Circle of Doubt

by Buchanan, Tracy

  It all became suddenly clear to me recently that this is the way it was meant to be. Not with Tatjana but Jade – always Jade.

  ‘Look, Isla, your real mother,’ I say to you. But you won’t look at her, you just keep looking at bloody Emma!

  ‘Come, Jade. Come see her,’ I say, beckoning Jade over. ‘The three of us, together at last.’

  Jade sighs. ‘Just stop, Nathan.’

  I frown. ‘Stop what?’

  ‘Stop trying to ruin Isla’s life.’

  I shake my head, confused. ‘Ruin? I’m trying to make her life better! Put things back to how they should be. It was always you, me and our daughter, just like I said in my message last night.’

  ‘Oh, Lawrence. Look at her. All she wants is her mum.’

  ‘You’re her mum!’ I say.

  ‘No! Emma is,’ Jade says. ‘And she’s a great mum, too, from what I’ve seen on her Instagram feed.’ She looks over her shoulder at Emma. ‘You’re a wonderful mother, Emma, thank you.’

  I look between the two women – the two mothers – as they smile at one another. Emma and Jade.

  ‘You’ve got it all wrong,’ I quickly say. ‘She’s a terrible mother. Haven’t you been reading my messages, Jade?’

  Jade looks at me. ‘I did read all your messages, Lawrence, and that’s why I’m here, to protect Isla.’ Her face softens. ‘You’re not right, Lawrence, this isn’t right,’ she says, gesturing towards you and me.

  Jade turns her gaze back to me and gently walks forward, putting out her arms.

  ‘Let me take her,’ she whispers, and the look on her face reminds me of the first time I met her, the way she held me as I cried after that bad beating from my dad. ‘Lawrence, please, let me take her,’ Jade says. ‘The police are coming, there’s no way out. Don’t let her see you like this, forcing her to do something, be something, like your dad did.’

  I close my eyes, my arms going weak.

  I let you slip from my hands.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Saturday 21st November

  11.15 p.m.

  Emma watched as Jade took Isla from Lawrence’s arms. Isla stared up at her birth mother, her eyes hungrily exploring Jade’s face.

  Jade smiled down at her, tears falling from her eyes.

  For a moment, Emma was terrified that Jade would just turn and walk away with her daughter.

  But instead, she went straight up to Emma, gave Isla a kiss on her cheek and handed her over.

  Emma sobbed, holding her daughter so close.

  ‘I love you,’ she said, ‘I love you.’ She said it over and over again.

  Lawrence was sitting down in the grass, his head in his hands. Emma watched as Jade went over and sat down beside him, wrapping her arms around him.

  In the forest, people started to appear, their torches lighting up the darkness.

  ‘Dad!’ Isla shouted.

  Dele ran towards Emma and Isla and hugged them.

  Emma smiled.

  Family, she thought.

  In the distance, she saw Harriet walk away through the trees, leaving forever, finally at peace.

  Epilogue

  Tuesday 18th May

  12.15 p.m.

  Emma ran up to the forest clearing, her picnic bag bouncing against her hip.

  ‘Sorry we’re late,’ she called out. ‘Isla took a million years to get ready.’

  ‘Why do we bother making excuses any more, Mum?’ Isla asked, jogging to keep up with her mother. ‘We should embrace our lateness.’

  Emma laughed. ‘You’re so right.’

  She came to a stop in front of a huge picnic mat that had been laid out on leafy ground beneath a blossom-filled rowan tree. Tatjana jumped up, pulling her into a hug. ‘I’m so going to buy you an alarm clock for your birthday, Emma.’

  Emma laughed, hugging her back.

  ‘Hey, you,’ a voice said.

  Emma looked down at Jade. Her newborn son was snuggled against her breast as he fed.

  ‘Say hello to Isaiah,’ Jade said.

  She looked so contented – and why shouldn’t she be? She’d turned her life around and was living on the coast with her lovely husband. She’d even got back in touch with her mother and they met regularly. And now she was able to see her birth child after denying herself the chance, telling herself back then that she didn’t even deserve letterbox contact. Now she finally felt she did deserve it.

  Emma had invited Jade back to the house after Lawrence was arrested and Isla was safe. Emma and Dele hadn’t wanted her driving back in the storm. It should have felt strange, especially as Emma had been so scared about the possibility that Tatjana was Jade and had come to get Isla back. But instead, it felt natural, even normal. The next morning, Jade and Emma had talked while Dele took Isla to the police station to give a full statement. The police had offered to come to their home, but Isla really wanted to see inside a police station, a fact that made Emma realise her daughter might be okay after all the drama.

  As Jade and Emma had talked that morning, Emma realised what an amazing woman Jade was. Like Lawrence, she had dragged herself up from a difficult start in life. But unlike Lawrence, she had done it with grace and positivity, leaving the country with a friend and getting herself clean in Thailand.

  The more Jade told Emma about Lawrence’s upbringing, though, the less surprised Emma was that he had turned out the way he had. At least he had a chance of getting the help he needed now. Lawrence had been jailed for two years for breaking and entering and kidnapping a minor. Tatjana had told Emma that he was seeing a therapist in prison, and when Tatjana spoke to Lawrence during the supervised calls he was allowed with the boys, he seemed better and better each time. He’d had time to reflect on his actions and seemed genuinely contrite.

  Emma leaned down now, stroking Isaiah’s soft head. ‘He’s beautiful,’ she said to Jade. ‘Isla, look, your new brother!’

  Isla sank down by Jade, staring in awe at the baby.

  ‘Hello, Isaiah,’ Isla whispered. ‘He’s so tiny.’

  Jade smiled. ‘Just like you once were, sweetie.’

  The three women looked at each other, smiling.

  ‘Not me though!’ Zeke declared, flexing his little muscles. ‘I was huge.’

  They all burst out laughing.

  Jade handed Isaiah gently over to Isla as Tatjana’s two boys joined them, crowding around to look at the new addition to their strange but beautiful family.

  Tatjana smiled, squeezing Emma’s hand. ‘It all worked out in the end, didn’t it?’ she said.

  Emma peered down at Isla with her three brothers. ‘It did.’

  Above them, a cluster of creamy white petals from the rowan tree floated down towards them, hints of a new season to come.

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  Hello,

  I’m so grateful you’ve taken the time to finish my latest novel. As I write this note, we are all in the midst of the Covid 19 crisis here in the UK and I’ve been working hard on edits for this book as the crisis unfolds around me. Luckily, my husband is on a sabbatical from his job as a police detective so can home-school our daughter as I work. But every day there’s a chance he might be called back to the frontline, so I’ve been working super hard to get this novel finished for you before my time is taken up with a potential new role: teacher to my daughter!

  I hope you’re now reading this safe and well. One thing that’s been reinforced to me lately is just how much of a solace reading can be. So many of you messaged me after reading WALL OF SILENCE, my first book set in Forest Grove, to tell me how much you enjoyed disappearing into the village and the stories woven within it.

  If you’ve enjoyed being immersed in this new story, I would be super grateful for a review on Amazon. As I worked on this novel, trying to push through the worries circulating my head as the world battled a pandemic, reader reviews gave me the energy to plough on.

  If you find yourself wanting to know more about what happens to the characters in
CIRCLE OF DOUBT after the story ended, I have a little treat for you. If you sign up to my enewsletter at www.tracy-buchanan.com/mailinglist, you will receive a free epilogue!

  I also absolutely love reading messages from readers, sent via my website at www.tracy-buchanan.com, via my author page at www.facebookcom/TracyBuchananAuthor or on The Reading Snug group I run, which I welcome you to join if you haven’t already – just do a search for it on Facebook.

  Thank you again for taking the time to read my latest novel.

  Take care,

  Tracy.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I’d like to start by thanking my friends, Suzanne and Gareth. It really helped to sit down with Suzanne and go through the adoption process with her from a mother’s point of view. Not just the admin side, but also the emotional side. Not only did the information she so generously shared help me to get the facts right but they also helped enrich the novel, bringing my attention to thoughts and feelings I may not have first considered.

  More than ever before, I want to thank my husband, Rob, who has allowed me to hide away in my office and finish this novel during the most uncertain times we’ve ever experienced. An amazing home teacher to our daughter and fabulous emotional support for me, he really is like one of the solid oak trees from Forest Grove: a strong and loving support to lean against when times get tough.

  My acknowledgements must always include a huge thanks to my amazing mum. She gifted me with my love of words. Watching her read as much as she did when I was a child taught me to be fascinated with stories too. In 2020 in particular, she’s had her own battles to fight and I have never been prouder of her. A million thanks for being the best example of strength and smiles to me. I love you, Mum, and my wonderful stepdad, Vic, for his support and love for you.

  To my family and friends as a whole, too, who are all so supportive of my books. You all rock!

  Speaking of rocks, my readers are total rocks, motivating me to write no matter what’s going on around me, your messages and reviews driving me on. In fact, one of my readers suggested the very title of this book. Thank you to Jody Bennett, who came up with Circle of Doubt after I put a call out for help in The Reading Snug.

  Finally, a massive thanks to the publishing people who make it possible to get this book into the world, from my agent Caroline Hardman and also Therese Coen who helps brings my books to an international audience. Plus the brilliant staff at Lake Union, in particular my editors Sammia Hamer and Ian Pindar, and the copy-editors, proofreaders, publicity team and more who continue to work hard during tough times to make my books the best they can be. A big THANKS!

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Photo © 2018 Nic Robertson-Smith

  Tracy Buchanan is a bestselling author whose books have been published around the world, including chart-toppers My Sister’s Secret, No Turning Back and Wall of Silence. She lives in the UK with her husband, their daughter and a very spoilt Cavalier King Charles Spaniel called Bronte.

  Before becoming a full-time author, Tracy worked as a travel journalist, visiting and writing about countries around the world. She has also produced content for the BBC and the Open University, and rubbed shoulders with celebrities while working for a London PR firm.

  When she isn’t spending time with her family and friends, Tracy now spends her days writing with her dog on her lap or taking walks in forests.

  For more information about Tracy, please visit www.facebook.com/TracyBuchananAuthor and www.tracy-buchanan.com.