Circle of Doubt

by Buchanan, Tracy

  ‘Oh, come on, you must see the way the other mums look at him?’

  As she said that, Emma noticed Myra making a beeline for him. As far as she knew, Myra was single. She’d heard other mums talking about the fact that she’d split up with her son’s father just a year after he was born. Did she have Shawn in her sights? Maybe she didn’t realise he was married?

  ‘I’m more into the hot-geek look,’ Emma said as she caught Dele’s eye and he blew her a kiss.

  ‘Aren’t you two cute? So,’ Faye said, ‘tell me more about the Belafontes.’

  Over the thirty minutes while Dele and Shawn talked to various football buddies and checked on the kids, Faye and Emma chatted. Emma found Faye refreshing: outspoken, passionate about her work and confident.

  ‘More wine?’ Emma asked her after a while.

  ‘Sure.’

  Emma got up and walked to the bar, ordering herself another lemonade and Faye a glass of wine before weaving her way back to the table, not caring when Lucy and Myra watched her. At least Faye was being nice; that was all she needed.

  ‘Emma!’

  She looked up to see Dele beckoning her over. He was standing with Tatjana and Lawrence. Emma strolled towards them.

  ‘Thirsty?’ Tatjana asked with a laugh when Emma got to them.

  ‘Oh, they’re not both for me,’ Emma replied, laughing with her. ‘The wine’s for Faye.’

  ‘We were just talking about the new restaurant that’s opened at the courtyard,’ Dele said. ‘Lawrence and Tatjana have been.’

  Tatjana nodded enthusiastically. ‘It’s fabulous. We really enjoyed our meal, didn’t we, darling?’

  Lawrence nodded. ‘Maybe we can all go there together some time?’

  ‘That’d be great,’ Dele said.

  ‘How about tomorrow night?’ Lawrence asked. ‘We can see if Shawn and his wife want to come, too. I was chatting to Shawn about joining the football team.’

  ‘Nice one! We can do tomorrow, can’t we babe?’ Dele asked Emma.

  Emma hesitated. Two nights in a row being out? She’d much rather be snuggled up with Dele watching Netflix. It had been a busy week.

  ‘If you’re too busy with work . . .’ Tatjana said, letting her voice trail off.

  ‘I don’t work at the weekends,’ Emma said, frowning. Why would she say that? ‘Of course we’ll come, it’ll be great.’

  As they walked back to the table, Dele examined her face. ‘You okay?’

  ‘Oh I’m fine, just hyperventilating at the idea of two nights out in a row, you know me!’

  Dele rolled his eyes as he laughed. ‘It’s called making friends, Emma. I know that’s an alien concept to you, my love.’

  Emma’s mouth dropped open. She shoved the drinks she’d just got at him. ‘Do me a favour, will you? Take this to my friend, I’m going to the loo.’

  Dele flinched. ‘Shit. Sorry, Emma, I didn’t mean it like that.’

  But she didn’t listen. She just glared at him, then marched to the toilet. When she got into her cubicle, she sat down on the toilet seat. How dare Dele imply she couldn’t make friends – hadn’t she just spent half an hour talking non-stop to Faye? Just because she wasn’t some exuberant glamorous woman like Tatjana with a zillion friends didn’t mean she couldn’t make friends.

  The door to the toilets opened and there was the sound of chatter.

  ‘. . . deserve a night off, for Christ’s sake!’ a woman with a gravelly voice said. It was Lucy! ‘Sammy was up half the night and guess who was up with him?’

  ‘You, of course,’ her friend said. Emma recognised that voice too: it was Myra, Lawrence’s PA.

  ‘Exactly,’ Lucy said. ‘The one time I mention to Fraser how unfair it is that I’m always the one getting up, I get told he has to be fully rested for work. Like what I do isn’t work. I’m on my feet all bloody day. The day men think being a stay-at-home mum is work is the day hell freezes over.’

  ‘I have complete respect for what you do, even though I work,’ Myra said.

  ‘Only part-time!’ Lucy said. ‘And you were a stay-at-home mum before your divorce.’

  ‘Quite. If my useless ex provided more maintenance, I would still be a stay-at-home mum. Anyway, it’s not just men who don’t get what hard work it is,’ Myra said. ‘Some women think the same too.’

  ‘Really?’ Lucy said.

  ‘Yep.’ Myra lowered her voice. ‘Women like Emma Okoro.’

  Emma put her hand to her mouth in shock. She leaned close to the door, half wanting to hear what was said next, half not.

  ‘I heard she really looks down her nose at stay-at-home mums,’ Myra continued. ‘Apparently, she thinks they’re a lazy bunch with too much time on their hands.’

  Emma’s face flushed. She’d never said anything like that!

  ‘She’s always been a bit cold though, don’t you think?’ Lucy commented, the anger evident in her voice. ‘The way she stands there glued to her phone.’

  ‘Pretending she’s looking at work emails but I bet it’s just the Daily Mail,’ Myra said.

  They laughed.

  ‘Not just that.’ Myra lowered her voice. ‘You know that post on Kitty’s Facebook group about someone doctoring her MySpace page? We all said it would need to be someone with social media experience, and guess who has it?’

  ‘Emma Okoro,’ Lucy whispered.

  Emma’s eyes flooded with tears. Bloody Myra! Why was she trying to accuse Emma?

  A small thought occurred to her then. Myra worked for the Belafontes . . . and she’d told Tatjana about Kitty’s MySpace page when she had lunch with her the week before. They’d also talked about the struggle between staying at home and working, but Emma hadn’t said she thought stay-at-home mums were lazy.

  Had Tatjana twisted their conversation so it sounded like Emma had insulted working mums? But why?

  To discredit you, a small voice said.

  She saw Isla’s birth mother in her mind again, Jade’s face overlapping with Tatjana’s.

  She thought of what Faye had said: The number of birth parents managing to track their kids down is ridiculous.

  She shook her head. No, no, Tatjana was not Jade!

  She waited until the two women left, then opened her cubicle door. If she were her sister, she’d have gone out to confront them. But what good would that do? Lucy was the mother of one of Isla’s best friends; she couldn’t jeopardise that friendship. She’d find another time to talk to her.

  She leaned her hands on the sink, looking at herself in the mirror. Then she took a deep breath and applied more lipstick before walking back out into the hall, her mind still churning over what she’d overheard. As she walked towards Dele and Isla, the music seemed to be louder, the room darker. Eyes turned towards her, and to Emma they seemed accusing, angry.

  She saw Tatjana chatting to Lucy and Myra nearby. They were all laughing about something.

  Was it Emma they were laughing about?

  Emma suddenly felt like all the breath had been sucked out of her. She needed air!

  She ran out of the school hall, stepping into the darkness.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Friday 2nd October

  7.45 p.m.

  I follow Emma as she runs outside and I hide in the shadows to the side of the hall, watching her.

  She’s standing under a nearby tree, her face lit up by the light from her phone as she talks into it.

  Who’s she talking to?

  Whoever it is, that phone seems to always be in her hand. It’s all she can look at! It gets more attention than you, Isla! No wonder she’s getting so pally with that Faye woman . . . she’s the same, head in her work and nothing else. How awful for you, my darling Isla, to be so low on her priority list.

  I want to grab the phone from her hands right now and smash it against a nearby tree.

  Emma pauses, looking around as though sensing my eyes on her.

  She’s a little more astute than I thought. Certainly more astute t
han her new friend Faye was a moment ago, stumbling across the dance floor. Reminds me of my mother after returning from my parents’ daily evenings out at the pub, stumbling into the living room, not even asking how me, an eight-year-old, had coped the whole evening looking after my little brother alone. Or the time they turned up at parents’ evening so out of it, the teachers had to call the police.

  I know this might not be pleasant to hear about your grandparents, Isla, but it’s important you know exactly how far I’ve come . . . and how a difficult upbringing can give you the grit required to navigate your future.

  Like the way I’m navigating this now, my little strategy to get you back. Just a little tweak here, a small push there, and soon your fake mother will be exposed for what she is: a useless parent.

  But is it really enough to hide school letters and spread a few rumours?

  In fact, what if I strode over to her right now and picked that log up by her feet, smashed her head in? Dragged her by the legs into the forest, then left her there?

  I look around. There’s nobody else out here. It would be easy enough.

  But no, I have to be patient.

  I have something in the pipeline, after all. Something that may upset you, Isla, but it’ll be worth it.

  I slip back inside.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Friday 2nd October

  7.50 p.m.

  Emma peered around her in the darkness, her skin prickling.

  ‘You okay?’ her sister’s voice said on the phone.

  ‘Yeah, just thought I heard something.’ Emma wrapped her arms around herself.

  ‘Look, just rise above it. The school gate can be vicious. They really are a bunch of bored school mums, clearly. As for Tatjana, she must have been gossiping about you. Can’t be a coincidence it’s the exact same things you talked about over lunch.’

  Emma peered towards the disco. ‘But Tatjana seemed so nice! I can’t believe she’d spread rumours about me.’

  ‘Ask her!’

  ‘I can’t face going back in there.’

  Dele appeared at the doorway to the hall then.

  ‘Gotta go,’ Emma whispered. She quickly tucked her phone back into her pocket as he strolled over.

  ‘Where’s Isla?’ she asked him coldly.

  ‘Shawn and Faye are keeping an eye on her.’ He sighed. ‘I’m sorry, babe, I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was wrong of me, a really naff attempt at a joke.’

  Emma flexed her jaw. ‘You were right, though, I do struggle to make friends. It’s always been so easy for you. You don’t know what it’s like standing in that school playground with no one to talk to. It’s not like I don’t try.’

  Dele took her hand. ‘I didn’t realise it was like that for you.’

  ‘Well, it is. It was the same at school, Harriet was always the popular one.’

  Dele frowned, looking down at his feet. ‘I wish you talked to me more about stuff like this.’

  ‘Why would I when you say things like making friends is an alien concept for me?’

  He flinched. ‘That was out of order, I see that now. Come here,’ he said, pulling her close. At first, she resisted. But then she found herself sinking into him. ‘I like the fact you’re shy,’ he whispered in her ear.

  ‘Maybe it’s not good for Isla, though. For her sake, I should be making more of an effort.’

  ‘Isla seems perfectly happy to me. But it doesn’t harm, does it? That’s why it’ll be good for us to go out for dinner with Lawrence and Tatjana tomorrow.’

  Emma stiffened in his arms. Should she tell him about what she’d overheard and her worries that Tatjana might be behind the rumours?

  No, not until she’d spoken to Tatjana. It might have nothing to do with her!

  ‘Shall we go get Isla and head home?’ he suggested.

  Emma thought about it. ‘No, she’s having a good time. Let’s stay for a bit longer.’

  When they walked back inside, Isla was still dancing with her friends. Emma went over to her and picked her up, swirling her around as Isla giggled. Tonight was about Isla. Harriet was right, she shouldn’t let the other mums get to her.

  Then she looked over at Tatjana, who was watching them intently. Emma caught her eye and smiled.

  Tatjana frowned, then turned away.

  Emma walked towards the village courtyard the next night, Isla’s hand clutched in hers, Dele’s arm around her shoulders. Capadocia was a smart Turkish mezzo restaurant with a wooden interior. They passed the courtyard tree, which was draped with fairy lights. It was very pretty at night, all the other buildings displaying solar lights in their windows, creating an almost festive feel.

  As they approached the restaurant, Emma could already see Tatjana in there. No surprise, she looked stunning in a long mustard silk dress that on anyone else would look OTT for dinner at a small restaurant like this, but somehow it worked on her.

  Emma took in a deep breath. Could she really be behind those rumours?

  Dele rubbed her back, sensing her unease, even though she hadn’t told him what she’d overheard.

  As they walked inside, Tatjana gave them all a hug. ‘Welcome!’ she gushed as though she were welcoming them to her own home. ‘Come on,’ she said, taking Isla’s hand. ‘The others are waiting for you.’

  They followed Tatjana to the back of the restaurant towards a large table. To Emma’s surprise, sitting at the table with Shawn and Faye . . . were Lucy and Myra, too!

  ‘I didn’t realise they were coming,’ Emma said, that conversation she’d overheard in the toilets still at the forefront of her mind.

  ‘We thought we’d make it a bit of a party,’ Tatjana said. ‘The more the merrier,’ she added with a smile.

  Emma examined her face. Was that smile genuine?

  ‘All right mate,’ Dele said as he shook Shawn’s hand.

  ‘You can’t get rid of me,’ Shawn said as Faye waved at Emma.

  Emma waved back, then looked around the table. The only place she could sit was right next to Lucy and across from a prim-looking Myra.

  ‘There’s only room for two here,’ Emma said.

  ‘Oh, the little fashion superstar will be with me and the other children at the fun end,’ Tatjana said, gesturing to the other end of the table where her two boys were sitting along with Lucy’s daughter Poppy, Myra’s son Justin and Faye’s two children.

  Isla looked delighted at the idea.

  Emma was about to protest, but Dele put a calming hand on her back, so she nodded and sat by Lucy who gave her a cold smile.

  ‘Hello, we met when you moved in,’ Lucy’s husband Fraser said as he leaned over his wife to greet Emma. He was short with a receding hairline and ruddy cheeks. He’d visited them on their first week to go through the challenges of living so close to a forest. It was clear he took his new job as forest ranger very seriously. Emma wondered what he thought about the Belafontes living right in the forest, vulnerable to any storms.

  He gave Dele a salute. ‘Hello, football buddy.’

  Dele saluted back. ‘All right mate. Where’s the little one?’ he asked, referring to Lucy and Fraser’s two-year-old son.

  ‘With his grandparents . . . might get a decent night’s sleep,’ Fraser added with a wink.

  A waiter came over. ‘Drinks?’

  ‘I hear you work in social media, Emma?’ Fraser asked as everyone ordered their drinks. Lucy stared frostily ahead, sipping at her water.

  ‘That’s right,’ Emma replied.

  ‘I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who actually works in social media,’ Fraser said.

  ‘That’s because you work with trees, darling,’ Lucy said, putting her hand on her husband’s knee.

  ‘Must be nice, working amongst nature,’ Emma said.

  ‘Actually, Fraser is very busy,’ Lucy said. ‘Just like you, Emma. Except unlike you, he doesn’t always have his head in his phone. More iTree than iPhone,’ she said with a high-pitched laugh, as Myra suppressed a smi
le.

  Emma felt a flush creep across her cheeks.

  Silly cows.

  ‘Actually, work’s not the reason I look at my phone, I’m usually looking at the Daily Mail,’ Emma snapped back, repeating what she’d overheard Myra say about her.

  Myra blinked rapidly and Emma could see she was wondering if Emma had indeed overheard her. At the other end of the table, Tatjana was clearly listening too, her head tilted slightly.

  ‘I hope it doesn’t give the impression I’m too cold,’ Emma added for good measure. ‘But one has to keep up with all the Kardashian gossip.’

  Myra laughed nervously, then waved for the waiter. ‘Actually, can I have wine?’

  Emma smiled to herself. She was rattling Myra. Great! She was clearly channelling her sister today! Harriet would be proud.

  Over the next twenty minutes, Emma shared some social media stories with a surprisingly interested Fraser: like the time the MD of one of her big household name clients accidentally posted a link to a porn site from the company Twitter account. By the end of the conversation, Lawrence was joining in too, sharing hilarious stories about other architects he knew. The group were all getting on brilliantly . . . apart from Lucy and Myra, who both seemed strangely quiet, and Tatjana, who was more preoccupied with the children, especially Isla.

  ‘I’d recommend the sea bass,’ Tatjana said as they all looked at the menus. ‘They call it levrek, it’s simply delicious. The boys in particular like it, don’t you, boys?’

  Her sons nodded enthusiastically as Isla wrinkled her nose. She was so fussy, even though Emma and Dele had tried hard to make her try different foods.

  ‘Oh, don’t you like fish, darling?’ Tatjana asked Isla.

  Darling?

  ‘It’s okay,’ Isla said with a shrug, but it was obvious from her tone it was anything but okay. ‘I prefer pizza though.’

  ‘Yep, my two as well,’ Faye said. ‘Actually, have they got a kids’ menu?’

  ‘Oh, I hope not!’ Myra said. ‘I just don’t get children’s menus, full of absolute crap like pizza and nuggets. Why not just do mini versions of the adult meals?’ Emma noticed Myra’s voice had gone up an octave and had a slightly hysterical tone to it.