by Taylor Dean
Then I turn and see Jace at the barbeque. He’s dancing to the beat of the music with the tongs in his hand as he grills ribs. He’s the only man I know who has some serious rhythm and doesn’t look stupid when he dances. I’ve missed his enthusiasm for life. He could be locked in a jail cell and I’d prefer to be in there with him than out in the world enjoying my freedom. His life-force exudes energy and I always long to be at his side.
When he notices me, he stops dancing and says, “Hey, Ladybug.”
I wish I could run into his arms, but life has changed our circumstances and I no longer have that privilege.
We take each other in for a moment and he nods at me before the grill steals his attention.
His words from yesterday haunt me. What if I don’t want to stay on my side of the street? What if I want to come over to your side? What if I want to be close to you, as close as I can possibly get? What if I never want to be apart from you again in this lifetime?
Did he really say that or was I dreaming? It was an entirely surreal moment.
Jace is wearing jeans that hug his body perfectly and a black Henley that does the same to his torso. He’s perfectly proportioned with long legs, muscular biceps, and a flat stomach. I take a sip of my soda, but it doesn’t help cool me off at all. I can’t help but think it’s going to be a long afternoon.
“Shay,” Spencer says as she notices me standing on the deck looking mighty awkward, I don’t doubt.
I turn away from Jace, just as I’ve had to do for the last six years. Just turn away. Try to forget. And don’t look back.
“You okay?” Spencer studies me thoughtfully.
She knows Jace is my ex. I nod in the affirmative.
“You look beautiful and you’re doing great. Just keep smiling,” she whispers.
“Do I look like a truck hit me? Because that’s how I feel.”
“Not at all. But if you keep staring at his jeans, you might give yourself away.” Spencer sends me a comforting smile.
I love that Spencer says I’m staring at his jeans and not his butt, even though that’s exactly what I was doing. She’s a funny little gal sometimes, but I adore her.
Spencer tosses her hair over her shoulders. “Even though those jeans are tempting to look at.” We both giggle a little. “Not that I looked. I only look at Stony’s jeans.” She looks his way and fans herself. “And he’s looking darn sexy while holding our baby in his arms. Be still my heart.”
“That’s my brother you’re talking about. Don’t ask me to join in your enthusiasm.”
“Just sayin’.”
“No, gross. I’m not asking you to look at Grayson.”
“Okay, you made your point.” We sober and I know she notices the anxiety in my eyes. “Hey, we’ll stick together and everything will be fine.”
Thank goodness for a wonderful sister-in-law. I take a deep breath and steel myself for the afternoon ahead.
Mia exits the house and says, “How soon, Jace?”
“About five more minutes.”
“Thanks.” She smiles at me and Spencer. “I’m so glad everyone could make it. I know it was very last minute.” Then to me, she lowers her voice and says, “I’m glad you came, Shay. I wasn’t sure if you would.”
“I just keep telling myself to take a deep breath and go with the flow.”
“Don’t look now, but he can’t stop looking at you. Pretend like I said something really funny.”
All three of us laugh out loud, which makes us all laugh for real.
“There. Now he thinks you’re having the time of your life and you’re not nervous around him at all. Works every time.”
“Clever,” Spencer says. “Use psychology to your advantage.”
I love the support from Spencer and Mia. They have an odd relationship. I don’t completely understand it, but I love it. Those two could have torn our families apart with ill feelings. Instead they treat each other respectfully and I’m constantly impressed with their behavior toward one another.
As for me and Jace, I feel as though everyone is watching and waiting for something to happen.
I guess I am too.
“Share the joke, ladies,” Jace hollers.
Hmmmm, so he is aware of me and not as concentrated on the grill as I might believe.
“You wouldn’t get it, Jace,” Mia hollers right back at him.
“C’mon now, don’t make me mad. I get road rage just pushing a cart through the grocery store.”
“Baby brother, I’ve never seen you get mad. Not once.”
Before we know it, he’s at Mia’s side, looking down on her as he says in his deep voice, “Who you callin’ a baby?”
Mia is tall and slender, but he has at least five inches on her and looks like the Hulk in comparison to her slight frame.
“You might be bigger, but you’re still the baby. You always will be. Don’t fight it.” Mia mock punches his shoulder.
I love seeing the old Mia come back to life. For a while there, she was much too solemn. Finding love with Grayson has changed her and her eyes now have a twinkle in them again.
Jace rolls his eyes. “Birth order ruined me for life.” He wraps an arm around her and hugs her as they laugh.
“I love my baby brother,” she tells him.
“Mom and Dad stopped at me for a reason. They finally got it right. No need to go any further.”
“What?!” Mia hits at him as he dodges her, ruining her aim.
I love the lighthearted sibling banter and I can’t help but laugh. He turns and looks at me as if the sound of my laughter has caught his attention.
“There’s my Ladybug.” He stands so close, I can feel his sweet breath on my face.
Mia places her hands on her hips. “Why do you always call her Ladybug?”
Jace doesn’t move or lose eye contact with me as he answers. “I used to make her laugh so hard she turned bright red in the face. So I started calling her Ladybug. The name stuck. I don’t even remember her real name anymore.” He splays his hands. “What’s your name again?”
Another small laugh escapes even though I don’t want it to. He remains serious, studying my face, my lips, and my eyes as if he’s fascinated. “I love your laugh,” he whispers. “I’ve missed hearing it. Best sound in the world.” He certainly isn’t holding back when it comes to expressing his feelings. Right out of the gate, I know where he stands. I wish our situation was that simple. The spell is broken when he says, “I’d better get back to the grill.”
Spencer and Mia crowd in after he leaves.
“That was interesting.” Spencer looks me over with a worried frown. “Deep breath, Shay. It’s going to be okay.”
“Jace kept asking me questions about you all afternoon,” Mia tells me. “He’s very close-lipped about women in general, but I know he’s interested in you.” She scoffs. “Who am I kidding? He’s been interested in you for as long as I can remember. Listen, I’ll stay out of it and let you guys work it out, but you two have always had my vote. We were all shocked when you guys didn’t work out. And yes, it has been the subject of many conversations. Whatever happens, I’m just glad to have my baby brother home.”
I’m sure everyone has spent time wondering what happened to me and Jace. I’ve never given anyone, except Mom, an explanation—and that was a limited explanation. As far as I know, Jace hasn’t either.
I’m intrigued by the fact that Jace is asking about me. Interesting. I’m not sure how I feel about it. My stomach decides to do a little flip-flop at the news and I wish it would stop with the gymnastics.
“Ready, Mia,” Jace announces, “You’re about to have the best ribs you’ve ever had in your life.”
“Okay, dinner is ready, everyone.” Mia is bubbling with excitement and I know something is up. “Have a seat and we’ll bring it out. We don’t need help, stay right there.” Then to Grayson, she says, “C’mon, it’s time.” Mia disappears into the house and Grayson follows.
We all exchange
glances as we take our seats at the outdoor table and I think everyone is curious about what is going to happen next.
Brit cuddles up at my side and takes a few sips of my soda. Blake pushes Irene’s wingback chair up to the table. “This is lovely,” she mumbles.
A few minutes later Grayson and Mia exit the house holding several dishes piled on cookie sheets. They set all the dishes on a side table. “Ready, Jace?” Mia asks her brother.
“I was born ready.” Jace places a steaming platter of mouthwatering barbequed ribs on the table. Then he stands back and takes out his phone, presumably to take a picture of his masterpiece.
Grayson and Mia stand at the opposite end of the table. They are adorable newlyweds. One glance and I can see how much they love each other. It’s almost palpable.
“Thanks for joining us this afternoon,” Grayson says. “It’s wonderful to have everyone together. We wanted to welcome Jace home and this seemed like the perfect way to do it. Mia’s been telling me he has mad skills at the grill and I gotta say, those ribs look fantastic. I hand over my throne to you and grant you all grilling rights whenever you are in my home.”
Jace is still aiming his phone at the table. But in response he says, “Yes! The power of the spatula is mine.”
A few light laughs bounce around the gathering.
“Since we have all of you here, Mia and I also wanted to share some exciting news with our family. Let’s serve dinner and we’ll talk more. Tonight we have baby back ribs.” With a flourish, he points toward the platter on the table. His grin is huge and a little mischievous.
Then Mia sets a salad bowl on the table and says, “And baby spinach salad.” She follows this with another bowl, “And baby potatoes.” After the next bowl, she announces with a huge smile, “And baby carrots.”
Then Grayson sets down the last bowl, “The dinner wouldn’t be complete without . . . baby corn.” He chuckles under his breath.
“Don’t forget dessert.” Mia removes the dome lid from a platter to reveal several pink and blue frosted cupcakes.
Grayson wraps one arm around Mia. “Your dinner is now ready. Okay everyone, dig in.”
But we don’t. The message has been cleverly received. Loud and clear. We all start laughing and clapping for them. Words of congratulations float around the table.
Grayson pats Mia’s abdomen with his other hand. “Oh, by the way, our baby will be finished cooking in October.”
Irene sobs into her napkin saying, “Oh my goodness. I wasn’t expecting that. What a surprise. I’m so happy.” Mia goes to her mom and hugs her tightly. At that point, I’m about ready to burst into tears at the sweet sight.
When I glance at Jace, I see that he’s still standing at the other foot of the table with his phone. That’s when I realize he’s making a video of the moment. He must’ve captured the announcement and all of our reactions to the happy news. Now he’s capturing Mia and her mother in a tender moment. Sweet, sweet memories—made all the more tender by Irene’s fight for her life.
“That was very fast. You were just married in January. You’re having a honeymoon baby,” Irene tells Mia.
“I just found out yesterday. I couldn’t wait to tell everyone.”
“We need to fill up this house.” Grayson stacks ribs on his plate. “It’s too big for just the two of us. Whenever we talk to each other our voices echo off the walls.”
Tess swipes at a few tears as well. She’s now holding a happy Sophie in her arms. Occasionally, she shades Sophie’s eyes so she doesn’t catch a glimpse of her father and want to return to him. Joel pats Grayson on the back and hugs him tightly.
Mia takes her place next to Grayson. “Just for the record, don’t even think of calling me Mama Mia or I’ll punch you in the face.”
Grayson rubs his jaw. “She speaks the truth.”
“He’s kidding.” Mia leans over and kisses his cheek as everyone laughs.
Suddenly the song Mama Mia rings out from Jace’s phone and the laughter continues.
Mia is the only one who doesn’t join in. She grants Jace an overly exaggerated stink eye.
He sends her an air kiss. “You know you love it.” He continues with his video, but he turns the music off.
A cupcake goes flying through the air, courtesy of Mia, and Jace moves his head and dodges it just in the nick of time. He smiles and winks at her.
Grayson roars, finding his wife’s behavior hilarious. “Watch your back, Jace. She’s as spunky as they come. You have been warned.”
Irene shakes her head at her grown children’s behavior. “It never ends, does it?”
Jace points at Mia. “Bring it on, Sister.”
I’ve missed that man, more than I ever realized. He’s such a breath of fresh air.
As we begin to eat, my eyes are drawn to Stony and Spencer, sitting just as close as they possibly can. Stony’s usually hard to read, yet I can see the happiness on his face. I watch as he pours lemonade into Spencer’s glass and then she serves a few spoonfuls of potatoes onto his plate. I love the way they take care of each other.
My eyes wander to Grayson and Mia who can’t stop touching each other in some way even as they eat their dinner. I swear they haven’t stopped smiling since I walked in the door. If I looked up happiness in the dictionary, there would be a picture of them.
I feel left out. They’ve all joined a club I wonder if I’ll ever be a part of. Being single around happy couples is depressing.
My eyes rest on Jace. He’s done with his video and he’s sitting down enjoying dinner with everyone else. I notice he’s watching the happy couples too. His eyes move from one to the other and then they land on me. I feel like my yearning is reflected in his eyes, but I think that’s wishful thinking on my part. If he wanted the happy family scene, then he should have made better choices. I wonder if he has any regrets, as I do.
He’s being awfully serious right now. Rare for him. His eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are concentrated. I’m unfamiliar with the adult version of Jace and I’m not used to seeing him so subdued. Of course, no one is capable of being the humorous life of the party twenty-four-seven. He’s always had a serious side as well. It just doesn’t appear often. Jace was always the one to laugh the loudest and always the one to crack the best jokes. It was definitely part of his allure. Right now, I suppose he doesn’t want to steal the spotlight from Mia and Grayson, so he’s letting them bask in their happy news.
Still, it feels odd to see him a tad restrained. He’s still my funny Jace, but a more mature version. We’ve both been busy adulting for several years now. I think I like this side of Jace. I like a man who can be funny, but can be a mature adult as well. One without the other doesn’t work and would drive me crazy.
Things have changed since he’s been gone. Life has taken some serious twists and turns. Stony and Mia didn’t end up together, yet they are both happily married. I wonder what the future holds for me and Jace. Will we end up together? Or will we each find our respective soulmates and sit uncomfortably at family dinners avoiding eye contact with one another?
I find myself once again wishing that things had worked out for us. I wish he was at my side, I wish we were sitting so close that I could feel our thighs pressed together. I wish he was holding our child in his arms.
Why wasn’t he faithful? If only, if only. I shake my head to rid myself of melancholy thoughts. I’m just torturing myself.
I catch Stony’s eye and he mouths the word, “Okay?” I nod at him and force a smile, which I’m sure comes across as a grimace.
As dinner comes to an end, Mia says, “I hate to admit this, but the men did most of the cooking because me and food are currently having a love/hate relationship. How about we give them a break and handle the clean-up ourselves?”
My mom says, “Of course.”
Mom’s from a different generation, where it was unheard of for the men to cook and do dishes. She never let my father help in the kitchen. I think it would’ve insulted
her. She considered it her domain. I think Tess feels the same way.
“You okay?” Grayson says to Mia.
“My stomach doesn’t exactly embrace food anymore, but I’m fine. But if you think I can’t do anything for the next nine months, I will milk it for all it’s worth.”
Grayson laughs heartily and the men willingly go out onto the lawn to throw the football around. My mom, Spencer, Tess, and Mia clear the dishes and go inside to wash up. I get the wonderful job of holding Sophie and I’m not complaining. Brit is running around on the lawn as though she’s playing too, but she’s really not interested in catching a football.
I love this chance to let my eyes rest on Jace. I can stare to my heart’s content in the name of watching the men play football. The afternoon just took a turn for the better.
CHAPTER
Five
I JOIN IRENE, who’s watching the men and Brit with a small smile on her face. I bounce Sophie on my knee and she’s content as she chews on her hand.
“Your little one is a cute little thing, Shay.”
“Thanks, Irene. I love that girl. She makes life worth living.”
She runs to Jace and he picks her up in his arms. He’s forfeiting football time for holding a tired toddler. She doesn’t know Blake or Joel very well, but she’s extremely comfortable with Stony and Grayson. Yet, she chose Jace. My heart wants to believe she recognizes him as someone special because he’s special to me. But that’s my overactive wishful thinking making itself manifest again. If wishful thinking was a person, we would not be friends anymore.
“Jace looks good with a child in his arms. I wish he’d find someone.” Irene pulls the lap blanket tighter around herself. “I’m not sure what happened to him in New York City, but he’s a changed man.”
Changed? How so? I mean, of course he’s a little different. It’s been six years and he’s not a boy anymore, he’s a man. I’m not the same person I was six years ago either. “What do you mean?”
