Becoming Jesse's Father (Dancing Moon Ranch Book 5)

by Patricia Watters

  "He'll go to any lengths to find you," Jayne said. "I was luckier than you with Becca's father. You may not know the background, but when I was involved in a similar controlling relationship and was pregnant with Becca, one evening I drove Becca's father to a convenience store to buy cigarettes. When he came out and told me to drive off I didn't know he'd just robbed the place. Minutes later the police surrounded us. But my going to prison broke the cycle of abuse so the relationship never reached the point where you are. But while in counseling in prison, I learned all I could about the symbiotic relationship between a sociopath and his victim so I’d never find myself trapped again."

  "Erik seemed so sweet and nice initially," Emily said. "My home situation was very dysfunctional, and he seemed to understand me, like he cared enough to take control of my messed up life and make order of it. He actually did for a while."

  "Of course he did," Jayne said. "Sociopaths use deception to make themselves look good while distorting facts, which allows them to get a foothold in a person’s life. They're masters in finding weaknesses in people, but because they have no conscience, they use charm and wit and intelligence to become your ideal mate. They also know love makes people vulnerable, so they start the relationship by promising the world, then using subliminal mind control over a period of time until you can't visualize a positive, fulfilled, future without them. But once he knows he has you, he isolates you from anything and anyone who's damaging to the relationship."

  "That didn't happen until after we were married," Emily said. "Before, whenever I broke things off with him and went to Adam for advice, Erik acted disappointed that I hadn't tried to work things out with him, then he’d convince me that he loved me and was concerned only with my happiness and he'd try to be a better man and be the man I wanted. I was never afraid of him then. I just didn't understand some of the things he did."

  "No normal person does," Jayne said. "Sociopaths say and do outrageous things, then carry on as if those actions made no difference, and because they have no conscience, nothing turns a sociopath's stomach. All responses, even emotional ones, are calculated and performed like an actor. Yet he knows he's not normal and he can't make sense of himself, only that he's on a quest for dominance. But you said, after you were married, he started isolating you. Did he also control the clothes you wore and the amount of sleep you got?"

  Emily nodded. "He threw away the clothes he didn't want me to wear and brought in what he wanted, and he used... well, sex to keep me up half the night, then set the alarm for dawn and insisted I jog with him until I was exhausted. I don't know how he got by without sleep, but anytime I questioned why he was doing those things he'd find some way to punish me, usually something that would harm Jesse, like threatening to lock Jesse in a closet if I didn't do what he wanted. He never carried out the threats because I always did what he wanted, but what was confusing was there were times when he'd shower me with affection and tell me he loved me and bring home a special toy for Jesse, even the kitten."

  "And you'd use defense mechanisms like denial, and rationalization, and justification and wishful thinking to survive," Jayne said, "because by then you'd lost your ability to make independent decisions and your capacity to reason, and you were unable to distinguish what was real from what was being distorted. It's the method cult leaders use when recruiting members."

  "Did Adam tell you how I finally managed to get the divorce?" Emily asked.

  "Yes," Jayne replied. "Some women aren’t so lucky. A certain percentage of sociopaths actually kill their victims when they leave so you have to take the threat seriously."

  Emily knew without doubt that Erik could carry out his threat, but said nothing. She wouldn't be staying long enough for it to matter. As soon as the DNA tests were complete so Adam could file his paternity suit, she'd leave, because she was the one Erik wanted, not Jesse. Erik lost control of her and he couldn't let that happen.

  Jayne looked at her, a worried frown on her brow, and said, "We don't think you should stay alone in the cabin. Becca's room is free and you can stay there, and Adam can stay on the couch. It's unlikely Erik would show up, but if he does, there would be two men at the house."

  Knowing she had no choice, while trying to mask her disappointment, Emily said, "Give me about thirty minutes to gather our things and get Jesse bundled up and I'll be there."

  To Emily's surprise, Grace reached out and patted her hand, and said, "We understand what you're going through, honey, and we're okay with your staying at the ranch tonight, but after this you need to go to the women's shelter. They'll file a report and a restraining order against Erik, and you'll be safe there. We also have to think about the safety of the family and guests."

  Adam returned before Grace had finished speaking, and said in a firm voice, "Emily is not going to a shelter, Mom. I told you that before. The only reason we're here now is so I can take Jesse and have a paternity test that will hold up in court. I'm staying here with Emily and Jesse tonight and taking them back to the mountain cabin tomorrow."

  Grace's eyes shifted from Adam to Emily, then returned to Adam, and she said, "You know what your father and my feelings are about the two of you staying together while you're here on the ranch. You have younger brothers and a little sister who don't need to follow your example."

  Emily put her hand on Adam's arm, and said, "Jesse and I will be staying with Jayne and Sam, but you've been invited to stay on the couch." She held Adam's gaze long enough to know he was upset with her announcement.

  After the women left, Emily said to Adam, "Your mother knew exactly what we'd be doing, and even though she was nice and understanding, she's still a concerned mother, and she has a right to be. I haven't been good for you in the past."

  "You're right. But like I said, I'm a fool." He kissed her then, another long, deep kiss. Then he curved his arms around her and held her, and said, "Do you have any idea what I'm going through, just holding you like this?"

  "Physically, I know exactly what you're going through, but emotionally, I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. I just didn't know where else to go."

  "You did what was right for Jesse," Adam said. "We'll leave it at that."

  Still standing in the circle of Adam's arms, Emily looked up at him, and said, "I know this won't make sense to you, and I don't expect you to believe me, but I love you. I always did, even when I was with Erik. It was just such a confusing time in my life. But I'm not making excuses. I just thought it would be good for Jesse to know that his mother loved his father, so maybe you can pass it on to him when he's old enough to understand."

  Adam eyed her with concern. "Why are you talking like you won't be around."

  "We both know I might not be," Emily said. "I may be relatively safe for now, but Erik will eventually come looking for me, and when I leave I won't be taking Jesse with me. That's the reason I came back. To turn him over to you."

  "The only reason?" Adam asked.

  "Yes. I didn't come here to mess up your life again."

  Adam looked at her intently, and said, "You're not leaving here without Jesse, and you're not taking him with you. I don't know what we're going to do about Erik, but if he ever comes around, I'll be ready."

  Which was precisely why Emily had to leave, because if she stayed, there would be a showdown, and there was no way Adam could win.

  ***

  The following morning, while Jesse was still asleep, and Emily and Adam were sitting in the kitchen having breakfast with Jayne and Sam, Adam said to Sam, who was about to leave for the winery, "Can I go online and check on DNA labs? I don't want to get into this at the house, with my brothers and Maddy standing around asking a lot of questions."

  "Help yourself. The computer's on," Sam said.

  After Sam left, Adam settled in front of the computer and went online, and in minutes, located a DNA testing lab in Portland. Emily pulled up a chair beside him, and Jayne stood behind them with her hands resting on the back of Adam's chair.

&n
bsp; While they were reviewing the requirements, Jayne said to Adam, "A legally admissible paternity test showing you're Jesse's father might hold up in court, but it doesn't mean Erik will give up his rights, even if he doesn't want Jesse. He could sway a judge in his favor. Men like Erik are masters at portraying themselves as pillars of the community."

  "We're having the tests done and we'll go from there," Adam said. "I don't intend to start outguessing the bastard." He turned to Emily. "You did bring some ID with you, didn't you?"

  Emily nodded, and that was the part she feared most—turning over her driver's license to anyone, even if they guaranteed confidentiality. "It says they can do the test without the mother, that the child and the father are all they need," she pointed out.

  "I want the most conclusive test available," Adam said, "which means they need both of us. I also want the results as soon as possible. It says we can get them in three days."

  "Three business days," Emily pointed out. "We have Christmas in between so the results won't come until next week. We'll be lucky if they'll take samples three days before Christmas."

  "We'll soon find out." Adam took out his cell and punched the number of the lab, and after a short exchange, announced, "We're in luck. They had a cancellation for eleven this morning."

  ***

  Two hours later, Adam and Emily sat together in a conference room at the collection site. With Jesse sitting on Emily's lap, she listened while a DNA Testing Consultant explained the procedure.

  "Our test analyzes up to fifteen locations looking for matches between the father and child," the man said. "Each match receives an individual paternity index value indicating the strength of the match, so the more unique the match, the higher the index. The probability of paternity is calculated into a combined index using the values from the individual markers."

  Feeling increasingly uneasy about having to show her driver's license, Emily said, "Is it absolutely necessary for me to be tested? There's no question of paternity. The tests results will show that."

  "By testing the mother we see which of the child's markers must have come from the father, which increases the paternity index, which further strengthens the DNA test conclusion," the man explained.

  "Can you absolutely guarantee the test results will be confidential?" Emily asked.

  "Yes," the man replied. "Your report will include a notarized document issued according to AABB Parentage Testing Committee accreditation standards, so it will be admissible in court. Copies of the chain of custody documents can also be included at your request."

  "We'll want that too," Adam said, "and the three day rush."

  After the tests were completed, and while Emily was buckling Jesse into the car seat that Jayne kept for when Becca visited with her daughter, Emily said, "I feel uneasy about all the information we had to give them about me, especially my driver's license. It could go into some kind of national data base that could get back to Erik since he's Jesse's legal father."

  "They don't know that at the lab," Adam said, "and since Erik's name wasn't on any of the forms, they have no way of knowing about him, other than through your married name. But Lindstrom's a common name, and Erik's in California, so put it out of your mind. For now, we need to do some shopping. This is my first Christmas with Jesse and I want to make it special."

  Emily was on the verge of telling Adam that the name Emily Lindstrom could be widely known in California, maybe even beyond the California border by now, but it was their first Christmas as a family, and maybe their last, so she'd allow Christmas Day to be the way Adam wanted for Jesse. But as soon as Christmas was over, Adam would have to know the rest because even while they were planning an afternoon of shopping and playing Mr. and Mrs. Santa, the name Emily Lindstrom could be winding its way from a DNA testing lab in Oregon to authorities in California, and if it did, Erik already had the law on his side.

  CHAPTER 8

  By the time they returned to the ranch, it was too late to start back to the cabin, so Jayne insisted they stay overnight again, and Grace asked for them to come to the house so Maddy and the boys could meet their nephew and she and Jack could get to know their grandson. Emily was uncomfortable with it, but it was as if the Hansens were extending the olive branch to her, so she couldn't refuse.

  "This is going to be awkward," she said to Adam, as she was tucking Jesse's arm into the sleeve of one of the new mini sweatshirts Adam insisted on buying. But he didn't stop there, and by the time they left the last store, they were loaded down with packages that included new pajamas and tiny Levis, mini sweat pants, an array of tee shirts, several packages of socks and little boy briefs, and a pair of cowboy boots that would be under the tree on Christmas morning with all the toys and books that filled yet another big plastic bag.

  Adam stood watching from across the room. "It won't be awkward unless you let it be," he said. "Besides, there will be so much activity with everyone at the house, and all of them wanting to see Jesse, that you'll barely be noticed."

  Emily knew otherwise. She was the fickle girl who'd jerked Adam around for two years before dumping him at the altar. She'd definitely be noticed.

  While pulling a small white sock over a little foot, she said, "Since Jesse's comfortable with you now, why don't you take him and show him off, and I'll stay here with Jayne and Sam and get our things together for tomorrow's ride to the cabin."

  "Jayne and Sam are coming too," Adam replied. "It's our traditional family get together. Jayne and Sam have to be with ranch guests on Christmas Eve, so Mom puts on an extended family dinner the day before. It'll be okay though. You'll see. Sophie will be there too. You always liked Sophie."

  Another reminder. "Yes, I like Sophie, but she spent hours addressing wedding invitations and planning our cake and flowers. I doubt she'll be overjoyed to see me."

  "Actually, she planned her own cake and flowers," Adam said. "She and Rick were married on our wedding day." There was a definite hint of bitterness in Adam's tone, which surprised Emily. It was also the first she'd learned that Rick and Sophie were married. She'd assumed that Sophie was visiting with her family as they always did at Christmas.

  "I don't understand," she said. "They weren't even getting along when I left."

  Adam drew in a long breath, and Emily realized she'd touched on a sore spot, which he confirmed when he said, "They managed to pull things together about the time you left, and the wedding was already planned, and—" he shrugged "—they stole our wedding day."

  Emily was even more surprised to hear what was clearly a rift between Adam and Rick. They'd always been close, and it saddened her to think she was the reason behind the falling-out. "Is it a happy marriage?" she asked.

  Adam shrugged. "Yeah, it's happy. Every July 31st Rick gets Sophie another diamond or something he can't afford, and Mom babysits the triplets, and they go out and celebrate."

  Definite bitterness, Emily realized. "I know you have twins in the family, but aren't triplets kind of rare?"

  "They were conceived in vitro," Adam replied. "Rick's sperm count is low from having chemo before his cord-blood transplant when he was Jesse's age, so he and Sophie went through the whole embryo implant procedure."

  "Sophie always did want a lot of kids," Emily said. "Are they quitting with the triplets?'

  "No," Adam said, "Sophie's already pregnant again. I'm not sure how many this time."

  "And Rick's okay with that?' Emily asked.

  "Rick's okay with anything Sophie does," Adam replied. "He's kind of a pain in the butt with all the perfection over there."

  "You're angry and jealous," Emily pointed out. "Is that because they took our wedding day?"

  Adam stared at her, as if surprised with her assessment. Then he shrugged, and said, "I'm not jealous, just pissed. Rick seems to have it all. Even that new house was a result of everyone on the ranch pitching in and helping build it, and since Sophie's an only child, her folks make sure she has everything Rick can't afford."

  "Ma
ybe it's time to let it all go," Emily said.

  "I already have," Adam replied.

  Emily could argue that. Lifting Jesse off the bed, she turned to Adam, and said, "Rick and Sophie might have a new house, and triplets, and more on the way, but you have Jesse. Not even Rick and Sophie can beat that."

  Adam looked at Jesse and smiled. "Yeah. I guess I just needed a reminder." He took Jesse from Emily, and said to him, "Come on Jess. Daddy'll finish helping you dress, okay?"

  Jesse smiled, touched his little hand to Adam's mouth, and said, "Daddy dress."

  Adam set Jesse on the floor, then snatched up a pair of mini sweats and crouched in front of Jesse and held open the waistband, and when Jesse put his hand on Adam's shoulder to steady himself, while climbing into the pants, Emily was again reminded that Jesse had a real father now, and the little hand on Adam's shoulder was there because Jesse trusted him.

  Emily looked at the bags on the bed. Along with buying clothes for Jesse, Adam insisted on buying clothes for her too since she'd arrived at the cabin with only one change. She'd been uncertain what to select, with Adam footing the bill, knowing he was pressed for money because he had college loans to pay off, but he insisted, so she selected a few tee shirts, a sweatshirt, a couple of pairs of sweat pants, and underwear to last a week between washings. But Adam added a hand-knit sweater with a Nordic pattern.

  "Consider it a Christmas present," he'd said, as he placed it in the cart. She'd started to argue with him, feeling uncomfortable after what she'd done to him, but the look of pure joy on his face stopped that thought dead.

  "Come on, buddy," Adam said, while picking up Jesse. "You want to go see a nice cat?"

  "See cat," Jesse said, and patted Adam on both cheeks.