by Brea Viragh
“Cruel.” I went still.
“Yes. You are still beautiful. It is almost painful to look at you.” My breath caught at that. “Though I admit I don’t sense any of the coldness or cruelty.”
“And you never will,” I said vehemently.
Merek dropped the fork at last, staring at the tines and the wink of candlelight on the polished silver. “That remains to be seen, Miss Barnes. In any case, I bade my driver to stop and you approached the carriage without hesitation, as though it was you who commanded the town and not me. You who commanded the will of the people around you. We spoke briefly and I knew I would be back to visit Bellmare more often. In fact I returned the next day to find you. It didn’t take long for me to be hooked.”
I frowned. This didn’t sound like me at all. The missing years of my life…had I really been that person? It didn’t make sense. “Beauty fades,” I said at last, heart pounding, setting my teacup back on the table. “There’s no sense in letting a frozen heart lead you. That way lies only ruin.”
Our gazes met over the dinner spread and I peered into those eyes so like two great emeralds. They held a lot of grief yet very little of the antagonism I’d come to expect from him.
Merek turned aside, affected by the look. “If only you’d felt that way five years ago. You and the rest of the people in that wretched town.”
A protective instinct for those I didn’t even know flowed through me. “Stop talking about the people you abandoned. You know nothing of their struggles,” I demanded.
“You think I don’t?” Nearly shaking now, Merek tightened his fists until I was sure his claws must be digging into his own palms. “You think I know nothing about the people I used to lead? You are the one who turned an ignorant eye to people in need. You, those savages, everyone. You chose to turn your back on me and those under my care.”
“That’s enough. I’m the one who came back for you.”
A deep, cold chuckle was his answer. “Too little too late.”
After a short internal debate on whether to toss the rest of my tea in his face, I decided not to, grateful he’d shared at least this much with me. Those few words spoke volumes.
I raised my chin, still defiant. “I choose not to let my past actions define who I am in the present. I choose to be a survivor and to work with the cards I have been dealt. What do you choose, Merek?”
Despite my stern words, I felt his despair. The stark emptiness of the years without hope he’d endured. A trace of pity burst to life inside of me and I quickly squashed it.
Pity wouldn’t solve this problem. It would only complicate it.
“You confessed your desire to be with me,” he admitted slowly, each word dragged from him as he continued his story, “early on, and I could not understand why, when we did not know each other. I didn’t know who you were besides this pretty face in the crowd. Until I made inquiries about your background. Your father a merchant, not from any of the landed gentry, not associated with the prominent families, not a suitable match by any stretch. But I couldn’t get you out of my mind, even knowing you were not worthy of me.”
Worthy of him.
He went on, still not looking at me. Responding and yet lost in his memories too. “I was spoiled, profligate… What did I have to offer anyone besides my rank and social standing? That’s what you wanted, I was sure. You were just another social climber with a pretty face. Until we grew to know each other. Until we grew closer and closer and I could not separate fact from fiction. To this day I am still unsure of you. I want to send you out of my sight but I know if I do, all is lost.”
I tossed his own words back at him. “If only you’d felt that way five years ago.”
Immediately, guilt stabbed at me as I was reminded of Merek’s lost time. The years I’d taken away from him with my curse, robbed him of when I condemned him to this strange and monstrous half form.
He finally turned to look at me then. “You have no idea how I felt five years ago. Isn’t that right? Because you say you have no memories.”
I sensed the hatred radiating from him, reaching out for me. I tried in vain to remember any hint of why I might have fallen for him so hard, so fast, when the only thing I saw now was darkness. Darkness from his years in exile and isolation.
After a few moments, he pushed away from the table. “Enjoy the rest of your evening, Reila. And good luck with your research. I hope it begins to pay off soon.”
The moment he left me, I resolutely walked out of the dining room and back to the library to continue my research, scouring through books in hopes I’d find something that might work.
I owed him that.
Chapter 12
I didn’t want to consider this castle a prison, to myself or Merek or the invisible staff working here. But I felt eyes on me constantly. Eyes making sure I kept within acceptable yet unspoken limits without going out of bounds. Footsteps followed me although I was never fast enough to view the person they belonged to. Each time I turned around, the sound vanished, and I found myself alone.
Between research breaks in the library, I explored what I could of the interior of the castle, although most of it had fallen into such poor condition—whether a result of the curse or lack of available people to care for it—so I mostly stuck to the well-lit areas and never went lower than the main floor.
There were times where it felt like the black mood of the owner had seeped into the walls themselves, where sorrow branded every corner until it felt like a tomb. Cobwebs draped along windowsills, broken furniture, decaying fabrics, and the dark vaulted ceilings so high above that light never reached them.
I passed through more stone arches than I could count and found spiral staircases leading up to the second and third floors in the north and south wings of the castle, all accented by intricately blown glass sconces. The old monarchs spent their money frivolously, I thought, trailing my hand along the lines of one of those lights. They invested in details none but those cleaning the castle would see instead of letting the money flow down to benefit the people.
Bellmare may radiate comfort and class but I knew all to well of the people starving in the streets. They came to the library multiple times a week because the head librarian handed out whatever scraps of food she had left. Her sympathy was probably the same reason she’d hired me when no one else would.
Some of the extravagant features of the castle were welcome, however. My discovery of the castle atrium proved an unparalleled delight. Arms laden down with books, I stepped over the cracked threshold into a room of pure light. Though the windows needed a thorough cleaning and the potted plants had long since turned to desiccated stalks, I knew right away this was a good place. A place of peace and tranquility. A small set of iron steps led from the doorway into a sunken area with meandering paths leading toward a central fountain. No water now flowed through the pipes, and the stone was stained green from old algae.
How marvelous this place must have been in its prime. Stone walls gave way to glass panels rising in a circular dome overhead. A wave of humid air surrounded me and I instantly drew up the image of roses in my mind. Roses and other tropical flowers in full bloom, kept that way year-round by the patient and loving hands of the castle gardeners.
If this room were in peak condition, the goddess sculpture in the center of the fountain would be polished to a gleam, with water playing a tinkling tune as it splashed merrily. Winding paths would be tended throughout the sanctuary, with thick vines and small trees and secret ivy-covered alcoves providing escape. I imagined stealing away into one of those alcoves with a book in hand, hidden from the world and preparing for my true love to find me.
How fanciful! Yet how appealing! Closing my eyes, I let my imagination take wing, transforming the atrium from its current state of neglect into a wonderland. Yes, this would be a wonderful place. Once I managed to break the curse, I would beg the prince to let me have a hand in its restoration. Beg him to—
“I knew I might find
you here today, Miss.”
I whirled around and dropped all but one of the books, holding it aloft like a weapon in front of me. But the voice somehow sounded familiar, and I noticed the young girl standing in the doorway I’d just vacated at the top of the steps. Honey-colored hair was wound around her head in a messy braid, fingers twitching at her sides. Her body posture added to the picture of youth; she couldn’t have been more than fifteen or sixteen years old and dressed in a plain brown dress with a white apron.
At once the pieces clicked together and I stared at her with a new sense of recognition.
“You’re the one who called to me as I attempted to escape,” I said on a slow exhale, trying to get my breath back from where she’d startled it out of me. “Are you also the one who leaves breakfast for me?”
With a shy smile she reached behind her to take up a tray and then took a careful step forward. “Yes, Miss. I thought you might be hungry. I wasn’t sure if His Highness would prefer you to dine with him. It seems he changes his mind frequently over the course of your time here. But I know we are all glad for the change. It’s been a long time since anyone has been allowed to visit.”
So my initial guess about a small army of invisible servants had proved correct. I stared at the young woman, lifting my brows when she looked at me expectantly. I wasn’t sure what she wanted me to say. Then I realized she was still holding the tray. I glanced around and located a small stone pedestal which would serve for a table.
“Will this do? I’m sorry, I don’t know—”
“Monique,” she supplied. “That’s my name, Miss. Monique Dupree.” She descended the short steps and deposited the tray onto the pedestal.
“Thank you for bringing me tea, then, Monique. I do appreciate the gesture. I’m Reila Barnes.”
She gave a tiny giggle at that. “Yes, Miss, I know.” She stood before me shyly, her hands clasped behind her back.
Grateful for the distraction, I laid the book aside and poured myself some tea. “You know me? Well, I suppose Merek—I mean His Highness must have mentioned it to all the staff. But how did you know to find me here?”
“This was your favorite place, Miss. Your favorite area of the entire castle.”
I frowned. “My…favorite place?”
“Oh yes. When you used to come to the castle for parties, or to visit the prince. It was always here where my mother and I found you to serve you tea and cookies and whatever else you wished.”
My blood went cold and I was glad for the warmth of the tea. “So you remember me from…from before?”
“Of course. The prince hired us especially to keep you happy and we are lucky he has allowed us to stay under his employ despite everything that has happened.” Her pretty smile turned down in a frown as she surveyed the atrium. “This was the first place he let die,” she said, and I couldn’t mistake the sadness in her tone. “Once the curse took hold, he expressly forbade anyone from coming here ever again.”
“And yet here you are, risking his wrath. Why?” I asked her. This girl had known me. And she’d kept her distance until now, unwilling to approach me.
“Because I felt it was time, Miss.” I stared dumbly at her, wishing I could remember but eager to hear what else she had to say. “I hope I haven’t offended you. It seemed safe to approach you.”
Her sudden appearance begged a waterfall of questions. Why did she and her mother stay in the beast’s employ, for one. Was it a sense of loyalty? Money? Or perhaps—and this thought really disturbed me—were the servants also under the spell? Were they trapped here like Merek?
And what did she mean by “safe to approach” me?
So many questions I didn’t even know where to begin. Neither of us said anything for the longest time and finally Monique dropped a hasty curtsey before bolting up the steps and out of sight.
My mission loomed ever more important. Once the curse was lifted, perhaps then I could find the answers I needed. No sense in wasting precious time with speculation. With tea at hand and any desire to explore more of the atrium effectively dashed, I settled down among my books and got to work.
“Have you found what you’re looking for, Miss?”
Monique’s reappearance surprised me. If anything, my senses had been attuned for Merek, wondering if the prince would follow me in here. To this place that had apparently meant much to me in the past.
One glance outside told me I’d been at it for too long. Time had slipped away and the sun was beginning to set through the trees. Even the tea was cold. I hadn’t noticed.
I turned back to the girl, with her honey-colored hair and bland expression on a face that would have been at home in any crowd in Bellmare. “Not yet. But I haven’t given up. Have you come for the tray?”
“A message, Miss. The prince has requested your presence in the west drawing room. He commands that you come immediately.”
“Commands! I saw the prince this morning and he seemed very content to not see me at all for the rest of the day. In fact, he specifically commended me for not making a nuisance of myself.” I couldn’t help the sarcastic twist of my lips, though perhaps I shouldn’t have said that, least of all to one of his servants. I made a show of snapping my books closed, my annoyance at being interrupted obvious.
Monique cleared her throat, opening and closing her mouth and twisting her fingers.
I took pity on her. “Inform the prince I shall join him shortly. After I’ve returned his precious books to the library.” I smiled at her. Pretending I didn’t feel butterflies in my stomach at the thought of Merek actually wanting my company.
Nonsense, my mind reminded me. He was steps away from tossing me out on my rump.
Monique scrunched her nose and when she addressed me again, it held none of the hint of awe I’d detected in her earlier tone. “You shouldn’t keep him waiting. He will get angry.”
I almost gave a huff of indignation but she hurried to add, “If he gets angry, then we…I…am afraid the progress he has made will be for nothing.”
Was I the oddity in this place? I wondered. Had they grown accustomed to the face of the beast they’d once known as a man, so that anyone considered an outsider gave them cause for concern? And what on earth did she mean by progress?
“You may tell him I’m still working on a solution to his problem and that if he has anything he’d like to say to me, we will discuss it over dinner. I will be joining him there shortly.” A quiet dismissal, done without raising my voice.
“I think,” Monique reiterated in a low but firm tone, “it would be better for you to come with me at once. Please, Miss Barnes.”
Would these games never end? I thought about arguing more but I jerked myself up out of the chair and saw the way she flinched at my sudden action. Saw the way this girl, this teenager, half turned away as if to flee, clutching the doorjamb as though she wished for a weapon to protect herself.
From me.
Whatever lingering thoughts I had were cut off as my blood turned to ice. The smile I worked to keep in place frayed at the edges and my muscles ached with the strain.
“Never mind, then. I will return to the books later. Thank you, Monique. Lead the way,” I said as easily as I could.
I needed to remember, I thought as I walked a step or two behind her, that within these walls, Merek was not the monster.
I was.
Chapter 13
I exhaled a sigh, following Monique down the hallway. From the brief time we had spent together, I sensed her fear, her trepidation. Her resentment towards me. And although she was politeness itself, as was necessary in a servant, I’d gotten the distinct sensation my history with the girl hired to wait on me was not a pleasant one.
Perhaps not her solely, but all the staff within these strange castle walls.
Monique remained silent, her footsteps quick and her back hunched away from me, her shoulders stiff. A visible sign of her discomfort.
What had I done to the girl to cause such a reaction?
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It wasn’t long before she gestured toward a closed door and I reached to open it myself.
“Don’t run, Miss,” she said quickly, softly. “Whatever he says, whatever you do, please don’t run away. He wouldn’t be able to bear it again.”
Her whispered plea might have been my imagination because when I turned around to thank her again, she’d disappeared. My heart jackknifed into my throat. This place got weirder and weirder by the hour. I opened the door and stood there a moment to survey my surroundings.
“Are you going to stand in the doorway for the rest of the day or are you going to come inside?”
The sharpness of Merek’s voice snapped me to attention and I nodded. “Yes, I’m here.”
I closed the door behind me and sealed us in the room together.
Despite the beautiful weather outside, someone had lit a cheery fire in the charred confines of the fireplace. The drawing room remained mostly intact, with a large desk across the far wall and various bookshelves. A fleur-de-lis-embellished table to my right held an onyx chess set, and ancient stag antlers decorated the wood paneling.
A man’s room, most likely used for the king and his entourage after a day of hunting and sport. I glanced around but did not see Merek. More games?
“I’m not going to get anything accomplished if you bring me to heel like a dog whenever it strikes your fancy,” I said tartly, crossing my arms to fight off the shaking of my insides. “I was quite busy with my books.”
The energy in the room positively crackled, like static in the air before a thunderstorm. A slight movement caught my eye and I strained to see in the dim light. My heart gave an unexpected lurch at the sight of him in the shadows, standing still and silhouetted against the backdrop of a window. His brow creased as he took me in, lips twisted in a scowl of irritation. His hair-like fur had been brushed away from his face, giving an unimpeded view of the slight mongoloid brow and protruding teeth.
