Nine Years: A novel (Beneath the Clouds Book 1)

by Jessica Leed

  ‘How long are you here for?’

  She knew what he was doing and it made her panic. ‘I don’t know.’ It was honest. To be fair, it was somewhere between two days and two weeks, but she didn’t know that for sure. It wasn’t a lie.

  He stood to his feet and stretched out his long legs. She couldn’t help but give him a quick examination all over. She still couldn’t believe after all of this time, here he was, right here beside her. Her heart quickened all over again.

  ‘I feel like you and I have a lot of catching up to do, Sienna. I want to know what happened to you.’ The lightness was back in his voice. Thank god. She wasn’t ready to be interrogated.

  ‘You want to know what happened to me,’ she repeated, slouching against her seat.

  He nodded with a big toothy grin. ‘You haven’t given me much. But I’ll work with what I have.’

  ‘Persistence has always been your thing.’

  ‘Some things never change.’ He was still grinning.

  She bit down on her bottom lip. He was wrong. Everything had changed.

  ‘I can see that,’ she said, instead.

  ‘Mr Sogo?’

  She clasped her hands together. ‘That place still exists? Let’s do it.’

  He laughed, taking in the excitement that lit her face. And there was that crooked smile again. ‘Are you free tonight?

  She hesitated. What was she doing? Was it really a good idea having dinner alone with Ethan after all these years?

  She glanced down at her ring sparkling away under the theatre lights. She tucked her arm behind her.

  The last thing she needed was the questions.

  She looked back at him, his eyes hopeful. Was she treading on dangerous grounds if she said yes? It would be a simple dinner, a couple of hours shared between two old friends. That was all. It was all that they had ever been.

  She lowered her head as she thought about it. She would tell him everything, well the highlights anyway. She would be honest in telling him about her engagement and everything in-between. He would share his story too. They would acknowledge the two very different people they had become and how the years had changed them.

  Especially nine years.

  Then they would wish each other well and continue on with their lives. It was just dinner. One dinner. She wouldn’t be doing anything wrong.

  She pushed away any feelings of guilt before it had a chance to land there. She loved Patrick. A dinner wasn’t going to change that, nor would it compromise anything they had.

  She lifted her head and positioned her eyes on his. ‘Tonight works.’

  Eight

  She couldn’t remember the last time she felt as nervous as she did now.

  As she pushed open the doors of the restaurant, she felt herself step back in time. Everything about the place was just the way she remembered it. The buffet in the middle was laid out in the same way, with the same brown tiled floor and laminated menus.

  The blended aromas sent her stomach in a series of growls. She was starving again, her stomach not having been exposed to such food in a long time. To think she used to visit regularly with her friends from school, made her long for the days where she could eat anything without the psychological battle that came with every calorie she consumed. Patrick would be completely against her eating out at a place like this. It was a cuisine their nights out stood clear from. She could almost hear his voice telling her not to be tempted. To be strong and go for garden salad. If there was anything she was going to take away from tonight, it would be the satisfaction of eating anything she pleased, without feeling the need to apologise for a single second of it.

  She spotted him in the far-left corner of the restaurant, sitting at the same red booth as the one they had once reserved more times than she could count. He hadn’t seen her yet, allowing her a moment to compose herself. The more she studied the man paved in her memory, the more she felt the years close over before her. It wasn’t just that he looked the same, or that he carried himself the same way. There was something about his manner with her that afternoon that hadn’t wavered. Even after all these years, he could still read and understand her completely, perhaps better than anyone. He had a way of unlocking a side of her she wasn’t aware existed anymore. She didn’t know how open she was willing to be with him tonight. If their connection was as strong as she imagined it would be, then it would only be a matter of time before he would have her heart exposed like open heart surgery.

  With her heart beating quicker than normal, she slid into the seat opposite him. His eyes quickly found hers and a fluid of calmness trickled through her.

  What was it about him that had such a power of ease over her?

  ‘You’re here’—and there was that crooked smile again.

  ‘Surely you didn’t think I’d stand you up?’

  He directed his hand towards the buffet behind them. ‘Not a chance. Anywhere else, maybe.’

  She grinned. ‘This place used to be pretty amazing.’

  ‘This place is still amazing,’ he corrected her.

  ‘I guess not much has changed in little old Aringdale.’

  ‘You’re not wrong. But that’s hardly a negative here,’ he laughed.

  ‘Well, that all depends if they still make my lemon chicken risotto.’

  He chuckled. ‘You mean the one where you used to drench your food in that horrible cheese crap?’

  Her eyes lit up. ‘That cheese sauce is called Haloumi. And it wasn’t horrible.’

  ‘It really was.’

  ‘Well?’

  ‘Yes, it hasn’t gone anywhere.’

  His eyes were doing that thing again where they tickled her insides, sending her heart into irregular rhythms.

  ‘It better be as good as I remember it.’ She stood to her feet and smirked. ‘My stomach is about to eat itself. I can’t wait another second. Let’s go, like right now.’

  ‘Still as excited by food I see,’ he laughed, joining her to collect a plate.

  She shook her head, smirking. ‘You still think you have me all figured out.’

  ‘Like I said, I’m working on it.’

  After piling her plate high with risotto, garlic cheesy bread, gnocchi, meatballs and whatever else she managed to fit on there, they went back to their seats. There wasn’t an inch of white left on her plate.

  He was right about one thing; She had never been so excited to see so much food. And to think she didn’t need permission to eat it, well, that just added a whole another level of excitement. She felt like a kid outside her parents’ watch.

  There was a lot of surface level talk at first, bits and pieces she had heard through the grapevine over the years. Other parts, news to her ears. The last time she had seen him he had completed his building apprenticeship. But now years later, he owned his own business. Football was still very much part of his life, but his desire to become a professional was long gone. It was more of a social thing for him now and found coaching to be just as fulfilling. Even though his dream of playing AFL had left him, he was still in a prestigious league, playing at a high enough level to be paid for it.

  As she listened to him share the details of his life, she realised all over again, how much had shifted.

  It only felt like yesterday where he was still a big kid dripped in talent, standing at a cross road with more opportunities than he knew what to do with.

  But now in front of her, stood a man.

  A man who was no longer driven by the things of the world. A man who held a value for travel, relationships, family. A man who had found his place in this world, ready to find someone special to share it with.

  She could see this all within minutes of talking with him, sensing that he was waiting for her to share her story. But whenever there was the smallest gap in conversation, she would fill it with another question. Lu
ckily for her, he seemed happy to talk. But after about an hour the formalities fell off, and he dove straight in.

  ‘Congratulations on that by the way.’ His eyes were down at her left hand that was caressing the empty glass in front of her.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘Your engagement … a bit late of me, I know.’

  She felt herself squirm. She expected her heart to behave differently. Instead of feeling a joy at the mention of the topic, she felt a darkness cloud over her.

  ‘Thank you.’

  He brought his lips together and gave a subtle nod. ‘He must be pretty extraordinary.’ His voice sounded different this time.

  Their eyes met again. She didn’t know how to respond.

  Extraordinary.

  It was a word that defined everything Patrick meant to her. Maybe it didn’t reflect who they were as a couple at this particular point in time, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t worthy of the title.

  ‘We were young and he won me over.’ The words came from nowhere. Did she really just say that? Did she really just try to justify her relationship with the man she was about to marry?

  He let out a forced laugh. ‘Are you saying he isn’t extraordinary?’

  Come on Sienna, what are you doing?

  ‘No, not at all. He’s wonderful.’ She shifted her weight side to side. Her stomach started to feel uncomfortably tight.

  ‘So, when are you getting married? Didn’t this happen ages ago?’ She didn’t mean to sigh. But to be asked that question one more time …

  She shrugged helplessly. This time she didn’t have a story in her. He lifted an eyebrow.

  ‘You are still marrying the bloke, right?’

  ‘Of course, I am.’

  There was his crooked smile again, in teasing form. She knew this particular smile too well and started to feel skeptical where he would take it.

  ‘Does your family love him?’

  She nodded and sipped away at the ice in her cocktail, biting into the half-melted ones.

  ‘As much as my family loved you?’

  She swallowed hard, sending the shards of ice to the back of her throat. ‘What are you doing?’ she questioned him.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  His sarcasm always annoyed her. And still annoyed her.

  ‘Why are you bringing us into this?’ She was suddenly agitated and for the first time, felt the heat of the room like a furnace.

  ‘I’m just trying to figure you out.’

  He was still smiling. Was he serious? How was this him trying to figure her out? She lowered her body further down into the booth.

  ‘It’s been nine years Ethan and you want to figure me out now? After all of this time?’ Her smile was gone, hating the uneasiness she was feeling. ‘Ok.’ She cleared her throat. If he wanted to figure her out, she would save him the time and put it all out on the table.

  ‘I’m not the eighteen-year-old girl anymore who believes she can be the next prima ballerina if she sets her mind to it. I’m not the girl who believes you get out of this world what you put in, or when one door closes, another one opens.’ She crossed her arms over her stomach. She felt sick. She had eaten way too much. ‘I’m the girl who has come to realise that life is very rarely fair. It will chew you up and spit you out if you don’t hold on tight enough and more often than not, can be completely ruthless.’

  She took a breath. She hadn’t meant to be this dramatic. But she wasn’t here to play games, even though a small part of her enjoyed him persisting in cracking into the hard shell formed over her.

  ‘Nothing can withstand time, because time doesn’t have the ability to stand still. Therefore, no good thing can last forever, no matter how badly your heart may want it to,’ she mumbled the last part.

  She really shouldn’t have had that extra cocktail.

  Bad move.

  For the first time that night there was a silence between them. She slowly built the courage to lift her eyes to find his down at his hands. After what seemed like forever, he finally looked up at her. His eyes were filled with a sorrow she hadn’t seen before.

  ‘What happened, Sienna?’

  ‘What do you mean what happened?’ She let out an exasperated laugh. ‘Life happened, Ethan.’

  He nodded. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been part of it.’

  ‘I assumed you didn’t want to be.’ She regretted the words as soon as she said them.

  His eyes narrowed. ‘Don’t be like that.’

  She exhaled a little laugh, one that was perhaps, a little too sarcastic. ‘The last time I saw you I basically laid out my heart to you, and you ran.’

  He was shaking his head, looking down again. She wanted to say more while she was on a roll. She could totally do this, let it all out once and for all. But tonight, wasn’t the time. There simply was no point digging up the past.

  Not now. Maybe not ever.

  Besides, she didn’t want him to see how much hurt he had inflicted upon her. The past was the past. She had to keep it that way. She inhaled a shaky breath. Never mind her emotions that had swallowed her whole, she wouldn’t let him see that. She had to keep this light if it was even possible to backtrack at this stage.

  ‘We were kids,’ she started, feeling her heart shattering into a thousand pieces all over again. ‘I guess I was just always smitten by you.’ She sighed and forced herself taller in her seat. ‘Anyway, I think you would like Patrick.’ She changed the subject. ‘I think he’s exactly the type of guy you would have imagined me ending up with.’

  He nodded and managed a smile. ‘Not just handsome, intelligent and quirky’—he paused—‘a man who would without fail, be by your side through all seasons of life.’

  His head was lifted, but his eyes avoided hers. She felt her heart land in her stomach like a ton of bricks. How was it possible that he remembered this? After all of these years, he had remembered such detail from a single conversation that happened a lifetime ago.

  Word for word.

  What that meant, she didn’t know. But it was enough to make her want to cry. Not that she would allow that to happen.

  She nodded, forcing a convincing smile through her quivering lips. ‘Yeah, that’s him.’ It was all she could manage. Did she believe it?

  She wasn’t sure.

  ‘Then I couldn’t be happier for you.’

  For the first time that night, his crooked smile was gone. She stared at him, wondering if it was just her, or if in this moment he was further away than any of the years that had separated them.

  She had learned a lot about Ethan over the years and the way he ticked. But one thing she never seemed to have fully worked out, was his feelings for her. He was slow to express himself but was always quick to notice whenever there was a guy in her life. He would either jump into protective mode, or disconnect from her entirely. When she thought about it, it had always been that way.

  And it started as far back as the year 2005, when she was an eighth grader at Mason Grammar.

  They had basically known each other since their bums were wrapped in diapers. Their sisters had been close friends which saw their families spending a lot of time together at play dates, parties and school events. It wasn’t that they were pushed into their friendship, that wasn’t the case at all. They had always connected on an uncanny level, their time together often spent in constant fits of laughter whether it was at his grandparents’ pool, the park, the movies, or dining with their closest friends at Mr Sogo stuffing their mouths with their hyperactive metabolisms.

  He was a year above her at school, but this hadn’t stopped them from spending almost every recess and lunch together. While their friends obsessed over who would be the next king or queen in the game ‘Foursquare’ which seemed to be the thing back then, they would find themselves walking countless laps around the school, deep in
discussion about anything her little heart desired. She never saw herself as an open or vulnerable person, but Ethan had a way of changing all of that. He was the first person she felt safe enough to confide in, finding the ability to completely unload all her fears in his company, refreshing. Perhaps it was the way he always took on the role of a big brother that made her feel this way.

  Writing became an outlet where she could express herself freely. She would often find herself taking out a piece of paper from her binder book in class, writing him a letter whenever she got the chance. She was always on top of her school work, so finding a spare five or ten minutes was easy. There were times her teachers would be suspicious when she sheltered her letter with her hand while the rest of the class had their books out, working away. But being the star student that she was, they never once pulled her up for it.

  What did she write about? Whether it was a fight with her parents, a boy she liked, her dreams—she wrote about it all. She wrote with a freedom and trust she only now realised, was admirable.

  And rare.

  A trust that if she was really honest with herself, was one she was yet to come across again. But if she really thought about it, she was just a kid back then. Naive and unharmed by a world she was yet to experience, without the layer of bubble wrap securely fastened.

  Of course it was easier for her to trust back then.

  She would fold the letters into quarters and keep them in her dress pocket until the bus ride home at the end of the day. As Ethan lived in the same neighborhood, they would catch the same bus together. It was that way for most of their childhood. She remembered how it was always her favourite part of the day, being able to spend time with him, just him and her. Although she never voiced it, she secretly enjoyed being able to sit beside him so closely, feeling the way her pulse accelerated whenever his arm brushed beside hers.

  She wasn’t sure why her body behaved the way it did. Perhaps it was the way he deeply cared for her in a way no one else did, and during the best of times, knew her better than she knew herself. Or maybe it was the way he made her laugh more than anyone. Not just a giggle here or there, but seizures of laughter that left her stomach muscles in agony.