot cocked, his weight shifted over his other three feet. The epitome of relaxation and trust.

  “Today, I thought you could try yourself,” Nate said, looping the halter rope over the saddle.

  “Are we going into the pasture again?” Josh asked.

  Nate shook his head. “For now you need to learn how to handle Tango in the corral.” He walked beside Josh a couple of rounds, making him turn left and right and then when he was satisfied Josh had it figured, he called to Nico.

  Nico jumped off the fence and ran over, his booted feet creating small puffs of dust, his eyes bright with anticipation, Mia close behind him. As Nate lifted him into the saddle, Nico caught the reins in his hands, an expectant look on his face as Nate untied the halter rope from the hitching rail.

  Not too hard to guess what he wanted.

  “Sorry, buddy,” Nate said. “Your mom will lead you around while I keep an eye on Josh.”

  Nico looked from Nate to his mother, opened his mouth and something like a groan escaped.

  Nate’s heart thudded in his chest at the faint sound. This was the first time since he started working with Nico that anything close to a sound had escaped his lips.

  Mia stared up at him, one hand holding the halter rope, the other pressed over her chest, as if to hold her heart in.

  Nico breathed heavily in and out, as if trying to say more but nothing more came out. He slouched in the saddle, a doleful expression on his face. Mia placed her hand on his back, stroking it gently as if coaxing something else out of him.

  “Were you trying to tell us something, buddy?” Nate encouraged.

  Nico’s expression was one of entreaty. Nate wished he could get inside the boy’s head and figure out what was holding him back from talking. Instead, he patted him on the leg and gave him a quick smile. “You’re doing great, little guy. You’re a real cowboy, you know that? And because you’re so good on the horse, I want you to keep an eye on your mother while she walks beside you.”

  Nico nodded as a slow smile curved his lips and then Nico caught Nate’s hand and clung to it, squeezing hard. As he did, Nate felt something unfurl in him. Some elemental connection between him and this kid.

  Is this what it felt like to be a father?

  And right behind his question came the pastor’s words of yesterday.

  “Forget the former things...” It sounded too easy, but at the same time the words had resonated with him. Bringing back the lessons he’d learned at the Norquests’.

  He wasn’t in this business of life alone.

  He allowed tenuous feelings that had vibrated between them all week to settle into his soul. He let a tentative vision slip into his mind. Him and Mia. And her kids. A family.

  Her hand had drifted down from Nico’s back and rested on the saddle. It only took a little movement, a barely discernible shift and his hand was over hers, squeezing lightly.

  Her lips parted and her breath quickened. He swallowed, feeling as if he teetered on the edge of something large. Important.

  Fragments of thoughts and emotions whirled through his head. She was everything he had ever hoped to find in a woman.

  She comes with four kids.

  You’re not in this alone.

  Nate drew a deep, cleansing breath as questions and expectations shimmered between them. Could he truly be what she needed?

  You’re not in this alone.

  He felt his breath catch in his throat as the distance between them lessened. As the kids, the horses and everything around them faded into a distant echo and there was only him and Mia. His hand came up to touch her cheek, their breaths seemed to mingle.

  You are useless.

  The angry voice from the deeper past slammed into him with all the force of his stepfather’s fists. Nate blinked as if waking up from a deep sleep, his hand dropping suddenly to his side.

  Nobody wants you, not even your mother. Should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance. You’re useless.

  Nate tore his gaze away from Mia, frustrated that his stepfather and his vitriol haunted him still. Surely he had outgrown his stepfather’s poisonous words.

  “My reins are tangled,” Josh called out.

  Nate pulled away, thankful for the distraction. As he walked back to Josh he forced himself back into the present, stifling past memories of the stings of the slaps, the pain of the fists. The countless humiliations he’d endured at his stepfather’s hands.

  You can’t be what she needs, was the final voice that resonated as he sorted Josh’s reins. You don’t have the ability.

  The merciless words beat through his head in time to the quiet thuds of the horse’s hooves.

  And yet, as he walked around the corral, his eyes kept seeking and finding Mia. And as he watched her patient actions with Nico, heard her quiet reassurances to her son, other questions braided themselves through the other voices resonating through his mind.

  Could I do this?

  Do I dare?

  Chapter 10

  “Are you going to read to us?” Josh asked, handing Mia the books he had chosen from the cardboard box beside their bed.

  Mia blinked, pulling herself back to the present and her sons. She had just put the girls to bed, but as she had come into the boys’ room, her mind had done what it had all afternoon. Slipped back to that moment in the corral; that almost moment when she and Nate faced each other, questions hovering between them.

  For the few weeks he’d been here already, she’d struggled to keep her distance. But it was getting harder.

  “Yes, of course I am,” she said with a quick smile, taking the books Josh and Nico gave her.

  She settled herself on the bed between them and opened the book. But as her lips read the words, her traitorous mind wandered, once again, back to Nate.

  All through the past couple of weeks, with each conversation they shared, each moment they spent together, she sensed a growing awareness.

  She wasn’t sure if her heightened feelings for Nate were a result of feeling vulnerable after seeing Nico struggle to speak and losing her house and business, or if it was because something real was growing between her and Nate.

  She just knew that each day she spent around him, her own feelings were shifting and changing.

  Don’t be foolish. What would a single, good-looking man like him see in you?

  Mia fought down the frustration Other Mother’s words created in her. She knew they were true, but oh, for that one moment when it seemed attraction trembled between her and Nate, she felt appealing.

  “Mommy, you stopped reading,” Josh said, patting her hand.

  “Sorry, buddy. My mind was wandering.”

  Wandering to places you shouldn’t be going.

  Mia sighed as she picked up the book again. Other Mother was annoying, but at times she was right. Mia had no room for romance in her life. Not with four children and a business she needed to get back off the ground.

  She closed the book she had just finished reading as a sudden heaviness weighed down on her. Please Lord, help me through this, she prayed as she opened the second book. Help me to know that I am not doing this on my own. To draw on Your strength to focus on what I need to do. Not some foolish notion of romance and love.

  But even as she said the prayer, regret plucked at her thoughts. If only...

  She brushed that aside as she bent over and brushed a kiss over her sons’ heads. Then she picked up the book again. But just as she began reading she heard muffled voices coming from downstairs, raised in excitement. Then the sound of feet coming up the stairs and a hesitant knock on the door.

  “Come in,” Mia said, puzzled as to what was happening.

  The door creaked open and Nate put his head through the opening. “Do you want to see Nola’s foal? It was just born.”

  He addressed them all, but his eyes held hers.

  �
��Yippee,” Josh called out, scrambling off the bed. Then he grabbed Mia’s hand, pulling. “Can we go see? Please?”

  Nico picked up on the excitement and was yanking on Mia’s other hand.

  Mia caught their enthusiasm, her own excitement also growing. “Yes, you can. We need to get your jackets, though.”

  Then she looked at Nate. “It will be okay, won’t it?”

  “She’s in a pen. It will be fine.”

  Then he smiled at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners with a hint of suppressed humor. And when she returned his smile she felt, once again, that sense of waiting.

  A few minutes later, Mia, Josh and Nico joined Evangeline and Denny. They stood quietly in the barn, the light at the end of the barn casting a soft glow over the pen. Right beside Nola lay a small, perfectly formed foal, shaking its head as if trying to figure out what just happened. Nola lay on her side, as if still recuperating from the ordeal. Mia could easily identify with the poor mare. Nola lifted her head, looking over at them as if asking for privacy. Then she slowly struggled to her feet.

  Nico stood quietly, intent on the helpless creature lying on the straw still wet from the birth, legs still folded under itself. Mia looked from the foal to her son, who was almost vibrating. What was going through his mind?

  The foal looked around, then its feet pawed at the straw as it struggled to get up.

  “Relax, baby,” Mia whispered. “Take a breath.”

  The foal got its feet under it, then fell again. One more time it tried but it couldn’t get up.

  “Do you need to help it?” Mia asked, tension rising up inside her. If it didn’t get up, it probably couldn’t drink.

  “No. It has to do it on its own.” Nate sounded calm, so Mia took her cue from him and made herself relax.

  Finally, Nola rose up, her legs shaking with her previous exertions. She took a few halting steps closer to her foal, nudging it with her nose. Then she began licking it.

  “Why is Nola doing that?” Josh whispered.

  “The licking helps clean the foal off and helps its blood get moving.” Nate watched a moment longer, then set Nico down on the ground. “I want to get Nola some water,” Nate said.

  Nico climbed up, hanging over the edge, watching. Mia smiled at his rapt expression.

  Nate returned a few moments later with a pail of water and brought it inside the pen.

  “Hey, girl, you did good,” Nate said to his horse, his voice low and quiet as he crouched down. “You got yourself a little baby.”

  “Can you tell what it is?” Denny asked.

  “I need a closer look, but I want to give Nola space. Mares are always unpredictable after a birth.”

  Mia could identify. She remembered the waves of sorrow mingled with anger that washed over her after the twins were born. Two other women gave birth that day and they had husbands with them, whereas her own husband had been gone. Thankfully Renee had come with her and been by her side but it wasn’t the same as having a husband present. The father of the children.

  Quiet descended again and Nola continued her licking. Every now and then the colt would try to get up and fall again.

  After a few minutes Nate got up and took a tentative step toward the foal. Mia was surprised to see the worry on her son’s face.

  Then Mia looked in time to see Nola’s ears flattened against her head. One hoof flashed out so fast it was back on the floor of the pen before Mia realized what had happened.

  Then before anyone could stop him, Nico jumped into the pen, running straight toward Nate, his face a mask of fear.

  Nola took one stiff-legged step toward Nico but Nate looped an arm around the boy and yanked him back.

  That’s twice Nate has saved my son, Mia thought to herself. She sagged against the pen, her legs suddenly two pieces of boneless rubber. Her heart slowed, as she caught her breath.

  Then Nico pointed to Nola and grunted again.

  “She’ll settle down soon,” Nate was saying, his arms wrapped around the little boy. “Don’t worry. I won’t go close to her again.”

  Nico groaned once more, the guttural sound tearing at Mia’s heart but at the same time creating a spark of hope. Then she felt Evangeline’s arm around her shoulder. “It’s a start,” Evangeline said, voicing Mia’s own thoughts.

  Mia blinked, frustrated at the tears that prickled her eyelids. Too many emotions. Too much to deal with, she told herself.

  Then finally the foal staggered to its feet. It rocked a few moments, but seemed to catch its balance. Nola nickered quietly, the motherly sound a complete reversal of her behavior of a few minutes ago. The foal tottered toward her, its hooves rustling in the straw as it bumped into Nola’s side.

  Then, finally, it started to drink. They all watched a few moments, and then Mia caught Josh yawning. “Hey, buddy, you need to get to bed,” Mia said. “It’s been a long day for you.”

  To her surprise Josh didn’t protest. Instead, he simply climbed down off the pen. “Is Nico coming?”

  “Just give me a minute,” Mia heard Nate say.

  “We’ll take you back to the house, buddy,” Denny said.

  “It’s okay—” Mia was about to say when she caught Evangeline’s reprimanding look. She thought of Nate’s sardonic comment that she didn’t often accept help.

  So she relaxed her shoulders then smiled at Denny. “Thanks so much,” she said. “I’ll be by as soon as Nico can come out.”

  After they left, Mia moved closer to where Nate and Nico still sat, hooking her arms over the rough wood of the pen, glancing from Nate still holding Nico to Nola, who now stood quietly nursing her foal.

  “See how the foal is drinking,” Nate whispered to Nico. “See how quiet Nola is. She’ll be even better in an hour.”

  Then after a few moments Nate slowly stood, carefully turned and set Nico on the other side of the pen in the aisle of the barn. He looked down at him, ruffling his hair, his expression inscrutable.

  “I didn’t think Nola would react like that,” he said, giving Mia a rueful look. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Not your fault,” Mia said, still shaky after the fact. “I still don’t know why Nico jumped into the pen.”

  Nate shrugged, then gave her a careful smile as if he was unsure of her reaction. “I have a feeling he thought Nola was going to do something to me. Is that right, Nico?”

  Nico, who had been pushing some straw around with the toe of his cowboy boot, looked up at Nate, then, to Mia’s shock and surprise, nodded.

  Nate swung his legs over the partition, then crouched down in front of Nico. “I was being careful, buddy. I wouldn’t have let her hurt me.”

  Nico looked up at Nate, his expression one of complete adoration. Then he launched himself at Nate again, clinging to him. But this time he made no sound.

  “Hey, buddy, hope you have good dreams,” Nate said, returning Nico’s hug. Then he ruffled his hair and gently pulled away.

  Mia caught Nico’s hand and looked over at the foal and its mother, feeling a connection to her. Then her eyes slipped to Nate and the feeling gained strength and intensity.

  Feelings so strong they were almost tangible hummed between them. And when Mia turned to bring Nico back to the house, she knew she would be back.

  Nate watched from inside the pen as the foal went down again after nursing from Nola. If he didn’t imprint on the foal within the next few hours, it would be too late. Thankfully, Nola had settled down and was more accepting of his presence. He pulled the towel he’d had ready and walked over to the foal, kneeling toward the back of it and grasping its muzzle. He gently flexed it back to the withers to control it and prevent it from standing then started toweling the foal dry.

  He heard a whine from the other side of the pen then a rustle as Socks settled himself.

  “It’s okay, Socks,” he reassured his dog. “I got this under control.”

  As he worked, patiently wiping the foal, preventing it from standing, he kept one watchful eye on No
la, but she showed no more signs of aggression, seemingly content to watch.

  “And you’re a little colt,” Nate said as he worked his way up the animal’s body. “Good, I was hoping for another male to work with. You come from some nice bloodlines. You’re going to be a goer, like Tango. I just hope we can get to that futurity on time. Though I wonder...” He let his voice trail off as new uncertainties dogged him.

  On his way back from town this afternoon he had gotten a phone call from the lawyer handling his stepfather’s estate.

  Nate still wasn’t sure what to do, what to think anymore, so he had given him a noncommittal response. A change from the flat-out no he had given him a couple of weeks ago.

  Coming to the ranch, meeting Mia, connecting with her kids... All that had created a drifting of his thoughts to places he had never dared contemplate. A woman he was attracted to. A woman who made him think of settling. Of changing his rootless, wandering ways.

  But even as he let that idea slip through his mind, right behind it came the uncertainty. The fear.

  The biggest lesson Nate had learned in life was letting people get close only meant heartache when they either left or they hurt you. His mother, his stepfather. The Norquests. The ranch he thought had become his refuge. Too many losses meant too much pain.

  Much easier to stay alone. Keep your heart guarded and safe.

  He continued his rhythmic stroking of the colt. This newborn animal not only had a mother to watch over him, but he also had Nate.

  And who had been watching out for him?

  He heard the muted rolling of the heavy barn door and he looked up. A gentle warmth coursed through him when Mia stopped by the gate to the pen, her hands resting on the top gate, a question in her brown eyes.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Imprinting,” he said as Nola nickered at the colt that struggled against Nate again. This time he released it as it scrambled over to Nola’s side and began drinking again. “It’s a first, critical step in training horses.”