Hell Again

by Mihret Adal Gidi

  “No worries,” he whispers, “you belong to me.” He deepens his smile as his hands proceeds on pushing her dress up all the way her chest and she holds her arm above her head and relents to his wish. She just can’t stop herself that easily.

  She doesn’t know how he does it, but she see him exposed before her. He looks even mightier like this and flawless in his appearance. Every curve on his body seems to be structured with great artistic touches. Nothing is less but greater about him. Except the floating leaf they’re on, taking them in an even darker realm, nothing is weird about him. She is worried about their whereabouts, but his touches are stealing her attention back to him. He bends down to her and holds her hands above her head, looking down at her.

  She looks around and looks back at him, frowning. This must be a dream, or she must be going crazy on this very night. How is it possible that she can still see him in this deep gloom? She turns back to him and his left hand works beneath and between them and as his jaw strengthens, he closes his eyes. A sudden force pushes in between her legs, exposing her to a greater pain and she screams, lifting her head up to his left shoulder. She can’t say if this is how it should feel, but it feels like metal in her body; it’s a little cold and too strong.

  “Virgin,” he utters hoarsely, laying on top of her as he eases into her after a struggle. He is now powerless and derf at the same time. He is amused and startled, looking at her. He kisses her on her neck and then on her lower lip. “You are the one, my one true contribution.”

  He strikes again and she suppresses her screaming, pressing her lips in pain. Squeezing her eyes shut, she bites her lower lip hard as she moans, yielding to the pain and the trivial painful vehement she is hosting. Again, and again he strikes between her legs; was he like this before? He may be too strong for her but he is extra careful and like never before. He doesn’t want to stop, and he can’t as well. The leaf just sways deep and deeper in the darkness, carrying them on top.

  Chapter Three

  As I open my eyes, a bright penetrating morning ray welcomes my vision. I stretch myself in satisfaction in the strange but extremely comforting bed I find myself resting in. It’s almost as if I’m in a totally different place that even the colour of the day appears too bright and different. Smiling, I sit up, licking my lips as I look around to the most heavenly and extra expensively decorated room. Unless I’m in heaven, this is too good to be true.

  What was I doing last night? I frown as I press my head with my left hand as my right pulls down on the nape of my neck. I close my eyes and stretch my arms sideways in the air. I once again open my eyes and I am more assured that I’m really in a strange room. I guess I’m dreaming…or experiencing ultimate reality. Holy cow! I frown, looking down to myself as I feel my body aching terribly as I try to leave the bed.

  “Shit,” I whisper, biting my lower lip and closing my eyes.

  The good side of this pain is the fact that it helps me recall last night’s incident and especially the fact that I was not and still not dreaming. Everything was real and too real that I am in his house… I hope this is his house. I smile breathy with a slight shrug on my shoulders and tuck a string of my hair behind my left ear. I slowly walk out the golden bed and start taking carful slow steps to the right side of the bed.

  The room is big and bright. I think the combination of silvery and golden coloured furnishing is what makes the light effect more efficient; the transparent white curtain dancing with the wind allows it to have more beautifully exotic look. Every end of the corner is clean. I take more steps forwards and down the two tread. Everything is beautiful and orderly. I walk closer to the camelback white with golden edge sofa seats; make my way round to the glassy table and start filling my mouth from the too sweet apple on the red glassy plate. My eyes are evaluatively perceiving every part of the room, admiringly.

  I turn to my right and smile as my gaze meets a golden dressing mirror. How odd, I wonder, pushing my upper lip with my lower lip up. It’s placed to face the way out to the balcony through the French door. I’m not an expert, but I’m sure if a mirror should be facing the way out. I placed the almost eaten apple on the table and walk my way round to it. I simply smile, looking back at my reflection. I love the dress I’m in, though I can’t recall how exactly I put it on; seaweed green transparent garment with a silky pebble grey long dress, with well-groomed edges of deep v neck and open back. I like the colour combination.

  I clear my hair to my back and start to struggle to subdue it to a loss plate style. I look down to my feet, smiling as I finish breading the tip of my hair on my chest and I look up into the mirror, but my attention escapes to what’s behind me; the curtain weaves back to the opened French door and forms a shape; like a person is standing behind it. Secretly, I get jumpy; it feels like my heart just drops into my belly and I slightly gasp and swallow. I frown with my eyes narrowed, stretching my neck forwards to the mirror to be sure; the curtain weaves off the figure and joins back at it, once again, but this time, the curtain slides off from the shape and I see a complete huge gloomy shadow-like figure standing behind me. I gasp, my eyes wildly open; my chest filled with air. To make it even worst, the figure, I suppose, opened its eyes; like a red light in the dark.

  If there’s one thing I know in time of shock it’s to scream without hesitation, so I cede to what I know best. Squeeze shutting my eyes, I flick turn to face it anyways. Death or not, it’s already here and I shall face it, I’m at least not going to die in silence. Maybe this dream has come to an end as well.

  “Hey, hey,” a firm hand holds me on my arms, slightly yanking me to calm me. “Calm down now,” he hardly smiles as he bites his lower lip slightly. I think he is sorry or shocked… I’m confused to say but he seems sad. I’m more focused on what I saw in the mirror anyway.

  “I, I tho… yo… It…” I frown, stuttering to the colliding words in my brain, refusing to be sorted. It suits my current state, quite reasonable, as well. I keep pointing behind him and then back in the mirror.

  “Calm down and breathe,” he says with a ghostly appearing smile on his lips and I nod, fighting to stay strong not to yield to my heavy eyes. “Breathe in and out, closing your eyes,” he says, as he lightens his grasp on my shoulders and I slowly let myself be equanimous in his comforting touch. I close my eyes, and like I’m obligated to do as he said, I breathe in and out slowly. “Now, tell me what happened?” I open my eyes to face this handsome man with stern voice before me. A man I exchanged so little conversation with but managed to do what I was not able to do with my fiancé.

  My gaze slowly catches his feet in a shining black pair of shoes and detects slowly up to his black trouser with fine lining, and once again the same styled Indian golden coat. I think he knows that style adds grace on him. Finally, that divine look my eyes meets, its real… he is. I smile, hiding my worries. If it’s not the brightness from the entire furnishing conspiring with the unusually bright morning, gracing him with a reflection, then he looks brighter as if gold is his aura and he looks cleaner as well. His broad shoulders are well displayed under the coat, his suite and the lines of his clothing defines every detail just perfectly. He’s just as I remembered him last night, but brighter; his Lucifer black hair styled in Boston haircut and his eyes and possessive smile are just an additional remark to his handsome look.

  “I,” my lips are still shaking, perhaps eke drying up; I can feel the process as my skin contracts from within. “I thought I saw something behind me in the mirror,” I utter in fear as I point behind him with my righthand index finger. He looks behind him and looks back at me.

  “It must be me,” he says. His lips are stationary to that rare smile that’s not exactly there; something in between sad and yet still happy.

  “No, I’m sure it was something different,” I walk right past him and he walks to the mirror, only to fix the direction it is facing. I turn back and stand speechless for there is nothing I can show him of what I saw.

  “Was it
scary?” he asks sadly, and I nod. “How scary was it?” he says mockingly, and I breathe laughter, as I tuck a string of my hair behind my ears. Back in a calm atmosphere with him around, but still confused of the power he can exert on me as he looks sad, then playful now and then.

  “I’m sorry,” I exhale for a long time, closing my eyes. I think I’m feeling paranoid. Jesus, speaking of paranoia, what would my friends and family think of me? I didn’t even mention I would spend the night out. Well, among other things. Do I have to call the wedding off now that I find a magical man, a possible lover who can understand the kind of love I desire, someone who can love me back just? Think about it, though I meet him last night, it didn’t take me much to spread my legs for him. I don’t know him and yet still I trust him, that’s not to mention my racing heartbeat that seems out of control. Give me a break, even two years of the relationship couldn’t allow me to get closer to my fiancé to go this far. Man, do I even love him? Or maybe I should call it off because I am a sick twisted cheater who went out and slept with someone she just met. What’s odder, listen to me, how crazy my thought sounds; why am I thinking that this very strange man is in love with me?

  “No, I’m sorry,” he says and takes steps closer to me. He walks me to the trend that takes to the balcony and we sit on the floor. I love this, I mean sitting next this huge man, facing him and my hands in his. “I lure you to my place and I was supposed to be here when you woke, you wouldn’t be confused if I did otherwise,” he presses a smile and I smile, trying to look away. “Did you have enough rest?” he asks one more time and I look back into his eyes.

  “Like a baby,” I smile looking away as I try to fight off my embarrassment and to hide my blush. “I love your place,” I shrug and look up, only to meet those beautiful cobalt eyes.

  “Not yet,” he says, making me frown with a surprised smile spread on my lips, but he seems displeased that I am already admiring things. “You haven’t seen anything to love it,” he stands up.

  Am I rushing, is it too soon to admire? I suck my lips in and I stand, facing him.

  “I want you to take time and think to love anything about me or this place,” he adds, and I nod mildly. “You’re different, for me. Consider this a chance given, only for you.”

  “Okay,” I manage to press a smile. No one has ever given me a chance or a choice before. If I know something, that would be how to fight to bend and mould situations to my needs. “So,” I weave from left to right, innocently smiling, in hope of brightening the situation. “Where in the magical land am I?” he smiles fully, showing his bright white and well-lined teeth to my vision. God, this man will be the death of me. I wonder.

  “Let me walk you through it, if I may,” he offers me his right hand and I take it with my left, elated.

  How unreal this is all, this indeed is another world and extremely magical. I don’t know how to make sense to what my eyes are dancing from left to right for. Defyingly, my face lightens up with pure exultant and I gasp smilingly and surprised in disbelief …it’s impossible to restrain my emotion to keep composure. No way in hell I can explain myself to my family or anyone, unless I can show them this. I turn to look at him and I meet his penetrating gaze stationed at me, in delight…or it seems so; it anyway causes the blood to rush in my body. I turn my gaze back to the magical land once again.

  The sunlight is bright and yet still I can see other planets and stars in the sky as well, the beauty of natural colour before me, the greenness of the land is breathtakingly exquisite. The waterfall in visually close distance creates soothing solemn view to the landscape of the mountain chain that’s too green; in a very far distance, I can see a lake that looks pacific and extremely magical. I have seen this place, defiantly not in real life but movies…perhaps cartoon movies…this is far from the reality that I am well acquainted with, or, perhaps, this is the ultimate reality.

  “Where in God’s name am I?” I murmur. I am known as someone with great self-control; I never act on my emotions; it takes time for me and I need assurance to act on my feelings. Now, I think I lost control all of a sudden and I am just me; acting out my feelings, like a child.

  If only I’m not here now and at this moment, if only I’m not feeling everything around me; my skin touched by the sweltering caresses from the sun, my hair moving slowly because of the soothing wind; if only my eyes aren’t seeing any of this, if only my ears aren’t allowing the wind whisper to my ears, I would have said it’s only a dream or that I lost my mind sinking in my own agony, an agony from a great mental illness and yet still beautiful agony.

  “I’ll have to take that you like it,” he smiles gracefully, and I turn to him, frowning.

  “Like it?” I giggle, looking at him in disbelief. “I can’t help it, but to go against your wish. I love it.”

  “I’m glad you do. Simply because I love your smile.”

  I don’t know what his problem exactly is, but I must be odd indeed if I can’t smile at this. You know what, to try and convey in words about this place, to try and explain what I’m profoundly feeling at this time would mean to belittle the beauty that my eyes are gazing at. It would mean to trivialise everything and even the feeling I’m undergoing. I just couldn’t find fitting words to say anything. All I can do is helplessly smile, gasp till it hurts my jaw and act jubilant with.

  “I don’t know how this is happening or where I am, but trust me when I say I have never seen anything beautiful like this.” I turn to him fully and find him nodding slowly, stationary at that ghost like existing smile. Funny, even when I say anything, I feel obligated to move my hands up and down and spread them sideways roughly like I lost control. “Seriously,” I try to put a hold to my overrated excitement as I look into his eyes. “What am I to say when I’ll be asked?”

  “Well,” he shrugs back, a little surprised to my question.

  Wait, is he thinking that I would stay here? I wonder, mirroring his shrugging secretly. I wouldn’t hate it, but I can’t just run off like that.

  “Well, by the time you’re there, you will know what to say.” He presses a smile and he seem surprised as well. I frown unsure to what he meant; tilting to my right as I pressed my lips to a forced smile. “Anyways, no reason to be in a hurry,” he adds, and I elevate my eyebrows up.

  Of course, I have. I wonder as I remember the fact that I have wedding tomorrow, my wedding. I turn my face to the breath-taking nature and walk to the ploughed handrail to lean on it. I look to the far distance, where my gaze tends only to meet beauty of nature in its splendid ways. “If I say I have reason to head back for, would it make sense, would it even sound real?” I turn a little to my left shoulder, hoping to see him over it; my lip pressed on my shoulder. This really is embarrassing, to bring it up now, after what happened last night.

  “You have mentioned it once, but you were not sure,” he says calmly and walks to me. “If I can say from what I perceive, I would say I can see that you’re still not certain and or, maybe, already settled on second thoughts, but I rather hear it from you than draw any assumptions.”

  “I just met you and I know that I might be rushing, but I dare to say that’s what I like about you.” I turn fully to my left to stand, facing him fully. “You give me options and you don’t seem to like rushing me into anything,” I breathe a smile as I look down to my feet, tucking a string of hair behind my right ear. “Well, that’s not to mention that you are totally different in everything; dressing style, the world you invite me to…” I giggle and meet his fixed gaze and slowly subdue to silence, brushed by embarrassment.

  “How odd, beautifully strange you couldn’t see things just the way they are,” he utters with that stern voice and I smile. “How odd that I need these all and I’m aware of it now, equitably now,” he adds, in what seems like he is stuck in a mild thought; eyes narrowed elated by his smile, softly deepened furrow lines, and slightly gasped smiley lips. “How odd you’ve never been here, into the world that’s not far from yours. How odd
I have never seen you before and yet I have visited your land many times, mostly at the disposal of requests.”

  “Maybe it is right to meet me now,” I smile, sucking my lips inwardly, “At the disposal of the universe request,” I smile playfully. “Do me a favour and don’t say that I’m still on earth,” I giggle breathy. But if I have to be honest, I am only trying to get off the weird conversation that we are at.

  “Oh, I wouldn’t dare,” he smiles, fully showing his teeth and I feel my heart fighting to escape out of the imprisonment of my ribs. I gasp secretly in admiration to his undeniable and irresistible handsome look. “It’s not in human nature to keep anything just the way it is. Humans like things better when bent, moulded or altered.”

  I couldn’t agree less with him, but why does it feel like he is putting it like he is not human and that’s bad thing? I frown in surprise, but lost in thoughts. “Well, after all, that’s how we’re expected to be like; we learn from the things we bend, we’re able to see things from different direction moulding them or in the try to change them.” I shrug and look away once again.

  “And so, you thought,” he says calmly, and I turn my head to look into his eyes. “That’s the problem, you see things and you believe them, but love them when you can change them. Some things are beyond what you can perceive, beyond what your feeling or human expectations mould and change your vision for; it hinders you to see things for what they really are. To be human is to walk blindfolded by the edge of a cliff.”

  “Maybe that’s because that’s what it’s supposed to be like.” He frowns quizzically but smiling amused. “Maybe, we’re supposed to find comfort in what we discover or change; maybe satisfaction is in knowing how far our mind can function; Maybe we’re unique for the limitless free will and it is what makes us stand out...” I bite my lower lip as I think of asking him. “Why are you talking as if you’re not a man?” I shake my head slightly and face him fully as he frowns, profoundly surprised.