The Twelve Labours of Hercules

by Joe Corcoran

meet Hercules. Iolaus was dressed in his servant’s outfit, and Hades had made him carry a silver tray on which sat a goblet of nectar. This was a drink that only the gods were allowed to enjoy. It was said that it was not only delicious, but also had magical powers - and it was incredibly rare. Carrying such a precious liquid, balanced on a tray, while walking across the rough landscape of Tartarus, was very difficult and Iolaus had to concentrate hard so as not to spill a drop. So hard, in fact, that he didn’t realise that they had arrived, until Hades stopped in front of him.

  “This is where we will wait for Zeus’ champion,” he announced.

  As Hades took a sip of the nectar, Iolaus looked around. They were stood in the middle of a wide plain. The ground was covered with a grey-red coloured dust, and this was strewn with rocks and boulders of all different sizes - from little pebbles, to some as big as an elephant. In the distance to one side was a range of mountains, and beside them, Hades’ palace looked as small as a doll’s house. The air was still, even when a breeze did blow it was hot and brought no comfort. Iolaus noticed all these things, but what really held his attention was something only a few feet away. Lying on the ground, next to a boulder as big as a house, was the largest dog Iolaus had ever seen. He almost thought that it was too large to be called a dog, really it was a monster. It had three heads, all of which now seemed to be asleep, paws as big as millstones … and it stank. As Iolaus watched it, the middle head started sniffing and shifted slightly in its sleep, so that he could see it was secured to the rock with a thin chain. A chain that looked too delicate to hold Cerberus, should the beast want to escape. Seeing Iolaus tremble, and following his gaze, Hades decided to reassure him.

  “That chain is made of Adamantium, the strongest metal known. Hephaestus himself made it for me. It is more than strong enough to hold my little pet.”

  Meleager had been as good as his word, guiding Hercules through the various dangers of Tartarus towards the palace of Hades. As they had walked, the two men had found that they had a lot in common. Both were warriors, they valued honour above all and they enjoyed the hunt. In fact they had become firm friends, and so, when he saw Hades in the distance, Meleager stopped Hercules to give him a warning.

  “It is true that Zeus is mightier than Hades, and that he is rightly the ruler of the gods,” the hunter said, “but Hades is proud and would never admit that he is weaker than his younger brother. That is why he spends most of his time here, in Tartarus. Here he is truly invincible. So beware, not even Zeus will be able to protect you here.”

  Having heard and understood these words, Hercules nevertheless headed forward, closing the distance between himself and the god of the Underworld with long, steady strides. Meleager advanced with him, glancing now and again at the grim look on Hercules’ face and wondering what plan he could possibly have for surviving the coming encounter.

  “So, Hercules,” said Hades as the two approached, “you have come to teach me a lesson by stealing my pet.”

  Now Hercules saw Iolaus for the first time and could not conceal his surprise. Hades saw his expression and laughed cruelly before continuing.

  “Yes, that’s right, your dear friend is here with me. The merest suggestion of torture was enough to make him tell me all your plans.”

  Hercules shot a questioning glance at Iolaus, who moved back a step so that Hades could not see his face. He winked and clearly mouthed the word ‘chain’, quickly returning his features to a look of submission and regret when Hades glanced back at him. Hercules guessed that Iolaus had a plan, although he could not tell what it might be or what it had to do with chains. Or was he wrong? Faced with the full power of the Lord of the Underworld, had his friend betrayed him? Was this a trap?

  “I could send you running back to Zeus,” said Hades, “or I could make you a prisoner here, but whatever people may say about me, I am a sporting man. Maybe you would care to have a wager with me?”

  Again Iolaus winked and nodded his head slightly, prompting Hercules to speak.

  “Let me hear the terms of this wager. Then I will decide.”

  “The terms,” replied Hades, “are simplicity itself. All you have to do is to beat Cerberus in a fair fight, then you may take him to Zeus.”

  “And if I lose?”

  “Then you will stay here in Tartarus and serve me as my champion for ever.”

  There was a silence for a few moments as Hercules considered, eyeing up the huge dog that was now fully awake and licking its lips hungrily, but he did not hesitate for long.

  “I accept,” he roared, “Now, you had better unchain your beast. And maybe you should say goodbye at the same time.”

  “Very well,” said Hades, and he motioned to Meleager to unhook the dog’s chain from the boulder.

  “If you can just put aside your weapons and your cloak, we can get started.”

  “Wwwhat,” stuttered Hercules and Iolaus together.

  Hades turned to face Iolaus and laughed.

  “Did you really think that I wouldn’t spot the trap you laid for me. I chose my words with care when I said it should be a fair fight. Cerberus carries no weapons of iron and he wears no impenetrable armour. He goes into battle naked, and so should Hercules.”

  Iolaus looked horrified and started to protest, but Hercules simply dropped his weapons and threw his cloak to the ground. Standing naked on the hot, dry plain he stared Hades in the eye.

  “It makes no difference to me,” he said, “I will still prevail. I am Hercules, son of Zeus, and this is just a dog.”

  “It’s the size of a house,” wailed Iolaus.

  “Just a big dog,” Hercules corrected himself.

  “With three heads,” said Iolaus, pausing slightly before adding in a more purposeful tone of voice, “even if it only has one neck.”

  Then there was no more time for talking as Meleager had climbed the boulder and unfastened the chain.

  As soon as he was released, Cerberus came bounding towards Hercules. The beast was howling and baring his teeth, ready to tear the hero limb from limb. Hercules stood his ground until the last moment, then he dived to one side, Cerberus’ teeth grazing his leg. The dog was too big to be agile and came skidding to a halt before getting ready to charge again. It was just about to bound forward when, pok – pok – pok, three stones hit it slap bang in the middle of each of its three foreheads. Hercules had a good throwing arm, but the stones were just too small and only seemed to enrage Cerberus, who shook his heads and launched himself forward. This time Hercules was a fraction slower, and he felt teeth raking down the side of his arm. When he looked there was a trickle of blood flowing from a scratch near his shoulder. It ran down to his hand and dripped onto the red sand, sending Cerberus into a frenzy of howling. As the dog threw back his heads, Hercules noticed the thin chain that hung round its neck and he remembered the word that Iolaus had mouthed. He knew that he couldn’t keep dodging the dog’s charges, so he had to try a new plan. This time he didn’t wait for Cerberus to move first, with a roar of his own Hercules charged towards his adversary. Moments later the beast also started its charge and, as the two raced towards each other, Iolaus could only hope that Hercules had understood his plan. The moments passed with agonising slowness until, with perfect timing, Hercules dropped to the ground, launching himself feet first in a skid that took him straight under Cerberus’ snapping jaws. Naked as he was, Hercules felt the sand burning his skin and sharp stones cutting into his flesh, but it was worth it. The dog was taken completely by surprise, all three of its heads bending low under its body in a vain pursuit of its prey. Now Hercules could already see that his plan had worked. He grabbed the end of the chain that trailed from Cerberus’ neck and, jumping to his feet behind the dog, gave an almighty heave. The beast was still moving forwards with its heads down when it suddenly felt the jerk at its neck, bringing it to a halt. But Cerberus’ body would not stop, it was moving too fast, and the poor dog went head over heels, landing with a terrible crash that caused ripples
in the cup of nectar on Iolaus’ tray. Hercules was on the beast in a flash. Wrapping the thin chain around its neck he pulled with all his might until the dog fell unconscious. He then loosened the chain and checked to make sure Cerberus was still alive. He did not have to get too close to know that this was the case, as the foul smell of its breath told him everything he needed to know.

  Hades was furious, but there was nothing he could do. Hercules had won the bet fair and square. Now Hercules had Cerberus, but he had no idea how he would get such a beast across the River Styx or even through the narrow tunnels of the Underworld. Hades, who was a bad loser, had already turned to go. He paused only to snap an order to Iolaus

  “Come on boy, and don’t spill that nectar or I shall have you flogged.”

  Iolaus didn’t follow immediately, he stayed to wave sadly at Hercules.

  “Farewell my friend,” he said, “I am bound by the law of the gods to stay here. I have something that belongs to Hades, and while I still have it, then my spirit must remain with him. I hope you find a quick way to the surface before Alcyoneus gets free.”

  At this point Iolaus looked firmly at the ground by his feet before turning to follow his new master.

  Hercules cursed himself for not having looked after his friend better and he cursed