Breaking Down Her Walls

by Erin Zak

  “So, you know something about horses.”

  “Yeah, a little.”

  “Okay.” Elijah hands her the lead rope. “Now walk her.”

  “Uh…”

  “Part of the job.” His voice is not kind when he says it, and it’s making her so self-conscious.

  “Come on, Jazz,” Julia whispers, her voice cracking. “Let’s do this together.” The horse instantly follows her when she pulls gently on the lead. “Where am I taking her?”

  “The corral.”

  Julia leads the horse, who is now nudging Julia on the back of the arm. She smiles as they’re walking, hearing the gentle clip-clop of the horse behind her. “Good job, Jazz,” Julia says over her shoulder as they approach the corral. The gate is open, so she leads the horse in and unlatches the rope from the halter. When she turns to walk away, the horse continues to follow her, and she just laughs. “No, Jazz, you stay here.” The horse stops, and Julia looks back at Elijah.

  Elijah looks at Jazz, then at Julia. “If you respect the horse, the horse will respect you. It’s all about respect. Don’t forget that.”

  “I’ll remember.”

  “By the way,” Elijah reaches out his hand, “it’s nice to meet you, Julia.”

  “And here I thought you’d just keep calling me City Girl.” She shakes his hand, and he smiles at her. An honest to God smile. It almost takes her breath away.

  “I still might.”

  “Oh, great.”

  “Now, let’s go clean those stalls.”

  Dread washes over Julia at the idea of having to smell the manure and having to get dirty and having to chuck poop into a wheelbarrow. And now she has to find a way to remember all of this information? She still has time to quit and leave. It’s not as if she signed a contract. She can just call a Lyft. A Lyft could totally find her, right? Of course, that would mean spending money she needs to save for the car. And it would mean continuing to run. Does she really want to keep driving and running? She’s never tried the whole “staying in one place” thing, and she has always envied other people’s ability to commit to a person, a place, a feeling. Would it be a bad thing to just not fight it? She’s spent her whole life fighting everything and everyone. And life has always fought back. And won. Maybe now’s the time to try her hand at winning.

  * * *

  After mucking six of the eight stalls, Julia feels fairly sure that her whole pep talk about winning is biting her in the ass. Her arms are going to fall off her body. Drinking two doubles of Jack Daniel’s before working in the blazing heat was not a good idea. And even though the gloves helped, she still developed a couple of blisters. She smells horrible, too—sweat, liquor, body odor, and manure. It’s a scent cocktail she never expected to be privy to. Her hair is sweaty. Julia put it into a bun, but it hasn’t helped keep her any cooler. There is dirt covering every inch of bare skin, especially her legs. She’s understanding the concept of jeans, even though she’s so hot she could burst into flames right now. She would hate to see herself in a mirror because she is sure she looks a little like a barbarian. Julia leans against the wall in Sully’s stall—he belongs to Caroline—and takes a long drink from the water bottle Elijah had brought her. It’s lukewarm now but feels and tastes amazing nonetheless.

  Julia wipes her mouth with her dirty forearm and takes a deep breath. She can hear commotion on the other side of the barn, so she goes to check it out. It’s Elijah and a woman with long, dark hair that’s pulled into a ponytail at the base of her neck. Even though she’s smaller than Elijah, the woman looks sturdy. She’s dressed in the normal ranch attire, except she has an old, beat-up straw cowboy hat hanging from a string around her neck. The jeans she’s wearing are hugging her body like a glove with a flare at the boots. Julia cannot help but notice the curve of her ass and the way her hand is shoved into her back pocket. She feels her mouth go dry when her eyes travel up the woman’s waist to the swell of her breasts under the dingy, blue plaid button-down that is tucked into the jeans. Julia is instantly captivated and feels herself hanging on every word she can hear coming from this woman’s mouth.

  Julia’s ears perk at the name Bennett, and the realization that this must be one of the owners of the ranch hits her in the chest. Great. This is the woman she’s going to have to impress so she can get her car back? The woman is rubbing her temples, pointing her finger at Elijah, and crossing her arms. She’s standing very straight, like an arrow, and her body language is saying anything but excited to meet the new ranch hand. This is not going to be easy for Julia. She has never been good with authority. And she can tell immediately from this woman’s posture and tone of her voice that it will be no different with her. Her mind flashes back to years earlier and her inability to straighten up and fly right. Julia is immediately dreading the rest of her time at the ranch, and she doesn’t even know for how long that time will be.

  “Free? You call a living space and three-square meals free?” Julia hears the woman shout.

  “No, no. That’s not what I mean. She needs to get her car fixed. I figured we could let her work here, and I could work something out with Ray.” Elijah fumbles with his hat in his hands and his head held high. “I need the help. I can’t keep doin’ this on my own.”

  “We can’t just have strange people staying the night here, Elijah. You know that.”

  “I know, ma’am. I know. But she needed the help. You know I can’t just leave someone stranded. It’s not in my nature.”

  “Don’t act like you aren’t a hard-ass when you need to be.”

  Elijah chuckles. “I know.”

  The woman crosses her arms, then points her left index finger again at Elijah. “You’re responsible for teaching her everything. You hear me?” Elijah nods. The woman scoffs. “Does she even know how to ride?”

  Elijah places his hat back on and pulls it down a bit. “It can be taught.”

  “Jesus, Elijah!”

  “She’s been muckin’ all day. You can even go check her work on the stalls.”

  Julia hurries and gets back to the stall where she was working. She slips the gloves back on, breathing in through clenched teeth when the leather rakes over her blisters. She fumbles with the pitchfork but gets back to work, spreading fresh hay on the stall floor. Her heart is in her throat. She knows this can’t be good.

  “Julia?” Elijah’s voice is behind her now.

  She stands straight, turns, and plasters a fake smile on her face. “Hi,” she says with a crack in her voice. “I’m Julia.”

  “I’ve heard,” the woman replies; her voice is hard but smooth, her lips are full and dark pink, and the way her mouth moves is intriguing in a way Julia had not anticipated. “And you have no experience.”

  “That is true,” Julia responds, keeping her cool, but not very well. The woman’s beauty is breathtaking and rather overwhelming, and it’s taking everything in Julia to focus. From a distance, Julia couldn’t determine her age, but up close, she can see creases at the corners of the woman’s eyes, and tiny lines at the edges of her mouth, probably from that frown that hasn’t left her face. She looks like she might be around forty-five. A really good forty-five, though. She wears her age well, like a badge of honor. Her eyes are unlike anything Julia has ever seen before, fierce yet tired. Julia wants to yell at herself for even giving this woman’s eyes a second thought. But she looks sad, as if she’s made it through a lot of heartache and pain. Her skin, although aged, looks so smooth, and the color is beautiful, a shade of light brown that resembles coffee with just enough creamer. There is dirt smudged on her left cheek and across her neck. Julia hates eye contact, but as she catches this woman’s eyes and holds for the briefest of seconds, she notices a flash of something in them. Was it kindness? Was it the same feeling of intrigue? She has no idea, but she realizes their gaze has locked a second too long when the woman’s left eyebrow arches the tiniest of bits. It causes the hairs on the back of Julia’s neck to stand at attention. She needs to pull herself t
ogether, or she’s going to come across as a bumbling fool. Julia goes to prop the pitchfork against the stall wall and fumbles it again, causing the handle to almost smack her in the face. She catches it but is so embarrassed that she can barely feel her legs. Once Julia has the tool safely stored away from her, she looks at Elijah. His forehead is in his hand, and she’s not sure if he’s laughing or crying. Either way, she is positive she wants to jump from one of those high cliffs and never see this woman standing in front of her again. Julia clears her throat. “But I am a quick learner. And I’m more than fine with working off what I owe for my car.”

  “And the living arrangements and food, too,” Elijah attaches to the end of her sentence after he has composed himself.

  “Yes, and that. Those.” Julia feigns a smile, still so embarrassed she may as well just sleep with the horses in a manure pile. “I love food,” she adds, instantly feeling like an asshole for saying it.

  “I trust you’ll come to work from now on dressed appropriately?”

  “Yes, of course,” Julia says as she shakes off the feeling of the woman’s intense gaze. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize—”

  “I know you didn’t. Because you don’t have experience,” the woman says, eyeing Elijah now.

  “Mrs. Bennett—”

  “Miss.”

  Julia shakes her head. “I’m sorry?”

  “I am not married. It is Miss Bennett.”

  “Oh, my bad,” Julia mutters. “I just assumed.”

  “Everyone does.”

  Julia struggles to find her bearings. As far as first meetings go, this one has been a total fucking disaster. “I just wanted to say that I am very excited about this opportunity. I promise.” She’s lying. She’s not excited at all. In fact, after this meeting, her stomach is in knots, and she’s wondering what the fuck she’s doing and why she’d ever want this job. It’s still not too late to leave and figure something else out.

  The woman turns around and heads away from Elijah and Julia while shouting, “You’d better not disappoint me,” over her shoulder.

  “Is she talking to me or you?” Julia whispers to Elijah.

  “Both.” Elijah shakes his head before he opens his mouth to speak. “I am very sorry,” he says, barely above a whisper.

  “And to think I was scared of the horses,” Julia says.

  “Yeah, boy, were you wrong.”

  “Tell me about it,” she replies, picking the pitchfork back up.

  “Give that thing a break for a minute.” Elijah grabs the tool from Julia and walks out of the stall. “Food.”

  * * *

  A delicious cheeseburger and potato chips wasn’t exactly what Julia expected after working her ass off mucking stalls, but it is exactly what she got. And the best salad she had ever tasted. So, she decides she’ll stay at least for a night for the food. May as well. She happily munches away as she sits next to Elijah at the picnic table in the backyard area of the log home.

  “Who all works here?” Julia asks around a mouthful of burger.

  “Well, there’s me and you, of course.”

  “That’s it?”

  Elijah takes a drink from a water bottle, then sets it back on the table. “We just lost Penn.”

  Julia gasps. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.”

  “What? Oh! No! Wait! She’s not dead. That’s not it at all. She’s still alive,” Elijah explains with more of a drawl than she’s heard from him before.

  “She? Penn sounds like a guy’s name.”

  Elijah shakes his head, “Ah, no. Definitely a woman. Her name is Penny, Penn for short. She’s more accustomed to the ranch life than I am, though. Better with the horses, too. She just…” His voice trails off. “You know, it’s not your business.”

  “You’re not going to tell me what happened?”

  “Nothing that concerns you and your position here, so probably best to not ask too many questions.” Elijah devours his cheeseburger, glancing over at the back porch of the house every so often. “There’s Ed, he helps Elena run the business side of the ranch. But he’s on vacation until vaccinations.”

  “Elena?”

  “That’s Miss Bennett.” Elijah’s eyes are wide as if saying, I can’t believe you just asked that.

  “Geez, sorry. How was I supposed to know? It’s not like she introduced herself.”

  “She probably never will.” Elijah shoves the last bite of the burger into his mouth, chews, swallows, and watches as the door from inside opens onto the porch and Caroline steps outside. “And you met Caroline,” he says, his voice all dreamy.

  “Goodness, keep it in your pants, man.”

  Elijah blushes ten shades of red and pulls his gaze away from the dark-haired woman. “She, uh, she works with Cole. Homeschooling.”

  “Who’s Cole?”

  “I am,” comes a voice from behind where they’re seated.

  Julia turns around and sees a young man standing in the grass with dirt smeared across his face. He’s wearing a dirty and tattered Colorado State University baseball hat that has probably seen better days. There’s a pin in the bill that says Rock Star. She notices that he’s wearing an old Ramones T-shirt, which makes her smile widen. He’s tall and lanky with the blackest hair she’s ever seen. His skin is so tan that Julia looks like a bag of flour next to him. “Hi there.” Julia smiles, offers her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  He returns the smile, takes her hand, and shakes it firmly. “I’m Elena’s son,” he says as he walks over, grabs a plate, and piles it high with salad. “I’m so hungry.”

  Julia watches him start to eat the salad as if someone is going to take it away from him. “All you’re eating is salad?”

  “Well, it’s a big salad,” Cole says, his mouth full of greens.

  Elijah jerks a thumb at Cole. “Might be one of the only vegetarians I’ve ever known.”

  Julia’s impressed with this kid already. “Health reasons or…”

  “If I say it’s inhumane to the animals would you start a debate with me? Because I really don’t want that.”

  Julia shakes her head. “Absolutely not.”

  “Then that’s the reason. I mean, you know we don’t go to the store and buy ground beef, right?”

  Julia’s eyes go wide, and she swallows the food in her mouth. “Does he mean…?”

  Elijah smacks Cole across the arm with his cowboy hat. “Don’t make me get the hose, Cole.”

  A hearty laugh laced with the signs of puberty cascades from Cole’s mouth before he takes a long drink from a water bottle. He points at Julia. “Are you the new ranch hand?”

  Julia nods, still trying to get over the fact that they’re eating family cattle. Are they like pets? What the hell is going on? “You look like you’re about twenty-five years old,” she says with a joking tone before moving on from the burger to her own salad.

  “I’m sixteen,” he says around a mouthful of salad. “Where are you from?”

  Elijah lets out a laugh, then answers, “She’s from the city, little man.”

  “What city? There are a lot of them.”

  “Chicago.”

  “That’s awesome!” Cole’s smile fades, though when he finishes with, “I’ve never been out of Colorado. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I just,” he takes a deep breath, “I’ve always wanted to see the world. Or at least somewhere other than this wide spot in the road.”

  “Sometimes, the world is rough, kid,” Julia replies. “But I know what you mean.”

  Cole groans when his name is shouted from the barn door. He shouts over his shoulder, “What, Mom?”

  “Did you finish fixing the fence on the back forty?” Elena yells. Julia looks over at her standing there with her hands on her hips, tapping her left foot on the gravel.

  “Yes, I finished it,” he yells back and then rolls his eyes. “Does she think I want to deal with her wrath?” he asks Elijah while leaning over his plate.

  “Man, is she always like this?�
� Julia says out of the corner of her mouth toward Elijah.

  “She was better before…” Cole looks as if he knows he shouldn’t continue the sentence. He ends up clearing his throat and finishing with, “You just learn to not piss her off.”

  “Don’t let your mother hear you say that word,” Elijah says before he stands from the picnic table and stretches. “Okay, Julia, let’s get back to work.”

  She reluctantly stands with her plate and starts to follow him. She’s going to like this kid and his Elena Bennett insights. “See you later, Cole.”

  “Bye!” he says enthusiastically. “It was really nice meeting you!”

  * * *

  Julia closes the door to the last stall and takes a deep breath. She’s done! Finally! She’s finished cleaning and mucking, and all she wants is a beer and more food. Maybe chicken this time?

  “So,” comes Elena Bennett’s voice from a few stalls away. “Why are you here?”

  Julia makes her way toward the voice in the stall that had been empty when she first started. Now it holds a beautiful brown and white horse—the American quarter horse, she presumes—and Elena is brushing its side. “Excuse me?”

  “Why are you here? Colorado. This town. My ranch. Why?”

  Julia opens her mouth to respond, and Elena cuts her off with, “And spare me the ‘it’s none of my business’ routine. It is my business now that you work here.”

  “My car—”

  “Not good enough.” Elena’s voice is as dry as a piece of toast.

  Julia pauses and chooses her words wisely. She watches Elena, her hands, her tan, toned arms, the way she methodically brushes her horse. Everything about Elena is mesmerizing. “Well, I can’t leave until it’s fixed, so it’s going to have to be good enough.”