by Jessica Leed
‘You’re home early.’
He was standing by the door, arms crossed over his chest, expressionless. Instead of his business attire, he was dressed in tracksuit pants and a polo.
‘I was thinking the same thing.’
‘I left the office early. Been off since lunch. I thought we could do dinner somewhere.’
‘Are you sure you’ll turn up this time?’
‘Go to hell.’
She lifted her chin sharply towards the ceiling, sending the tears back where they came from.
‘I’ve been trying to get in contact with you all day,’ he said abruptly.
‘I haven’t checked my phone. I’ve been in parent teacher interviews, remember?’
‘I just find it interesting that for someone who keeps going on about how she wants to make this work, can’t seem to take the thirty seconds to send me a simple message.’
She stared at him. ‘And I find it interesting that the day after you walk out on me, you’re conveniently home at a decent hour,’ she hissed back.
‘I didn’t walk out on you. And that’s exactly right, I’m here now, aren’t I?’ He was raising his voice now.
She snorted. ‘Well done, so you’re here now, but not when I’m in a heap on the floor balling my eyes out after you corner me into a wall like I’m some prey you’re hunting down.’ She wiped her tears away, frustrated that she even had any at all. He didn’t deserve her tears after the way he treated her last night. Or the many nights before that for that matter.
‘I didn’t corner you, don’t be so dramatic.’
‘You did. And then you left me there, clearly aware of how much I was hurting.’
‘Oh, while you were hurting? Are you that oblivious to the pain you cause me?’ he roared.
She sat up and jammed her legs crossed underneath her. She clenched her hands tightly onto the doona either side of her. ‘Do you really have too much pride to apologise for the way you treated me last night?’
He threw his arms in the air at that and laughed. He actually laughed. ‘Self-inflicted, my darling, nothing that you didn’t put on yourself.’
She tightened her grip, feeling her palms quickly forming a sweat.
Darling?
‘Where were you last night?’ she demanded.
He shook his head and let out a malicious laugh. ‘And again, she doesn’t trust me.’
Who was he?
‘You didn’t come home so I think I have the right to question where you stayed.’
‘Brad’s. I stayed at Brad’s!’
‘Whoever that is!’
‘Good mate from work!’
‘Right, yeah, ok.’
‘I don’t need to justify myself to you.’ He was already out the door.
‘I’ll keep that in mind if I ever feel like running away the same way you do when things get hard.’
‘Whatever. Run along to Jacqui’s then.’
‘At least you’d know where I am!’
‘Does it even matter?’ He was back in the room, opening draws, yanking out socks at the same time he searched for his runners.
‘Yes Patrick it does. Believe it or not, communication matters.’
He pulled on his socks and erratically tied his laces into a tight knot, three times over. Maybe even four.
‘Oh, you want me to communicate? Well, in case you want to clock my whereabouts for the next forty-five minutes, I’ll be out on a run somewhere between Steller and James Street! I might even need a breather at the second oval, the smaller one, you know? The one opposite the station? Am I communicating this clearly enough for you? Feel free to take notes.’
His sarcasm made her want to throw something at him. Something hard. She shifted her eyes around the room as she seriously contemplated the idea.
‘Perfect! Off you go then!’
‘Oh, don’t you worry, I’m going!’ He jammed his earphones in and disappeared out the door.
She sat there for a moment, trying hard to inhale a steady breath as her heart pounded violently. She peeled herself off the bed, almost stepping on his phone that laid charging as her feet found the floor. In the six years they had been dating, she had not once thought of checking up on him. The thought had never crossed her mind to do so. There had never been a need for it. But with Patrick gone, and the train wreck that was their relationship, made the temptation too powerful to ignore. Besides, maybe she would get an insight to their relationship from his perspective if she had some more information. Maybe it would help her better understand him, which couldn’t be a bad thing, right?
Her heart drummed feverishly in her chest as she picked up the phone and talked herself into all the reasons why she should, despite her instincts screaming against it.
His phone buzzed, startling her as it flew out of her hands and landed on the floor with a loud thud. With panicked hands, she did a quick assessment of the phone making sure there were no cracks or scratches.
She was in the all clear.
Her tired eyes, now alert as ever, stared at the message. The name at the top instantly injected a cold serum into her blood steam.
Louisa.
Brad’s girlfriend? The girl from the café?
Without clicking into it she was able to read the message.
Hang in there handsome.
I know you’re going through a lot at the moment. I just want to remind you again that I’m here for you and look forward to
The front door slammed. She quickly positioned the phone back down where she found it, reached for a book on the bedside table, opened up to a random page and scrambled to the opposite side of the bed with it. Her pulse was working overtime, there was no way she would be able to hide the fitful rise and fall of her chest.
Patrick entered, his earphones still in place. Without a word, he bent over and took his phone off the charger, placing it in his zipper pocket. She glanced over at him trying hard to act cool, calm and collected as she sent him a stiff smile. He didn’t smile back. Within seconds, the front door slammed again and she was left with an inquisitiveness that was eating her alive.
She threw the book down and stared up again at the ceiling, biting down hard on her tongue so she wouldn’t cry. Why the hell was Brad’s girlfriend sending him an endearing, comforting message like that? And what was she looking forward to? It was the part that stirred her the most. She got to her feet, found her phone from her handbag and turned it on for the first time that day.
Her intuition told her it was more than just a friendly text. If only he had returned a few seconds later she would have been able to read the whole thing. She squinted her eyes shut, trying to visualise the message as a whole. Even though she wasn’t able to read it all, she remembered seeing a bunch of kisses on the end. But what words had come before that? Did Brad’s girlfriend have a thing for her fiancé? If he was a good mate from work then it made sense that they would spend a bit of time together.
Her head spun with the possible scenarios. Was she just being paranoid? Was Patrick right? Had they really reached the stage in their strained relationship where she had trust issues? Was she that insecure?
Brad.
Until a few weeks ago she had never heard about a friend named Brad before. Ignoring the days’ worth of missed calls and messages on her phone, she went onto Facebook and jumped onto Patrick’s page. She found his friends list and scrolled through. There was a Ben, Brandon, Brody. But no Brad. Not everyone was on Facebook, right? Ethan wasn’t.
Suddenly the possibility dawned upon her. What if there was no Brad? What if Patrick had stayed at this woman’s house last night? But when she thought about the café, surely, he wouldn’t have had the nerve to talk to the woman he was having an affair with, right in front her? She searched under L to try and locate a ‘Louisa’ on his friends list.
Noth
ing.
If only she knew her last name, maybe she would somehow be able to come across the short haired, blonde woman she had seen that day and find out if she was single or not. Her mind continued to race. What if Patrick’s motivation to quit drinking was because of this woman? It made sense that he would want to hide his problem if he was trying to win her over?
This was ridiculous. She was reading into everything way too much. Patrick would never cheat on her.
She left Facebook and filtered through her phone notifications. Four messages and two missed calls. Most had come from Patrick the day before, with a text from Jacqui and Mia. She opened up the one from her sister, cursing herself for not calling her again. It had been weeks.
She had invited her to a wedding in Aringdale in two weeks’ time. Lance had to fly to Sydney for work so she had invited her to be her plus one instead. The guy getting married was Tim Burton; a friend Mia went through school with that Sienna also knew. Tim and Mia had basically grown up together, his friendship group consisting of several guys she knew from her school days including…
Ethan.
Her heart skipped a beat. Would Ethan be there? The thought of seeing him again strangely filled her with anticipation.
She held her phone to her ear. After half a dozen rings Mia picked up.
‘Hey sis, I got your text. Yes, I’d love to be your date to Tim’s wedding. Count me in.’
Nineteen
‘I can see you in this.’
Jacqui took out a long, soft pink, strapless, lace dress from the rack and held it up with a brilliant smile. ‘It’s stunning, elegant, sophisticated.’ She ran her free hand along the spaghetti straps. ‘It’s a pretty, neutral colour that will compliment any pair of heels and accessories, showing off that stunning little figure of yours.’
Sienna rolled her eyes at her friend’s sale pitch that she didn’t want to admit, had actually convinced her to want to try it on. ‘The only downside is that you may outshine the bride in it, and that could ruffle some feathers …’ she started. ‘Especially when you’re technically not invited.’
Sienna laughed and took the dress from her. ‘Well, that’s hardly a downside as there’s no chance of that happening.’ She uncovered the tag from the back of the dress. ‘But the price is definitely one.’
It was almost four hundred dollars.
Jacqui glanced at the tag and nodded thoughtfully. ‘Let me go in half with you.’
‘Let you go in what? You’re not putting any money towards this dress, Jac.’
‘I think you should try it on and let me make that decision for myself,’ she said stubbornly, shoeing her into the change rooms. ‘It’s your birthday in a couple of months. Let’s make it an early present.’
‘Exactly, in a couple of months and that’s still far too generous.’
‘Shush. Just go and try it on.’
Minutes later she pulled back the curtain and took a glimpse of herself in the full-length mirror. As her friend anticipated, the dress was faultless. The thin straps sat perfectly on her dainty shoulders, complementing her petite body as it sat close, but not too tightly around her torso before gracefully draping to the floor. The pink lace sat delicately over the ivory satin underlay. The contrast was stunning.
She clasped her hands together. ‘Oh my God. It’s absolutely perfect,’ gasped Jacqui, her face beaming.
Sienna smiled and span to the side. She was already in love with the details along the back of the dress, the way it closed over her back in a low V shape. ‘I can’t buy this.’
‘Of course, you can.’ Jacqui was already rummaging through her hand bag in search for her wallet.
‘Patrick will kill me if I spent this much. Especially for a wedding he doesn’t even know about or even going to. There’s just no way—’
‘You know what, I don’t want to hear it,’ she exploded. ‘I hate how much control he has over you. When was the last time you went out and treated yourself?’
Sienna thought about that for a moment.
‘Point made. You haven’t. Not for years. I think you deserve this, and you will wear it again. It’s a classic, it’s timeless.’
Sienna ran her hands along the lace as she digested the comment. ‘I guess you make a valid point—’
‘Yes, I do. And didn’t you say that Ethan will be there too?’
Her heart stopped. ‘Yeah … so?’
‘Do you think it’s possible that you’re hesitant to buy it because he’ll get to see you looking gorgeous in it, and Patrick won’t?’
Sienna shrugged, then shook her head. ‘Didn’t even cross my mind,’ she lied.
‘Have you heard from him lately?’
‘Not for weeks.’ She stepped back into the changing room feeling her heart drop. ‘There’s nothing going on, Jac.’
‘I know, I know that. I guess I’m just furious at the way Patrick is treating you.’
‘We don’t know he’s cheating.’
Jacqui sighed deeply. ‘You haven’t connected properly in years. How can you be so sure what he is and isn’t doing?’
She had a point. But she couldn’t just assume the worst. If Patrick knew all about Ethan, he’d probably assume the same thing. Besides, today wasn’t about Patrick, it wasn’t about Ethan either. For the first time it was about clearing her head from all of it and spending some quality time with her best friend.
‘I’m going to change now.’
‘This dress was made for you.’
Sienna laughed. ‘I know.’
‘Does that mean you’re buying it?’
‘Yes.’ She closed the curtain.
‘Good girl.’
She carefully peeled off the size six dress and changed into her baggy clothes. ‘Jac?’
‘Hmmm?’
‘I need a milkshake and a burger. And I mean the biggest, fattiest one on the menu … with sweet potato chips on the side.’
She could hear a snort from the other side of the curtain.
‘Let’s do it. We’ll have you back in no time.’
Sienna smiled. She didn’t quite understand it, but suddenly her appetite was beginning to come back. It was time to get some meat on her bones.
Minutes later she laid the dress down on the counter and took her wallet from her bag. The retail assistant smiled warmly at her.
‘This has already been taken care of.’
‘What do you mean?’
The woman shifted her eyes towards Jac who was standing by the door with the cheekiest grin. ‘You have yourself a beautiful friend over there.’
Sienna’s eyes sprung with tears—different ones this time.
‘I really do.’ She thanked the woman and followed Jac out the door. ‘You didn’t! Let me pay you back for at least half of it. I won’t let you spend that much on me!’
Her friend gave her shoulders a little squeeze. ‘Don’t stress, the dress was reduced. I wouldn’t have done it if I couldn’t afford it. I wanted to treat you.’
Sienna hugged her friend and planted a kiss on her cheek. ‘What did I do to deserve you? You’re amazing.’
‘If only you knew how amazing you are, S.’
Just like that, tears splashed down her face.
She devoured into her chicken and brie burger, refusing to ponder whether Patrick really was at the driving range like he said, or cozying up next to the pretty blonde. She refused to wonder if his weeks of being sober had any correlation with the length of his affair. As they continued to roam the city, she was desperate to know whether every time he was ‘seeing someone’ about his drinking problem, he was in fact, seeing her. She was tired of analysing every single detail. Especially when the more she thought about it, all the pieces coordinated together quite perfectly.
And there was nothing perfect about that.
Like an
y well thought out affair, she found him in the study. His phone securely next to him, rattling off every couple of minutes. Messages she could only imagine were from her.
She wanted to question him, wanted to ask who was demanding his attention. But the thought of his response, terrified her. What if this woman was exactly who he said she was? It would only add fuel to the fire and validate his accusation of her having trust issues. If the woman was indeed exactly who she thought she was—well—that would make everything real, very quickly.
She wasn’t ready to deal with that. She’d rather deal with the idea of galvanising pain, than slowly suffer from the truth. Because if the truth was what she feared it to be, it would destroy her.
Maybe forever.
‘Hey,’ she said as she passed the study and went to their room. She removed the dress from the bag and carefully placed it on a hanger.
‘Hey,’ he barely responded from the other room.
‘How was the driving range?’ She felt her muscles clench as she asked.
‘Yeah, good.’
‘Who ended up joining you?’
His phone went off again. She squeezed her eyes shut.
Silence.
‘Um. Brad and Jake.’
There was his name again, the Brad that didn’t exist. Jake, well, that was someone she did know of. An old school friend of his she had met more than a dozen times over the years. Obviously, his work and school mates hung out all the time together now.
What a lie.
She slid the cupboard door shut, went to the kitchen and poured two glasses of cold water. She sliced a lime, placing a wedge into each glass and took it over to her cheating fiancé.
Ok, so maybe she didn’t know that for sure.
She placed the glass down directly next to his phone. As soon as it touched his desk his phone buzzed again. Before she had the chance to read the name that lit the screen, it was in his hands, angled away from her the same way as it had on the day of the wedding expo.
