Ever Loving

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “No, honey. You need to finish your lunch and then have a nap. You and Josh.” Last night they had stayed up late playing games with Grandpa and Grandma and this morning they’d had an early start. The boys were tired and cranky. “We are going out again this afternoon.”

  Before she left, she had gotten the good news that the insurance company was going to settle. They needed her to come in today and sign yet another raft of documents and then they could release the money.

  And once that was released, she could get on with her life.

  Nico protested again, but Mia held her ground.

  She convinced them to finish their lunch and lie down on the couch in the living room. She sat with them a moment, fighting her own weariness, wanting nothing more than to join them in a nap.

  But she had to get her suitcases from the van and do the laundry she didn’t dare do at her parents’ apartment.

  Finally, their eyes drifted shut, their breathing grew heavy and deep and she dared leave. As she opened the back door her eyes flicked over the yard and she felt a twitch of trepidation when she saw Nate’s truck still parked by the trailer. He wasn’t gone.

  Yet.

  She shook her reactions off. She had to stay focused. Once she got the money from the insurance company she could start rebuilding her flower shop and her life.

  It was an answer to prayer, that’s for sure, she realized.

  Next Monday, she had another trip to Calgary to see Dr. Schuler to report on the little bit of progress Nico was making.

  If you want to call grunts progress.

  She opened the van door and bent over to dig out the suitcases. As she set them on the gravel beside the van and reached out to close the door she saw Nate coming toward her. Shock, pain, anger, excitement all charged at her like errant horses, each demanding attention.

  She shook the feelings off, reaching back for older feelings. The same ones she felt when Al had left.

  You’re on your own.

  Nate walked around the van and she knew the only way she was going to get through this was to go on the defensive. To be the one in control for a change.

  “I imagine you’re getting ready to go to the futurity with Tango?” she asked.

  Very well done, she heard Other Mother encourage her. Very confident. Very in charge.

  He looked momentarily taken aback at her offensive move. Then he nodded. “Yeah. I’m leaving.”

  Mia’s hands grew sweaty, clutching the suitcase holding the few clothes her children owned. She had to keep going. “I think that’s a good idea. It’s what you should do. Leave,” she said.

  Nate scowled and tilted his head to one side, as if trying to catch her comment from another angle. “What are you saying?”

  Mia couldn’t hold his steady gaze. Couldn’t look into those hazel eyes that seemed to have chilled. Eyes that had, at one time, looked at her with warmth and caring.

  Really? Had he? Or was it just her lonely heart that had imagined that?

  Did you imagine his kisses?

  She pushed those thoughts aside. She had to stay focused.

  “I’m saying that it’s right that you leave the ranch. That you go.”

  She saw the questions behind Nate’s eyes but she didn’t look away. Then he gave a curt nod, as if agreeing, and took a step away from her. “You’re saying I should leave?”

  Mia felt puzzled herself at his confusion, but then reminded herself that he was the one who said it first.

  “It’s what you should do,” she said. He was a roaming, wandering man and he wouldn’t be happy being tied down to her and four children.

  His eyes narrowed, but thankfully he said nothing more. He simply turned and strode across the yard, each step he took away from her like a hammer blow.

  This is for the best, she reminded herself. She wasn’t going to be the one left behind again.

  Then why did she feel exactly like that, she wondered as she saw Nate walk to his truck and get inside?

  She thought he was going to drive away; instead, she saw him backing up to the horse trailer he’d been working on the past few days. Then he got out and began cranking on the supports, lowering its weight onto the back of his truck.

  She drew in a long, slow breath. It was done.

  Nate was leaving.

  Chapter 14

  “C’mon, Tango, it’s time to go.”

  Nate slipped the halter over his horse’s head, fighting down the anger blended with anguish that threatened to choke him.

  Time to go. Mia had made that fairly clear to him. He should have known, when she took off so unexpectedly, that things were going south. She had underlined that a few moments ago with her encouragement for him to leave.

  He wasn’t sure what happened to make her want him to leave, but he was sure he didn’t want to find out. He didn’t need to have her remind him yet again that he wasn’t the right guy for her or her kids.

  Denny wasn’t home to say goodbye to, nor was Evangeline. He knew where Denny was doing his gravel haul; he could probably meet him somewhere. Get him to pass on his farewells and thanks to Evangeline. He felt like a heel, leaving like this, but he knew he would feel worse sticking around, knowing that sooner or later Josh or Nico would come out of the house. Knowing he might see Mia again.

  He stopped a moment, steadying himself on the railing as his heart wrenched at the thought of leaving her. Of leaving her kids.

  He took a deep breath, sent up a quick prayer for strength. He was on his own again.

  This time, though, he felt as if he had help along the way. Denny’s thoughts and prayers. A new, rebuilt relationship with God. He would receive the strength he needed to get through this new phase of his life.

  It was that thought that kept him moving. Kept him packing up his tack, his clothes, the few things he’d had scattered around the trailer.

  Half an hour later the trailer and his truck were packed up. Time to move the horses.

  As he walked into the corral, his mind slipped back to the times he had spent with the boys. Those precious moments with Mia watching.

  What would his leaving do to them? What would it do to Nico?

  He couldn’t think about that. He had set his face on this path. He had Karl’s money coming to him. He had the wherewithal to make a few decisions on his own.

  He caught Duke and Bella and tied them up one at a time to the corral fence beside Tango. Then he went into the barn to get Nola. He hoped her colt would follow her out of the barn and into the horse trailer. He wasn’t entirely sure how it would go. In a pinch he could first load the colt and then take Nola inside.

  He was just coming out of the barn with Nola, her colt tottering behind, when he saw Mia leaving the house with the kids. Yesterday he had toyed with the idea of keeping only enough of Karl’s money to put a down payment on the acreage Lacy had shown him and give Mia the rest to start up her flower shop.

  But now that her insurance money had gone through, she didn’t need that from him, either.

  He watched her as she buckled Grace up, then returned to the house presumably to get Jennifer without a single glance his way. And why should she? She didn’t want him around.

  He wished he knew what had happened between that night of the book club meeting and now.

  Regardless, Mia had made it fairly clear with her absence, her silence, and now her pronouncement what she wanted.

  He tightened his grip on Nola’s halter rope, her colt ambling along behind her.

  Then the door of the house opened and Nico came out first, Josh behind him and Mia, carrying Jennifer after him. Nate watched for a few moments, drawn to the kids, to Mia, wishing he could at least say goodbye.

  He shook the feeling off. Clean break. That was best.

  A gust of wind caught at the gate he had closed but not latched shut and as it screeched open, the colt kicked up its heels and bolted toward the unexpected freedom.

  And everything happened at once.

  Nola
pulled at the halter rope, her eyes rolling as she tried to keep her attention on her colt. She reared and Nate saw Nico pull free from Mia’s hand, arms out as if to stop the colt as he ran across the yard.

  “Nico, stay with your mother!” Nate yelled, trying to control his frantic mare.

  The colt and Nico were on a collision course and Nola was going nuts.

  Just then Nola gave one hard jerk and broke free. She trumpeted her fear and started toward her colt just as the gate slammed shut again.

  The colt ran against the gate and whinnied, the harsh clang and the noise catching Nico’s attention.

  Nate didn’t know what to do first. His frantic gaze shot around the corral and he saw a rope hanging from one of the posts. He caught it, then vaulted over the fence, praying Nola would stay in the corral while he caught the colt.

  He swung the rope while he ran, part of his attention on Nico and the colt that was jumping around and the other part of his attention on Nola, who was screaming from the corral.

  Nate swung a loop over his head, praying as he released it. The noose sailed through the air and then, thank the Lord, landed precisely over the colt’s head.

  He tugged at the colt and managed to drag it back to the corral, but as soon as he opened the gate to let the colt inside, Nola reared, her front feet windmilling.

  And she burst free.

  Nate watched in horror as Nola ran past him, her eyes wild, not seeing her colt trailing behind Nate.

  She was headed directly toward Nico.

  “Nate, no,” he heard Nico call out. “No.”

  Nate registered Nico’s call on one level, but right now he had to save him. He tossed the rope aside, ran toward the boy, reaching for him, praying he would save him before the horse came at him.

  “Nate, Nate!” Nico called out just as Nate managed to catch him, roll and move him out of the way of the crazed mare. “Don’t go,” he repeated, his voice thin but clear.

  Astonishment at what he had just heard distracted Nate for a split second. He pulled back, staring at Nico, who was looking past him, pointing. “Watch out!” he yelled.

  Nate turned in time to see Nola spin again, then her rear hoof flashed out. He felt a sudden jolt, a flash of lightning-sharp pain.

  And then everything went black.

  Move. Go help him.

  Mia could only stare, frozen with helpless fear as she saw Nate’s head snap back. Then he crumpled to the ground still holding Nico. She shook off her fear, running toward Nate, her own maternal instinct kicking in. She waved her arm and yelled at Nola who, by now, had settled down.

  The horse shook her head once as if to establish that she was still in charge, then trotted off to the open corral gate to rejoin her colt that, thankfully, had stayed in the corral.

  “Josh, make sure to close the gate,” Mia called out as she dropped to the ground beside Nate and Nico.

  Nate lay still as a corpse, his arms wrapped around Nico, his body still protecting him.

  “Mom, help,” Nico called out as he tried to wriggle free.

  Mia’s heart tightened. Nico was talking. But she couldn’t rejoice in the moment. Not with Nate lying on the ground, blood dripping from the gash in his forehead onto his jacket—his lucky jacket—his face pale as paper. Her thoughts whirled as she tried to process what to do first.

  Call 911.

  Stop the bleeding.

  She got up, shooting a quick glance behind her. Josh was methodically latching the gate, both horses were inside. She ran to the car, grabbed her phone and diaper bag, punching in the numbers as she hurried back to Nate’s side.

  “Are you okay?” she asked Nico as she yanked a cloth out of the diaper bag, sandwiching the phone between her shoulder and ear.

  Nico nodded, his wide eyes fixed on Nate. Mia wanted to ask him more, to hear him speak again, but the operator was on the line.

  She rattled off what she had seen, then had to repeat it. She followed the operator’s instructions while her heart seesawed between panic, fear and a curious elation at hearing her son finally speaking.

  But for now her attention was on Nate lying on the ground at her knees while she kept pressure on the ugly wound on his head.

  His eyelids fluttered and for a hopeful moment she thought they might open. But they never did. His head still lolled to one side, blood from the gash seeping onto the cloth Jennifer had, only moments ago, been clutching to her cheek.

  Mia, following the instructions of the operator, resisted the urge to move him, to try to make him more comfortable.

  “The ambulance will be there in less than ten minutes,” the calm voice on the other end of the line assured her, talking to her and to the drivers of the ambulance. “Just keep applying pressure.”

  All Mia could do was follow her instructions and pray. Pray for her son, crouching silently opposite her, holding Nate’s hand, and pray for the man who had slowly insinuated himself into her life and heart.

  “Let Your will be done,” Mia prayed, once again far too aware of how helpless she truly was and how little control she had over her life.

  And her heart.

  “Is he going to be okay?” she heard Josh ask.

  Mia gave him a quick smile for an answer, then the operator was asking her another question. She heard whimpering coming from the van and sent Josh there to keep his sisters entertained.

  Nico stayed where he was, holding Nate’s hand like a lifeline.

  A few minutes and what seemed like a lifetime later, she heard the ominous wail of the ambulance as it drew closer and finally came onto the yard.

  Nico’s eyes grew wide with fear as the paramedics rushed over and Mia’s busy mind spared a moment to wonder how this was going to affect him now.

  One paramedic gently pulled Mia aside and another tried to take Nico. He fought her, reaching out to Nate.

  “No. Nate, please don’t go,” he called out.

  The sound of his panicked voice raised a storm of emotions that Mia couldn’t sort out. Exhilaration, concern, relief and fear.

  She pushed down her increasing panic, clinging to her steady prayer.

  “Please, Lord, keep Nate safe.”

  As the paramedics strapped Nate to a board, Mia took Nico and held him close. She murmured encouragement to him as they watched Nate being moved to a stretcher then wheeled toward the ambulance and trundled inside. Then, as she had the first day she met Nate, she heard the wail of sirens as the ambulance left the yard.

  And her prayers increased.

  Chapter 15

  “Poor Nate,” Josh said, folding his hands over his chest as Mia tucked him in bed. “We have to pray for him, don’t we?”

  “Yes, we do. That was hard to see, wasn’t it?” Mia could still hear the smack of Nola’s hoof connecting with Nate, the way Nate’s head snapped back then thudded lifelessly to the ground, blood streaming from his head.

  After the ambulance left, Mia called Denny and Evangeline and they had immediately gone to the hospital, leaving Ella with Renee in town.

  An hour ago they had called to say that Nate was conscious and in deep pain. He had suffered a concussion and would be kept overnight for observation. Denny joked how it was lucky Nate was kicked in the head. Anywhere else and he might have sustained some real damage.

  But the humor was lost on Mia.

  “Are you sure he’s okay?” Josh asked, the worry in his voice mirroring her own.

  “Uncle Denny said he is, so we have to believe that,” Mia replied, gently stroking his hair back from his face.

  Nico climbed onto the bed beside Josh and slumped down, the picture of abject misery. “I want Nate,” he said quietly, as if he was still getting used to his voice.

  Mia’s heart was torn. Hearing her son talk was the one bright and shining spot in all the hard things that had happened the past few days.

  “I know, honey,” she said, stroking Nico’s face, then pulling him onto her lap.

  “I hope Nate’s heart is
okay,” Josh continued, tapping his folded hands on his chest. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, then eased out a sigh.

  “What do you mean, his heart is okay?” Mia asked. As far as Denny and Evangeline had heard, Nate’s heart was just fine.

  Josh looked back at her as if puzzled. “Nate said that if he opened his heart it would hurt. And you said the horse kick opened his heart.”

  Mia stared at her son, trying to understand what he was saying. “I said that the kick opened up a gash in his head, is that what you’re talking about?”

  Now it was Josh’s turn to look puzzled. Then he shook his head. “Nate said that he was afraid to open his heart. That it would hurt if he did. And that he said he didn’t know what he would do if you pushed him away.” Josh shot his mother a puzzled frown. “But you didn’t push Nate. The horse kicked him.”

  His comments and questions came at her like disparate statements she struggled to piece together.

  “When did Nate say this?” she asked.

  “When we were building birdhouses,” Josh continued. “He said it to Uncle Denny. He sounded really sad.”

  The same afternoon she had overheard Nate saying that he had to leave.

  What had he meant? She looked down at Josh, knowing she wouldn’t get the full story from him, but she knew there was someone who could tell her.

  “I’m sure Nate’s heart is good,” Mia assured him, then bent over to kiss him good-night.

  She prayed with the boys, adding her own prayer for answers and wisdom.

  She checked on her sleeping daughters, then walked downstairs, made a pot of coffee, pulled out her Bible and sat and read while she waited for Denny and Evangeline to return and update her on Nate’s progress.

  Half an hour later, the sound of the outside door and the subdued sounds of Denny and Evangeline’s voices on the porch combined to weave a web of dread around Mia.

  She closed her Bible, her hands clutching the fresh cup of coffee she had just poured for herself. When they came into the kitchen and she saw the anxiety on their faces, the web tightened.