Bad Mother's Diary: a feel good romantic comedy with a heart-warming happily ever after

by Suzy K Quinn

  7 pm

  Alex just rang the pub.

  ‘Juliette?’ he said.

  And I sort of squeaked ‘Yes.’

  I knew it was him, but I said, ‘Um … who is it?’

  He laughed and said, ‘You know who it is. We can’t run tonight. It’s treacherous out there. But can I see you?’

  God – I couldn’t speak then. It was like my whole throat had closed up.

  See me? Why? To tell me last night was a stupid mistake?

  I managed to say okay, and he said he was coming straight over to pick me up.

  Am now DOUBLE shitting myself, waiting for his car to pull up.

  Monday, September 26th

  Last night, Alex arrived ten minutes after he phoned.

  I met him at the front door, and he held an umbrella over me.

  We went to his Rolls Royce, and he turned up all the heaters and felt my fingers.

  ‘You’re freezing,’ he said. ‘Don’t your parents heat that pub of theirs?’

  Which actually they don’t most of the time. Dad is very conservative with things like heating. And Mum doesn’t feel the cold because of all the Chicago Town pizza she eats.

  Alex said he’d been thinking about me. And about last night.

  I felt all nervous then. In the pit of my stomach. I felt like he was about to give me the Dear Juliette speech.

  ‘Shall we go for a drive then?’ I squeaked.

  He gave me that quirky smile of his and said, ‘Unless you’d prefer to take the bus?’

  ‘I wouldn’t mind,’ I said. ‘I like the bus.’

  ‘Christ – how can you?’ Alex replied. ‘It’s so slow.’

  The storm had cleared up by then, and the stars were out.

  Alex drove us through the village, past the maypole green and all the boutique cottage shops.

  Then we went up the farm track by Bluebell Woods.

  Alex parked the car up right by the stream – the one we used to play in as kids. By the rope swing.

  ‘Whenever I see that rope swing I think of you,’ he said, ‘Do you know that?’

  ‘Since when?’ I asked.

  ‘Since always.’

  My heart was beating so fast.

  Alex was watching me so intensely. I could hear him breathing, and I could hear my own breathing too – really fast, like butterfly wings.

  And then Alex kissed me again, one hand in my hair and the other on my cheek.

  We kissed for a long time.

  I rolled down the car seat, so we tipped back, and then he was on top of me, kissing me so fiercely I could hardly breathe.

  I started stripping off my clothes, and he grabbed my hand to stop me.

  ‘Juliette -’

  But I said it was okay. Totally fine. That I was a grown up. He didn’t need to protect me from myself, I knew what I was doing.

  Then he said, ‘Oh to hell with it,’ and helped me out of my top.

  I unbuttoned his shirt, and let my hands feel his chest and back. His skin was amazing – I just couldn’t get enough – and being against his bare chest was heaven.

  I remember him stroking my hair and kissing my eyelids, my lips, my neck … everywhere.

  Before I knew what was happening, he was inside me. Staring into my eyes.

  All those times with Nick – they were nothing. Nothing at all.

  With Alex, it was like floating around the clouds.

  Afterwards, we just lay there for the longest time, half-naked, gazing at each other.

  Then I started worrying about Daisy and said I should get back.

  Alex helped me get dressed. He asked me if I was okay. If I was comfortable.

  That sort of broke the magic, and I felt a bit awkward.

  I tried to break the ice by joking, ‘We couldn’t have done that on the bus.’

  ‘What’s happening?’ Alex smiled. ‘I’m usually so in control.’

  I didn’t know what to say to that. So I didn’t say anything.

  Alex started the car.

  We drove for a few minutes in silence, and then Alex said, ‘You know, this car means a lot to me.’

  ‘Is that why you hate buses so much?’ I said. ‘Because you’re in love with this car?’

  It was meant to be another joke, but Alex said, ‘I do love this car.’

  ‘It’s just a thing,’ I said. ‘How can you love a thing?’

  ‘To me, it’s more than a thing,’ he said. ‘It’s a symbol. Of who I am. I bought it when I turned over my first million. Without trampling over people. Without underpaying the staff. Without blackmailing the competition. I proved that I wasn’t my father. So it means something to me. About what I am and what I’m not. And it’s not flashy.’

  ‘Well it is a bit flashy,’ I said. ‘I mean, you’re the only person in the village who has one.’

  ‘It would be a bit hard for anyone else to have a car like this,’ he said. ‘It was made specially for me.’

  When Alex dropped me at the pub, he said, ‘Wrap up warm in there. No more cold hands. I can’t see you tonight, but I’ll come round tomorrow.’

  I sort of lingered for a few seconds. Wanting to kiss him goodbye or something. But then Mum shouted, ‘That SODDING waste pipe is blocked again.’ So I just said, ‘Bye.’ And ran inside.

  What is happening? Is this really real? Could Alex and I … oh God, I don’t even want to think that. Just enjoy the moment and the memory. Don’t hope for more – you could be horribly disappointed.

  Tuesday, September 27th

  Morning

  Nick just called, asking if he could see Daisy. He even had the nerve to ask if we could talk ‘about us’.

  ‘What us?’ I asked him.

  ‘Oh don’t be like that,’ he said. ‘Come on – you owe it to Daisy not to write us off.’

  I told him he could arrange visitation through my solicitor and hung up.

  Afternoon

  Helen just called asking if we could arrange for Nick to see Daisy.

  Told her I had to go because Alex Dalton would probably be calling for me soon.

  Bit childish I know. But wanted to let her know I’m not sitting around waiting for Nick.

  Evening

  Have now come crashing down to reality.

  Alex hasn’t called. Or showed up for running.

  I’ve been watching the news to see if a hurricane has hit a Dalton hotel. Or similar disaster that would mean Alex leaving the country in a hurry.

  But nothing.

  Feel pretty low and stupid and humiliated.

  When a man doesn’t call after sex, it’s because he isn’t interested. End of story.

  Feel like such an idiot for getting it SO wrong. Again.

  Stupid.

  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  Wednesday, September 28th

  No call from Alex.

  Yesterday could have had some weird, random explanation (sudden death of relative, embarrassing diarrhoea virus). But two days in a row …

  Feel angry, in a way.

  I mean, all that talk about rope swings. Doesn’t he know how vulnerable I am? I’ve just been dumped by my fiancé – it’s pretty shitty of him to sleep with me if he’s just going to disappear.

  Sad day all round really.

  Thursday, September 29th

  Nick called again today.

  He asked if he could see Daisy, adding, ‘Jules, please can we talk? Things aren’t going well with Sadie.’

  I should have told him to go fuck himself, but all this stuff with Alex has messed with my head.

  Nick ended up coming to the Oakley Arms. Which means he must have been pretty desperate to get away from Sadie. He hates Mum and Dad’s pub.

  We sat in the saloon pub with all the regulars staring at us.

  Nick was wearing a leather jacket that was ten years too young for him, and sunglasses indoors. He threw himself into a booth and said, ‘Fucking hell, this pub still doesn’t serve Peroni?’

  Luckily, non
e of the family was serving. If Brandi had been behind the bar, she would have smashed a pint glass over his head.

  Nick looked awful actually. Pale. Sad.

  ‘I want you back, Jules,’ he said, leaning dramatically onto his elbows. ‘Please come back to me.’

  ‘But you’re living with Sadie,’ I pointed out. ‘She’s very pregnant.’

  ‘It doesn’t work,’ he said. ‘Two actors together with only one bathroom. She spends hours in there. Hours. And she’s always on at me about flushing the toilet. Anyway, I’m not one hundred percent sure the baby’s mine.’

  He said Sadie had slept with a director around about the time she got pregnant.

  I told him it sounded like he and Sadie deserved each other.

  ‘Christ,’ he said. ‘I’m not that bad am I?’

  It was too dark for Nick to take Daisy out (he arrived two hours late because he couldn’t work out the Sunday train timetable), so he ended up playing with her at the pub. He threw her up in the air and said, ‘Say, Nick! Say, Dadda!’

  When he left, I thanked my lucky stars for how things turned out.

  Spending time with Alex has done me a favour really. It’s made me see there are better men out there than Nick. Even if those better men aren’t interested in an actual serious relationship with me.

  Friday, September 30th

  Have spent the last half hour watching the window for signs of Alex or his car.

  I don’t know why I’m torturing myself. It’s already been days. It’s pretty clear what’s going on. Alex is staying away, so I don’t get the wrong idea.

  Stupid hope.

  Going to bed now.

  Saturday, October 1st

  No Alex again.

  Sunday, October 2nd

  Told Laura about Alex and me.

  She knew some of it – news of us at the Yacht Club was already circulating the village.

  She also knew that Nick had phoned, and come to see me.

  I asked Laura if she’d had sex with Zach yet, and she replied, ‘Of course not.’

  She said she had real feelings for Zach. And she wasn’t going to ruin things by having sex before she knew he felt the same way.

  Althea made me feel a bit better.

  She said sex was empowering. And that any man who ditched a woman after sex was the sort who’d never empty the dishwasher or replace the toilet roll.

  I said Alex probably pays someone to empty his dishwasher and replace his toilet roll.

  ‘But he’s a right snooty bastard anyway Jules,’ she said. ‘Why would you want to hook up with someone like that?’

  I told her that he wasn’t that bad, once you got to know him.

  And it’s true.

  On the surface, Alex looks all cool and aloof. But the real him is kind and thoughtful and decent.

  I miss him.

  Monday, October 3rd

  Daisy’s birthday tomorrow.

  My maternity pay has been successfully transferred to my new bank account, so I can finally pay my way.

  Also, found a stash of department store cash coupons so bought Daisy some bits and pieces.

  Just a few things.

  A baby princess outfit. A rag dolly and alphabet blanket. Mini ballet shoes and tutu, baby tiara, personalised dressing gown with her name on it, personalised hooded bath towel (that came half-price with the dressing gown). A silver christening bracelet and necklace. And then a few toys – Noah’s ark playset, pull-along horsey, V-tech baby walker (that’s pretty much an essential – every baby seems to have one). And then some bath things – splash fun dolphin, Mr Bubbles penguin and a baby grooming kit.

  Dad lectured me about how spoiled babies are these days. He grew up with one broken train set and a single football boot, both of which he had to share with his brothers.

  Tuesday, October 4th

  Daisy’s birthday.

  Should have been a lovely day, but got all worked up about Nick not calling. I thought at least Helen might call on his behalf. But nothing.

  Nick sent presents – a robot dog that you can train with your voice and an ankle-length velvet dress (I know Helen chose that last one because it’s hideous). But that’s not the same as actually seeing Daisy in person.

  Waited until 8 pm, then phoned Nick to say he was a shit bag who missed his daughter’s birthday.

  Nick whispered that today had been difficult.

  In the background, I could hear Sadie screeching that she wanted ‘Fresh fucking grapefruit juice, not the crap from concentrate.’

  I think Daisy liked my presents. She got a bit irritated in the baby princess outfit and kept pulling off the bracelet and necklace. But she gave the walker a good chew and butted her head against the Mr Bubbles penguin.

  Mum bought Daisy a Swarovski crystal pacifier that lit up different colours. And a big frilly baby bonnet with roses all over it.

  Brandi made a birthday cake covered with bright red ready roll icing.

  Laura got Daisy a lovely tasteful dress, tights and shoes from Marks and Spencer.

  Althea gave us a rainbow cardigan and some jangly bells on a stick.

  All in all, I think Daisy had a good day. Luckily she’s too young to know that her dad has shacked up with the bridesmaid.

  Wednesday, October 5th

  So tired today.

  I didn’t even have the energy to stop Daisy chewing my iPhone.

  Thursday, October 6th

  Daisy is sleeping through the night. But I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about Alex.

  It’s really lucky I don’t have his number. Because I’d have texted him by now. And that would have made me look really desperate and ridiculous.

  I’m not eighteen anymore. I don’t need to know why, why WHY a man isn’t calling.

  I know why men don’t call.

  It’s because they’re not interested.

  And anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves.

  Friday, October 7th

  Decided to throw myself back into dieting and getting fit and the marathon.

  Saturday, October 8th

  Food today:

  Breakfast – One home-blended strawberry and yoghurt smoothie with oats and pumpkin seeds (mess all over kitchen).

  Lunch – One Slim Girl spinach and kale soup (123 calories, tasted like burnt grass).

  Mid-afternoon – Weird sugar frenzy – eight of Daisy’s apple-juice and oatmeal cookies. But strong-willed enough to leave the last two.

  Tea – Cheese and beans on toast with Worcester sauce and (fuck it, I’m already over my calories) half a tub of Häagen-Dazs (didn’t mean to eat half, but kept trying to get the surface perfectly smooth and got carried away).

  9 pm

  Ate last two cookies.

  Sunday, October 9th

  Went for a run with Laura this evening.

  Laura was all vibrant and full of energy, even at 8 pm in the freezing cold.

  I wore my fat girl’s running outfit – great big baggy sweatpants and one of Nick’s old T-shirts. It’s just the mood I’m in right now.

  Laura wore sleek black sports leggings and a skin-tight Lycra vest.

  We ran along the street, me huffing and puffing, Laura bouncing along like a gazelle.

  By the woods, I got all emotional and had to stop.

  Laura was very supportive. She’d already run five miles to ‘warm up’ so she was on an exercise high. She kept talking about ‘ideal conditions’ for training and that this temperature would be just like the Winter Marathon.

  It was freezing.

  But then I remembered what I’d told Daisy. Wiped the tears away and carried on running.

  I’m going to do this.

  Monday, October 10th

  Alex has disappeared off the face of the planet. It’s like he was some crazy dream. Did I imagine the whole thing?

  Haven’t lost any weight this week.

  Maybe I’ve mucked up my metabolism and now can never lose weight. Maybe I’ll
have to eat rabbit portions forever more to stop myself becoming a big heifer.

  Told Althea I might be in love with Alex.

  She gave me a big lecture about love being a feminist issue and how society uses romance to control women.

  Then she went on about her new boyfriend and how he’s given her the best oral sex ever. And he didn’t freak out when Wolfgang chewed a hole in his canvas rucksack, so she thinks he might be partner material.

  Tuesday, October 11th

  Alex, Alex, Alex!

  I really miss him today. Not just because I fancy him. I liked going running with him. He was a friend.

  I feel like someone’s died. Stupid, I know. There must still be some hormones flying around. When did I get so dramatic?

  Got the tube to Oxford Street and bought myself a McDonald’s big breakfast and a vanilla latte with whipped cream from Starbucks.

  Went back to the pub and sobbed to Mum about what a terrible mother I was. A bad role model for Daisy. Not in control of my eating habits.

  Mum told me to get a hold of myself. She said she was ordering the Domino’s pre-Christmas special – a giant pizza with roast chicken, beef and cranberry sauce – and did I want one.

  I gulped, ‘Mighty Meaty please.’

  Ate pizza.

  Felt much better.

  It’s amazing how much happier you feel when you’re not hungry.

  And truth be told, I have lost a lot of weight recently.

  Wednesday, October 12th

  Bad night with Daisy.

  Very, very tired this morning.

  Daisy woke up happy and smiling like last night had never happened.

  I said, ‘I don’t know what you’re smiling at.’

  Then she said, ‘Mama.’

  Her first word!

  I cried.

  My little girl!

  I’ve never felt so proud.