Almost Impossible

by Nicole Williams

  And what was his reaction? A chuckle and a shrug.

  “Now get out of here, kid. Even if I am your dad, I’m not the fatherly type.” Nudging one of his bandmates, he turned around in his stool, pulling another girl onto his lap with the other arm. He’d turned his back to me and was essentially walking away. It wasn’t only my mom he’d left that day; it was me, too. I’d been too blind or stupid to realize that. I thought it had something to do with her or them, not me. But no, it had to do with me. It probably had everything to do with me.

  It was too much. This was not the man I’d envisioned. Not the dad I’d hoped for. I hadn’t realized how much this moment would mean to me until it blew up in my face.

  When I staggered back, Quentin was there to catch me. He wound his arms around me, wrapped me close, and whispered soothing things into my ear. My whole world felt like it was collapsing, but Quentin was there to hold it all together.

  It should have been my dad, but it wasn’t. I’d been born into the life I had, and I could either make the best of it or make the worst of it. We didn’t all get a choice in what life handed us, but we still had to move forward. We didn’t get to choose our parents, but we got to choose our friends.

  I couldn’t imagine choosing a better one than Quentin.

  “Ready to get out of here?” he asked, rubbing my back.

  All I could do was nod, because I was crying too hard to talk. Part of me was waiting for my dad to call my name before I could get to the door. I was waiting for him to come running after me as I headed into the parking lot. I was still holding on to the hope that that wasn’t really who he was, but when Quentin opened his truck door for me and I crawled inside, I accepted that my dad wasn’t coming after me. He didn’t care. He’d already forgotten about me. Again.

  Accepting that brought on a fresh stream of tears, so I dropped my head into my hands and let myself cry. I knew Quentin was right beside me, witnessing it all, but I didn’t care. I’d just had my soul crushed; there was nothing left to bare to him.

  “Wait here a minute.” Quentin tucked my legs inside, making sure my skirt was all the way in. “I’ll be right back.” There was no mistaking the anger in his voice as he closed the door behind him, the sound of his footsteps as he jogged along the gravel lot.

  He wasn’t gone long. Maybe two or three minutes, but by the time he returned I’d managed to cry myself out. My body was still shaking, but no more tears would come. I was bone dry.

  Quentin was shaking one of his fists. The knuckles on it were red and puffy-looking.

  “What happened?” I asked, wiping at my eyes so I could see better.

  “Exactly what needed to happen.” He still sounded angry, and his expression mirrored that.

  “What did you do to him?” I asked.

  “Nothing he didn’t deserve,” he answered, flexing his fingers like he was trying to work sensation back into them.

  I rubbed at my face, sniffling and trying to get myself under control. “Tell me you didn’t march back in there and punch him?” I already knew the answer, but asked just on the off chance I was wrong.

  “Oh, I punched him, all right.” Quentin’s red fist curled around the steering wheel. “Right before I told him he’d just turned his back on one of the best things that would ever happen to him.”

  I’d fallen apart. I knew that. But those words were the start of putting myself back together. “Maybe he’s got more best things in his life than he can count. How can you be so sure that I’d be one of them?”

  Quentin’s hand reached for mine. “Because you’re one of the best things that could happen to anyone.” After he started his truck, he sat there, keeping it in park.

  “Listen, Jade,” he exhaled, rubbing his forehead. “I’ve got something I need to tell you. Something important. After tonight…I can’t put it off any longer.”

  My eyebrows pulled together as I watched him. Everything about the boy sitting beside me appeared to exude light—what secret did he have that was so dark it crippled him whenever he hinted at it? I couldn’t imagine it was half as bad as he made it out to be.

  “We both work tomorrow,” he continued. “Are you free tomorrow night?”

  I shrugged. I’d been free every night this summer. “Yeah.”

  “Okay. Good.” His expression was a mix of relief and terror.

  “Quentin? Just so you know, there’s nothing you could tell me that would scare me off.” My hand gave a gentle squeeze. “I don’t scare easily.”

  He smiled.

  Then his fingers curled into mine. “I know you don’t.”

  The morning after discovering your dad is quite possibly the king of the losers is one you don’t want to get up early for.

  After dropping me off last night, Quentin asked if I wanted him to stay and talk or anything. It was a nice offer, but I didn’t think there was any amount of talking that would make it easier to accept that my dad was not a “dad type” at all. It was more a matter of letting my head wrap around that reality slowly. Besides, from the sound of it, we’d have plenty to talk about tonight….

  My shift was dragging today and I wasn’t in the best of moods, so that made the day that much worse. I’d forced myself into a corner to count to ten, after snapping at some kid for asking for extra ketchup on his hot dog, when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

  Maybe it was someone letting me know I’d been punked and that the whole disaster that was last night had been a huge joke.

  Or not.

  It was a text from my mom. A longer one than usual, but it took me a while to read it because my eyes started to blur after the first few words. I hadn’t told her about last night. I wasn’t sure if I ever would. But it was like she’d known. Or at least had a premonition I’d needed to hear from her.

  I love you no matter what. Followed by: But I also love you because you’re the best, most wonderful person ever. And no, I’m not biased. Just honest.

  I read her message a few more times, rubbing at my eyes in between reads so they didn’t start flooding again. I felt better instantly; knowing that I’d seriously scored in one parent department almost made up for pulling the short stick in the other.

  After getting myself back together, I headed to the counter to take the next order. I couldn’t help being distracted by the girls who were next in line. I distantly recognized one of them but couldn’t place her. I definitely recognized the other one and wanted to put her in her place.

  I hadn’t seen Ashlyn the past few days—she hadn’t been loitering at the pool like usual. I’d hoped it was because she’d moved on and found some other person to torment. So much for that idea.

  I sucked in a breath and prepared myself for battle.

  “Hi,” I greeted the other girl, doing my best to ignore Ashlyn. “What can I get you?”

  “I’ll have a firecracker, please.” The girl smiled at me, like she was trying to place me, too.

  “And I’ll take a double scoop of crisis averted,” Ashlyn said. Her voice made me cringe. Literally. It wasn’t a pleasant timbre.

  “Here’s your firecracker.” I handed over the plastic-wrapped popsicle, ringing it up.

  “This is Lindsey. In case you forgot.” Ashlyn scooted up closer to the counter. “You two met at the bonfire.” She smirked when I frowned at the memory.

  “Oh, yeah. How could I forget someone I met twice? You and Quentin used to go to school together, right?” I played it cool, taking her money and making change.

  Lindsey nodded. “Good memory.”

  “Lindsey and I are friends with Blaire.”

  There was that name again.

  “Blaire?”

  One side of Ashlyn’s mouth lifted. “I’m sure you know all about her already. Quentin’s probably told you everything. Being such an open and honest guy and all.”


  I guessed there was a point to all this, but I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to figure it out. “Nice to see you again, Lindsey. See you around.” I scooted down the counter, trying to take the next order.

  “Do you like stories, Jade?” Ashlyn scooted with me. “We have a really good one about Quentin.”

  My heart stopped as I silently wished Zoey was there to save me, but I did my best to keep my cool. “Sometimes?”

  “Well, I bet you already know all about Quentin. With you two being so tight now.”

  I didn’t miss the confused look Lindsey shot Ashlyn, like she also wanted to know where this crazy train was going.

  “Whatever, Ashlyn.”

  “I’ve got to hand it to you, you’re a bigger person than me. There’s no way I could deal with that whole mess. No. Way.” She clucked her tongue, seeming to hang on my every move. She was baiting me. Big-time.

  I wasn’t going to bite.

  I fought back a dozen comebacks trying to ignore her and finally managed to catch the next order. Two triple scoops. I’d never been so thankful for the distraction of ice cream.

  “I’ve known some guys with baggage, but yikes.” Ashlyn kept going, rolling her nails across the counter. “A one-year-old and no baby mama around?” She paused, letting that settle in the air. “You can have him. He’s all yours.”

  My hand froze, the rest of my body following. Ignore her. Ignore her. Ignore her.

  “What are you talking about?”

  Fail.

  From her triumphant smile at seeing my surprise, I knew I’d confirmed something for her. I’d taken the bait.

  Ashlyn lifted her hand. “Ya know. His daughter.”

  The ice cream scoop fell from my hand. When my head whipped in Lindsey’s direction, the look on her face told me everything. Ashlyn was beaming with glee, while Lindsey was burning with regret.

  “Oh my God! I thought you knew. I thought Quentin would have told you.” Lindsey dragged her sunglasses down over her eyes, shaking her head. “I’m so sorry.”

  Ashlyn hung her arm around Lindsey’s shoulders. “You didn’t know? He really didn’t tell you he had a kid?” Ashlyn faked shock and awe, blinking at me. “Guess he was too busy working on making another baby with you to mention the one he was already raising, right?”

  My arms curled around my stomach.

  This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be.

  “Lily?” I asked. Now Lindsey looked like a deer caught in headlights.

  She let out a breath, then nodded. “Yeah. It’s Lily.”

  I didn’t know I’d been falling back until I rammed into the counter behind me.

  “You don’t look so good. You might be coming down with something.” Ashlyn’s concern came in the form of a twisted smile. “Or you could be knocked up, I guess. But on the bright side, at least you know the dad will hang around to change diapers and shit. You could have done worse.”

  Lindsey hissed something at Ashlyn. You could tell she wanted her to shut her trap, but Ashlyn didn’t appear the slightest bit concerned.

  Everything was spinning. Or else I was. I felt like someone had stuck me on a carousel and punched it into hyperdrive. I needed to get out of here. Now.

  I could tell Zoey was taking over the shift as she clocked in at the office, so I bolted.

  Lily was Quentin’s daughter. How was that even possible? How had I not seen it? Why hadn’t he told me?

  Now everything started to make sense. His family moving, all of his talk about “responsibilities,” his choice to stay close to home for college. Saying he wasn’t the guy I was looking for, his “complicated life” comments.

  Well, if Quentin thought his life was so complicated that he needed to keep secrets, I knew one way to simplify it for him: take myself out.

  I waved to Zoey, motioning that I was leaving. She gave me a weird look, mouthing Are you okay? I didn’t answer. I kept going. I couldn’t move fast enough. I was hoping that the faster I moved, the quicker I could put this all behind me.

  Right as I turned the corner of the exit to the pool, I crashed into someone.

  “Wow. Sorry. You okay?” It took us both a moment to realize who we’d crashed into.

  He was showing up for his shift. He was happy to see me. He didn’t have a clue about what I’d just learned.

  It made my throat burn. It made everything burn. How could someone look at me like that and keep this massive, giant secret from me?

  “What’s the matter, Jade?” He’d noticed the look on my face. “Is this about your dad? Do you want to talk about it? I’ve only got a few minutes before my shift starts, but I’m sure someone could cover me for a while.”

  My blood was rolling to a boil. I could feel it. At the same time I felt hurt, I was also angry. Actually, those two words didn’t come close to describing how I was feeling right now.

  “This isn’t about my dad.” I didn’t recognize my voice as I shoved away from his hold. I didn’t want him to touch me. I didn’t want him to ever touch me again. “This is about you.” When my eyes lifted to his, I think he saw it. I think he knew that I knew. “You’re a dad.” I didn’t say anything else, I just shoved past him and kept going.

  “Shit. Jade. Wait.” When his hand grabbed mine, I whipped around, firing a warning glare at him.

  “Don’t touch me,” I seethed, still backing away. “Don’t talk to me. Don’t come close to me ever again.”

  Quentin stayed where he was, his face twisting into an expression I’d never seen there before. “I was going to tell you.”

  “Well, now you can save yourself the hassle. Because I already know.”

  He looked like he was fighting moving closer, but he took a step toward me. “I didn’t want to tell you until I knew for sure.”

  “Until you knew for sure what? That I was good and invested?” I wiped at my eyes, not wanting to cry in front of him. I’d done enough of that last night, and I didn’t want him to know that this betrayal had been as painful, if not more so, as my dad’s.

  He took a breath. As he let it out, his eyes claimed mine. “Until I knew I loved you.”

  My body froze. My heart already had. “You don’t love me, Quentin. Because if that were true, you would have told me about Lily. Not someone else.”

  He looked at a loss for words. He looked at a loss for a lot more. “Jade…,” he managed as I found my step.

  “I don’t ever want to see you again.” I spun around and started running. What followed after that was a blur. Mostly. I remembered climbing on Lemon and pedaling as fast as my legs could go. Swiping at my eyes, angry at the tears I was shedding yet again over some guy who’d totally failed me. And dropping Lemon in the yard and flying through the front door of my aunt and uncle’s house, barreling up the stairs, and locking myself in my room.

  Uncle Paul was at work and Aunt Julie and the girls were at a violin day camp, so I knew I could scream as loudly as I wanted and no one would hear. I could stomp and shout until I felt better, but I also knew nothing would help. Not this time. First my dad.

  And now Quentin.

  My whole plan for the summer had gone to crap. So much for a normal, everyday summer.

  What was I going to do?

  My phone rang, like it was somehow answering my question. When I saw who was calling, I had my answer.

  “Mom?” I hadn’t meant to sound so pathetic, but I wasn’t sure I was capable of anything else.

  “Oh, baby. What’s wrong?” Hearing her voice—the concerned soft one—made me feel impossibly homesick. I missed my mom and being on the road. I missed my old life. As quirky and unscheduled as it had been, it had never been as chaotic and unpredictable as this summer turned out to be.

  “Everything.” I started to sob again. Choking, rocking wails.

  “
Jade, talk to me. You’re scaring me.” Mom was trying to stay calm, but I could hear her voice tremble. “Is this about that boy? Quentin?”

  Hearing his name made my back shake with a fresh sob. “How pathetic am I, right? That I’m losing it over some boy I practically just met?” Mom was the torchbearer of the boys-aren’t-worth-it philosophy, and her own daughter was acting like the world was over because of one.

  “You’re not pathetic, sweetie. It’s not pathetic to care for another person.”

  Her voice was exactly what I needed. But I needed something else, too. To leave this disaster behind. Rising, I marched toward the closet, threw my suitcase onto the bed, and unzipped it. The sooner I got out of here, the better I’d feel.

  “What happened?” she repeated. “What did he do?”

  I dropped the first load of clothes from the dresser into my suitcase. “He lied.”

  “About what?”

  Images of him and Lily flashed through my head. Images of him making faces at her, holding her to his chest, losing his mind when she was sick…I needed to set a match to all of them.

  “About being a dad.”

  That finally shut Mom up.

  “What?” she said a minute later, sounding confused.

  “He has a daughter.” I had to take a breath to keep from choking on another sob. “Lily’s his daughter.”

  Another stretch of silence, though not as long as the first. “The baby you helped him with when she was sick? That’s his daughter?”

  I nodded manically as I dumped another load of clothes into the suitcase. I didn’t care about wrinkles or efficient packing—I just needed out of this nightmare.