Nine Years: A novel (Beneath the Clouds Book 1)

by Jessica Leed

  It was like a drawn-out death—the worst kind. What was she doing? She didn’t want to hear a word of it.

  He was still staring at her, but she still refused to meet his eye.

  ‘It was a windy night, had been hailing only moments before, but I wanted to get down to the beach for a run anyway. When I reached the shore, I spotted a woman running around in circles and knew she couldn’t have been on a run like me. No running style could be that bad. When I got closer, I could see she was wrestling the wind with something.’

  It sounded like some vomit from a Nicholas Sparks movie. Amber began to giggle. It felt like high school all over again.

  Please, not again.

  ‘It was my bookmark of all things. Sounds lame, but that thing is sentimental. I like to read by the water every night, no matter what the weather is doing. It’s something I have always done since I’ve lived on the coast’ she added. ‘I must have looked so ridiculous.’

  Ethan laughed. ‘It was amusing to watch but I knew I had to step in at some point. You weren’t even close to catching that thing.’

  She slapped his arm playfully. ‘Oh really? Exactly how long were you standing there watching me?’

  ‘Long enough to see that you were struggling.’ He let out a honk of a laugh—the one she was all well too familiar with.

  That hit hard.

  ‘That was a crazy night.’

  Their eyes locked as the memory came to life and in perfect unison, turned to face Sienna.

  Crazy night?

  She didn’t want to hear the details. She had heard enough.

  She forced a smile. ‘It sounds like something from the movies you two!’

  Amber reached in for a kiss. He bent down to meet her lips.

  She could barely breathe as she watched their faces come together.

  ‘It kind of was. I’m a lucky girl.’

  So, they were a couple.

  Sienna finally met his eyes. ‘Yes, you are. Ethan’s a good egg.’

  He gave her a weak smile in return. One she hadn’t seen before.

  Amber giggled some more. ‘A good egg. I like that.’

  As painful it was to be in such position, she couldn’t help but like Amber. Part of her wanted to despise her, but she couldn’t. She was the type of girl Sienna could see herself being friends with. And maybe one day, she would.

  By now the church had filled and everyone had taken their seats. For the entire duration of the ceremony all she could think about was the two of them sitting directly behind her—stroking each other’s hands growing more smitten with each other, encased in a setting that celebrated love.

  She could barely concentrate as the priest welcomed everyone before delving into the story on how the happy couple met. She stared blankly at the stained-glass window with Mother Mary at the centre as the readings took place, and the vows were exchanged. Then there was the kiss that brought everyone to their feet in applause. She blinked back the tears as Tim and Casey slowly moved down the aisle as they became the newly ‘Mr and Mrs Burton’. Tears that could have easily been mistaken for happiness as flower petals were thrown in the air like fireworks, hugs and kisses exchanged left, right and centre.

  Why was she so upset anyway? Ethan didn’t belong to her. He never would belong to her. She was just surprised that he had met someone so quickly. She just needed some time to adjust. To get used to the idea. That’s all.

  And by the end of the night, she would.

  Drinks and canapes were arranged to be served at the Hills restaurant before the reception took place. Already she was dying for a drink. Alcohol would help prolong the numbness that plagued her body. She would rather feel nothing than feel the pain of her reality. She had already felt the effects brutally enough.

  The crowd started filtering from their pews. She could see Ethan slide his arm around Amber’s waist as they followed behind the train of guests. She and Mia followed closely behind. This allowed her to examine the picture of the two more closely. Amber was a slim woman, with curves in all the right places. Her mauve cocktail dress complimented her toned, perky bum that Sienna weirdly, couldn’t help but appreciate. Even her strappy silver heels highlighted the line of her refined calves and petite ankles. The woman had good taste. Well, obviously. She was with Ethan after all—wasn’t she?

  Mia didn’t seem to notice her silence as they drove to the reception venue. Thank god, because she couldn’t find the energy to string a single sentence together. Instead, Mia had waffled on about something to do with Casey’s dress malfunction and how it was a miracle that she got it back in time after it had arrived with all the wrong measurements. Sienna hardly heard a word but threw in a little laugh and nod where it seemed appropriate. Her assignment from this moment forward was getting through the rest of the evening with a convincing smile on her face, knowing that the four of them would most likely be sitting on the same table together like one big happy family.

  Just fabulous.

  She wouldn’t give him the letter. Absolutely not. There was no chance that was going to happen. Now that she thought about it, the whole thing was a crazy idea. What was she trying to achieve by giving it to him anyway? What was she thinking declaring her feelings for him all over again? She had regretted it nine years ago and would be foolish to repeat her mistakes a second time. Especially now that she was an engaged woman. Other than leaving him confused, nothing could possibly come from it. Their friendship, if they still had one, would be as good as over.

  Luckily, Mia had offered to be the designated driver for their trip home. For someone who rarely had an evening out when there was a toddler to consider, she was surprised that she had leaped at the opportunity. Maybe she was pregnant again. It was a possibility as she watched her sister head straight for the non-alcoholic wine when she would normally enjoy a drink or two. But when she had asked her about it, she had laughed it off and assured her that she wasn’t.

  As soon as they made their way through the front doors, she spotted them over at the bar with arms around each other, completely smitten. She watched them as Ethan introduced her to his old school friends. Friends they had in common during their school days.

  Friends that had once predicted they would end up together.

  His body language was more relaxed, far less rigid than it had been in the church, proving that he had felt awkward seeing her again. Especially with this new woman of his.

  When did that happen anyway?

  She didn’t want to go anywhere near the bar. She didn’t want to be placed in a position where she would have to engage in small talk with them whilst pretending like she was completely unaffected. She couldn’t keep up the act anymore. Fortunately for her, waiters were circling the venue with wine. She took a glass and wandered over to the seating chart.

  As she predicted, they were seated on the same table.

  She drifted over to table nine, the one located closest to the dance floor. She hovered her eyes over the placement cards, cursing under her breath to find Ethan’s name conveniently positioned next to hers. She reached over to swap his name with some lad named Will when Mia joined her.

  ‘What are you doing?’ She laughed, watching her.

  Sienna jumped back a little. ‘I just wanted to make sure Amber was seated next to her boyfriend.’

  ‘You mean Ethan?’

  ‘Yeah, Ethan. Very cute couple.’ She plonked herself down and took another sip. A gulp, actually. ‘I’m surprised she got an invite seeing their relationship is very … recent.’

  Mia sat down too. ‘Is it? Yeah, I don’t know. It’s nice to see him with someone though,’ she said, watching them basically wrapped around each other at the bar.

  ‘Yeah it is. Amber seems so lovely,’ she said, following her sisters’ gaze. This time, her smile genuine as she watched them laugh together in a way that filled her with envy.


  ‘Do you two still talk?’

  She took a giant gulp of her wine and tried not to cringe as she placed it back down. She shook her head. ‘Not really anymore.’

  ‘That’s a shame. You two were so close as kids. I think at one point I even thought you guys might have ended up together. I think we all did.’

  She almost choked on her wine as it hit the back of her throat.

  Mia nodded. ‘But I get it. It’s hard to maintain friendships when one moves away. You probably would’ve grown out of each other anyway. Tim and I did. I was actually surprised I was invited at all. But hey, pretty grateful I’m here.’ She leaned in and gave Sienna’s shoulders a little shake. ‘But even more grateful to have you here with me. I’ve really missed you.’

  ‘Me too. I’m enjoying our bonding time.’ Sienna took her arm that was wrapped around her neck and squeezed it. She was happy not to let it go.

  It wasn’t long until everyone began taking their seats. She could sense Ethan’s hesitation from a mile away, and sure enough was the last to approach the table. Instead of sitting next to her, Amber took his seat, and he took hers. She wasn’t sure what his intention was in doing this, but she figured he dreaded the idea of them sitting next to each other as much as she did. It wasn’t all bad, the woman was unexpectedly up for a conversation, keen to know every detail of their childhood friendship. She didn’t appear to be jealous, but Sienna could see that she was curious. That behind her spirited smile, Amber was aware there was something drawing them together.

  Sienna filled her in on the basics, brushing over the heart of their friendship. She shared that their families were close, that they went to the same schools. She left out the bus rides, the letters and everything that eventually divided them. Ethan sat there basically immobile listening in as Sienna let the story unfold as platonically as she possibly could.

  As the night went on, the two women couldn’t stop talking. Amber was wonderful. She was intelligent, super down to earth, with a sense of humour that was actually similar to her own. As far as Sienna could tell, she was exactly Ethan’s type and despite her deep sadness, she was happy for him. She actually was.

  For both of them.

  She was a physiotherapist, specialising with elite athletes. Being the beauty that she was, she could imagine all the attention she would get. She was probably in high demand with a waiting list of hot, muscly men dying to be treated by her. She could picture the woman giving Ethan massages with those skilled fingers of hers after a long, hard, physical day at work. Maybe she already had.

  Ethan must have gone to the bar three or four times, bringing them back a new glass of wine before they had the chance to finish the previous one. Eventually he loosened up, obviously feeling as though it was safe to let them be and finally began chatting with the other guests at the table who up until that point had been ignored.

  By the time speeches finished and all three courses had been devoured, it was time to hit the dance floor. She almost had to laugh at the expression on Ethan’s face as Amber took her hand and spun her over to the dance floor. She had to swallow a chuckle when Amber chose her over Ethan even though they stood up at the exact same time. It certainly was an unforeseen, budding friendship. It wasn’t long until Ethan intervened and took his girlfriend’s hand, leading her into a jive across the other side of the dance floor, keeping one eye back at Sienna as they bounced around.

  For an event that she was convinced would never end, the end of the night snuck up quicker than she anticipated. But by eleven o’clock she was emotionally drained and more than ready to go home. She was ready to pretend that a pretty woman by the name of Amber, with dark hair and green eyes, never existed.

  She was walking to the car when Ethan approached her. Mia was finishing up the final rounds of goodbyes inside and Amber was in the bathroom. As soon as he called her name, her clutch flew from her hands and onto the asphalt. Her belongings spilt everywhere on its way down as the clasp broke open. With her head spinning she reached to the ground, stalling as the tightness of her dress locked her in position half way to the ground.

  ‘Don’t even think about it in that gorgeous dress of yours,’ he laughed. He bent down and began collecting her things together.

  Her heart leaped from her chest as he reached straight for the letter. ‘It’s really ok, I’ve got it.’ She tried a second time. Again, the restrictiveness of her dress wrestled against the idea.

  He picked up the envelope and turned it over. Slowly he stood and looked carefully at her, confusion filled his face. She tucked what was now loose curls behind her ear and sighed as she looked up at the stars that filled the clear, country sky.

  ‘What’s this?’

  Through her intoxicated state she swore he looked almost …

  Upset.

  ‘It’s nothing.’ She snatched it from his hands. ‘Thank you,’ she responded more gently.

  He let her take it, but his eyes didn’t move off hers. ‘I don’t think it’s nothing Sienna, it has my name on it.’

  With quivering hands, she stuffed it back into her purse along with her lipstick, license and phone. She kept the key out and pointed it towards her car. It unlocked. ‘Yes, I suppose it does. It’s just a little letter. It’s not important now.’

  ‘It’s not important now? What does that even mean?’

  She shrugged, pretending she was wasn’t bothered. She looked up the stars and kept her focus there for a while. It really was a perfect evening.

  So still. If only her heart felt that way.

  ‘What did you want to tell me?’ He lowered his voice. ‘You can talk to me.’

  She shook her head. Bad idea that was, it only made her head spin more. ‘No Ethan. I can’t.’

  She began walking towards the car. Faster this time. Just because her relationship was down the toilet didn’t give her a right to flush his, too. She needed to leave now. Before she said something that she would regret tomorrow.

  Where was Mia? What was taking her so long?

  ‘Of course you can. You know that.’

  Oh god, he was following her. She opened the passenger door and turned to face him. ‘You told me to keep my distance. You said it was best for everyone.’

  He grew quiet and lowered his head to his feet. She wondered what he was thinking.

  ‘I’m still your friend S ... we’re friends.’

  She pursed her lips together and squeezed her eyes shut. They were the very words that had tormented her for half her life.

  It was although it was 2010 again and they were in her St Kilda apartment, the scene was playing out a second time.

  ‘Yes, we are. And as your friend …you should know that I think Amber is amazing. She is really great, Ethan. You’ve done well.’ She was grateful the darkness of the night meant he wouldn’t see the tears that had made their way down her flushed cheeks.

  He grew quiet. ‘Thank you. Yeah, she is.’ He placed his hand gently on her shoulder.

  How was that a simple touch could give her such intense butterflies?

  ‘How are you S? Are you doing ok, really?’

  The question unlocked another round of tears. She let them fall this time.

  It was fine, it was dark. He wouldn’t see it.

  ‘I’m well.’ She inhaled. ‘Patrick has stopped drinking.’

  ‘Really?’ his voice lifted.

  If only it filled her with the same hope.

  ‘That’s so great … I’m so glad to hear that. So, things are looking up then, yeah?’

  She wouldn’t tell him the truth. She wouldn’t burden him with her problems any longer.

  It was time to set him free.

  ‘Yeah.’ She managed a smile so big that her cheek bones lifted high enough to release the remaining tears from her eyes. ‘Everything is unfolding the way it’s supposed to.’
>
  He released his hand, leaving her with a tingling sensation where it had rested on her shoulder. ‘It’s definitely a big step in the right direction. Looks like he’s putting in some effort and fighting for you. You two will pull through, give it some time.’

  She swallowed and looked up again at the stars, wondering if he actually even believed a word of it. She sure as hell didn’t. If anything, time had proven that it only made things that much worse.

  As soon as they arrived back at her sister’s house, she quickly said goodnight and stepped outside onto the back patio. Breathing in, she found herself gasping as the cool air hit her lungs. She felt as though she was having some sort of panic attack.

  Breathe.

  She steadied herself against the railing and opened her clutch that was now dirtied from the ground. She took the letter out from the wrinkled envelope and without a second thought, tore it up into tiny pieces.

  Pieces so tiny, they could have been mistaken for confetti.

  Twenty-One

  Whatever Damian responded back with in his email, it was worded well enough to bring Nolan back to school.

  Following that afternoon, he had kept his distance, sharing very little information of Miranda’s reply.

  ‘She says she trusts that Nolan will participate in all classroom activities without any special attention,’ he had told her in a very dry and matter-of-fact tone.

  As she had feared, she had somehow hurt his pride and now he wouldn’t even look at her. It felt as though her colleagues made up for the lost pair of eyes as they glared at her condescendingly. It was as though they had all been flies on the wall that day in his office. Perhaps there had been one after all of that. Instead of letting their ignorance inhibit her, she found it sad. If they spent their energy getting to know her instead of loathing her, things would be different and just maybe, her life would be more tolerable.

  She doubted Damian would have said anything, but he hadn’t needed to. Already people were noticing the way he dismissed her when she would usually hold his full attention. This generated even more whispers. She had never studied the theatre room table as thoroughly as she had that Monday afternoon during their faculty meeting. Damian was going on about something to do with scope and sequence documents, but all she could focus on was the small gold nail sticking out from the edge of the table. It looked as though it had been there for years—now blunt on the end and building rust. How had she not sliced herself on it before? She made a mental note to report it, but by the time the meeting finished up it had slipped from her mind.