Breaking Down Her Walls

by Erin Zak

  “Who does?”

  “Well, me, Cole, you, if you’d like to join us.”

  They get to the door, and Elena turns to look at Julia, who instantly hates the idea of letting Elena leave. “You could stay,” Julia says, her voice cracking from her nerves.

  “I wish I could.”

  “Another night?”

  Elena’s smile is enough of an answer to make Julia’s heart explode.

  “I’ll go with tomorrow,” she says as Elena leaves the cabin, the sound of her flip-flops walking into the night the last sound Julia hears before she shuts the door.

  Chapter Nine

  Julia hates admitting it, but not only is she so sore from riding that she feels like she was trampled by wild animals, she’s also insanely nervous as she walks out of the cabin at eight in the morning. She’s so nervous, in fact, that she forgets that there are steps that she needs to walk down and stumbles, has to catch herself, and lets out an exasperated groan because none of that felt good on her muscles. She can’t quite seem to wake up, either, because of course she could barely sleep the night before. She tossed and turned and tossed and turned. Woke up at three to take ibuprofen for her aches and pains and then found herself launched back into thoughts of what had happened only hours earlier.

  How was she supposed to sleep after all of that?

  Julia shakes her head as she walks up the path toward the log home, her sunglasses on, her hair pulled back into a very messy ponytail, and her black tank top already attracting the sun’s rays. She opted for skinny jeans today, but she still pulled the boots on her feet. Even though everything in her body screamed for a nice, relaxing day in her Chucks.

  She glances at the sky. Not a cloud in sight; the blue color amazing in the early morning hours. It still strikes her how gorgeous this place is. How everything is so crisp and clear. How even in the sweltering heat, the shade offers much-needed relief from the blazing sun. Her eyes move over to the back of the house, and just like that, the calm brought from the outdoors is washed away. The thought of Elena marching out that back door makes her heart lodge in her throat. Julia is so nervous to see her this morning after everything that happened last night. It’s too fast and too soon, especially considering the fact that Julia hasn’t shared a single meaningful thing about herself with Elena. And now this? How in the world is she supposed to handle this?

  This whole thing has turned into a giant cluster of nerves and feelings and emotions that Julia did not sign up for. Or maybe she did sign up for it? How is she supposed to know? Is she supposed to actually open up and talk? To Elena?

  “I can’t do that,” Julia whispers as she approaches the garage where she assumes Elena and Cole are waiting.

  “Can’t do what?”

  Julia jerks her head up and sees Cole standing there, his normal cowboy attire on, except this time he’s wearing a very worn T-shirt that has the Phish emblem plastered across the front. “Nothing,” Julia says. “Nice shirt.”

  Cole smiles. “I love them. Favorite band ever.”

  “I am actually surprised you’ve even heard of them.”

  “Oh, Jules, I listen to everything,” Cole says as they both take a seat on the bumper of the red Jeep Wrangler that is parked in the garage. “So, Mom said she told you that I told her.”

  Julia looks at Cole and shakes her head. “About what?”

  His chuckle is deep, and he moves his hands in the air and then rubs his face. “Penn. Everything that happened.”

  “Yeah, she told me not to tell you that I knew you cracked.” Julia laughs, and then it hits her. “Wait. She’s talking about me to you now?” She rubs her palms on her jean-clad knees.

  Cole huffs. “Um, yeah, duh. I told you she likes you the other night. If she didn’t, she would have fired you already.”

  “I guess you’re right,” Julia says with a smile. “Have you thought any more about applying to schools in Chicago?”

  “Like, all the time. I just don’t want Mom to get mad at me. She’s going to be so upset…”

  “I get that.” Julia nudges Cole on the shoulder. “The pizza is worth it, though.”

  Cole laughs, sweeping his hair away from his forehead. “I need to get out of Colorado.”

  “Your mom wouldn’t like you getting out of Colorado without her,” comes a smooth, deep voice from right outside the overhead garage door.

  Julia whips her head toward the voice that obviously belongs to Penn and stands immediately, pushing her hands into her back pockets. She looks at Penn for a brief moment. She cannot get over how pretty this woman is. It’s unsettling. It’s not that she thought Penn was going to be ugly, but damn, all the stories about her made her seem like she was going to be sort of, well, handsome. Julia turns her head, stares off into the distance, and tries to avoid eye contact at all costs.

  “You must be Julia,” Penn says, taking a couple steps inside the garage toward where Julia is standing.

  “What’s it to you?” Julia’s voice is laced with contempt. She knows she just came off very rude, but she honestly doesn’t care right now.

  “I’m Penn,” she says. She wipes her hand on her jeans and holds it out for Julia to shake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  Julia eyes the hand, looks at Penn, and then back at the outstretched hand before she decides to shake it. She wants to tell Penn that she wishes she could say the same, but she doesn’t. She takes her hand back and folds her arms across her chest. She looks down at Cole who looks just as uncomfortable as she feels.

  “So, you’re here from Chicago?”

  Cole goes to respond, but Julia cuts him off, answering the question with a simple, “Yep.” She glances at Cole and shakes her head as nonchalantly as possible.

  “I’ve never been,” Penn says with a faraway stare. “You like it there?”

  Julia shrugs. “Yeah, I mean, sure.”

  “What are you doing here, then?”

  “I could ask you the same question,” Julia quickly says, hoping she looks far more badass than she feels right now.

  “I have more right to be here than you do.”

  “Um,” Cole says, his hand rising into the air. “You kinda left, Penn.”

  Penn looks at Cole, then back at Julia. “So, you think you can just come in here and replace the work I did?”

  Julia can’t help it when a laugh escapes from her throat. “I’m sorry. What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means I can very easily find a reason to stay.”

  “I don’t think my mom would be okay with that,” Cole says. “And neither would I.”

  Penn shakes her head and looks around the garage before finally setting her gaze back on Julia. She moves into Julia’s space with a look on her face that means business. “You’d better watch yourself.” Penn’s voice cracks at the end of the threat, and it makes Julia smile.

  “Thanks for the advice.” Julia glares at her and doesn’t give up her footing. She watches as Penn turns around and leaves the garage in a huff. She can feel Cole standing up next to her now, and he nudges her side with his elbow.

  “That was badass,” he says, holding up his hand so Julia can high-five it.

  She turns toward him with her hand raised and notices that Elena is standing in the garage now, her arms crossed, shaking her head. Busted. “Hey,” Julia shouts. Obviously, she doesn’t know how to play it cool. Ever.

  Elena walks toward Julia and Cole. “You know that wasn’t necessary, right?”

  “I know.” Julia sighs.

  “Yeah, it was, Mom. Penn was being all crazy ex, asking Julia questions and stuff. Like, she needs to lighten up.”

  “Cole Daniel Bennett,” Elena says lightly, raising her hand to place on Cole’s cheek. “I can fight my own battles, my love.” She smiles and glances at Julia. “The same goes for you, too.”

  Julia shrugs. “Hey, I don’t do well when I’m cornered. What can I say?”

  Elena walks over toward the driver’s side of t
he Jeep and opens the door. She looks way more casual than normal; her hair isn’t pulled up, and she has just a simple white T-shirt paired with her jeans and boots. “Come on, you two. Let’s go.”

  * * *

  Julia discovers the ride into town is much more fun when in good company. While Elena drives, Cole talks about fifty-five different topics from the passenger seat, which he protested, but Julia told him she likes riding in the back seat. Truthfully, she wanted to be able to see Elena’s eyes in the rearview mirror. So far, she hasn’t been disappointed with her decision.

  When they get to the general store, Elena pulls into a parking spot and puts the Jeep into park. She looks over at Cole. “Do you want to go to the video store?”

  “Yeah!” he shouts.

  Elena hands him a twenty-dollar bill after they climb out of the vehicle. “Try to get something other than comic book movies!” she shouts after he starts running toward the video store. She shakes her head. “We’ll be watching Marvel movies for the next four nights. I just know it.”

  “At least they’re not horror movies.”

  “True, although when I was a teenager, I watched Halloween for the first time, and still to this day, I love it.” Elena pushes through the doors of the general store and grabs a cart.

  “I do love me a little Jamie Lee Curtis,” Julia says, watching Elena’s every move, making a mental note of how amazing she looks from the back in those jeans. They turn the cart down an aisle, and Julia gets plowed into by none other than Toni.

  “Hey, girl! What’s up?” Toni yells, frantically collecting the items she was holding from the floor. She stands and looks at Julia, then glances at Elena. Her eyes widen, and she grins like an idiot. “Um, hi, Miss Bennett.”

  “Miss Carson. How are you, dear?”

  “Good, good. Business is good. Just putting back stray and discarded items. Are you two here together?”

  “Yes, Miss Carson, we’re getting the shopping done. Cole is getting movies at the Family Video.”

  “Oh, little man, how’s he doing? Caroline done homeschooling for the year?”

  “Yes, herding starts tomorrow. Will you be around to help?”

  Toni smiles. “Of course! You know how I love to get dirty!” Her answer is so sarcastic that it doesn’t need the eye roll, but Toni does it just for good measure. Julia starts laughing, partly because of Toni, but also because her nerves are shot at the moment. For some reason, Toni calling them out about being together has made Julia’s stomach fill with butterflies.

  Elena, on the other hand, does not laugh. She motions over her shoulder toward the deli counter. “You know your grandmother is the one that volunteers you?”

  “Oh, I know.” Toni groans, then glances at Julia. “How’s it going on the ol’ ranch? I heard Miss Bennett got you a new mare, Jules.”

  “I’ll never get over how news travels in this town, I swear to God.”

  “Oh, it’s no big thing. I occasionally sleep with one of the guys that works at Dusty Hearts.”

  Julia lets out a laugh. “My God, Toni. You’re crazy.”

  “I believe Miss Carson asked you a question, Julia,” Elena says with a smile and nudge.

  “Oh, yes, the ranch. It’s really great, actually.”

  “Actually? Wait a second…” Elena tilts her head, but her voice has a joking tone.

  “You know what I mean, Elena,” Julia says, her eyes locking on to Elena’s.

  “Mm-hmm.” Elena steers the cart down the aisle. “I’m going to continue the shopping.”

  Toni watches as Elena turns out of the aisle, then throws her hands up. “Whoa, whoa! First-name basis? Forgive me, but what the hell? That has never happened before.”

  Julia can feel her cheeks turning pink. She knows she’s not doing a very good job of acting cool, calm, and collected, but she can’t control herself. “I know, right?” Julia whispers, leaning in. “I don’t even know what happened.”

  “Well, well, well, it’s about time someone softened that hard-ass exterior,” Toni says, real low, with a chuckle.

  “I can still hear you, Miss Carson,” comes Elena’s voice from the next aisle over.

  Toni and Julia both hide their laughter, and Julia slaps Toni’s arm. “Nice going, Toni.”

  “Someone needs to call you out,” Toni says as the two women walk down the aisle together. “You just be careful. I heard that asshole Penn is back in town.”

  Julia sighs. “She is. She’s back. Staying in a room in the barn.”

  “No way!”

  “Yes, way.” Julia eyes the bag of Doritos behind Toni on the end cap of the aisle and grabs them. “It’s weird, right?”

  “Yeah, man, just be careful. And make sure Bennett keeps her guard up around her.” Toni leans in toward Julia’s ear. “Believe me, Penn is a smooth character.”

  “That sounds an awful lot like you’re speaking from experience.”

  “Sort of.” Toni sighs. “It’s a long story.”

  “Maybe you need to keep your guard up? Geez.”

  “Nah, I can handle it. And her. But Bennett? I don’t know.”

  “I just…I don’t want to push her. You know what I mean?”

  Toni starts restocking the items she was holding before she says, “You realize you can only be as charming as she will let you?”

  Julia tilts her head, her face screwed up. “What does that mean?”

  “It means…” Toni takes a deep breath and turns toward Julia, readjusting the box of Frosted Flakes she’s holding and the cans of Hormel Chili, Bumble Bee Tuna, and Spam. “Look, I know her fairly well. I have helped out on that ranch since I was sixteen. She’s complicated. In a good way. And I know what happened with Penn. And I get it. And it sucks. But look, Julia, she’s not going to let herself get hurt again. So, like, if you want to be charming and fun and find a way to get over those walls she’s built, she’s probably going to let you.”

  “I hardly know her.” Julia’s voice is soft, almost a whisper.

  “She’s ready, though.”

  “How can you tell?”

  Toni places her free hand on Julia’s shoulder and turns her around gently so she can look at Elena standing by the deli counter. “Look at her,” Toni whispers. “Look at the way she’s standing. Look at the way she’s dressed. Look at her hair. Look.”

  “But how—”

  “Because I know her,” Toni says. “And that is not the way she normally is. She’s normally wound tight and mean and unhappy. Ugh. I would dread when she would step foot in this store because heaven forbid we didn’t have the freshest apples in stock. Like, really, lady? We’re in Colorado. Not Washington. Trust me. You can tell now just by, like, looking at her that she’s relaxed. A white T-shirt? Come on. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in a white T-shirt. Seriously. Believe me.”

  “She is really hot, isn’t she?”

  Toni laughs. “Um, yes! Hello! She’s gorgeous! Now go before I get in trouble for ‘talking too much to the customers.’ I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Julia takes off toward Elena, watches as she talks to Agnes, watches as she laughs, watches as she runs a hand through her hair. She really is stunning. And that white T-shirt she apparently never wears? Julia would be absolutely fine if she wore it every day for the rest of their lives. Damn. Julia knows that it’s outrageous and uncharted territory to have these feelings for Elena after hardly knowing her, but for some reason, it feels more natural than anything she has ever felt in her entire life.

  It’s scary, yes.

  It’s probably something she shouldn’t be doing, yes.

  It’s probably going to get messy, yes.

  But…

  Elena glances over at Julia when she strides up next to her at the counter. “Smoked turkey, right? Isn’t that what I saw in your fridge?”

  A warmth washes over Julia’s entire body when she smiles and nods. “Yeah,” she says, her response breathy from her racing thoughts.

  “You okay?�
� Elena tilts her head slightly. Julia nods and throws out a soft mm-hmm as her response.

  “I see you decided to stick around,” comes Agnes’s voice from over the deli counter. “I wondered if you were going to run screaming from this town.”

  Julia glances at Agnes, shrugs, and says, “My car broke down. Didn’t have much of a choice.”

  “Maybe it was a blessing in disguise, eh?” Agnes asks, and she adjusts her glasses.

  Julia glances at Elena, then back to Agnes. “Seems like a good place to put down some roots.”

  Roots.

  Now, there’s a concept for a girl who never even planted a seed before.

  Chapter Ten

  “You’re going to end up kicking a rock into someone’s truck.” Elena is leaning against the side of the Jeep, one leg crossed over the other.

  Julia scoffs, but after kicking another rock that careens awfully close to a vehicle, she ends up listening. The last thing Julia needs is to cause trouble and draw even more attention to herself. “So, how long does it typically take to pick out movies?”

  Elena looks up at the sun for a few seconds before moving her view out across the parking lot toward the west. “About an hour. Give or take thirty minutes.”

  “Good Lord. There can’t possibly be that many movies out.” Julia leans on the Jeep next to Elena but with enough distance to not make either of them uncomfortable. “Are movie nights a normal occurrence?”

  Elena takes a deep breath, glances over at Julia, then looks back across the parking lot. “Gloria started them. I continued the tradition after…”

  Julia watches how Elena’s face hardens, her lips as they press together, and her brow when it furrows. “It sounds nice, you know. Family movie night.”

  After Elena clears her throat, she pushes away from the Jeep, takes two steps away from Julia, and turns on the heels on her boots. “You realize that I’m not letting Penn stay forever.”

  “Uh,” Julia says, her mouth hanging open slightly. “What brought this up?”

  “Well, I just know how people in this town love to gossip. Especially Caroline and Toni. If I could have hid it from this whole town, I would have!” Elena folds her arms across her chest and looks at the ground. “How do you tell someone you’re only using them for the labor?”