Mixed Emotions

by MIA HEINTZELMAN

Then again, this was his house.

  She shook the thought from her mind and realized Mike was stalling.

  “Go on, I’m listening,” she urged him to continue with his answer as she opened the lower cabinets, pulled out two Tupperware containers, and began placing the leftover salmon and asparagus into them.

  “I hope you realize people have been trying to define love for centuries and they still haven’t got it down to a science.” He dunked a plate and wiped in circles with the sponge. “The way I see it, it’s more of a feeling than any particular word. There’s no checklist.”

  Damn.

  “To me it’s about the way the person makes you feel, like the best version of yourself. You get to be there for them in good and bad times because you want to and vice versa. It’s so many little things, instead of some grand gesture like in your movies.” He tipped his head to her. “Not everyone is going to hold up a boom box or give you diamond earrings to prove they love you. It’s having a shitty day and she’s the only person you want to see—the only person who makes you forget all about the hard things. It’s listening, sharing, talking, and laughing. It’s comfortable and easy. It’s feeling like you belong. Does that make sense? I know I’m babbling.”

  He laughed, a loud guttural laugh from the belly and continued. “I know I already said this, but love feels like a choice because you get to choose to be there for your person and it sort of feels like an honor that you get to.”

  Choose to be there for your person...

  More than anything, if she had a choice, Zora would always choose Mike. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  But would he choose me?

  Zora finished putting the food in the fridge and now she was propped against the stainless-steel door in utter awe. God, she wanted Mike’s version of love. Everett and Sophia had it, and they couldn’t explain it to her. Grandma Babs described love as a gift, but she didn’t give many details. But the way Mike explained it? She was speechless. She wanted someone to choose her like that.

  Mike peeked over his shoulder at her. “Too deep?”

  Her heart did a little lurch and she scrubbed her fingers over her face and through her hair.

  How am I going to explain this to him?

  She was breathless. Her mouth was wide open and she literally could not close it. He took her breath away. “No. That was so beautiful, Mike,” she hummed. Her brows traveled somewhere near her hairline. “I’m so jealous over here.”

  This got an adorable giggle out of him and satisfaction bloomed in Zora’s belly because she was the one who caused it.

  “We’re going to dial this back. A lot.” Mike rinsed the last fork and set it on the drying rack. He turned and positioned himself against the sink with one foot up against the cabinet door. He had an easy posture and a beaming smile as he gave her a slow once-over from head to toe and up again until his gaze settled on hers.

  Have mercy. She wanted to run her teeth over his bottom lip.

  “You like to see me squirm, so I’m going to return the favor. I’m not talking about hookups, but sex is part of love, so tell me, how many times have you made love?”

  Zora did not squirm or nervously bite her lip. To her credit, she did not bite his either. Like Mike she undressed him with her eyes then centered a confident gaze on him. By his definition, there was no question in her mind.

  “Once.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Mike

  Once.

  Mike repeated Zora’s answer in his mind and it rocked him to his core. He was holding his breath. She’d only made love once while he’d been with dozens of women. Although, only once did it mean anything to him, either.

  He badly wanted to know if he was her definitive once—if their one night a million moons ago had meant as much to her as it did to him. Maybe it was just this morning or last week, any of the times that had left him yearning for only her touch.

  Still, he couldn’t bring himself to ask for fear of what her answer might be. He didn’t know if he could take it if he wasn’t to her once.

  Mike pushed himself off the counter and raked his hands through his hair. He was in a hurry to get out of the room. The walls had never felt so close. He had never been so aware of his heart’s rebellion against his mind. He didn’t think he could bear any other truth.

  He weaved out of the kitchen into the dining room and toward his bedroom, stopping just at the door. “It’s Friday. Movie, couch, popcorn, ten minutes?” He lifted a brow in question. “We’ll finish the game?” He meant to turn and walk away then, but every nerve ending in his body tingled and his pulse quickened. His heartbeat pounded in his chest.

  Just say it.

  Zora was still leaned against the refrigerator staring at him, waiting. Her eyes pinned him in place.

  When he spoke, his voice was gravelly and foreign to his own ears. “I…love you, Zora.”

  He was still holding his breath, not believing what he’d just said. In the back of his mind, he’d imagined saying the words somewhere romantic and candlelit with their hands clasped and a ring burning in the breast pocket of his suit jacket. Somehow, this was so much better. He was living with the woman who starred in his dreams. She was everything he could ever want in a woman and more. A long time ago, she took up residence in his heart and never left. Defining what the word love meant to him only helped him realize what exactly it was he’d been feeling all these years.

  “I…” Zora’s mouth opened and closed. Her eyes were impossibly wide as a slow smile grew on her face. The blush on her cheeks deepened. “I…I love you, too.” The words came out slow and carefully, like she needed him to hear her clearly.

  He’d heard her loud and clear, because warmth flooded his insides and he was riding on a tide of pure elation.

  The way she eyed him without moving, Mike was back there in the cellar. He remembered it clear as if it were yesterday, how she looked at him as she clutched the thin fabric of his shirt. She was trembling and shaken, shame glistened in her eyes. He’d wanted to tell her then.

  They’d made love.

  Or, at least that’s what Mike thought it was until she’d sat up rigidly, breathing heavily. Her hair was down to her shoulders then, and the rays of sun had drawn streaks of gold through her ebony curls and highlighted glowing circles over her bare shoulders. When the light hit her eyes, he noticed the tears welled in them.

  “Are you all right?” he’d asked stupidly, but she only nodded unconvincingly, and at the time, he couldn’t yet figure what it meant. He wasn’t sure whether they’d been tears of the same joy he felt or sadness over her mother. He suspected it was a mix of both. They were sharing their highest high and her lowest low, but he was grateful that he got to be there for her. In some small way, he’d saved her from something. He didn’t know what at the time, but maybe being together had sealed a tiny fracture in her broken heart.

  It was love then.

  And it was the same love now.

  Mike’s heated gaze took in the sight of Zora’s silken brown skin and the happy tears in her eyes now. Regret bloomed in his chest as his cock hardened. All these years, and he’d never once told her how he felt.

  His heart ached to be near her, and this time he wasn’t going to let her go. He rushed to Zora and covered her lips with his. The kiss was urgent and hurried, steeped in all the promises he would make to her as soon as he could find the strength to tear his lips away.

  “I love you, Zora Marie Monroe,” he said again, just to taste it on his tongue. “I want us to have this every day. I want to be with you, live with you, and share my life with you. If you cook, I’ll clean. I’ll be your taste-tester,” he said excitedly in between kisses. “There’s no joy in my life without you in it.”

  He lifted her into his arms and she straddled her legs around his waist, peppering kisses all over his face.

  “I don’t know how I could say no to you doing the dishes.” She bit her bottom lip and he felt giddy. His spirits soared, an
d excitement raced through him. Then, just in case he wasn’t one hundred percent sure how Zora felt about him, she sealed it.

  She bent her mouth to his ear and whispered, “I want to make love to you again.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Zora

  Zora had just placed the charcuterie board of assorted brie, dried fruit, and snack bites on the table when she heard the click of the key turn in the lock.

  “Surprise!”

  Zora and Mike flashed wide smiles as they strained to hold the “Welcome Home” banner above their heads. Blue shot toward the front door. They’d spent the last few hours in the amazingly unfumigated, termite- and wood rot-free living room of Patton Place getting ready for Everett and Sophia’s return.

  She squealed as they came into the arch of the hallway. She dropped her end of the banner and went in for hugs. Blue went crazy. His tail wagged as he jumped up onto Everett.

  “I’m so glad you guys are back. I missed you so much.” Zora’s eyes playfully narrowed, and she met Sophia’s sheepish smile.

  Sophia winced and squinted one eye shut. “Yeah…about that…”

  “It’s all good. We know matchmaking and meddling runs in your crazy family,” Zora teased Sophia. “How is my little niece or nephew?” She rubbed Sophia’s round belly thinking how much she couldn’t wait to bury her face in a sweet, soft baby belly and blow raspberry bubbles just to hear the baby coo and giggle.

  “Growing at an uncomfortable rate.” Sophia absently rested her hands on her hips and blew out a labored breath. “Tired.”

  A wave of emotions washed over Zora. She hadn’t been aware just how much, but now, having Everett and Sophia back, she realized just how much she’d missed them. It was relief that they were home safe and hadn’t eloped without her there to bear witness to the life they were building. They hadn’t shut her out. She still got to be a part of all of it.

  Zora and Mike switched, and she hugged her brother while Mike folded his arms gently around Sophia, careful of the bump.

  Mike’s expression softened. “How are you and the baby doing?”

  “Welp. He or she’s still in there.” Sophia shrugged.

  “Hey, Ev.” Zora squeezed him into a bear hug complete with a grizzly grunt, but she pulled apart just in time to see him glare at Mike.

  “Um…what was that?”

  “Hey.” His tone was level and too even.

  She’d expected the same jovial reception she’d gotten when she spoke to him on the phone. Maybe even for him to be giddy and gloating after getting the setup over on her, but, nope. Nothing. He was noticeably quiet as he lugged his and Sophia’s bags into the foyer.

  “Seriously, that’s all you’re going to say? You guys have been gone for like almost a month—after a rather shifty lie, mind you—and all you’ve got to say is ‘hey?’” Zora folded her arms, cocked her head, and lifted a perfectly arched brow at him.

  Everett sighed and continued lining their bags along the wall. Clearly, he was going to be childish and clam up, so Zora turned to Sophia.

  “What’s up with him? Why is he all bent out of shape now?” She reached down to muss Blue’s fur. He seemed to sense the tension.

  “Well…” Her eyes darted to Everett’s which were wide with warning.

  Zora flicked a glance between them, then over to Mike, who had slinked back into the living room and sat on the couch with his elbows on his knees, fingers steepled beneath his chin. After seeing the I’ll just stay over here out of the way look on Mike’s face, Zora registered the annoying reality of the situation.

  Un-be-lievable.

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me. Are you two really going to act childish, like you haven’t been friends forever or lied to each other before?”

  “Stay out of it, Zo?” Everett’s deep, nerve-shredding bass pinballed off the walls.

  “No. I will not stay out of it.”

  Everett cracked his neck as if settling in for the long haul.

  “This is about shady-ass Harrison Arnold, who you know is a straight-up pompous, out-for-himself clown. You’re going to let him come between you and Mike, who has been your best friend since day one and who always has your back?” Zora was fuming. Heat rushed up from her neck to her cheeks. She was shaking she was so pissed. “You need to check yourself, Ev.”

  She watched as he set a suitcase down without saying a word and locked the front door before turning on his heel back toward the living room where Sophia and Mike were seated for the show. This was classic Everett—stubborn and hard-headed with his silent treatments and superiority complex. He always thought he was right. Ugh. Zora knew this was Mike’s battle, but her brother had gotten way too high up on his judgmental horse and she planned to bring him back down to earth.

  “You think because Babs left you in charge, you’re the only one who knows anything?” Zora inhaled and held her palm in the air because, Lord, she was seeing red.

  This conversation had been a long time coming.

  “FYI I still own fifty percent of Monroe Properties. Maybe it didn’t occur to you that Mike did consult an owner of the company before he did what was best for it, and for us. I told him Arnold wasn’t someone we should partner with. I agreed with him that declining the deal was in the best interest of our company. You’re the only one who makes unilateral decisions around here.” Zora folded her arms and stared pointedly at her brother.

  The corners of Everett’s mouth tugged downward as he bobbed his head. “Got it. Zora’s in charge.”

  Typical. Way to deflect.

  “Nope. I’m not going to let you make this about me. Why don’t you just say what you have to say instead of being a dick about it?”

  She watched as he cracked his neck again, and she could see the thin, tight lines forming around his mouth. He nodded, not in agreement with her, but seemingly adding it all up in his head and preparing for his eventual and delayed comeback. He never was any good with the zingers.

  “Yeah, stand there and brood while you conjure up something to be mad about. Real nice, Ev. Mike blew up a freaking dozen balloons and helped me make that damn banner. We come here to welcome you guys back, and this is how you treat us?” She shook her head. “Asshole.”

  “I’m the asshole?” Everett asked, stupidly with a confused grin plastered on his face. “Are you sure you’re not talking to Mike?”

  “Yes, you. Don’t drag him into this.”

  Zora grabbed her purse and stalked over to take Mike’s hand before turning back to her brother. “You really are a piece of work. Just so you know, I hate the person you’re becoming.”

  She was halfway down the hall when she swiveled around and took her last shot. “Oh, and just in case you were wondering…your little setup worked. Mike and I are together. I’m so glad you asked how things have been going around here.”

  The angry tears welled up in her eyes and she could only shake her head to keep from falling apart.

  “Stay, Blue,” she commanded.

  As she reached the door, Mike pulled her to him. “I can’t let you do this. This is your brother, your family. I’m not going to stand in the way. Everett and I will talk about it soon, but I don’t want you getting stuck in the middle of all of this.” With the pads of his thumbs, he wiped away her tears and softly brushed his lips against hers.

  “I love you,” she whispered, squeezing her eyes closed to keep the tears at bay. “You’re my family, too.”

  “I love you, too. Now let’s go back in there. I’ll just…keep my mouth shut.” He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and a lopsided grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.

  With her hand in his, she turned and let him lead her back into the living room where Everett was helping Sophia remove her jacket and shoes.

  “If you want to keep arguing, you can just go,” Everett said without turning to look at them. “This is exactly why we left. She doesn’t need this kind of stress.”

  Stubbornly, Zora refused t
o look at him either, but she did feel kind of bad. “I’m sorry, Soph.” Not you, Ev. As she dropped Mike’s hand, she made her way over to the hors d’oeuvres. “Why don’t you have a little something to eat? I made those parmesan-crusted chicken bites you like, and there’s cheese, grapes, dried apricots…all for you.”

  A wide grin spread across Sophia’s face. “You know the way to my heart is definitely through my stomach.”

  For twenty minutes, there was peace in Patton Place. They talked about Everett and Sophia’s not-so-secret trip to Vegas where they visited her mom most of the time, but Everett splurged for a week on The Strip. Sophia’s eyes lit up as she talked about their poolside days and casino nights, shopping and eating at five-star restaurants. She insisted the trip actually did help her decompress from life’s worries until Everett heard about the deal on the Chessington building going bust.

  At this point in the story, Zora scooted closer to Mike and set a hand on his thigh in warning not to comment. But, of course, Everett couldn't leave well enough alone.

  “You know, last week after I talked to Mike, I got another phone call,” he said.

  Zora bit the inside of her cheek and tilted her head slightly as she listened. Her nerves were jittery and she could feel the fire lighting her fuse. Instead of asking who the call was from like she figured her brother was baiting her to do, she winded her hand in circles urging him to keep the story moving.

  “From what I understand, though he might be a ‘pompous, out-for-himself clown’ as you put it, Arnold kept his feelers out for me, and I’m glad he did. It seems my best friend and your…roommate?” His brows lifted in question as he glared at Zora then turned his stare on Mike. “He went and found himself another job offer at Baker & Bronson with his good friend, Jason. Is that right Mike? Did I cover all the high points?”

  Zora swallowed and sat up straighter. “What?” She slid Mike a guarded look, her heartbeat slowing to a hollow thud. “You took it?”

  She’d known about the offer, but not in a million years did she ever think Mike would take it.