The Twelve Labours of Hercules

by Joe Corcoran

Master, and left them with a dire warning.

  “Be aware that you are in the land of the Amazons now. Armed men are killed on sight. Any man unaccompanied by a woman is liable to immediate arrest. If I were you, I’d stay on my boat.”

  Despite hearing this warning, Iolaus suddenly blurted out, “maybe I could come with you?”

  Calyope said nothing. Fixing him with a steady gaze she raised one eyebrow, inviting him to explain. For a few moments Iolaus could only stutter, then he recovered his wits.

  “It is so rare for a visitor to have the chance to see an Amazon city,” he said, “I would forever regret missing the opportunity, even though the risk may be great. And,” here he hesitated slightly, “I have great faith in my lady’s protection.”

  Hercules, who had seen the sidelong glances that Iolaus had been giving the Amazon during the voyage upstream, suspected he had another reason, be he said nothing. Any information on the city that Iolaus could gather might help in completing the challenge.

  After Iolaus and Calyope left, the rest of the crew settled down for a long wait. In reality it was only a few minutes before an old man came limping along the wharf towards where the galley was moored. He introduced himself as the Barter Master.

  “The Amazons don’t think trading is an occupation worthy of a woman,” he explained, “so they leave it to a man. The same is true of all the jobs they view as inferior – cooking, cleaning, childcare – all these things are left to the men.”

  The captain replied that trading, at least, was viewed the same everywhere. It was not seen as a noble profession, but still people wanted the goods he sold, and a share of the gold in his purse. Then they showed the Barter Master the cargo they carried and he licked his lips in anticipation.

  “Wine, you say?” he mumbled, “Maybe I should just have a cup to, ah, ascertain the quality?”

  “Of course!” replied the captain, “One must always check the goods. Steersman, take this gentleman below and let him choose any amphora his wishes to sample. They are all filled with the best wine Greece has to offer.”

  The captain smiled to himself, as the old main descended to the cargo hold. He knew that there was only one amphora of the best wine, the rest was average. The steersman, however, would make sure that the old man chose this amphora, and he’d make him think the choice had been random.

  Twenty minutes later the captain and the Barter Master were deep in negotiations. The wine would fetch a high price. The salt would also be valued by the Amazons. But the olive oil was dismissed, until Hercules explained how it could be used to make leather armour more supple, allowing greater freedom of movement in battle.

  “That’s all very well,” said the Barter Master, “but the Amazons guard their weaponry jealously. I’m not sure I can persuade them to part with what you ask.”

  “Well,” replied the captain, “I’m sure a man of your talents can be very persuasive. And if you were successful, maybe a few jugs of this fine wine might find their way into your private cellar.”

  The old man’s eyes lit up at this thought, and he left immediately to see the various women of the government who would need to approve such a deal. Shortly after he left, Iolaus and Calyope returned. Hercules was surprised to see Iolaus walking five paces behind Calyope as they approached the wharf, then running forward to walk beside her as soon as he was sure no-one was watching. By the time they reached the galley they were deep in conversation, talking and laughing together like they were old friends. By now it was getting dark. Calyope left Hercules and the crew with the same dire warning to stay aboard the galley. They would conclude their business, she said, in the morning.

  That night the crew spent quietly on board the galley. Some brave souls crept onto the wharf and lit a fire to cook their evening meal, but they felt ill at ease and jumped frequently at the shadows around them. Iolaus was one of their number, and made them more nervous by telling stories of the things he had seen in the city. Then Iolaus told them another story, and one sailor forgot to be nervous because he saw a great opportunity in what he heard. With a glint in his eye he dragged Iolaus to his feet and took him back onto the galley, to where Hercules, Perseus and the captain were talking in hushed whispers.

  Ever since they had arrived they had been trying to think of a way to get their hands on the girdle, but so far they had come up with nothing. The sailor hoped he could change that.

  “Tell these men what you just told me,” he said to Iolaus.

  Iolaus shuffled uncomfortably and then he began.

  “I noticed at once that everyone in the city treated Calyope with respect. A few times the other women she met started to say something, but silenced themselves when they saw me. However, in the marketplace, I was walking five paces behind Calyope, as is the custom for Amazon menfolk, when a woman came out of the crowd. She couldn’t see me from where she was standing, but I saw her. She bowed to Calyope and greeted her as ‘my princess’.”

  Hercules was unimpressed.

  “That can only mean that Calyope is Hippolyte’s daughter. While we’ve been stuck here, you’ve been off touring the city with their spy. What did you tell her?”

  The captain however, like the sailor had done, saw the opportunity.

  “We’re here to trade, aren’t we?” he asked with a wicked grin, “what do you think the queen would trade for the life of her daughter? Surely that would be worth a girdle.”

  “No!” Iolaus choked, “You cannot mean to kidnap a lady for ransom. The dishonour would be unbearable. Besides, she is,” here Iolaus faltered, before finishing weakly, “an innocent in this.”

  “Well,” responded the captain, “she didn’t look so innocent when she and her warriors were pointing their bows at our heads. In any case, it seems to me we’ve got ourselves three options. One, a simple kidnap and no-one gets hurt. Two, we storm the city, maybe we all get killed, maybe we win and kill a lot of Amazons – either way, lots of people die. Three, we give up and go home, then we can wait for Alcyoneus to come and do the killing.”

  The captain’s speech was short and crude, but not even Iolaus could find a convincing reply. The friends did not like what they had to do, nevertheless they set about making a plan and it was late into the night before they were able to settle down for sleep.

  The sailors were woken by the light of dawn, and only slightly later, the Barter Master arrived at the wharf. He looked very pleased with himself. He also looked a little nervous.

  “They’ve agreed to your terms,” he said.

  This delighted the captain, who had asked for many more weapons in payment than he thought would be acceptable. Although, of course, he let nothing show on his face. He just asked when the weapons would arrive.

  “They will be here soon,” said the Barter Master, hopping from one foot to another in his nervousness, “it would be best if you could arrange my, er, fee before they arrive.”

  Looking hopeful, he produced two stone jars with leather stoppers. The captain had these filled with wine, and the Barter Master left the wharf for a few minutes - no doubt to hide the jugs somewhere safe. When he returned, the captain asked casually if he would care for some refreshment before the hard work of swapping the cargo started. As he had known would happen, the old man agreed enthusiastically, and the went below decks to sample the wine. Their plan was now in motion and there was no turning back.

  The Amazon officials arrived about an hour later, bringing with them several carts loaded with the weapons to be traded. Calyope was with them, and she searched among the faces of the sailors to see if she could find Iolaus, but he had been confined below decks in case he inadvertently gave away the plan. The wine, oil and salt was unloaded, and carried to the end of the wharf where it was loaded onto the carts. Then the weapons were carried aboard to be stored in the hold of the galley. The men did this work, while the Amazon women looked on. As the last of the cargo was loaded, the captain approached Calyope. Quietly he spoke to her.

  “Forgive me,
but there is a matter of some delicacy you may want to attend to personally. The Barter Master arrived early today, and insisted on verifying the quality of the wine. I’m afraid he was unused to strong drink, and did not think to add any water. He is, therefore, now below decks and quite insensible.”

  Calyope cursed the man for a fool, and headed to the galley.

  “You men need our constant attention,” she said, “otherwise you find all kinds of ways to destroy yourselves.”

  So saying, she descended to the hold, where she saw the Barter Master lying stretched out on the floor - snoring loudly.

  “Idiot!” she shouted.

  “Yes,” said the steersman, who was tending to the old man, “but a man of stamina. See, he has drunk almost an entire amphora.”

  Calyope could not help but give in to her curiosity, and went to look in the huge jar indicated by the steersman. Sure enough it was practically empty, but when she leaned over to look she was caught off guard by Hercules, who clamped his arms around her. Then Perseus gagged her, before she could scream, and together they forced her into the empty amphora. The last sound she heard before the vessel was closed was Iolaus’ voice, as he pleaded with them not to hurt her.

  In the hustle and bustle of the loading, no-one noticed the missing princess or Barter Master. By the time the galley left