Spun Out

by Lorelei James

  Streeter closed his eyes. He’d dealt with all of those questions and issues himself. But while he’d been trying to sort the truth from the lies in his life, he had to take care of a child who didn’t want to be touched. Who screamed instead of laughed. It’d been easier for him to hate Danica. Not just for what she’d done to him but for the devastation she’d created for everyone in her life, including her parents. But somewhere along the way, he had moved on from his bitterness. He couldn’t claim he’d forgiven Danica for her actions, but he had accepted he’d never have an answer to the question of why and dwelling on that wouldn’t change anything. Now, he felt sorry for her because all she’d seen was despair when she looked at Olivia, and all he’d ever seen in their beautiful baby girl was pure joy.

  “The final straw for me was Deenie’s insistence, probably nine months after Danica’s death, right around the time you and Olivia moved to Muddy Gap, that Danica hadn’t meant to kill herself.”

  His gut churned remembering all of the blood . . . the absolute guarantee she wouldn’t survive with the use of a knife and a gun. “Why would she think that?”

  “Deenie had gotten on a ‘survivors of suicide’ website and read testimonials from people who’d tried to kill themselves and lived to tell about it. Of course they were all filled with regret, warning others of the dangers of suicide, which is noble, but not helpful to people like us who were absolutely caught blindsided by it. No suicide note, no tearful final phone calls, no giving away of prized possessions. Deenie read those suicide survivor letters and swore if Danica had known the heartache her death would cause us, she never would’ve done it.

  “That’s when I knew, in order for me to heal, I had to leave her, because Deenie didn’t want to heal. She was searching for an excuse, or someone to blame. Then she went through that psychic and medium phase, where she honestly believed Danica’s spirit was hanging around out of guilt because she hadn’t meant to do it.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “The part of me that cared about Deenie wished one of those con artists would tell her, ‘Yes, Danica is here, standing right beside you and she’s sorry because she didn’t mean to end her life and she’s begging for your forgiveness so you both can move on.’ But even on the off chance that happened, Deenie wouldn’t be satisfied because she doesn’t want to face a world without our daughter in it.”

  They were quiet as they watched Olivia having the time of her life being a normal kid.

  “I’m glad you’ve got someone in your life, Street. You’re a good man. You deserve it. Olivia has come a long way and it’s all due to you. You wouldn’t bring a woman into your world if she weren’t good for Olivia. You’re too damn honest not to bear all the struggles ahead. Olivia has a tough road and the more people who can keep her on the right path, the better. You won’t fail her.”

  “I appreciate you sayin’ that, Steve.”

  “As far as Deenie . . . she’ll pout and rant and curse your name, but ultimately she’ll contact you because she’ll miss Olivia. Despite Deenie’s failings, she loves her.”

  “I know.”

  “But she will try to manipulate Olivia. She’ll try to undermine your new relationship.” He sighed. “Christ, she was doing that before you started seeing anyone. Deenie didn’t bother to be sneaky during our handoff at the beginning of the summer, when she tearfully spewed all that crap about Olivia never needing another mother. She had her grandma, and just knowing that her mother had loved her more than, blah blah blah. I was about to let her have it when Olivia called her out on it.” He chuckled. “I don’t know if calling bullshit on her grandma’s bullshit is a good attribute for a five-year-old, but I was damn happy to see it.”

  Streeter smiled.

  “I don’t have to tell you that I’ll be in Olivia’s life as much or as little as you decide. And I’m always here to talk if you need it. I never offered before because we were all just so damn . . . wounded. It’s not an open cut anymore. For me it’s finally started to scab over and even heal a little bit.” Steve stood and clapped Streeter on the shoulder. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go bounce on that big trampoline with my granddaughter.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  The knock on her door came at six forty-five a.m.

  A little early to be Olivia.

  Yawning because Streeter had kept her up way too late last night, she used the hand not holding her oversized coffee mug to unlock and open the door.

  Streeter stepped inside. “Mornin’, sexy.” He tried to kiss her but she turned her cheek.

  “I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

  He curled his hand below her jaw, holding her in place. “Then you’ll still taste like me, so gimme that mouth.”

  The man scrambled her brain with a wet, hungry kiss that reminded her of how thoroughly he’d kissed her between her legs last night.

  “Mmm,” he said when he finally shifted to sugar bites. “Kissin’ you is one of my favorite things.” Then he looked into her eyes. “So damn easy to get sidetracked.”

  “Why are you here early?”

  “I gotta ask a huge favor. Like really huge.”

  “What?”

  “You’re off today, right?”

  She nodded.

  “The babysitter called in sick. Which wouldna been a problem, but the cattle broker is comin’ earlier today. He wants to get through Renner’s cattle and mine’n Tobin’s before the storms start this afternoon. Olivia’s got an appointment with her counselor this morning that she can’t miss, so could you take her to Casper?”

  “And?”

  He flashed her that sheepish grin. “And take her to the library? She’s in the summer reading program and she wants a new stack of books to mark off.”

  “Anything else?”

  “She’s got an eye appointment at two and a dental visit at four.”

  Bailey’s jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me?”

  “Yep.” Streeter laughed and kissed her. “I thought if I added two more on, then the first two wouldn’t seem like a big deal.”

  But it was a big deal. Streeter entrusting her with the most precious thing in his life. “I’m happy to do this favor for you. Except I have an appointment of my own around noon.”

  “I’ll call the Learning Center and let them know you’ll be droppin’ her off for a couple of hours.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “You have drop-in status with them?”

  “It’s earned. A perk thing. Never used it before.” He ran his knuckles across her jaw. “You really okay with doin’ this?”

  “Meaning . . . can I handle one five-year-old for a day?”

  An odd look flitted across his face. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

  Bailey couldn’t tell if he was trying to convince her or himself.

  “You wanna drive my SUV? Or should I move her car seat into yours?”

  “I’d rather drive mine.” She looked over his shoulder. “Where is Olivia?”

  “Bonding over Fruity Pebbles with Ted. I’ll switch out the car seat and get her and her stuff.”

  “Do I have time to take a shower?”

  “A fast one.” He pressed a kiss to the spot below her ear and whispered, “I didn’t shower this morning. I like havin’ the scent of you all over me.” He trailed an openmouthed kiss down the arch of her neck. “Maybe I’ll grow a beard so that sweet musk of yours stays on me longer.”

  “Stop. You are not getting me all hot and bothered so I have to rub one out in the shower.”

  “I’ll rub one out for you later.” He nipped her earlobe. “With my tongue.”

  Bailey’s skin rippled with gooseflesh. “Why did I believe you when you told me you weren’t good at dirty talk?”

  “Because I wasn’t good at it until you. Hands-on experience is the best way to learn.” A low sound like a growl rumbled in her ear. “If I had t
ime, I’d bend you over that easy chair. You’d have to brace yourself on the arms because I’d be fucking you so hard.” He blew in her ear. “So very hard that you’d have fabric burns on your belly.”

  Oh, sweet Jesus. She loved it when he let that beautiful sexual beast inside him out; it’d been caged for far too long.

  He placed a soft kiss on the edge of her jaw and stepped back. “But I’ll save that for another day.”

  “Go do your stuff.”

  * * *

  Bailey let Olivia play her drums as she finished getting ready.

  They listened to the radio on the drive to Casper, which kept Olivia’s litany of questions contained.

  She’d known that her counselor and Olivia’s counselor were in the same medical group and shared the same office space, but it was weird sitting in the waiting room for longer than her normal ten minutes.

  When Dr. Waverly, Bailey’s counselor, came out to talk to the woman manning the appointment desk, she noticed Bailey. She beckoned her over.

  “Is everything okay? I saw you were on the schedule for next Thursday, not today.”

  “I’m helping a friend out, bringing his daughter to her appointment with Dr. Stafford.”

  She frowned, which wasn’t her usual response to anything. Then she caught herself. “I’ve got ten minutes before my next appointment. Come back and have a cup of coffee with me.”

  “Are you gonna charge me for an office visit?”

  “Of course not.”

  Bailey followed her into the nicest break room she’d ever been in, with the fanciest coffee machine she’d ever seen.

  Dr. Waverly smiled at her. “Mocha latte, if I remember right.”

  “Yes.”

  After Dr. Waverly handed Bailey her drink, she said, “The coffee machine was my idea.”

  “‘Free coffee with your session’ a slogan that’s working for ya?”

  Dr. Waverly lifted a brow. “It’s not like we have to advertise.”

  Once they were in the doc’s office, Bailey said, “So am I in trouble or something?”

  “Not at all. I’m just curious that you indicated you’re friends with Olivia Hale’s father.”

  Bailey managed a shrug. “I told you I was running a boot camp at the Split Rock. Since Streeter works there, Olivia is one of my campers. And we’re neighbors.”

  “Is that all?”

  Would the good doc know if Bailey lied? As she debated, Dr. Waverly held up her hand.

  “You know what? Forget I asked.”

  “Did you ask because you’re Streeter’s counselor too?”

  She shook her head. “But I am aware of their situation. And this isn’t me talking out of turn, that incident was in the news, although I’m sure everyone has forgotten about it now.”

  Everyone except for Streeter and Olivia.

  “I just wondered, in the course of your friendship with Mr. Hale, if you’ve shared why you’re in counseling?”

  Bailey drained her coffee and was shocked to see her hand remained steady when she set the cup on the table. Because it felt like an earthquake had erupted inside of her. “No, Dr. Waverly, I haven’t told him. There’s no reason to. I’m leaving in a few weeks.”

  “If your friendship with him deepened—”

  She stood. “It can’t. The man has been through enough that I’d never add the burden of me to the burden he already carries. Never. So there’s no need for you to warn me off.”

  “Bailey. I’m not trying to—”

  “Please, let’s drop it. And add to your case notes on me that this isn’t something I’m willing to discuss when I come in for my appointment next week.” She walked to the door and paused. “Thank you for the coffee.”

  Olivia finished her session more subdued than when she’d started it an hour ago. Was this her normal behavior after a counselor’s appointment? Was Bailey supposed to ask what they talked about?

  No. Olivia needed standard fun, kid stuff after the mental poking and prodding. So Bailey drove to the park.

  “I thought we were goin’ to the library,” Olivia said after they parked near the playground.

  “We are. But it’s supposed to rain after lunch, so I figured we could go then.” She paused. “Unless you don’t want to go to this really cool park—”

  “I do wanna go!” She unbuckled herself from her car seat. “See? I’m ready.”

  Before Olivia’s foot hit the grass, Bailey crouched down to get her full attention. “Your dad said I’m supposed to remind you to follow the rules even when he isn’t here.”

  “I will,” she said absently as she looked longingly over Bailey’s shoulder.

  “I have a rule too.”

  Swear to god the kid sighed like a teenager. “What?”

  Bailey held up a digital watch without a band. “This is my special military maneuvers watch. I’m letting you borrow it on one condition.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep. No matter how much fun you’re having, when you hear the watch beep, you come back to me because it’ll be time to go.” She held the watch away from Olivia’s grabby hand. “Think you can do that?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  After Olivia shoved the watch into the front pocket of her jean shorts, she took off toward the playground.

  Bailey chose a park bench in the sunshine where she could keep an eye on Olivia. She purposely left her phone in her car to avoid distractions.

  Olivia had no problems making friends. Kids were fascinating at this age, especially the difference between boys and girls. Whenever Gage and Olivia played together, if Olivia got too bossy, Gage would walk away like he did with his older brothers. Here, with girls her age that she didn’t know, Olivia was a follower. Made her wonder if Olivia’s detachment allowed her to be a go-with-the-flow kid because she didn’t always have to be in charge.

  Storm clouds had gathered and the wind had picked up. Bailey’s Fitbit buzzed. She noticed Olivia had stopped chasing the pack of girls with the ball and dug in her pocket for the watch face.

  Without bothering to say good-bye to her play buddies, Olivia skipped toward her and handed over the still-chirping watch. “Now what?”

  “A celebration lunch since you followed all the rules.”

  “Yay! Can we go to Culver’s?”

  “Because they have ice cream?”

  “And mashed potatoes.”

  During lunch, Bailey asked her, “When you and your dad go to the library, does he help you pick out books?”

  “Huh-uh. He tells me if the books I pick are too old for me.” She dug her spoon into her ice cream. “Can I get twelve books?”

  “Doesn’t the library have a limit on how many you can check out at once?”

  “Daddy has a limit,” she said wrinkling her nose. “He doesn’t like bein’ in the library for long. Prolly because he doesn’t like to read.”

  Bailey wasn’t a huge reader herself unless it was technical manuals.

  “Can we go now?” Olivia asked.

  She eyed Olivia’s tray. She’d eaten one chicken strip, half of her potatoes and half of her ice cream. This was a banner day for her, foodwise. Streeter often lamented how little his kid ate. “Sure. Let’s use the bathroom and wash our hands.”

  Bailey was feeling pretty good about the day right before it went in the toilet.

  Literally.

  Olivia accidentally knocked an entire roll of toilet paper into the bowl. Then she tried to flush it. Repeatedly. The toilet overflowed, which entailed Bailey making a confession to the manager and receiving odd looks from customers who eavesdropped about the overflowing toilet.

  After Bailey dropped Olivia off at the Learning Center, she was flustered when she arrived for her appointment at the VA outreach center. Nothing like being distracted when she had to finalize t
he biggest decision of her life.

  Forty-five minutes after she checked in, her name was finally called.

  Chuck, her case manager, ushered her into his office. “Sorry about the wait. We’re short-staffed. No matter how many times we try to tell them that our meetings can’t be completed in fifteen minutes, the brass doesn’t grasp that. Then we get our budget cut because our surveys reflect long wait time for appointments both in scheduling and in-office wait times.” He sighed. “Sorry. Not your issue. So how are you, Sergeant Masterson?”

  “Mostly good days.”

  “Still seeing your counselor?”

  “I chatted with her briefly today and I have an appointment with her next week.”

  “Anything new that we need to discuss regarding your brief chat with her?”

  Like Bailey needed another person to tell her that she was the worst option for a romantic relationship with a guy like Streeter. “No. But I’m ready to finish the last step in outprocessing.”

  Chuck tapped his pen on his desk. “Anything in particular you want to discuss about that?”

  Bailey shook her head. “Some days I hate not having the routine of knowing exactly what I’ll be doing every minute of the day. On active duty I never had to think. There’s a huge comfort in the sameness.”

  “But?”

  “But I get a panicked feeling because I don’t know what’s next. I mean . . . shouldn’t I have more than a vague idea of my options?”

  “That’s the issue for most people leaving military life, Sergeant. You’ve spent a dozen years following orders. Autonomy takes time to develop, yet nearly all military personnel have to get a paying job within two months of leaving the service. That doesn’t leave much time to explore options. And to be perfectly frank with you, the military machine has the distinction of creating jobs to fill specific voids, which require specialized skills, skills that aren’t marketable outside the military.”

  “I’ll bet that makes your job particularly frustrating.”