by Brea Viragh
“Did you have a chance to speak with Monique?” he asked.
His question took me by surprise. “The servant girl who called for me? Yes. She brought me tea earlier. I thanked her.”
“Are you not curious? Don’t you want to know why she is so afraid of you?” Merek rounded the desk with smooth, graceful movements.
My head pounded like someone was banging out a beat on the inside of it. “I’m not sure I do,” I dodged. I was frightened, actually. Terrified of finding out the truth about myself. Or how I used to be, rather.
Merek glared at me. “The last time you were here she was only ten years old. You pushed her down the stairs in a fit of pique. Her leg was broken. It took months for the bone to heal because the doctors refused to attend her once they heard about the curse. Once they saw my new face for the first time. So you see your spiteful action against me affected more victims than just myself.”
His words hit me square in the chest and broke something emotionally. “I can’t believe it. I would never do that,” I whispered. “I would never hurt a little girl!”
“But you did, Reila. And I’d wondered if you’d even bothered to speak to her since your return to our humble abode.”
“No, I— She never showed herself to me until today.” Well, that wasn’t quite true, I thought, remembering how she’d tried to get my attention when I made my attempted escape.
Merek grunted. “You could have made yourself known to them, to the brave few who remained. You owe them that much at least.”
I felt like I’d been slapped. “I would have, had any of them bothered to show their faces,” I insisted. “I’ve been all over this castle and never once seen another living creature besides you.”
Apparently, he didn’t take kindly to me calling him a creature. An unfortunate choice of word but too late to take it back now. Merek stormed closer yet and I staggered away, finding myself trapped between him and the chess table like a hunted animal. My rear bumped against the wood and I heard chess pieces toppling.
I almost flinched as one of his knuckles grazed the side of my arm. As close to a caress as we would ever come.
“You’ve been quite comfortable here, have you not?”
The question summoned a wave of anxiety that prickled my skin. “I have, yes.” I hoped it wasn’t a loaded question. The room spun in circles around us as my stomach worked hard to settle.
He bent close to whisper on a ragged sigh, “Why did you really come here?”
“I–I told you, I w-want to find a way to—”
He rested his heavy brow against mine and I was astounded by it, not knowing whether to pull away or allow him the intimacy. I still didn’t trust him, not really.
After a moment he straightened, to my relief, but the fury was back in his eyes. “With the spell came a solution, as you must remember. You gave me until my twenty-fifth birthday to find a way to break the curse, and you know damn well the days are ticking down and I am no closer to that solution. January will be here in a matter of months. So tell me why you came. Did you want to delight in my misery? Did you come here to gloat about the success of your curse? Is that the reason you drag your feet, stalling for time claiming to do research?”
“No. I came to help.” I tried to sound strong. Stronger than I felt when the tremors in my body betrayed me.
Merek towered over me, staring down though he made sure not to touch me. Heat radiated from his chest. Something crossed his eyes for a split second—affection? longing?—before he tamped it down. Snuffed it out. He hadn’t been fast enough, however. I saw the emotion—the very human emotion—and it shook me.
“Why me?” He still sounded angry. “It is one of the many things I want to know yet find no answer for. Why me, Reila? What did I ever do to you except love you? And now here you are again and I need to know why.”
For some reason, I couldn’t find my own anger. I shook my head and slid my fingers up his arms. Drawn to touch him although he’d told me not to, although he’d erected seemingly insurmountable barriers between us. Something inside me lurched forward, toward him, seeking…
“Because I can’t walk away.”
He merely chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
“You walked away very quickly the last time I saw your face.” He stared at me as though I were repulsive to him. An insult just for standing there with him. “You left me in incredible pain on the steps of my own home.”
Goose bumps rose on my skin. Because I didn’t just see the disgust he claimed in his eyes. I saw the ghost of something else along with it.
My heart fluttered, rising to beat against my ribs.
“Don’t you dare look at me like that, Reila,” he burst out. “Don’t you dare.”
“Look at you like what?”
One of his claws curled under my chin and lifted my face so that our gazes locked. I didn’t wince. Somehow I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. “Look at me like you still love me.”
I reached for his face then, to trace the patterns of his brows and the strong jut of his chin. Merek flinched, his groan sounding full of pain when he shook his shaggy head and stepped back, like he’d suddenly become painfully aware of how close we stood. And I was aware of the blood surging through my veins and how I had to take several deep breaths to gain control of myself. He did the same.
“Love,” I said softly. “Was that what we had?”
His eyes flashed, but I saw the flicker of hurt. “I’m not sure what you think you’re doing, but you need to stop,” he urged on a growl and stepped back.
It seemed the more I drew toward him, the further away he pulled. And though he would never believe me, though he would always think me a liar, I saw the person beneath the mask of the monster. Beneath his every wicked smile.
The tears I’d yet to shed stung the backs of my eyes, clogged my throat. Lord, grant me strength. Because the eyes I looked up into belonged to a man.
A man I had once loved. And then destroyed.
“Merek,” I whispered. Willing my voice to soothe him. Willing his breath to be more regular, to get him to stop fighting against me.
He shook his head violently and the rest of him tensed. When he spoke, his tone was controlled if not a little rough. “Stop using your magic on me. I won’t fall for it again.” But I heard it nonetheless, heard what he didn’t say.
I won’t fall for you again.
I approached him hesitantly, remembering the feeling of his skin. The softness of it beneath the layer of fur. Knowing I wanted more than anything to touch him again. “I told you before, I have no more magic. It’s gone.”
His shoulders shook, as though I ravaged him with my words. Would my every move be suspect, for the rest of my life, because of the mistakes I’d made? Guilt spread through my veins like poison. Five long years…
When was the last time he’d been touched? By anyone?
A touch was a simple thing, something that most would take for granted. I’d taken it for granted my entire life, being able to reach out to hug my brother, to hug my mother. To be close to them when I needed comfort.
With my heart thumping against my ribs, I moved toward him again. “You’re not a monster, Merek.”
Though he further stiffened with distrust, he linked both arms over his chest, a defiant curl to his mouth. “If I must be one, then at least I am in good company.”
That insult did the trick. I snapped out of whatever stupid empathetic trance I’d imagined myself to be in.
“Oh. Well, fine. If you want to continue to think me a wretched waste of a human being, then by all means do so.”
There would be no getting through to him. Not today, anyway. I stared at him for a moment longer, fighting against the awareness of the way his body curved toward me, or the warmth of him wafting over me, carrying the enticing scents of forest and spice and exotic places.
Though part of me was very aware. Poised and ready to make a move should an opening occur. But I also knew
I couldn’t force it. He would not be pushed.
“And now if our business is concluded, I’m going to get back to reading and trying to find a way to help you.” I swallowed hard and adjusted my shoulders back. Determined to ignore the headache swelling and growing between my temples. “I’ll see you soon for dinner.”
“For all I know you are reading for pleasure, to torment me, and you’re no closer to a cure than the day you left,” he called after me as I left the room.
I didn’t take offense to it because I had a feeling we were both thinking about what had just transpired. And how I’d almost kissed him.
Chapter 14
Weeks passed and summer gave way to autumn. And when autumn turned to winter and I was no closer to finding a way to break the curse, tension rose to the point where if Merek and I made it through the day without getting into a screaming match, I considered it a win.
January would be upon us soon. Although I didn’t remember the exact date of the prince’s birthday—and was frankly too embarrassed to ask—the increased tension told me we did not have much longer. Which meant the day fast approached when my curse would become permanent.
I did my best to befriend Monique, despite the girl’s continued wariness. Proving I was not—or at least was no longer—the evil witch she’d believed me to be hadn’t been easy, but gradually we’d reached a peaceable coexistence. I even managed to get some letters sent off to my mother. Although the way back to my hometown was too hazardous going directly through the forest, as I had originally come, I soon learned that supplies came regularly via a different access from another nearby village, and so my letters would eventually reach Bellmare even if by a circuitous route. This gave me some comfort. My mother and brother must have been frantic with worry, since I’d now been away from home for months.
The castle servants must have decided among themselves, after my re-introduction with Monique, that they were comfortable enough with me to finally show their faces. Some, however, still displayed a distinct lack of trust. One of the servants who also did double duty as Merek’s personal steward, a surly-faced elderly gentleman named Gustaf, took it upon himself to follow my movements from that point onward. And believe me, months of having him as a shadow did not improve my mood.
Besides Gustaf and the footmen there were Monique and her mother Marylynn, as well as the chef and his two assistants in the kitchen, and a handful of housemaids and scullery maids. Most still preferred to keep out of sight, and I rarely saw anyone actually doing anything, but since my arrival the castle had been cleaned and dusted and repaired where needed, making it altogether more comfortable and inhabitable, if not welcoming.
Research in the library still consumed my time, and although I hadn’t yet found anything specific to my situation, I did find a number of volumes of old herbal remedies and potions. I’d been relying on finding something about magic and a spell to correct the original damage. Failing that, restoring my memories might help me unlock my own currently inaccessible knowledge. So it occurred to me that perhaps a potion might help. There might also be a potion to restore a cursed creature to its original form. Since we were running out of time, it certainly couldn’t hurt to try.
So on one particular snowy day in December, I decided it was worth a shot and focused on ingredients I’d need for the most promising potion. And quickly learned that I’d need help with acquiring some of them.
I left the library, feeling more excited and hopeful than I had in a long time. Where would I find Merek at this time of day? Footsteps trailed mine, as usual. I whipped around.
“Gustaf, there is no need to follow me everywhere I go. I’m not trying to escape, but your constant spying certainly makes me consider it. Now go away. I have things to do today.”
“Things that involve breaking the prince’s curse,” he replied. His accent colored the vowels and I knew he was not from Halsworthy originally. The distinctly different emphasis on syllables suggested somewhere farther north.
I tapped the side of my head. “There you are. You’ve finally gotten the idea.”
He looked me up and down, clearly indifferent to how rude he was being. I’d fallen under his care for one reason only: I was here to help the prince. That was all he needed to know in order to make sure my basic needs were met. Though it remained painfully clear he did not trust me one iota.
“Now please point me in the direction of His Highness,” I added.
His heavy brow wrinkled in disapproval, Gustaf led me down to one of the front parlors. I had my hand poised to knock on the door when I felt a touch at my back. Shifting around, I had a second to swallow my surprise before Gustaf had me pinned against the stone wall. I winced when my head bounced hard against it.
“You’ll never be able to fix what you’ve done,” he muttered.
The tone of his voice had frissons of alarm jolting through me and I wasn’t sure if he was upset about my failure…or glad for it.
“Let go of me immediately.” I kept my own tone at an equally low murmur. “Because you are surely aware of what I can do to you if you don’t.”
An empty threat, unfortunately. Though the old retainers and servants still considered me a witch, both Merek and I had kept that truth to ourselves. Gustaf didn’t need to know about my lack of powers. Or the fear curling in my belly until my chest tightened in discomfort. Something warned me not to trust this man either way.
He merely grunted. I ducked under the steward’s arms and pushed open the door to the study, strode briskly into the room and promptly shut the door behind me. Right in Gustaf’s face.
But I couldn’t escape the echo of his words and the confusing meaning behind them, unsure whether he’d meant to voice a warning to hurry—or a demand to cease.
A familiar twinge settled in my chest when I found Merek standing by the window, his broad shoulders drawing my attention immediately.
“Hello, you.”
It had become our routine. As natural as breathing. We dined together at breakfast and dinner and he made sure to keep his conversation on a polite surface level. Pretended not to care about my progress and I continued to tell myself the blatant lie that I was closer than ever to a solution. The screaming matches usually came about later and paired nicely with whatever dessert the kitchen prepared.
“What is it?” Merek’s barked question came accompanied with a crack of knuckles and shattered the silence between us.
I tipped my head in his direction. “I need your help today.”
Merek slid incredulous eyes toward me, astounded that I’d tracked him down, asking for help. “You want me to do something for you?” he clarified. His words dripped with sarcasm.
I hid my grin from him because I’d discovered something in my time here with him. Beneath the mockery and the threats, beneath the growls and grunts and distrust and cynicism, there lay a good man, one willing to engage in a tentative companionable relationship with me. I saw bits and pieces the more time we spent together, and I felt confident I would reveal the whole of him soon.
“Yes, I do,” I affirmed. “I’ve found a recipe for a potion I want us to try. But I’ll need your help to gather some of the ingredients.”
I couldn’t tell if that was a smile or a smirk; the former, I hoped. “I must admit it’s been a delight seeing you so focused on helping me. You’ve been at it for months.” He shook his head on a low laugh—did I detect sarcasm?—sweeping his paw along his hairline and clearly uncomfortable with the turn in our conversation.
Yes, months indeed. I hated hearing the word, and had pointedly avoided thinking about it though the windows showed the change in seasons. Despite the initial blow-up when I’d first arrived, Merek allowed me to continue using the library as my base of operations. He’d done his best to stay out of my way and instructed his staff to do the same unless I wished for something. “If you want it, and it is within his power to provide it, then you are to have it,” Monique had told me one night. “Anything within his power,
he said.”
I still couldn’t get the girl to open up to me much more than that, but the brief statement—indicating I’d become a priority—warmed me.
Snow had begun to fall two days ago and had not ceased, covering the world in a thick blanket of white. I hadn’t stepped foot again outside the grounds since first coming to the castle. I missed Patricia and Thomas terribly, yet couldn’t bring myself to go back. Not until I’d accomplished what I came here to do.
Though Merek and I may never be friends, I liked to consider us allies with a common goal. And love? Well, that thought might as well be banished out of my head entirely. Love remained an elusive concept consigned for family and the pages of fiction. After five years of living practically on our own, the two of us had a better chance of being struck by lightning than finding love.
Plus the man was a veritable pain in the ass, to be sure.
“Like I said, there are some ingredients I could not find in your pantry or stocks. But I think I saw them in the gardens and I would like some help in digging up the roots,” I told him.
“You want to go outside? Now?” Merek turned to the window and the blanket of white covering the ground. “You can’t be serious, Reila.”
“I’m very serious, Merek.”
“Out of the question. Explain your needs to a footman and whatever you require will be fetched.”
I huffed in exasperation. His regal bearing and attitude could at times be so annoying. “No need for that. A little snow won’t hurt us. Besides, I could use the fresh air.”
His lips twisted. “Are you saying my home is stuffy?”
I knew him well enough by now to know he also still had a sense of humor, thank goodness. His humanity hadn’t left him, no matter how his outward appearance had changed. It only reinforced my urgency to reverse the damage I’d done.
Before it was too late.
“Go and get your coat,” I insisted. “Please.”
