by Taylor Dean
“Look at him. He’s funny, he’s good looking, and he’s well educated. He had an excellent job and he will again very soon. He left an extremely lucrative position at a major law firm just to come home and take care of his sick mother. I didn’t expect him to do such a thing, but he insisted on it. He has enough money to take a few months off and be fine. Not many men are financially stable enough to do that. Yet, he doesn’t have a woman in his life. It makes no sense. He never even mentions dating someone. It isn’t right.”
Of course, every mother thinks her son is the best catch, but Irene makes a good point and is spot on. Why isn’t he dating? Secretly, it’s good news to my ears, but I find it hard to believe he isn’t seeing someone. “Maybe he just doesn’t like to talk about his dating life.” I almost add, “with his mom.” Then I think better of it. Besides, I don’t want to be the one to break the news to her that her son gets drunk and sleeps with whoever he wants to. At least, he did it one time and that means he probably did it more than once. I really don’t know. No wonder he doesn’t talk about it with his mother. Yes, big city life did indeed change him. Irene has that one right.
Irene shakes her head in the negative. “No, I don’t think that’s it. We talk on the phone often. He tells me everything. There’s only one subject that’s taboo, and that’s women.”
“He said that?”
“Oh, yes. He flat out told me he didn’t want to talk about the opposite sex. I don’t understand it. Not at all. It baffles me. It makes me wonder if he had a bad experience or if someone broke his heart.”
Bad experience? Broke his heart? I decide it’s wise to say nothing. She has no idea that Jace is the culprit behind my anguish. He’s the breaker of hearts and the killer of dreams. If someone broke his heart, it certainly wasn’t me.
“Something has happened to him. He won’t talk about it. He says he loved living in New York City, that he loved his job. I believe him. But there’s something more. Something he’s not saying. I’ve sensed it for a while now, but it’s hard to judge over the phone. Now that I’ve seen him face to face, I have no doubt whatsoever.”
“No doubt of what?”
“That he’s been through something, something tough, you know what I mean?”
Yeah, I guess I do. She means it’s obvious to her that he has experienced hardship and that it shows in his demeanor, in the lines on his face, and in his mannerisms. I think it’s something only a mother could detect. I’m not sure I see it, other than the obvious regret and pain our break-up produced. I do notice that it affected him more than I thought it had. I can’t say I’m disappointed by the realization though.
I wish I could tell her everything so she’ll know the truth about her son. But it’s his to confess. Besides, I don’t know the extent of the situation or just how much he delved into alcohol. Knowing he may have followed in his father’s footsteps will break her heart. Whatever happened, it appears he’s rehabilitated himself. Or he’s learned to hide it. I really don’t know.
“To be honest, Shay, I was hoping that maybe the two of you might find each other again.”
My eyebrows furrow as I watch Jace standing on the sidelines with Brit in his arms. Stony tosses the ball to Blake and it fumbles around on his grasping hands and fingertips until it falls to the ground. I’m not surprised. I doubt Blake has ever touched a football. Stony, Joel, and Grayson laugh in a friendly manner at the sight. Even Blake laughs at himself.
Jace doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t even smile. I see his lips moving and I know he’s talking to Brit. I’d give anything to hear what he’s saying. Anything.
I bite my lip. “I think . . . I think it’s not out of the realm of possibilities. I’m just taking it a day at a time.”
Irene goes on as if I haven’t spoken. “Jace was my one child who always told me everything. He loved to talk, that one. Even when he went off to college, he called nearly every day. Just short calls, of course. You know, quick hellos, just checking in, that sort of thing. I swear, he changed overnight. Clammed up. He still calls me, mind you, but not like he used to. Something broke him. I’d swear by it.”
Is Irene saying all of this to me because she thinks I broke him? Jace, broken? No, no way. He’s much too resilient to allow anything or anyone to break him. He’s a fighter and has an impressive amount of inner strength. I found that out when I observed the way he handled his father leaving. He was young when it actually happened, but it affected him throughout his life. He confided in me once, saying it was the worst thing that ever happened to him. He vividly remembers his father taking him for a drive in the car and telling him that he was leaving and that he wasn’t coming back. He said for years it made him feel as though he had done something wrong. It wasn’t until he was older that he realized it had nothing to do with him. Observing him in his youth, you never would have known his foundation had been shaken. He didn’t miss a beat and went on with life as if nothing bad had happened.
There’s no way our break up broke Jace. He threw it all away on his own. Maybe the cold hard truth is hitting him right now. Maybe he’s holding Brit and wishing she was his, just as I do on a daily basis.
She should’ve been his. I’ve always wished she was his.
“I don’t know what happened between you two, Shay, dear. But it has always made me sad that things didn’t work out.”
“Me too, Irene. Me too.”
“Just be careful with him, okay?”
Me be careful with him? It’s the other way around. One wrong move and I’ll never speak to him again. I won’t say that to her though.
Irene shivers and I know it’s time for us to go indoors. Sophie is starting to rub at her eyes and I know she’s getting sleepy.
Mia calls to everyone, “Hey, why don’t we take this party inside?”
The group dawdles, then slowly makes its way inside, until everyone is in the great room.
Mia says to Jace, “Let’s watch the video. I want to relive it one more time.”
Brit is still in his arms, her head on his shoulder. One of his hands is sweetly rubbing her back. I think she might fall asleep. Her eyes look heavy. I’m sorely jealous of my daughter right now.
Jace looks uncomfortable “Uh, no, it’s not ready for human eyes. Let me polish it, fancy it up, do a little editing first.”
“No need. I want it raw, just as it happened. That’s good enough for me.” Mia is giddy with excitement. I swear if we turned off the lights, she’d glow in the dark.
“No, really. I’ll spruce it up for you and burn it to a DVD.”
“I’m too excited. I wanna watch it right now.” With his arms full and unable to stop her, Mia reaches around to his back pocket and slips his phone out, something only a sibling can get away with.
“Mia, no . . .”
“What’s the big deal? I’m excited to see it.”
Jace lets out his breath and stares straight forward. He seems oddly upset and Mia is oblivious.
We all take our seats on the comfy sectional as Mia grabs the proper cord and hooks Jace’s phone up to the big screen TV.
Mia swipes at his screen. “Password? No wait, let me guess.” After a few tries, she looks up, victorious. “Guessed it, Jace.” Her eyes glance my way for a quick second. Then she sends a sly look toward Jace. “You can’t hide anything from your big sister. I know you too well.”
Why did she glance at me? Surely I have nothing to do with his password.
I’m not so sure about that when Jace’s home screen appears on the TV for all to see. I nearly choke at the sight. It’s a picture of me and Jace, one of the last ones taken of us. Our arms are wrapped around each other and we’re cheek to cheek with huge smiles on our faces.
The room is silent at the sight. I mean hear-a-pin-drop-silent. My heart nearly stops in my chest. Why would I be on his screen saver after all these years? Why did he tell me he’s always loved me yesterday? Did it just slip out in the heat of the moment or is he really still carrying a torch f
or me? Why not contact me then? Why the silence? I don’t get him at all.
“Go to the gallery,” Jace says. “The video is in there.” His voice is monotone, almost resigned.
Mia swipes and clicks on Jace’s most recent video.
All at once, my face appears on the screen in an extreme close up. I’m not going to lie, it’s a bit of a shock.
The room remains silent because if anyone says a word, it’s going to be really awkward. Now I understand Jace’s reticence.
I’m sitting at the outdoor dining table as we were waiting on Mia and Grayson to serve dinner. The slight wind is blowing my hair and my eyes are a tad squinted in the sun. I’m clearly unaware that I’m on camera. I’m simply looking around at everyone at the table, not involved in any conversations. The camera rests on me for an uncomfortable amount of time.
Thankfully, Mia and Grayson are the sole focus while they serve their pregnancy announcement dinner. Jace caught the event perfectly with close-ups of Mia and Grayson’s faces as they proudly present each dish.
The video encompasses the response of the entire table as well, pausing on each person as they congratulate Grayson and Mia.
Then the camera literally stops on me again and the shot moves in closer and closer and closer until I’m sure everyone can see which eyebrow I need to pluck next. I’m smiling and clapping, congratulating Mia and Grayson on their pregnancy.
At least I look happy. I shift in my seat uncomfortably as I wait for the camera to move on. I’m stunned by Jace’s actions. They tell me where his eyes want to be. I have no idea how to react, so I don’t react at all.
The next shot is of Mia hugging her mother and it’s definitely a sight that tugs at the heartstrings.
We hear the Mama Mia song play and the resulting banter between Jace and Mia. We even see a 3D shot of the cupcake flying at the screen. It merits a good laugh.
But then it’s the Shay show again for the last MINUTE of the video and it feels like a really long minute. When it ends, I look no one in the eyes. I’m completely floored.
Grayson claps his hands. “Okay, that was great. Thanks, Jace. We’ll always treasure it.”
Mia adds, “After a little editing.”
Blake blurts out, “I’m sure Shay will treasure it too.”
Irene immediately interrupts, diffusing the comment. “Blake, I think it’s time for me to get home and rest now. I’m tired.” Then to Jace, she says, “I’ll see you at home, son.”
“I’ll bring the car around,” Blake says, jangling his keys as he walks out of the room.
Spencer gathers up the diaper bag. “I think we’d better get Sophie home too. It’s almost her bedtime.”
Mom picks up Sophie, kissing her cheek. “I’ll walk you out.” Joel and Tess follow.
Grayson and Mia each take one of Irene’s arms and help her out the door, leaving me and Jace sitting on the couch. The room cleared quickly and it seems obvious that everyone wanted to give us some time alone. We’re both still staring at the screen as if the TV is on and we’re absorbed in a show. Brit is now fast asleep on Jace’s shoulder. I can hear her snoring lightly.
“I apologize if that embarrassed you. That’s what creepy ex-boyfriends are for though. If you look it up in the dictionary, you’ll find that I’m right.”
“That’s the exact definition?” I ask.
“In a nutshell. I believe it reads: A hideous creature made to embarrass and humiliate his former girlfriend during every single moment of her life. Warning: They should all be hunted down and killed.”
A half smile escapes. “That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?”
“Maybe. I promise to try my best to not stand outside of your window in the middle of the night with a boom box over my head.”
This time he makes me laugh aloud. “Just out of curiosity, what would the song be?”
“Oh, you know, a rousing rendition of George Michael belting out Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. After all, I’d have to wake you up before getting all romantic with my song choice.”
“So . . . what would the romantic song be?” I have to know.
“Don’t make me say it.”
“You brought it up. Don’t leave me hanging.”
“It would have to be . . . I Think I Love You by The Partridge Family. It’s an oldie, but a goodie. Not many know it, but it’s a gem of a song. It says everything that’s in my heart.”
It’s his ability to say silly things with a deadpan voice that make him so funny. To me, at least. No one else ever laughs at his jokes quite like I do. I slap his arm playfully and Brit burrows deeper into his shoulder. “I’d go back to bed.”
“I’d resort to drastic measures then.”
“What drastic measures?”
“I’d have to pull out the Barry Manilow. He’s only to be used in rare moments and with extreme caution.”
“Yeah, that’d be dangerous.” I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing out loud. I’m not going to let him turn me into the Ladybug. Nope. But on the inside, my giggles are out of control.
He doesn’t say anything more, so I decide to take my leave. “I guess we’d better go.” I pick myself up off the comfortable couch and face Jace. There’s no way to take Brit from him unless I touch him too and the thought of touching him sets my heart racing. He gets to his feet without disturbing her and stands before me. I reach out to Brit and Jace catches one of my hands in his.
“The thing is, Shay . . . I haven’t seen you in a very long time. It’s hard to look away.”
I look down at our clasped hands, then back up at him. His eyes are sincere, yet guarded. “No need to explain. I think everyone gets it.”
“Do you?” he asks as he threads our fingers together.
“Do I what?” I love my hand in his.
“Get it.”
“No, I don’t get it at all.”
“I guess I don’t either.” He lets out his breath heavily. “But then, getting it has never been my thing.”
“What are we talking about again?” I ask and we both laugh quietly, so as not to awaken Brit. He lightly squeezes my hand and I squeeze back.
The proverbial ice is broken all at once. Standing face to face with Jace, both of us smiling at each other, my hand in his—it feels as though the past six years just slip away and disappear.
I think he feels it too because he says, “Ah, memories.”
“Good memories?” I ask.
“The best. Misty, watercolor memories of the way we were.” His expression remains poker faced.
“You’re a dork.” Okay, so maybe he doesn’t have it in him to be entirely serious. I’m thanking my lucky stars he hasn’t lost that trait. I love it. That is, as long as he can be serious when the time calls for it.
So many memories are bombarding my senses. I’ve been feasting off of those memories of us for the longest time.
His eyes glitter and a few beats of uncomfortable silence sit between us. Then he says, “It’s good to be home. It really is.”
At this point, I’m not sure whether to say something personal or generic. I choose generic. “Sweetwater is a safe haven. That’s for sure.”
“Hmmmmm. I hadn’t thought of it that way. It’s actually just what I needed.”
His comment strikes me as odd. I think back on Irene telling me Jace is broken. “Do you need a safe haven, Jace?”
“Doesn’t everyone?”
“Yes, I suppose so.”
He nods in agreement. “Sorry I embarrassed you. I didn’t plan on sharing that video this evening.”
I release his hand and reach out to Brit again. “I’d better go.”
“I’ll carry her to the car for you.”
“Okay. Thank you, Jace.”
There you have it. We had a civil conversation and I didn’t expel any word vomit. Perhaps this will set the tone from here on out. I don’t know where we’re headed, but I do know we’re headed somewhere.
Let’s just hope it’s not ups
ide down and sideways.
Once home and in the privacy of my bedroom, I Google I Think I Love You by The Partridge Family because I’ve never heard of it. He’s right. It is a gem.
I listen to it at least twenty times and fall asleep with a smile on my face.
CHAPTER
Six
STONY GIVES ME a big hug and pats my back. “Nice to have Jace back in town. He’s lookin’ good.”
I smirk. “Yes, he is. Stop looking at me like that. I know what you’re thinking.”
Stony holds up his hands in surrender mode. “Not sayin’ a word.”
“You don’t have to. I can see it in your eyes. I see it in everyone’s eyes. People keep coming up to me and informing me that Jace is back in town, as if I don’t know. I feel like they expect me to jump up and down with excitement or something.”
“I remember a time when that was your exact response.”
“Yeah, when I was twelve.” My insides still behave like a twelve year old little girl. But I no longer let the outside reveal my inner emotions. Stony seems to sense my internal conflict though. It must be a sibling thing.
“Hey, sensitive subject, I get it. It’ll be okay.” Stony puts his arm around me as we walk toward the table for Sunday dinner. I rest my head on his shoulder and bask in his comfort. I love my big brother. He always makes me feel safe and protected. Spencer is already sitting at the table with Sophie sound asleep in her arms. I envy Stony for his family life. He’s so happy and content. He has everything that I want. I wish I could skip all the drama of dating and finding the right one and just land in his position. Unfortunately, I can’t bounce ahead. This is something I have to go through and not around.
“Hi Shay. How are things?” Spencer asks perceptively. She might be my sister-in-law, but she’s also become my dearest friend. If I need to talk to someone, I know I can always talk to her.
I let out my breath. “I’m a mess,” I announce to my family. I don’t usually unload during our Sunday dinners, but I need my family right now.
Brit smiles and says, “I’m messy too, Mommy.”
She certainly is. She’s eating bread with grape jelly and I think most of it is around her mouth. She makes a frowning face because she hates being sticky. Mom wipes off her face and hands. Once she’s clean, she continues to eat, making herself messy again. The process will repeat itself at least ten times before dinner is over.
