Nine Years: A novel (Beneath the Clouds Book 1)

by Jessica Leed

  The next morning, she arrived a little earlier in hope to catch him before her biology class. She had felt a bit weird lurking by his locker as she turned the letter over and over in her hands as she reconsidered the whole idea. But after a couple of minutes she decided she had nothing to lose and had slipped it under his locker door. She sent him a quick message to let him know so she didn’t look like a complete psycho.

  He never replied to her text, but she did find a letter inside her locker first thing the next morning. Without opening it she knew it was from him. It had been folded the same way as they always had; in quarters on the same white lined paper he always used.

  11th June 2008

  So, the other day I heard that you were going to the movies with Brody. I thought ‘Oh no!’ My little sister is going off with a boy that I have no idea what he wants from her. It scared me. But after hearing the way you feel about him made me realise that this guy means the world to you.

  Please Sienna, as one of your closest and caring friends I’m pleading that you get to know this guy better before you rush into a relationship. Get to know him out of school, get to know his friends, his values, his attitudes. Once you know him well it will be so much easier to go out with him. You two can even hang out with Sadie and I, we would love to get to know him.

  Love you Sienna. I’m always here, thank you for opening up and sharing your heart.

  She smiled as she read over it. Smiled at his protectiveness, his wisdom and the way he seemed to still care about her. She had needed that reminder, that reassurance.

  She suddenly couldn’t wait to have Brody in her life, to go on double dates with and have someone to care for, to love.

  And to be loved in return.

  Ethan knew of Brody. They had competed against each other in football a handful of times. It was comforting to have his approval, making breaking the news to her parents a whole lot easier. Like she had expected, her dad was hesitant at first, insisting that he came over for dinner first before being open to the idea of her being alone in a cinema with him. Meeting the parents wasn’t something she had wanted to jump into before their first date, but she hadn’t had the choice. Thankfully, Brody had been open to the idea and ended up acing the whole thing.

  Her parents loved him.

  He was a true gentleman and knew how to turn this on around them. But it wasn’t just her parents, he could hold a conversation with anyone. He was one of those guys that you could throw into a cell of criminals and would still find a way to connect with them on some sort of level. He was funny too, often leaving her mother in stitches of laughter with his humorous jokes and interpretative dance moves. Not only did he have a sense of humour, he was intelligent too. He was in his senior year, and like her father, aspired to be an accountant. That alone gave them common ground as they spent countless hours over the next few months in her father’s office discussing all things financial.

  He was pretty much perfect, quite the catch; intelligent, athletic, funny, good-looking, charming—the list went on really. The more she got to know him, the harder she began to fall. It was like a chain had been broken, a freedom every time she would go away from a double date without feeling a twinge in her heart for Ethan. She was grateful for Brody. Not only for making her feel like she was special, but for finally allowing herself to let Ethan go.

  It had been the best year yet. She was excelling in all her subjects at school, received a high distinction for her advanced ballet exam. Her friendship with Sadie was stronger than ever and she had a boyfriend who seemed to adore her. Everyone loved him and openly expressed so. Well, everyone other than Ethan had expressed their opinions.

  She had confronted him one day about it. They happened to have the same free period one week and were both in the library studying for exams.

  ‘You’ve never really told me what you think of Brody.’

  He had looked up from the text he was reading and scrunched his face. ‘He is a nice enough guy. He seems to tick all the right boxes.’

  ‘Nice enough?’ His response had bugged her. ‘Nice enough for me, you mean?’

  He laughed. ‘Oh, come on S, don’t put words in my mouth. No one will ever be good enough for you.’

  Her heart did a flip flop in that moment. She studied his face, but for the first time, was unable to read it.

  ‘So, in other words, you don’t think he’s good enough for me. You think I can do better, is what you’re getting at?’ She laughed, but his comment had stung her.

  He closed his text book and settled himself deeper into the beanbag. ‘Why do I feel like you are still looking for validation?’ He looked at her inquisitively.

  ‘I’m not,’ she snapped. ‘He’s amazing. I am so happy. Everyone thinks he is great, but you’ve never commented about us together. I guess I just want your support.’ She hadn’t meant to come across as bluntly as she did, but his remark had hurt her.

  He is a nice enough guy.

  ‘You have my support.’

  ‘Good,’ she responded stubbornly, ‘thank you.’

  He still hadn’t answered her question, but she knew the conversation would stall there.

  ‘I guess I have my concerns,’ he admitted.

  Of course he did.

  ‘And what are you concerned about?’ She couldn’t think of a single reason why he would be.

  ‘The dude is attractive, a flirt. He can have any girl he wants—’

  ‘And he chose me.’

  ‘Yes. He did. I mean, yes, he has. But not long before you there were at least three others. I don’t think he has ever been with anyone for more than a couple of months. I just worry that you’ll get hurt. He’ll be off to Uni next year and will meet so many new girls. You—’

  ‘I can’t believe this.’ She let out a frustrated laugh. ‘You don’t think I’m different from all the others?’ her voice was weak. Somewhere stuffed in the back of her head it had been her biggest fear. For Ethan to have voiced it, made her feel sick.

  ‘God Sienna, yes I think you are different. But it takes a special person to be able to see that.’

  ‘So, you really don’t think Brody is that special person for me,’ she snapped.

  It hadn’t been a question, but he shrugged and shook his head.

  ‘I thought I made that clear already.’ His cheeky smirk made her want to slap it right off his face.

  ‘Why can’t you just be happy for me?’ She started to pack away her text books.

  She was well and truly done.

  ‘I want you to be happy more than anything. I just don’t see that with this guy. Not long term anyway. You asked me what I thought of him and I was honest. Isn’t that what you wanted? Or did you want me to be like everyone else and tell you what you want to hear?’

  She hated his blunt honesty. Hated the way he made her question the good thing she and Brody shared. But most of all, she hated that there was a possibility he was right. She had been so desperate for a boyfriend she had failed to do a background ground check. Maybe Ethan was right, maybe his past didn’t check out. Or perhaps her frustration stemmed from the truth of his words.

  ‘Of course, I want you to be honest with me.’ She had never packed her books away as fast as she had that afternoon. ‘But I would have also appreciated for you to put your personal, judgmental feelings aside and be supportive of the guy I deeply care about.’ She knew she loved Brody, but she wasn’t about to throw that word out there. He had grilled her about that word in the past. It wasn’t worth a fight.

  ‘You keep saying I’m not supportive,’ he was clearly frustrated too. ‘Yet I’ve done everything I can to welcome him in, to help him feel part of the group. I don’t even remember the last time Sadie and I have had a weekend alone together with all these group hangs we keep on having.’

  He made a valid point. Why was she being so ignorant? Part o
f her wanted to apologise but the other part of her hadn’t wanted to swallow her pride.

  He is a nice enough guy. The comment still burnt her.

  ‘Well, we will be away for his auntie’s fifteenth on Saturday, so you get a free pass this weekend.’

  He raised his eyebrows at this. ‘Wow, Ok Sienna.’

  She knew he hadn’t deserved her last remark but she was upset and hadn’t wanted to back down. Without another word, she swung her book bag over her shoulder and marched out of the library with prickling tears clouding her vision.

  Ethan’s lack of approval had bothered her at first, yet its effect dissolved as the weeks and months went on. They soon became one of those couples that did everything together. When her weekends weren’t swallowed by a dance class or rehearsal, they would be on a road trip exploring cute little cafes or riding their bikes along the famous track that stretched almost fifty kilometres behind their house.

  The debutante had come and gone and everyone had gushed over the picture-perfect couple they had made. She had secretly envisioned it as their wedding day as her dress made from lace and silk swept gracefully as their bodies moved in harmony with each other across the dance floor. Sadie and Ethan hadn’t done theirs together. It wasn’t Sadie’s thing to get all dressed up like that. In fact, she didn’t think she had ever seen her in a dress at all in her life. She had always been a bit of a tom boy like that. Sadie had wanted to be there for her, but for whatever reason had something on that night.

  But Ethan had been there.

  He hadn’t even registered his attendance but rocked up anyway, an hour after the presentations had begun. She had no idea how he found his way in without a ticket but had somehow managed to pull up a seat at her family’s table. He had been pretty proud of his efforts, but Sienna had been annoyed at the whole stunt, wondering why he had showed up at all. It had all been quite odd really, and rude the way he casually waltzed in. He didn’t say more than a handful of words over the course of the night. Not to her, or to anyone for that matter. He was just there, hovering around aimlessly. He left before the night had concluded, rushing a goodbye with a forced smile that had left an unsettling pit inside of her. She knew him well enough to know that something rested behind the animated smile that influenced his peculiar actions that night. She thought that maybe he and Sadie were having problems, but when Monday came around the two of them were hand in hand, like always. Nothing had changed. Nothing was said, nothing was wrong.

  She had imagined it.

  The following weeks were basically a write off, being the busiest season of the year for her dancing. November was drawing to an end with rehearsals and performances overriding every social event on her calendar that year. Other than the sporadic catch up for an hour or two when she was free, her weekends had been spent in her point shoes instead of Brody’s arms.

  The year twelve graduation was set the week before her first performance of ‘Coppelia’ where she had been lucky enough to land the main role of ‘Swanhilda’. She had somehow managed to make an appearance at presentation night despite the clash of rehearsal time at the theatre. She had remembered standing tall, beaming with pride as she watched her boyfriend cross the stage dressed in his black, yellow and purple graduation gown before shaking the principal’s hand and being handed his certificate. She had so badly wanted to make the after party that followed but had to get back to the theatre. After sending Brody off with a speedy kiss and cuddle, she hurried back just in time for a warm up before the final show run of the night.

  Sunday brunch had been a tradition they shared from the beginning. Macy Lane Café. It was the place they had gone for their second date and had fallen in love with their eggs benedict ever since. She hadn’t heard from Brody that morning but hadn’t expected to after what would have been a big night celebrating the end of an era. But when he hadn’t shown up at the café that morning and didn’t respond to any of her text messages or calls, she had an inkling something wasn’t right.

  And it wasn’t.

  She did receive a text, but not from Brody. It was from an old school friend she had known since kindergarten. Ashley had been at the after party the night before and asked to meet for a quick chat. She remembered feeling faint as Ashley walked into the café that day with an apologetic look painted across her face.

  Brody had cheated on her.

  She had witnessed the whole scene play out on the dance floor with his tongue jammed down some girl’s throat neither of them had seen before. Apparently, Brody had been dirty dancing with this girl until she approached him. As soon as he saw her, she said his eyes widened before he removed himself from the girl’s provocative body and bolted. As soon as she heard the news she felt unsettled. She wasn’t sure if she believed it. It didn’t sound like something Brody would do.

  Not her Brody.

  He loved her too much to even contemplate doing such thing. He would never hurt her, surely not. The dreaded thought crossed her mind whether things had gone further as soon as he was free from Ashley’s view, but she dismissed it immediately.

  She had left the café that morning barely being able to breathe and with trembling hands, called Brody nine or ten times, getting his message bank after every failed attempt.

  A couple of hours later he arrived at her house. She had never seen him so hungover, his eyes blood shot from the excessive drinking the night before. Luckily her parents weren’t home that afternoon, she hadn’t wanted them to see the way she looked as though she had been hit by a freight train. But mainly because she didn’t want them to see the emotional wreck she was. Her heart was sitting somewhere inside her throat as she waited for him to explain himself. She had expected him to be defensive, all over her with a swarm of apologies, but he had been completely calm and composed. She studied him, unable to detect a trace of guilt as he convinced her that he wasn’t at fault. According to his story, he had been dancing with mates when a group of girls threw themselves at them. He said a random girl approached him blind drunk, forcing her lips on his. He had pushed her away as soon as it had happened. That’s what Ashley must have seen—him removing himself from the situation.

  That was what happened.

  Nothing more.

  After Brody left that afternoon she had expected to feel a peace, but her heart felt everything but that. It didn’t help that the seniors had finished school for the year, with only year eleven’s filling the campus for the remaining few weeks of the term. The time they usually spend together at lunch gave her more time to stew over the feared possibility that Brody had lied to her. But, no one else had seen what Ashley had. No one else had confronted her about the incident. But then again, everyone had been intoxicated that night. Ashley was one of the few people she knew that didn’t drink.

  Sadie had noticed her distance and confronted her about it straight away. Sienna told her the story, Brody’s version of the story, shrugging it off as though she was unaffected by the whole thing. Brody couldn’t control if a girl threw herself at him, he could only control how he reacted to the situation. And he had put a stop to it.

  Everything was fine.

  It had been after nine the next night when there was a knock on the door. Her mum had answered, her ears quickly responding to the familiar voices that filled the kitchen. Ethan and Sadie had rocked up, insisting to take her out for a late-night dessert run. It was at that point where she knew that Sadie had told him about their conversation earlier that day. She hadn’t expected anything less. She was well aware that they told each other everything and that it was only a matter of time until he would know about it.

  She fiddled with her fork, hacking away at her slice of cheesecake as she waited in anticipation for one of them to bring it up, knowing it was the reason they were out. But somehow through their many obvious exchanged glances, they had communicated against it.

  Ethan had driven that night, dropping Sadie off fi
rst on the way before dropping her home. There was an uncomfortable silence, both avoiding the obvious elephant in the car. As soon as he pulled into her driveway, he turned off the engine and had sighed heavily.

  ‘Sienna …’

  She knew what was coming. As soon as he had said her name, her eyes welled with tears. She wanted to say goodnight there and then, climb into bed, wishing she had never said anything to Sadie in the first place. She should have known better. Instead she faced him, unable to form a single word as her mouth started to quiver. She had expected him to have given her the whole ‘I told you so’ speech, but his eyes held a concern that made her tears fall.

  ‘What.’ It was all she could manage, yet it didn’t come out as a question. Deep down she knew the truth despite her internal battle against it. She hadn’t wanted to accept it. She wasn’t ready to. She knew she would lose Brody the moment she did. And that thought alone scared her more than anything. She couldn’t lose him. Not after falling this hard for him. She had given too much. Invested too much.

  It was all too much to bear.

  ‘Please don’t tell me you’ll go back to him.’ It was more of a commandment. An order he had no place in giving her.

  She shook her head in denial. ‘He didn’t do anything wrong,’ she responded, weakly.

  He slammed his hands down firmly against the steering wheel. ‘You aren’t seriously just going to let this go?’

  She bit down hard on her lip and stared out the window as another batch of tears broke the surface. She couldn’t hold eye contact with him. She wouldn’t. She didn’t want to talk about it. He hadn’t been there. How could he force her to make a decision only knowing half of the story?

  ‘I … gotta go.’ Her tears were falling harder now. But instead of brushing them away she had fumbled out of the car and started powering her way down the porch to the front door.

  He got out after her and took her in a firm, yet comforting embrace before she had a chance to turn the handle. She stubbornly pinned her arms against her body, knowing that if she embraced his hug she would fall apart.