Mixed Emotions

by MIA HEINTZELMAN

  Mike: J. I need a favor.

  The three ellipses popped up on his screen almost immediately, which meant Jason was either with someone he’d rather not be, or he was at or on the way to dinner.

  Jason: Two times in one week. To what do I owe this honor?

  For the first time in a long while, Mike was relieved Jason was available.

  Mike: Have you eaten yet?

  More ellipses.

  Jason: About to pull up to my favorite grill as we speak. What’s up?

  Mike mouthed a soft “thank you” heaven-ward and sagged against the wall.

  Mike: I don’t have time to explain, and I’ll owe you, but I need you to be my eyes while you’re at dinner. Everett’s younger sister Zora will be at the grill tonight with some dude and I don’t trust him.

  Okay, so it was lie, but whether he knew the guy or not wasn’t relevant. How Zora acted around him was all Mike wanted to know.

  Jason stressed his intentions to cash in on this favor soon, which was a little terrifying given the wide realms of his imagination. The way Mike’s heart was racing, though, the risk would be well worth it.

  Forty-two minutes later, Jason texted that he’d spotted Zora with Mr. Unoriginal, and some fifteen minutes after that, Mike got tired of the third degree via text. Jason seemed doggedly determined to get to the bottom of Mike’s obsession with Everett’s little sister. Mike decided to skip the paragraph-long messages and call Jason from his car.

  “So, you’re seriously not hitting that?” Ever tactful, Jason’s voice filtered through the car Bluetooth.

  Mike let the motor run for a few minutes as he reclined his seat and listened to the spray of raindrops on the windshield.

  “No,” he said too quickly. His annoyance flared. “I’m just…looking out for her. How many times do I have to tell you? Everett and his fiancée are expecting, and the stress put the baby at risk, so they took off for a month. I’m looking out for the house, the business, and the family. Zora is his family.”

  Muffled laughter rumbled through the line.

  “Okay, okay. Touchy. I’m just asking. Nothing is really happening. They’re just eating.” Jason paused for a second, but the laughter was still in his tone when he spoke again. “Do you want to know how juicy her lips look around the fork?”

  “Fuck you, man.”

  Mike bit back a laugh. He didn’t know exactly what he was looking for or what he wanted his friend to watch for, but he still wanted to know everything, even the small stuff.

  “Does she look like she’s enjoying herself? Does she seem to like this guy?”

  Do I really want to know?

  It was nearing nine-thirty by then, and Mike was driving aimlessly toward the Burnside Bridge. He didn't want to go home and see Zora’s bags there without her, so he kept driving heading southeast on Grand.

  “Not a bit. That I can say with certainty. I mean, the guy isn’t ugly, he’s actually a good-looking dude—“

  “Thank you. I don’t need to know about him. Just…what makes you think she’s not into him?”

  Jason cleared his throat as if he was settling in to school Mike on the female psyche. “I’m sort of an expert when it comes to women and reading their body language.”

  “Okay, sure.” Condescension laced Mike’s tone. “I’m listening.”

  “For one, she’s been on her phone the whole time, so no eye contact or laughing or any of the telltale signs that she might think there’s a spark. Also, she hasn’t touched herself once—”

  “Fuck—”

  “Not in the way you’re thinking. I mean, she hasn’t played with her hair like women do when they’re flirting. She looks kinda sleepy, actually.”

  At this one, Mike laughed loudly. He was still driving along watching the reflection of the clouds on the river as Grand Ave blended into McLoughlin in a bit of a traffic standstill. “Where do you get this stuff, man?”

  “I’m serious. She’s slouched in the seat, and her eyes look heavy. I’m not shitting you, she might have nodded off. If that’s not disinterest, I don’t know what is.”

  Jason might be a rich asshole and a male chauvinist most of the time, but it was hard to argue with him. Despite his personal life, he was a good lawyer. He paid attention to detail.

  Now Mike was paying attention. He couldn't ignore how he’d been feeling since the Friday night at the club and game night. The kiss they’d shared earlier today sure as hell wasn’t one-sided. It was obvious Zora wasn’t feeling this new guy, and Mike needed to do something soon.

  He chewed the inside of his cheek as he sat in traffic. Up ahead, it looked like the rain had gotten the better of someone. He hoped the accident wasn’t fatal. “J. Hold on a sec.” He swiped his screen then tapped out a message.

  Mike:

  1. If I was at the table with you, I’d make you put away your phone.

  2. I swallowed mouthwash just because the bottle told me not to.

  3. I’ve been to Disneyland alone.

  After he pressed send, Mike asked Jason. “What’s she doing now?”

  In the background he heard the buzz of conversation and the sound of silverware scraping as Jason mumbled through a mouthful. “She’s…smiling, but still looking at her phone. You’re good. Nothing to worry about there.”

  A message ping echoed in the car.

  Zora: Hey, there. First of all, how do you know I’m not having the time of my life?

  Mike:You’re talking to me instead of Mr. Unoriginal. Stop stalling and answer the question. You looked really pretty, by the way.

  “Is she still smiling?” His breath bottled up in his chest and he smiled into his fist.

  Jason, who sounded like he was gnawing on a dinosaur leg, swallowed loudly. “Oh, yeah. She finally looked up. Are you texting her? I’m like a proud father over here, helping you make this love connection.”

  “All right, man. On that note, I’m going to let you go. I appreciate you, and I’ll get back to you.”

  Jason laughed and reminded Mike he was in his debt, then disconnected. Meanwhile, Mike moved ahead a few inches closer to the fender-bender, and the traffic stalled again, so he checked Zora’s reply.

  Zora:Who are you and what have you done with my friend who supposedly shares important stuff with me? BTW, you’re a rule-follower, so I know the lie is #2. This is not the end of this discussion. I’m going to pick your brain about your truths.

  Without Jason on the phone to narrate, Mike imagined her still smiling at the phone biting on the pad of her finger while she thought about him and not the sorry ass dude across from her.

  Zora:

  1. If you were at the table with me, I’d be thinking about that kiss earlier.

  2. Your smile gives me butterflies.

  3. I’ve been to Disneyland twice.

  Right off the bat, Mike knew the lie.

  Zora made a bucket list two Christmases ago, and going to The Happiest Place on Earth was at the very top. So, right now, she was with another man reliving their kiss and thinking about his smile whilst butterflies fluttered in her stomach.

  Mike was acutely aware of his heart racing and the stir of his nerve endings pulsing with need. His insides flooded with warmth. He wanted to be with her physically right now.

  Up ahead, an officer began waving cars through one by one. Quickly, Mike tapped out a rapid-fire message because it was now or never.

  Mike:

  1. I was not at the silent disco last Friday.

  2. I broke up with Kate.

  3. When you left the restaurant, I wished you would have turned around and decided to stay with me, but I didn’t know how to say it.

  Now the butterflies rolled in his stomach. His muscles twitched and his mouth went dry. What would she say to blatant honesty? He shook out his hands, feeling restless and unsettled. When his phone pinged, he jerked to grab it.

  It wasn’t Zora.

  Jason: Thought you’d want to know. Looks like she’s ditching this gu
y and headed home. You’re welcome. Add this to the favors you owe me.

  With a sigh of relief, Mike followed the officer’s signals and made a U-turn. Home was the only place he wanted to be.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Zora

  Zora couldn’t get out of Andre’s SUV fast enough.

  “Thanks for tonight,” she said. “I had a lovely time.”

  Not.

  Andre leaned over the console as if she would let him kiss her after the disaster date. He had a cocky smirk.

  Ugh.

  “Will I see you again?” he asked.

  Not in this lifetime, Mr. Unoriginal.

  “Oh, call me.” She smiled tightly and turned to open the door. She slipped out, dodging fat raindrops as she ambled toward Mike’s house. Hopefully, the dickwad wouldn’t choose now to get his lazy ass out of the truck and walk her to the door.

  She was doing a shuffle run-walk as she sneezed and waved him off over her shoulder. Before she even reached for the knob, she realized she didn’t have a key.

  “Shit.”

  She slid her phone from her purse and prayed Mike was still awake. Tapping to get to messages, she was a few letters into let me in when another message dropped from the top of the screen.

  Andre.

  She thought maybe he recognized he’d been sort of a narcissistic douche and wanted to redeem himself with a “goodnight” text or possibly a “I don’t blame you if you never want to talk to me again” text, but apparently the universe was not done laughing at her this evening.

  Much to her shock and horrified dismay, it was a veiny, gnarled dick pic.

  Lovely.

  “Asshole!” she turned and screamed as the SUV pulled into the road. Her voice was shrill and filled with blood-seeking venom. Her body locked up with rage.

  Oh my god.

  She was shaking and she could feel heat flushing through her body.

  “Fuck you!” she yelled at the top of her lungs to the fading headlights.

  “That good of a date, huh?”

  Zora turned to find Mike in the doorway biting back a shit-eating grin. While it was downright mouth-watering, it did nothing to cool her searing hot blood.

  This was what it came down to—dating and dick pics or using games to mask your real feelings? Truths and lies. What is it all for? She’d already said too much in the text messages, but at this moment, she couldn’t go down that road.

  Not tonight.

  “It’s not funny,” she hissed, still fuming at the image of the crooked boner. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, still fidgety and amped up to do something. But what?

  Mike sucked in a breath. “It’s kind of funny.” He was still grinning from ear to ear as he slid Zora’s purse from her shoulder and slipped a warm hand on the small of her back to guide her into the house.

  At his touch, she shot past him, releasing a trio of sneezes in fast, body-jerking succession. She was neither in the mood to talk nor to find the silver lining when she was likely coming down with a cold and sick to her stomach at the image she’d just received.

  “You want to talk about it?” Mike asked between giggles.

  She shot him an incredulous look.

  Um, no I don’t want to talk about why men think it’s acceptable to ambush women with pictures of their janky junk.

  She paced the foyer, shaking her head.

  Just how had this day taken a wrong turn down a shitty road? It had gone from a mind-blowing, take my breath away kiss with Mike to a hell date.

  She could have stayed home and worked on recipes or gluten-free alternatives. Anything would have been better than forcing herself to spend the rest of her night with a douchebag.

  And why had she subjected herself to the date in the first place? To avoid having a serious conversation with Mike about what was going on between them.

  Grow some balls, Zo.

  “Later,” she said, but she didn't move toward the bedroom. She opened her mouth to say something and closed it again, flashing him a weak smile. “No. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  I’ll just sleep it off and start fresh in the morning.

  Blowing out a heavy breath, she stalked down the hall toward the guest bedroom. The sound of his feet was behind her, but she promptly shut the door in Mike’s face. The creak of his movement sounded on the other side.

  Then she heard a small knock. “I’m sorry, Zo. I thought you were playing around. I didn’t realize you were really upset. Did he…hurt you?” His voice was strained.

  “No.”

  His slow and measured footsteps picked up again and Zora imagined him pacing. She ambled over to the door and pressed her hands flat against it. She closed her eyes and breathed wishing she would have made a different choice at the start of the evening.

  “Okay, well, did he do something to you or hurt your feelings? I’m worried, Zo. Talk to me. I haven’t seen you like this since…” He trailed off, but Zora knew what he wasn’t saying.

  He hadn’t seen her so angry since the night they’d made love.

  No one had.

  Nothing had ever mattered as much.

  Afterward, they’d been lying on the cellar floor. Mike held her, studying her like she was a rare, precious gem that needed to be treasured and protected. In that moment, she’d known he would’ve given up his future for her—law school, traveling, everything. She would have done the same for him. All of their dreams would have been upended in one night, and she couldn’t bear to let him throw it all away for a fleeting whirl in the wind. So, she’d been the one who had suggested they just be friends, and when he’d protested, she’d responded with blind fury and a desperate coldness.

  It had been a knife to her heart. When he’d left, her throat had thickened with sobs, and pain gripped her chest. She knew what she was risking—her life, real or imagined, one way or the other.

  She’d given up on her once in a lifetime.

  Now Zora was starting to wonder if maybe once in a lifetimes came around twice. Her voice softened and filled with understanding. She leaned her cheek to the door. “No. He didn’t hurt me or my feelings or anything. I just, I wasn’t expecting a dick pic tonight.”

  On the other side of the door, she felt Mike lean against the door and slide down to the floor. She did the same. He giggled. It was comforting to know he was right there with her, back-to-back, with open ears, and no judgments.

  “Ouch. I didn’t see that coming at all, but now I get why you were foaming at the mouth.”

  “Yeah. Imagine my shock when I think I’m getting a goodnight text and instead it’s a close-up of his worthless family jewels.”

  Zora’s shoulders relaxed as she drank in the sound of Mike’s low laugh. For a moment, they were quiet as they sunk into their familiar easiness. After holding him at a distance these last couple of weeks, she’d missed the way they were always able to be themselves around each other. She’d had someone to talk to about Oli’s wild dates and how crazy it was living back at Patton Place with Everett and Sophia. It wasn’t just him listening to her talk about her blog and her dreams of being a published author, either. She missed him, his goofy jokes, their movie trivia wars, and the silliness in their game of two truths and a lie.

  Oli told her about his breakup with Kate, and today, Zora had seen the longing in Mike’s eyes when she walked out of Bite-Sized, which meant he was there at the silent disco last Friday and he hadn’t say a word about it.

  “For what it’s worth, I think that guy is an idiot. He doesn’t know how lucky he was to be with you.”

  The stupid butterflies were back.

  Zora’s emotions were all over the place. Every nerve ending in her body pulsed with anxiety. Her fingers and toes tingled, and she shook out her hands. Suddenly, sitting there on the floor with the only person who made her heartbeat quicken, she realized she didn’t have just one dream anymore.

  Somewhere along the way, she’d found another one she’d tucked away decades a
go.

  Her logic was about as mixed up as her emotions. Taking a chance on Mike could mean losing sight of her quirks, hang-ups, and professional dreams, which made her who she was. But not taking the chance could also mean losing Mike, and with him, her dream of experiencing real love.

  Who knew if what they shared was anything even close to love? She wasn’t willing to bet against the odds, though.

  It scared her out of her mind, but she could take baby steps because she wanted him.

  “Mike?”

  Would it be the worst thing to fall for a friend who cared about and supported her and kissed like heaven?

  “I’m still here.” His voice was gentle and patient.

  With the rules officially thrown out the window, Zora took her first baby step. On a deep inhale, she stood, and opened the door. Her heart felt like it might come out of her chest. “Just so you know…” She took a deep breath. “I wish I would have turned around and stayed with you tonight, too.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Mike

  Mike couldn’t take his eyes off of Zora.

  They were standing only inches apart. Without the door between them, it felt like they’d moved mountains and oceans to get back here. But he was so scared of messing up, he didn’t move.

  “Say something,” she breathed. He could see her chest rising and falling in anticipation, but the words wouldn’t come to him. “Please.”

  “I missed you?” He hated how it came out like a question. “I mean, I missed you, Zo,” he said again with more conviction in his tone. It was the truth—not just her body and her heart, but her wild and overly analytical mind and the way she made him feel.