Except, in this case, pulling someone into my head only felt intimate to them because they could usually only do it with one person. But for me, I could conceal my deepest thoughts despite the proximity of our minds, so it didn’t feel overly intimate.
For the average demon, it was like they had only one home to invite only one person inside, and within that home they were standing naked, unable to conceal their vulnerability. But for me, it was like inviting a stranger inside to one of the many greeting rooms, while I was fully dressed for the occasion – an impossibility for most, to conceal one’s bare thoughts in layers like I could.
But I knew that explaining I didn’t fully understand all the cultural implications would only signal to her that I wasn’t as old as she likely assumed. So I ignored the implied inquiry.
“Any questions before I leave?”
She hesitated again. “Umm, I’m just concerned that Ragnarok might notice some of his kin this far out. It might be better for us to go someplace less secluded.”
“He won’t know,” I said confidently, causing her brow to furrow. I then decided to show her specifically what Jericho had experienced, even though it wasn’t true for this time loop. I figured Ruth wouldn’t find out anytime soon, that the current Jericho didn’t know me, so long as she respected my wish for her to stay here a few Gradus.
Ruth’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “This…” She shook her head in disbelief. “Is this really possible?”
“You’re free,” I said gently. “You are no longer under his control. No longer under his authority. No longer a part of his lineage.”
Ruth unexpectedly fell to her knees in shock, tears rapidly appearing in her eyes. “Truly?” she choked out.
“Truly,” I agreed.
“I can never repay you for this. Not if I live for a hundred thousand Cycles. Not if I live for a million. A hundred million. Never.”
“If it was possible for you to repay it, and especially if I expected you to do so, then it wouldn’t be a gift.”
“A gift?”
“Yes, a gift. Will you tarnish it by trying to repay what I’ve done?”
She fumbled with her words. “I…I just…” She then shook her head again, determination reappearing in her eyes. “No, but I will do all in my power to repay everything else.”
“We’ll talk about it,” I offered. “But not now, as I said.”
“Of course, my lord,” she replied, returning to her feet, only to bow before me at the waist, her long black hair hiding her face briefly. “As you wish.”
I nodded as she righted herself, stretching out my wings as I began rising into the air. I held her golden gaze for a few moments as I ascended, wondering if she would really do as I’d asked in staying here, before I finally turned away, with my mind now consumed with complicated thoughts of Miriam.
At first, I began rising over the nearest tower with the intention of warping, but then nostalgia prompted me to return my gaze to the lake of lava at the base of the cliff.
Rapidly descending on the outside of the walls, I plummeted towards the surface, landing at the bottom where a familiar cave was gushing out molten rock. Making my way inside, I stopped on the midnight shore, staring at the wall where I’d carved my name next to Miriam’s, a world of agony plaguing my heart.
Her name.
Only her name, was written on the wall, as if what we’d done previously had never happened.
I knew that was true. But still, seeing this particular sight was like a knife to the chest, plunged into my heart, twisting in excruciating pain.
It was so overwhelming that I almost couldn’t go back to Miriam, to look her in the eyes and know she wasn’t the same Miriam as before. To share with her what we’d done together, only for her to have no memory of it. No memory of what another Miriam had done.
I hated this.
I hated this so much.
But I couldn’t stay away. Because as much as I loathed this reality, I needed her comfort. I needed her by my side, right until the very end.
So finally, after having already waited for what I felt like was the appropriate amount of time, I reached my mind out, searching for my beloved’s consciousness in the human world. The moment I let her sense my presence, our minds joined like two powerful magnets, my perception disoriented momentarily as gravity shifted in the universe.
‘Michael? Michael?! Michael!’ her voice began exclaiming repeatedly in my head, desperation in her tone.
‘Hi, love,’ I said somberly, tears forming in my eyes as I stared at her name solely on the wall. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’
My words and solemnness confused her, sensing the disturbance in my core, the agony in my chest. And her confusion was even greater when I left the cavern and warped, being in the atmosphere of the human world within less than a second.
I was both looking forward to reuniting with her and dreading it simultaneously, though not before I had to address a separate issue popping up in my head.
‘I can still feel you,’ Ruth said in alarm. ‘I can sense that we can still communicate. But we’re not…bonded…correct?’
‘Correct. I told you that you’re not a part of his lineage anymore.’
‘But I can still speak to you,’ she reiterated. ‘That’s not possible, not even for mother and son, brother and sister, or anyone else, other than partners – not at this distance.’
‘I’m different. That’s all I can say. I once spoke with a man who was even further away than this.’ Of course, I neglected to mention that the man in question was Gilgamesh, one of the Originals. Or the fact that I’d still been human then, and literally in the process of dying.
‘I’m not trying to be bonded with you,’ she quickly added, hoping she wasn’t being misunderstood. ‘I’m just trying to understand this link we’ve begun sharing since you pulled me into your head.’
‘I know,’ I agreed, being fully aware in her thoughts that she wouldn’t have chosen to bond with me even if I didn’t have a partner – at least, not without a lot of time passing – and especially not now, since I was already paired.
Unsurprisingly, she was reluctant to trust another person to that extent, even more so now that she had a son to care for. But rather, she was just confused and alarmed by the fact that we were sharing psychic characteristics she had previously only known to exist for partners.
‘Now,’ I continued. ‘Since we aren’t partners, I ask that you don’t reach out and communicate with me unless it’s important.’ I paused. ‘And for the record, your safety is important. But I have something else to do and don’t have time to socialize.’
She was immediately apologetic. ‘Of course, my lord. Please forgive the intrusion.’
‘No need,’ I replied, feeling her pull away. ‘And if something important comes up, do let me know. It is no problem for me to travel there immediately.’
‘Yes. Thank you for all you’ve done,’ came her distant response.
Now, she was essentially on the porch of the house inside my head, easily reached if needed, but one of us would have to intentionally open the front door to speak to the other. Which allowed me to focus fully on Miriam coming to greet me in the sky.
When we reunited, she was just as emotionally overwhelmed and confused as ever, seeing that I was fully transformed, and sensing that I was reserved with complex emotions she didn’t initially understand. Because for her, not much time had passed since she’d last seen me as a partially transformed human.
She knew I had something important to share with her, so we found a secluded pond supplied by a small trickling waterfall in the middle of a dense forest, in order to be able to hold each other in private while I began sharing with her everything all over again.
Showing her my memories.
Laying bare my torment.
Explaining all that had happened, and all that was to come.
And then, only to watch her go through the same set of reactions. Which was…dishe
artening. Just another painful reminder that this Miriam wasn’t the same as the last one.
‘I’m so sorry, my love,’ she said repeatedly. ‘So sorry.’
She knew she’d already commented, in the previous time loop, that she wished she never came to find me, as well as everything else discussed between us, so now we were just left with that – an apology for a reality neither of us could fix.
And so, we held each other as the sun set in this location, and rose again, only to set one last time.
The end neared, an unstoppable threat looming as the clock ticked, drawing us uncontrollably closer and closer to our demise.
We waited until I began sensing that the time was nearing – like a physical presence, I could feel a disturbance off in the distance, something horrifying that would soon arrive.
Both of us only held each other tighter, as I took a moment to recall what we’d done at this point in the previous loop, visiting the home she’d made for me, as well as carving our names in the cavern. She was already crying, but those thoughts simultaneously brought her joy and even more sorrow.
Then, not long later, my heart began racing, knowing it was about time, prompting me to contemplate just staying like this, wrapped in my love’s arms, trying to ignore the light that would abruptly vanish soon, trying to ignore the exact moment of my destruction.
But as I had that thought, an unexpected voice chimed in my head, feeling far away.
‘No, dear brother. I won’t let you face this alone. Go, and let’s face it together.’
‘Amelia?’ I said in surprise, pulling away to focus on Miriam’s devastated crimson gaze.
But my sister didn’t respond.
Miriam’s bottom lip was trembling as she spoke up. ‘I agree, love,’ she thought as she slowly stood up off my lap. ‘I won’t let you face this alone. Let’s go and face it together.’
Deciding to do as the two of them wanted, my love and I ascended into the sky, quickly flying to the upper atmosphere, catching sight of the beautiful planet below. I’d never really had a chance to appreciate the sight, seeing the whole world from this perspective, the beauty of the blue, green, and white that made up the human world.
But unfortunately, we couldn’t enjoy the sight long.
Because it was time.
I could feel it coming, and every cell in my body screamed at me to run away.
But I couldn’t run away this time. I had to face this fear…I just wasn’t sure if I could.
Just like last time, I found it was one thing to be brave when an event was far off, or when it was theoretical, but being brave when face-to-face with terror itself was something else entirely. I barely managed it before, and I was terrified to the point I wasn’t sure I could manage it a second time.
The two of us turned toward the sun, knowing that was the direction we’d see it coming, though I could already feel it there, lingering behind the stars that were tens of thousands of light years away.
Panic instantly erupted in my chest when I noticed a few stars disappear, followed rapidly by several others, like the power going out in a city, a few houses at a time, the outage accelerating.
Miriam held me even tighter. ‘Michael, I love you so much. And I’m so sorry.’
I didn’t respond.
I couldn’t respond.
Everything in me was screaming to run away.
I was terrified. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to stop existing. And the stars were blinking out even faster, over half of them now gone.
Unexpectedly, a pair of warm hands wrapped around my torso from behind, a blinding light surrounding me – surrounding us.
‘Michael, I’ve missed you so much.’
I reached up with my free hand to cover both of my sister’s hands with my own, feeling agony, sorrow, and devastation radiating from her.
‘I can’t stop what’s coming, dear brother. But I won’t let you face it alone. If we die, we die together.’
The arms around my chest tightened, even as I felt Miriam grasping my hand, our fingers intertwined.
‘Love, focus on me.’
I wanted to do as she asked, but I couldn’t look away from the horror. It was an absolute force that was truly unstoppable.
Miriam’s hand gently tightened, squeezing, urging me to turn my head.
‘Love, you are my world. My everything. If this has to happen – if there’s no alternative – then I want your gaze to be the last thing I see.’
Her words unexpectedly filled me with warmth, tears blurring my vision, filling my chest with desperation. I finally broke my gaze to focus on her crimson eyes, recalling this moment occurring numerous times over.
Recalling the moment when I always ran away, not being aware I could warp previously, but doing so as an act of pure panic and self-preservation each time.
But not this time.
We were one. We would face it as one.
So, with one hand intertwined with my love’s fingers, and my other hand resting on my sister’s arm, I echoed those words as I turned to face the void, knowing it was all we had left.
‘We won’t face it alone. If we die, we die together.’
However, just as I thought those words – as I began returning my gaze to Miriam’s, trying to see her through my tears – something in the distance caught my attention.
A tiny speck, in the vast nothingness of space.
A small blemish that flickered like an invisible flame.
I blinked a couple of times to clear my vision, trying to see what I couldn’t see, but my extreme curiosity vanished the moment the light from the sun disappeared.
Just like that, there was no light, except for the brilliance my sister was radiating from behind me, like a blazing star – now the only star in existence.
The three of us urgently clung to each other, knowing we had less than a second left.
‘I love you so much,’ we all said desperately in sync.
My heart was racing, pounding in my chest, throbbing in my throat. This was it.
Everything was over.
And then, just like that, it was over – swallowed up by an invisible force.
Chapter 27: Transcendence
I was alone, and there was nothing. Miriam and my sister were gone.
Everyone and everything was gone.
There was nothing in an endless nothingness, an endless void of nonexistence.
Alone for an eternity, the only presence in all the universe was a small blemish, flickering like an invisible flame in the vast emptiness. At first, it was far off, but then I noticed it was right before me, hovering in front of my chest as we descended into an abyss.
It wavered briefly, as if startled, prompting me to reach out with both unseen hands in an attempt to comfort it, despite our impending destruction – it floating in between my invisible palms.
In response to my gesture of goodwill, it began radiating gentleness, life, peace, and hope – revealing that it wasn’t as empty as it appeared.
And there was a familiarity to it, as if we’d met once before.
But as I held it close, I noticed something at the edge of the invisible flame – a shadow tormenting it, a fear threatening to consume it. I looked more closely, unexpectedly falling into a rapidly widening void that was even darker than our empty surroundings.
Instantly, it consumed me, and I saw a horrifying sight deep within, a brilliant light that threatened to burn me alive.
Far away in the distance, I heard a voice call out, but could barely focus on it.
“If you kill him, you kill me! It’s already too late!”
In response, I tried to cry out for help to the unseen owner of that voice, but was unable to speak, with terror gripping my chest at what was coming.
Panicked to be falling so quickly towards agony and torment, I uncontrollably screamed, only for no sound to escape my mouth. The light grew incredibly massive as it came upon me, beginning to fall towards me faster than I was app
roaching it, consuming the emptiness all around.
Abruptly, it stopped just as it collided with me, feeling like I was laying on the surface of the sun.
The light grew brighter, hotter. Too hot. It was burning me from the inside. It threatened to burst through my skin as it burned hotter and hotter. I tried to scream again in pain, but there was only silence as I quietly burned alive.
My eyes flashed open as I felt fire course down my spine and erupt throughout my core. Immediately, I focused on Miriam’s crimson gaze, realizing I was lying on her lap, held in her arms. But something was wrong. She was looking at me like she’d seen a ghost, as if she were seeing right through me. Her wings were wrapped around us like a small cage, shielding us from the world.
I struggled to free myself from her grasp, trying to escape the bonfire that we were apparently sitting in, but her hold on me was absolute. Did she not realize I was burning alive?
Finally, I found my voice. But it felt like it had been stolen from me, my volume almost completely gone.
“Miriam.”
It was barely a whisper, but her expression abruptly changed as her eyes focused on mine. She was immediately concerned, listening intently now as I tried to continue speaking.
“Fire,” I managed. “I’m on fire.”
She gently shook her head in response. “I’m sorry, love. This part is exceptionally painful. You’ll have to endure it.”
I gave her a confused expression, unable to question her further. This part is painful? Which part? The part where I was dying?
Suddenly, I recalled what I had just been doing a moment ago – trying to grasp her horn. I attempted to do so again, finding it difficult to lift my hand. She noticed immediately what I wanted and tilted her head slightly to allow me to grasp it firmly in my grip.
But something was different this time. She hadn’t been looking at me before. Her head had been closer. A lot closer. She had been…
I focused on her lips, noticing the red smudge. “Miriam…” I hesitated, unsure if I was remembering correctly. “Did you bite me?”
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