Hot Stuff

by Virginia Page

  Something about him seemed so familiar to me. He must have been a celebrity, maybe a rock star. Why else would he be working out in a swanky country club. Then it occurred to me I was stereotyping him, and it was wrong of me.

  By the look of his muscles he could have been a personal trainer for sure. I'd let him help shape my body any day.

  He looked dangerous. Not in a scary way, but in a turn me on and do bad things to me type of way. He had bad boy written all over him. My father definitely wouldn’t have approved. On the other hand, my mother might have though.

  I couldn't keep my eyes off of the bulge in his crotch. It wasn't like me to feel this way about a casual stranger, but something about him had me fantasizing in my mind of all of the things I wanted to do to him, an immediate sexual attraction.

  I looked down at my crotch, because he’d gotten my juices flowing, feeling self-conscious that my damp panties might have wet my yoga pants. Luckily, they hadn’t.

  When I looked up, he gazed directly into my eyes with a strong focus filled with magnetism and lust. My stomach fluttered, feeling somewhat woozy, gurgling from hunger. My body couldn't stop tingling. I had an instant attraction to him.

  His eyes were blue, which glistened in the light. His five-o-clock shadow gave me chills. His rock and roll look made me feel weak in the knees. His perfect bright white smile was beautiful, although, he continued to flaunt the stupid ass grin on his face, the type of grin like he was up to something naughty. I knew what was on his mind, and I approved.

  My thoughts were scattered all over the place. Attracted to him, even though feeling too insecure to make a move, I did nothing. In my mind, I willed him to come talk to me, but apparently he couldn’t hear my thoughts because he still hadn’t come over. He would never want someone like me.

  I wanted to talk to him so badly, but I believed he might make fun of me and say something hurtful. I was a mess.

  I decided I was going to leave before he had the chance to embarrass me, but before I could leave, he approached and offered to show me how to use one of the workout machines. His eyes were so kind and mesmerizing. I had difficulty saying no.

  "Let me train you," he said.

  "Ha!"

  Naughty thoughts ran through my mind. Train me to do what? I was eager to learn.

  He was slightly flirty, but I thought he was just being nice. He went to introduce himself, but I’d interrupted him and never gave him a chance to.

  While he showed me the machine, he complimented me, telling me how striking my eyes were, telling me how voluptuous my body was, telling me how lovely my lips were, making me feel beautiful.

  He took off his shirt. Wow! I was all in. I got chills when I saw the tattoos on his chest. He’d worked up a sweat so his body was glistening in the lights. I needed someone to fan me because I was about to faint, hopefully falling into his arms.

  I couldn't resist thinking about what I’d like to do to his body, and the things I’d like him to do to me. I tried to listen to him talk but kept getting distracted by his muscles.

  Each time he’d said something he’d snapped me out of my dreamy, gawking daydream. He must have thought I was air-headed for sure.

  It really seemed too good to be true. Why was a gorgeous man like him flirting with someone like me? Maybe there were ulterior motives. Maybe someone had put him up to it, or maybe he was setting me up for disappointment for his own amusement. He must have thought I was wealthy. To me, that was the only conceivable reason he’d be laying it on so thick.

  I’d gotten cold feet. My inner game was too strong, limiting thoughts raining down on me, tugging at me, influencing me to leave. I kept thinking he was going to do something awful at my expense. Maybe he’d humiliate me. Maybe he was flirting with me due to a bet or something. Maybe he was after my money. Well, he was barking up the wrong tree, because I had nothing, not even my self-respect. Choking out some tears, I had to leave. I knew it was a bad idea to go workout in public in the first place. Especially by myself. I can’t believe I let Sophia talk me into it.

  Before we could become better acquainted, I decided to make my exit. Feeling an overwhelming urge to leave, I got up and left immediately. I didn’t know if I could deal with the rejection, still too fragile to fully put myself out there.

  "I've got to go," I said.

  "But wait," he replied, "I haven't even got a chance to get to know you better."

  "I'm sorry."

  I stormed into the womens' locker room, knowing he couldn’t follow me inside, sitting on one of the benches, breathing heavy, almost having a panic attack. I decided to wait for a while to leave, until I was sure he’d be gone. I noticed, yet again, the fit women who were getting dressed, a constant reminder of what I wasn’t. I looked in the mirror, comparing myself to them, causing me to become even more disappointed. I couldn't help but feel bad because I paled in comparison to those model types. When I was younger and in shape, men were putty in my hands, but time had changed me. I’d let myself go, needing to get myself together and improve. I needed to be the best me, not only for myself, but also for Chloe because that’s what she deserved, me being a good mom. I cried thinking about her again.

  At least an hour had past, me feeling the impulse to go get some comfort food, which I couldn't resist, drowning my emotions in high calorie counseling. Of course, I had to wait to be sure he was no longer around, so I could leave without being confronted by him. I’d sat in the locker room for another hour just staring in the mirror, my mind replaying my insecure thoughts over and over and over, torturing myself.

  I figured I’d waited long enough. He was surely gone after all that time. I peeked out of the locker room, relieved that he was no where in sight.

  Feeling heavy regret, I walked around from machine to machine hoping to see him, finally just losing my nerve and leaving.

  As I walked out, hearing his voice, my fight-or-flight response went into action, and I stepped up my speed, sprinting out of the country club. Once I’d gotten outside of the building, I thought I was home free, but in my peripheral vision, I saw him, following after me, gaining speed. A secret part of me was flattered he’d been pursuing me. I wanted to stop and give myself to him, submitting to his every desire, but the thought was too painful. I couldn’t let myself get hurt. I wasn’t strong enough to take the chance. It was too soon, maybe another time.

  He called to me, trying to make a connection before I’d left, but I was too stubborn and too fast. I was able to get out unharmed, with my heart still intact.

  I turned a corner into the parking lot, before he was able to catch up, I hid in the bushes.

  He didn't see me. He kept looking in every direction for me. He appeared to have been really bummed out. An expression of disappointment graced his gorgeous eyes.

  I smiled at the thought of him pursuing me. Why didn't I have the confidence to stop and give myself to him? He seemed interested like he’d wanted me. I could tell there was heat between us.

  Maybe he was really sincere. Maybe he was genuinely attracted to me. Did I really have a chance with a man so hot?

  I’d taken off before giving in and putting myself out there, regretting leaving with every single step. I ran all the way to Sophia's. When I got there, I was almost totally out of breath.

  In spite of feeling tired, I decided I’d workout at home. I’d remembered seeing some free weights in the hallway closet next to Sophia’s room. I intended on going back to the country club, but only after I looked good enough. I knew it wasn’t logical to not want to go to the gym because I wasn’t fit enough, but I had to think about the perception. I wanted to workout, making sure I looked my best the next time I decided to go there.

  What I really ended up doing was moping on the couch watching television, numbing my emotions, snacking on some goodies I found in the pantry Sophia must have forgotten to dispose of. The gourmet dark chocolate truffles were delicious. After gorging and getting rid of the evidence, I ended up going to b
ed.

  Chapter 27

  In the morning I got the courage to actually workout, thinking back to the time when Chloe had mimicked my exercise routine, mocking me and giggling her butt off. I almost felt like she was watching me again, causing a smile on my face, me reminiscing the good times. Then I noticed Sophia had been watching me while I was unaware. Had she snuck up on me? You’d think she could give me some privacy.

  “So how did your workout go yesterday?” she asked.

  Tears immediately sputtered, causing mascara to run down my face, causing me to become a mess.

  "Is everything okay?" she asked.

  "I just miss my baby so much," I replied. "I feel like I'm dying inside. I have to get her back."

  "You will," she said. "You just have to get yourself together and get back on your feet."

  “I’m trying to workout, so I can look better,” I said. “I want to feel better about myself.”

  "Good for you," she said. "You'll find a man to take care of you before you know it."

  Hearing Sophia’s words rubbed me the wrong way. I was changing, becoming an independent woman, and I didn't feel I needed a man to complete me anymore. My actions hadn’t reflected that lately, but I had good intentions. Why would Sophia assume something like that about me? Did I seem helpless?

  Ironically enough, I’d found some courage, becoming more confident, wanting to go back to the country club, but I didn't have a guest pass. Once again, I was dependent on someone else.

  "Do you have any more guest passes?" I asked.

  Sophia smiled, reaching into her purse, handing me a small stack. My smile flooded.

  I noticed the passes had printed on them that they were for non-member guest and must be accompanied by a member. I hadn’t notice before. Maybe that was why the girl gave me so much trouble yesterday.

  “It’d be great if you could go with me,” I said.

  “I’d love to, but I’m extremely busy this week,” she said. “Besides, It’s something you have to do alone.”

  “But the passes clearly state you must be accompanied by a member,” I said, hoping she’d reconsider.

  “Really,” she said, “so how did you get in yesterday.”

  Sophia wasn’t falling for my attempts to guilt and influence her. I just didn’t want to go alone.

  “Did you meet anyone?” she asked.

  “Yes,” I replied.

  "Good for you," she said. "What was his name?"

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know?”

  "I don't know. He never mentioned his name."

  Sophia smiled.

  "I guess you were too busy taking inventory," she said.

  Sophia really had me pegged.

  "Something like that," I replied.

  "What did he look like?"

  “He looked like a biker.”

  I didn't mind at all because I was turned on by bikers. I don’t know why, but I got a big grin on my face. I was beaming with happiness. The idea of a man pursuing me was a great ego boost. My energy raised, causing me to giggle like I was in love for the very first time.

  "He was gorgeous,” I said. “Kind of rugged and muscular. He had tattoos.”

  "I know exactly who you’re talking about," she said. "Damn! You’re right. He's hot stuff."

  "What do you know about him?" I asked, nonchalantly, because I didn’t want to look too eager but was on the edge of my seat waiting for details.

  "His name is Dylan,” she replied. “I’ve noticed he normally keeps to himself. He seems somewhat particular though. I've seen him turn away all of the gorgeous yoga instructors."

  Hearing that made my day because he’d been aggressively flirting with me. He must have thought I was something special. Heavy regret weighed down on me for leaving without getting to know him.

  "How did you get him to talk to you?" she asked.

  Insulted, I cringed. Was Sophia implying I wasn't good enough for him to pursue? Maybe he liked his women with some meat on their bones. Maybe he was looking for a meaningful relationship and not just some meaningless fling. Maybe he was looking for love. I was beginning to become unraveled.

  I could tell Sophia was enjoying our girl talk, by the look on her face, eyes wide open, leaning forward, wearing a shit-eating grin. She seemed excited because I’d met another man, so she could have William all to herself.

  "I know he doesn't look like it, but he's extremely wealthy," she said. "I heard he did something with computer programming. Someone at the country club told me his software company had gone public, selling for billions of dollars to investors."

  I needed to see Dylan again, needing to know if his intentions were true, needing to know everything about him, needing to know if I was a strong enough woman to open my heart to him.

  Chapter 28

  The next morning, I’d gotten up earlier than Sophia. Lacking the confidence I’d had the day before, I decided I wasn’t going anywhere, so I stayed in my sweat pants and an over-sized t-shirt. Gorging on bacon, sausage, eggs, and toast, I gulped, breathing heavy, numbing my hurt feelings, enjoying delicious flavors, starting to relax a little.

  Even if I did meet Dylan again, he probably wouldn’t have wanted me anyway. I continued fueling my internal pity party.

  The dining-room door slammed open.

  "What's going on?" she asked. "Where did you get all this food? Why are you eating so much? What’s wrong?"

  "I don't want to talk about it," I replied.

  Looking down, I knew I’d done wrong. It was never good to drown my misery in fattening food. Besides, it wasn’t my fault. She really should have locked the pantry.

  "Are you going to the gym today?" she asked.

  "What's the point," I replied. "I don't belong there."

  "Yes you do."

  "I don't feel like myself anymore," I said. “You’ve got me dressed up like somebody else, eating like somebody else, acting like somebody else. I can’t do it anymore.”

  "You're not yourself anymore," she replied. "You’re a new woman, who's doing her best to improve her life, so she can get back her daughter."

  Hearing her mention getting back Chloe made me realize how juvenile I was acting. I shouldn’t have been focusing on guys or my own selfish needs. I knew I needed to improve, so I could get back Chloe.

  I put my head on the table and covered my face with my hands. Immersed in humiliation, I cried and cried and cried. I knew Sophia was right, but just couldn't build up the courage to be the strong woman I’d promised I’d be.

  Sophia rubbed my back.

  “Everything will be alright,” she said. “You just need to get your life back together. Be strong.”

  I revealed to Sophia that I was an emotional eater. When something would set me off, I’d always found comfort in overeating. I knew it wasn’t right, but it's how I'd always coped in the past. It’s what had caused me to gain the extra weight. Sure, I’d always blamed my extra weight on my pregnancy with Chloe, but that was just an excuse I’d believed everyone would accept. It felt good to reveal to someone I’d gained the extra weight because of my actions and not my circumstances.

  “You need to say goodbye to the past,” she said, “and start a new way of living.”

  Sophia was coaching me to think in a different way. She had me affirming I’d already changed, over and over and over again, feeling ridiculous at first, but I realized Sophia knew what she was doing, so I decided to trust her.

  “Say it again,” she said.

  "I used to be an emotional eater," I said, "but now I'm in charge of my mind."

  "Great to hear."

  "I'm a strong woman now," I said. “I can do anything I put my mind to.”

  Sophia smiled.

  "It's good to see you’re feeling better about yourself," she said. "You're doing great."

  "Thanks," I said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  "You go back to the country club," she said
. "Dylan may be there. Take a chance."

  I reluctantly went back to the country club. I searched around for Dylan, and he wasn't any where to be found, how disappointing. What if I were never to see him again? What if meeting him before was destiny, and I’d messed it all up? I could have botched up my chance to be with my soul mate. Wow, my mind was laying it on a little too thick, feeling shameful. I’m sure he was somewhere, chasing around another woman, flirting with her. How could I have ever believed I was special? I wished I was special.

  I heard a voice I thought might have been his, but I was mistaken. It was some other guys talking smack. When they passed by me and turned the corner, they made awful comments about me and my weight. Then they got behind me to work out, both making moo noises in my direction, taunting me, trying to humiliate me. Of course, when I looked back at them, they pretended the insulting sounds weren't directed at me.

  “Are you talking to me?” I asked.

  They acted as if they’d done nothing at all, but when I wasn’t facing them, they made worse noises, becoming even more obnoxious.

  My first instinct was to feel sorry for myself, but I stopped. Clinching my fists, I couldn’t take it anymore, deciding to stick up for myself, my temper flaring, their asses in trouble.

  "Enough!" I shouted.

  The guys giggled until their faces turned red.

  "What are you going to do?” one guy said, “Are you going to tell on us?"

  Apparently, he didn't know who he was fucking with. I stood up, walked toward him, and pointed at his face. My mind was filled with anger. My blood was filled with rage. I knew I needed to cool my jets, because I was about to kick his ass. I needed to keep my anger under control but was having trouble cooling down. I kept repeating to myself under my breath, “I’m a new woman now. I’m a new woman now. I’m a new woman now.” Of course, it was too late because I reacted, and my reflexes took over for me, my hand smacking his face.