The Product of a Broken Heart

by Crystal Ismael

  I was in the kitchen cutting veggies for tacos for jasmine and I when I heard the phone ring.

  “I wonder who this can be,” I said as I put down the knife. Moving past Jasmine smacking her gum and laughing at the pictures on her phone. I picked up the phone, hoping it was not a bill collector or some scammer trying to get money I didn’t have out of me.

  “Hey, sis.” It was my brother Jay.

  “Hello,” I replied, glad that it was not who I expected it to be.

  Before I could ask how he was doing, he blurted out and asked “are you going to take the kids to Brittney’s birthday party, down the street at the Pizza House.” The Pizza House was a well-known place and had some of the best pizza anyone can dream of. Brittney was my niece, who was the same age as the twins. She was also their number one playdate.

  I replied, “Sure, I will be there,” before considering the fact that it was laundry day and Jasmine had put a stunt in my weekend routine.

  As I looked around my room, I noticed that I was not even half finished with my weekend cleaning that I started yesterday. “This will just have to wait,” I said in frustration since it seemed like I had been washing the same white towels for the past three days; I had a load in the wash at this very moment.

  “Kids!” I called out. As I heard the little footsteps (and big footsteps) get closer to the door. I glared at them as the thought of getting Amanda dressed at the last minute and the hassle that come with that.

  “Yes, ma’am,” they replied as they settled themselves in the living room.

  “Do you guys want to go down to a birthday party?” I asked, hoping that they didn’t want to, but I knew there was a small chance of that happening. All they could think of when I said party was cake and ice cream.

  One by one, they replied with excitement, “Yes! Yes!” and my Amanda with the little “Yae!” As she looked up at Christina and Jordan.

  “Okay, let’s get things going.”

  Christina and Jordan dashed out the door, and Amanda stared at me, blinking as fast as she could, wondering what was her next move.

  “Ok, Jay, we will be there shortly,” I said pleasantly, hanging up the phone.

  “Jasmine,” I called out as I made my way back to the kitchen. “You’re just going to have to take these tacos as is. Looks like we have a birthday party to get to.”

  “Girl, you really are going to leave without me telling you what happened last night”

  Ignoring her pettiness, I gathered her tacos, hoping she got the hint to leave. She took the tacos, which just consists of meat and lettuce, and quickly wrapped them in a paper towel, laughing as she went out the door.

  Rolling my eyes, I quickly put my attention back on the kids.

  Walking up to the party, I saw my sister smiling from a distance as I wondered what was up her sleeve, dreading the conversation I was about to embark on, from what so-and-so did to what so-and-so said.

  “Hey, Dana,” everyone said, as I welcomed my cousins and nieces with a smile and hug.

  Some smiled back, and some didn’t care enough to even look my way. Ignoring them, I sat down. I noticed a man that had sat right in front of me. Very attractive and very tuned in to what was going on at the party. He looked at every detail, moving his head from side to side as people came and went. I glanced at him, trying not to look too weird. My cousin Tiffany caught me staring at him and smiled from ear to ear. She nodded in assurance that he was a good guy. I looked over at him one more time, hoping to get his attention. When he looked at me, I smiled.

  Ignoring the fact that he was a cutie, I tried to stay focused and keep my attention on the party. As the kids laughed and played, running from here to there, I couldn’t help but to look at this man one more time. Before I could indulge in the thought of talking to any man, sudden thoughts of Christian began to flood my mind. Rolling my eyes to myself, I gathered my kids and prepared to leave to head back home to continue my house work. I can’t afford to put myself in that boat again, I thought as I called for the twins one by one, while picking up Amanda and placing her on my hip.

  “Dana! Dana!” Tiffany called out as the kids and I approached the car.

  I turned around and saw “McDreamy” standing there with her. Holding back my smile, I stood there in silence as they walked up to where I was standing..

  “Hello,” he said. “My name is Akeem.”

  I couldn’t help but smile; I could no longer hold it in. Hmm, Akeem. Sounds different, I thought.

  Overlooking the nervousness in his voice and the little smile he tried to force to overcome his nervousness, I replied, “And Hello, I’m Dana,” I said softly.

  “Nice to meet you, Dana,” he said as he held out his hand to shake mine.

  As I reached out to shake his hand, I noticed his eyes never left my eyes. I could tell he was nervous because of the sweat drops that was forming on his forehead.

  Slowly taking his hand back, he built up the nerve to ask for my phone number. Are you from around here? I asked, skipping over the question, despite his slight accent, which told me he clearly he was not from any part of Texas.

  “No, I’m from Chicago. What fun things do you do around here?” he asked, trying to make small talk as he chuckled—as if the town couldn’t get any more country or smaller.

  I suppose it’s small compared to Chicago, I said, watching him turn around and look at the trees and the empty fields.

  “Well, there is not much to do here,” I said, overlooking the joke he tried to make (which was kind of cute). We have one arcade, two pizza spots, and a small mall, if it’s even considered a mall to you,” I said, giggling as I tried to shoot him a joke back.

  “When can I see you again?” he asked, excusing my quirkiness.

  “Well, I will be at a spiritual awareness meeting here in town next Saturday, at 9am sharp.”

  “I will be there,” he replied before I can finish my sentence. “If that’s where I have to see you, then that’s where I will be.” He said smiling from one ear to the next. “What’s the address,” He asked with assurance that he will come.

  101 Hackberry drive, I replied smiling back at him.

  “I will see you then,” I said. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I was totally shocked that he would want to meet me at a place that changed my life.

  As I got in the car and drove off, I watched him stare as I looked through the rearview mirror. I couldn’t help but smile at the possibilities that Saturday would bring.

  I rushed home to finally finish my cleaning. Glad that I didn’t receive any other pop ups that would put a grey cloud over the day, I thought to myself as I finally took the white towels out of the dryer and threw them in the hamper. I just couldn’t wait until next Saturday to see if Akeem will show up to hear a message, a message that changed my life.

  The week seemed to have flown by. I managed to get all the cleaning and laundry done before Saturday, which was a miracle. I had laid out the clothes for the meeting and packed the kids’ snacks for afterwards. Even though I feed them breakfast, somehow after 30 minutes after hearing Mr. Ben talk they feel like they have not eaten in years. I laughed to myself as I looked around to make sure I was not forgetting anything.

  Anticipating seeing Akeem, I quickly got dressed and gathered the twins and Amanda and headed out the door. Currently, my twins are five years old and listening to the chatter between them was absolutely hilarious. The jokes they tried to make, put a smile on my face all the way to the meeting. I wondered if Akeem would really come, or was it just something he was telling me.

  “Mama! mama!” Jordan began to carry on, interrupting my thoughts about Akeem.

  Knowing his intention was only to tell me that Christina was picking on him, I quickly told her to stop, ignoring the confused look on her face as if she was shocked that I didn’t yell any more than I did. As we
walked up to the building, I could feel my heart beat faster and faster as each step led me closer and closer to the double doors.

  As I walked up to the door, I could already see him. I tried to hide my smile as I walked up to him and greeted him with a warm hug. He smiled and tried to hide his nervousness, trying not to stare, motioning me with his hand for us both to sit down. After taking our seats Mr. Ben walked out and welcomed everyone like he always did before he began speaking. Moving past my feelings that he had actually showed up, I quickly put my attention back on Mr. Ben and the word that he was about to bring forth.

  As he spoke, I saw that Akeem showed quite a bit of interest. He watched his every move, soaking in every word. I looked around and saw the little smirks from some of the ladies that where there today. Ignoring the smiles, and the pointing finger as they locked their index fingers together, motioning us a couple. I turned back around and placed my attention back to the word. With much confidence, I exhaled and smiled back at them from within.

  After the meeting was over, my friend Destiny walked over to me and said, “Hey, you want to go get something to eat?”

  “Yes, sure, but I have Akeem that came down—”

  “Bring him along!” she blurted out and then smiled and walked off.

  As I turned away from her, smiling, I contemplated what this man was going to say. I didn’t know too much about him, only the bit and pieces that was given through my cousin. I don’t know if he has plans or if he would even consider going with me, I thought as I walked slowly up to him. “Hey, you want to grab something to eat?” I asked with a shaky voice, trying to squeeze each word out. With one hand to my head twirling my hair as I glanced into his eyes.

  “Sure,” he said, smiling from one ear to the other as he put one hand on my back and he directed me out the door. I have to get the kids first, then take them to my sisters’ house I said softly, as he guided me down the hall of the church with his one hand still pressed softly on my back.

  After the kids cried and pouted to come with me, they were finally organized and settled, then Akeem and I were then off to a date day with a few of the men and women from the awareness meeting.

  As we walked up to the restaurant, I could feel the nervousness between the two of us. For some reason, I didn’t know what to say or even what to do. Every time I tried to start a conversation, I cleared my throat and decided that was not a good topic. Forgetting about trying, I just walked into the restaurant quietly, hoping he would understand that I was unbelievably shy right now. Giggling to myself, I watched as he walked a little ahead to open the door for me.

  I was astonished as he let me in first. We approached the table, and he gently pulled out my chair and waited for me to sit. I smiled in amazement as he pulled out his wallet and then leaned over and calmly told me “order whatever you want”. Where did this man come from? I thought as I nodded to him. He sat back in his chair, never taking his eyes from me, as I glanced down at the menu.

  After the waitress came and took our orders, Destiny loudly began with the flowing river of questions. “Are you two a thing,” she blurted out. “How long have you known each other,” and how did you two meet she went on. Since Dana don’t do anything but work and come to the spiritual awareness meetings, she said laughing to herself. As Akeem sat up and cleared his throat, he began to answer all the questions that were being thrown at him. No, we are not a couple he started out, but that does not mean I don’t want to be one he added as he turned and looked back at me. We met at a party he went on.

  “A party!” Destiny blurted out.

  Yes we met at a birthday party that I was invited to by her cousin, he slowly answered. After he answered the million questions that were being asked, he sat back and listened to the chatter between the women and men that came with us.

  Then politely turned his attention to me talking on and on about the meeting on today, as part of me began to back off and shut down. It wasn’t that he did anything wrong. As a matter of fact, he seemed perfect. I was hesitant because I didn’t want to give him the chance to do anything wrong. Suddenly, I found myself looking at him in terror the way I looked at Christian, questioning this man’s every motive.

  I sat on the side of the bed, looking at the alarm clock, wishing it would just go back an hour or two. Knowing that wasn’t going to happen, I slowly got up and wrapped my robe around me and headed to wake the kids up for school. The weekend was very pleasant. Good thing we got the old clothes packed away so I can drop them off at the shelter I thought as I stepped over the bags that was in the middle of the floor.

  “Christina, Jordan, Amanda, and Trinity!”

  One by one, their heads popped up and then suddenly went back down once they realized that their sleep was over.

  “It’s time to get up and get ready to go to school!”

  They looked at me with other plans that included more sleep. Rubbing their eyes and stretching for heaven as they tossed away the irritation of having to get up.

  “Mama, just one more minute,” my daughter Amanda started, which was her every weekday ritual.

  “No more minutes,” I interrupted. “It’s time to get up.”

  As they one by one got out of their beds and settled in comfortable positions, I headed back to my room to brush my teeth and do something with this head of mine that I had forgotten to twist up last night. Ok, maybe not forgot, but maybe it was the fact that I had to cook, clean, bathe the kids, wash laundry—which seemed like the fourth time this week—help with homework, and the list goes on I thought to myself.

  In the bathroom, I looked in the mirror, wondering how this hair day was going to play out. Taking my focus off the hair drama, I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Grabbing the towel hanging from the hook on the wall, I glanced one more time in the mirror, rolled my eyes, and headed out the bathroom. As I took my clothes off the hanger I had sat out before heading to bed last night. I began to pray and sing, filling myself with joy, preparing my mind to take on what the day had ahead for me. I couldn’t help but cry as I prayed harder and harder. My heart filled with thanksgiving, joy, and overflowed with love. Although it had been a long week and the to-do list kept growing, and the girls were starting their morning ritual of picking with each other, I felt great peace.

  As I threw the clothes on, I went back to the mirror and fluffed out my hair and smiled at myself. Thank heavens I learned through the years that God perfects me in the storm. I remember asking myself, Am I living, along with so many other women who might wonder if they are living or just existing. I had to learn to rest solely in the peace, love, and joy of my creator. With every move I made, I found myself soaring in God’s protection— peace, love, and joy. With love reflecting in me and through me, despite what is going on in my life.

  “Mama!” my daughter Trinity yelled out, snatching my attention off what I was thinking and placing it on her.

  “Yes, Trinity,” I responded, turning from the mirror. I saw that she did not have on her school clothes but decided to put on her socks and rain boots.

  As confused as I was, she slowly asked, “Mama, ummm, can I get back in bed?” She looked over at my bed and then walked over to rub my arm gently as she always did when she was trying to get her way—and most of the time, it seemed to work.

  She was still in her pajamas after thirty minutes of me telling her to arise and get dressed. Ignoring how she looked, I responded, “No, Trinity, you can’t get back in the bed. You have to go to school.”

  “Awww, mom!” She cried out.

  Trinity was the child who, if I wasn’t careful, her little innocent voice and soft touch would always win me over. As she turned away, heading out of the room, she happened to turn one more time to glare at me for a moment. Without thinking too much about what she was trying to do, I turned my head and fiddled with my blanket, pushing the corners down so the blanket would lay neatly.

&nb
sp; “Okay, Mom,” she dragged on, hoping I would give in.

  “Okay,” I said, “go ahead and put your clothes on, Trinity.” Dodging any eye contact.

  After hearing her little footsteps down the hall, I went back to the restroom to finish trying to make a miracle out of my hair today, which seemed like it was going to be very slim.

  I chuckled to myself as I heard Christina and Amanda’s sister rivalry begin to rise in the restroom next door. If it’s not the kids, it’s work; and if it’s not work, then it’s my coworkers; and if it’s not my coworkers, then it’s the bills; and the list goes on and on and on I thought to myself as I giggled to myself. If I am not careful, I can get so caught up in the issues of life that I won’t be able to allow myself to live, and by default I will just moving out of obligation. I don’t know how to say no or when to stop! At times, I am taking on more than I can mentally handle. I know I have the kids and the husband, the work, and the ministry. Oh, don’t mention volleyball practice, basketball practice, and dance—all the little activities the kids decide they want to take on and quit a week later. Then I have bake sales to attend, concession stands to run, and the list goes on.

  I had to learn to live in God, to be solely submerged in God. Just to think about it brings warmth within me, to be solely submerged in the Almighty God, the All-knowing, the Protector, the Healer, the Ultimate Way-maker, the Alpha and the Omega, and much, much more. When I am submerged in the creator, then the creator is in me and I am in the spirit of the creator, and if the creator is in me and dwells in me and through me, then I must live accordingly. Don’t get me wrong—the weight of the responsibilities can be heavy, but I learned to handle it like a boss.

  “Mom!” I heard my son Jordan calling me.

  “Yes,” I replied from the bathroom, where I was trying to add some lipstick to this face to give it a little perkiness. I got tired of trying to do anything with this head of mine and just threw it in a bun.

  “I can’t find my basketball shorts!” he screamed down the hall as I heard him rummaging through clothes and opening and closing the dresser drawers. I wanted to say, “I told you to get your basketball things together last night,” but of course, that would have been a waste of my energy.