“Don’t say that, man. We’ve both drowned in guilt over something that might not have made a difference. It could have been me instead of the cabdriver. We’ll never know. But Tory knew I loved her, and she called a number of people that night. We need to let that go. Remember her, of course, but live our lives, you know?”
Zev scrubbed a hand down his face and said, “I sure do.”
“I’ve got to tell you, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure how you’d react to seeing Carly again. I knew you might deck me when you found out about Char’s plan. But Char changed my world, man. I have a fuller life than I ever thought possible, and I just couldn’t stand back watching you run from yours any longer.” Beau paused, studying Zev’s face for a beat. “You look happier, but something’s off. What’s going on? Did we fuck up?”
“What do you think is going on?” Zev didn’t mean to snap, but he was beyond frustrated. “Carly’s back in my life, Beau. Carly. I’m still wrapping my head around it. I never thought I could love anyone more than I loved Carly when we were teenagers, but I was wrong. I love this Carly—grown-up, careful thinking, chocolatier Carly—ten times more than I loved her when we were kids.” He told Beau everything about their time together, save for the intimate details. He told him about their heartfelt confessions, the accusations, the pain they’d dredged up, and the healing that came with it. He also told him about taking her to the dive site, sleeping in the van, and his expedition plans for the upcoming week.
Zev leaned his elbows on his knees, worrying with his hands as he confided in the brother who had suffered an even greater loss than any of them, and he told Beau about their time in Mexico. He wanted to ask Beau how to handle the guilt he felt about Carly going through the miscarriage alone, but that wasn’t his story to tell. He would never breach her confidence like that. He needed to figure out a way to find peace around the guilt, and he didn’t want to make Carly relive it again. He trusted Beau, and he hoped he could offer a little advice.
“Carly went through a lot of shit after seeing me in Mexico. It really messed her up. That’s why she quit school and ended up here. I feel so guilty, and I don’t know what to do with that.”
“Damn, Zev. I’m sorry.”
“I keep thinking that if I had gone after her, she wouldn’t have suffered so much.”
“You can’t think like that. Even if you had gotten back together, you don’t know if you would have stayed together for any length of time. You don’t have a crystal ball.”
“How did you stop thinking about all the things you’ve lost?” Zev realized he was talking about more than the miscarriage.
Beau shook his head. “I haven’t stopped thinking about losing Tory, if that’s what you’re asking, or the time that I lost with our family, and I’m pretty sure I never will. Char taught me that it was okay to honor those feelings and that the only way to move forward was to let them exist and to deal with them. Did you apologize to Carly? Tell her how you felt? Did you tell her everything you told me?”
“Yes. She’s moved on from it. I just don’t know what to do with all the guilt.”
“It’s okay to feel guilty, but for the love of God, Zev, don’t fool yourself into thinking you could have somehow changed the outcome of you two if you’d gone after her in Mexico. You made that mistake when Tory died. You’ve always wanted to take the burden of pain off Carly. That’s your thing, bro. But this is after the fact. You can’t fix whatever she went through. There’s no going back in time. We both know that all too well. I don’t know what she went through, but in any situation, the best you can do is to let the pain exist, be there to help if she needs to talk about it, hold her, love her, and let her do the same for you. You don’t forget it. You learn from it. Then you can let the guilt go, because it’ll only eat away at all the goodness you two have to look forward to. You have a chance at a real future together, and that’s what you should be focused on.”
“You’re absolutely right, and I am learning from all of my mistakes. It’s time to set them on a shelf and move on more carefully. Thanks for listening, Beau. I appreciate it.”
“Hey, I’ve been there. I get it, and I’m here any time you want to talk.” Beau leaned back, clasped his hands behind his head, and said. “What else can I fix for you?”
“Settle that ego down, unless you have some answers about how to blend our lives together. I offered her a partnership in my company, but she said she needed to think about it.”
Disbelief rose in his brother’s eyes. “You asked her to be your business partner?”
“It’s a commitment to us.”
“How’d she react?”
“She needs time to get comfortable with logistics. I get it. It’s a huge commitment, but that was the point. To show her I’m committed.” He gritted his teeth. “Leaving her this morning sucked the life out of me. I asked her to come with me, and here’s a shocker,” he said sarcastically. “She said no.”
“Aw, man.” Beau looked shocked. “I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t a fair position to put her in, but I just couldn’t hold back. I know she needs more, but I’m not going to give her empty promises. I offered all I can for now. And, man, I get where she’s coming from. I know how much her business and her friends mean to her. I can’t expect her to uproot her life. She’s not that same whimsical girl she was, and that’s okay. I adore the person she’s become. But I definitely need to learn how to navigate calmer waters. Her life has become as steady and stable as the mountains, and my life ebbs and flows like the fucking tide. She needs concrete plans, and I’ve got nothing but good intentions.”
“I wondered when you were going to get around to that. She probably feels like you put her life in a blender.”
“No shit, man.”
“I’d say slow down, but that’s not who you are. What I can tell you is that I changed my entire life for Char, and I’ve never regretted it for a second.”
“I can’t exactly walk away from the Pride. That was our dream. Knowing how badly she wanted to find it is what has driven me to search for it for all these years. But on the flip side, how the hell am I supposed to walk away from her for weeks at a time?”
Beau shrugged. “I guess I’m better at fixing houses than relationships, because I’ve got nothing. Our lives are so different, I can’t even begin to imagine how you two can coordinate schedules. I think those answers have to come from you and Carly.” He stood up and walked off the patio without saying anything. He rubbed the back of his neck, pacing, and then he set a serious stare on Zev and said, “Can I ask you a hard question?”
“Might as well.”
“Given your propensity for traveling on a whim, are you sure you can be the man she needs? Are you sure you’re not setting both of you up for broken hearts?”
Zev pushed to his feet, eating up the space between them, his hands fisting. “I am the man she needs. There’s no can I be in the equation.”
Beau held up his hands and took a step back. “I’m just asking, man. You’re about to get on a plane and leave her again.”
“Are you trying to fuck with my head?” Zev seethed through gritted teeth. “You don’t think I’ve been battling those demons every damn second since I drove away from her?”
“I’m just trying to understand where you’re heading.”
“That’s what I’m telling you,” Zev seethed. “I’m heading for forever with Carly, but we’re not carefree kids anymore and I don’t have the answers we need. It’s fucking killing me that I don’t, but I’m not running away or abandoning her. We just need to figure shit out.”
Beau cocked a grin.
“What’s that shit-eating grin for?”
“Because I was testing you, and you passed.”
“You’re an asshole.” Zev shoved him away with an incredulous laugh.
“I’m the asshole who told my brilliant wife that we needed to get you and Carly back together.”
Zev stood stock-still, processing his words. “I thoug
ht that was Char’s idea.”
Beau motioned for Zev to walk with him, and they headed around the side of the house toward the front yard. “I dropped hints, and my beautiful wife ran with them. The way I see it, you owe me big-time.” He clapped a hand on Zev’s shoulder and said, “Tell me it doesn’t feel fucking fantastic to love someone so much you hate leaving them.”
“I’m done telling you anything. You’re either full of shit or…” He looked at his brother’s playful grin and said, “Nah, you’re definitely full of shit.”
Beau laughed loudly.
“Prick,” Zev muttered with a chuckle as they rounded the front of the house.
Bandit bounded toward them.
“Hey, you guys!” Charlotte waved from the hood of Beau’s truck, where she sat with her legs outstretched. “I’m working on my tan!”
“Do you think she realizes she’s wearing knee-high rubber boots?” Zev asked.
“Of course. Absolutely nothing gets by my girl. She just beats to her own drum, and I love her for it. Come on, we have to get to the airstrip.” Beau jogged toward Char, and she slid off the truck and into his arms, kissing him. “I have to run Zev up to the airstrip to meet Jack. Want to come?”
“I would love to, but I can’t,” Char said. “I’m giving myself fifteen minutes in the sun, and then I have to tackle emails.”
“Then get in here and give me a hug.” Zev pulled her into his arms. “I’m glad you had a great honeymoon. I want to see the pictures, so hook me up with them, okay?”
“Of course,” she said sweetly. “I’ll email you a link to them. When will we see you again?”
“Hopefully in the next couple of weeks. We’re still figuring that out, but it looks like I’ll be around more this winter.”
“Really?” Beau asked.
“Carly’s here, so yeah, really. Noah and I are bouncing around the idea of partnering for a shipwreck exhibition at the Real DEAL. I can’t believe I forgot to mention that to you. Nothing’s set in stone, but it’s one of the things we’re considering. Carls and I are also thinking about heading home for a couple of weeks over the holidays.”
Beau looked at him skeptically.
“A couple of weeks? That’s great!” Charlotte exclaimed. “Forget the inn working its magic. Carly must have her own brand of wizardry.”
Zev smirked. Hell yes, she does.
A mischievous glimmer rose in Charlotte’s eyes. “I need to call Carly and see if she’ll share some of those tricks for my next book.”
Zev laughed. “Speaking of those kinds of tricks, your thief dragged your leather whip in from outdoors. It was pretty dirty, so I cleaned it up and put it in Char’s office.”
“I told you Bandit stole it,” Charlotte said to Beau. “I’ve been looking all over for that thing so we could—”
“Whoa, stop right there,” Zev said, waving his hand. “I don’t want to know the kinky shit you and my brother do.”
Beau gave him a deadpan look. “She uses it to work out the mechanics for the erotic scenes in her books.”
“I bet she does. The fuzzy handcuffs, too? Bandit dropped a pair beside the tub when we were in it. You’ve trained that dog well, bro.”
Charlotte blushed, and Beau pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest and said, “Caught!”
“Don’t worry, Char. Your secret is safe with me.” Zev whipped out his phone and said, “Last-time-we pic?”
“Yes!” Charlotte said.
As Beau draped his arms around Charlotte and Zev, Zev held up his phone and said, “By the way, you’re out of multisurface cleaner. I didn’t have time to replace it, but at least the inn’s kitchen table is sanitary.” He took the picture, capturing Beau’s scowl and Charlotte’s happy eyes.
“Tell me you didn’t,” Beau said as Zev pocketed his phone.
“No can do, bro. I just dropped the hints, then I ran with it.”
ZEV STOOD ON the bluff overlooking Fortune’s Cove on Silver Island Sunday evening, taking his first break since he’d stepped off the plane. He was wound so tight, even the sights and smells of the sea, his go-to tension relievers, didn’t ease the strain in his corded muscles. When he’d landed on the island, he’d gone straight to his boat to review the legal documents Jeremy had sent for their meeting tomorrow, as well as the nondisclosure agreements for Cliff and Tanner. That had brought his mind back to Carly and what she’d said about the offer she hadn’t yet accepted. I don’t know how I can be a supportive, contributing partner if I’m two thousand miles away. Her words had plagued him throughout the afternoon as he’d met with his team to prepare for the week, as well as during his meeting with Brant Remington about using the marine crane to exhume the concretion.
He finally had time to take a break. He pulled out his phone, and with the brisk sea air stinging his cheeks and the world at his back, he placed a video call to Carly. When her smiling face appeared on the screen, her entrancing baby blues cut right through his tension.
“Hi, Zev!” Her hair was in a ponytail, a few blond tendrils framing her face.
“Hi, beautiful. How are you?”
Before Carly could answer, Birdie’s voice rang out. “She misses you!”
Birdie’s face appeared over Carly’s shoulder, and Quinn’s face popped up over her other shoulder. Quinn waved. It was after hours there, but he knew they were working late.
“Hi, Birdie. Hi Quinn.” He was glad Carly wasn’t alone, but he wished he was the one keeping her company. “I miss you, too, Carls.”
Birdie leaned on Carly’s shoulder and said, “Don’t worry. We’re taking her out to dinner so she won’t be too lonely.”
“She’s going to eat all the white chocolate if we don’t,” Quinn chimed in.
“You guys,” Carly said excitedly, “I had the best idea. We’ve been trapped in here all day. Why don’t we pick up dinner from the Wicked Spur and take it out to the lake to eat? I can swing by home and pick up a picnic blanket.”
“A picnic?” Birdie asked with a hint of distaste.
A picnic. He knew exactly what Carly was thinking.
Quinn wrinkled her nose. “Why would we sit outside with the bugs when we could eat at the Wicked Spur and listen to a band?”
Zev eyed Carly. He hadn’t realized his heart could get any fuller. He knew exactly what Carly was feeling. She’d dipped her toes back into nature and adventures. She’d had a taste of the freedoms she used to love, and now she was restless after being confined inside all day. He knew this because he felt the same about—and without—her.
“Who are you?” Birdie asked with a quizzical look. “If you suggested eating at your place so you could watch one of your boring documentaries, I’d understand. But a picnic?” She pointed at Zev and said, “This is your fault. You broke her.”
A smile lifted Carly’s lips, and she said, “No, he didn’t. He fixed me.”
That made him feel all kinds of awesome. “You were never broken, baby. There’s just a lot more to you than meets most people’s eyes.”
“Okay, then,” Quinn said. “A picnic it is. But for the record, there’s not more to me than meets the eye. I like nice restaurants where my heels won’t get stuck in the dirt.”
“I think a picnic with a guy is romantic.” Birdie patted Carly’s shoulder and said, “Just so you know, I’m not making out with either of you under the stars.”
“Okay, peanut gallery, can we have some privacy now, please?” Carly shooed them out of Zev’s view, though he could still hear them.
“I bet they want to talk dirty,” Quinn said.
“Then let’s stay!” Birdie exclaimed.
Carly glowered at them.
“We’re going,” Birdie said, and then she yelled, “Bye, Zev! We miss you, too!”
“I miss you, too,” he said with a shake of his head.
“Sorry,” Carly said softly. “They’re out of the kitchen now.”
“It’s okay. I’m glad you’re not alone. How wa
s your day?”
“Let’s see, my morning started out great, then you left, and I cried a river, kayaked into work, and poured all of my energy into getting ready for the festival.” As she relayed her busy day, she sounded a little flat, so different from the first time she’d told him about what her job entailed.
“Are you okay?” he asked, worrying that he’d exhausted her. The last thing he wanted was to hinder her business. “I know we had a crazy week. I’m sorry if I wore you out.”
“No, I’m good. Why?”
Her words sounded too easy for the knotted gut he’d been towing around all day. “You don’t sound as enthusiastic as you had about the festival preparations.”
She shrugged one shoulder. “I’ve done the festival for years. Prep is never very exciting.”
“What else is bugging you, babe?”
She lowered her eyes, and when she lifted them, he saw trouble brewing.
“I’m sorry I didn’t go with you when you asked.”
“Don’t be sorry. I was caught up in the moment. I know you can’t leave, and I shouldn’t have put you in that position. We’ll figure this out. It’s just going to take some time and some getting used to.”
“I know. How was your day?”
He filled her in on the things he’d done, and the more he shared about his plans for the week, the more excited she became.
“How are Randi and Ford? I bet they’re on pins and needles, too.”
“They’re pretty stoked. We’re diving as soon as I get back from meeting with my attorney in Boston.”
“I hope you find something amazing! I can’t wait to hear all about it.” Her brows knitted, and she said, “Wait a sec. Are you on the waterfront in Boston? It looks like you’re on the island.”
“I am on the island.”
“I don’t know why, but I thought you’d fly into Boston and stay there for your morning meeting.”
“I’m taking off first thing in the morning. But if I’d stayed in Boston, I couldn’t have shown you this.” He turned the phone, showing her the view of the water, and said, “Welcome to the cliffs at Fortune’s Landing.”
She gasped, beaming at him. “Zevy!”
Searching For Love – the Bradens & Montgomerys (Pleasant Hill – Oak Falls) Page 34
