by Ashley Munoz
“It’s okay, Pip. It’s going to be okay, I’m here,” Jace soothed, and hearing my old pet name…it felt so good, but I knew better. This wasn’t right.
He hadn’t wanted me until he found out Bryan had hurt me. That was some conditional shit I didn’t want any part of.
“You need to leave, Jace.” I leaned back, leveling him with a weary look.
He met my stare, fear mixing in so beautifully on his features, nearly driving me into his arms. He looked like he was about to burn the world down.
“Hasn’t it been long enough that we’ve been apart? Haven’t we both gone through enough?”
I stood, needing space.
He followed, nearly about to cage me in again, but I put my hand out to stop him.
“Did you not hear anything I said?” I searched his crazy eyes, which were studying my face, searching for some weakness.
“I did, but—”
I shook my head and stepped back. “You chose to push me away. You chose to be cruel and punish me for what you did to us. You didn’t ask.”
“I did ask. I tried to take you out when we talked at the gas station, remember?” he pleaded, grabbing me by the hips and pushing me toward the wall. Oh no. No, no, no, no.
I wasn’t emotionally strong enough to stop him if he started kissing me or doing anything else with me against the wall. I pushed against his chest.
“Jace, just stop. Yes, I refused a date with you, but you still didn’t have to be such a dick. I refused because of how mean you were and because you dumped me!”
I put my hands on my chest in desperation. I hated how frivolous the words sounded on my tongue, as if I could wrap five years of pain into those six letters. Dumped made it sound like we were fifteen and my best friend told me he didn’t want to date me anymore. It wasn’t nearly harsh enough for what he had made me feel.
“Faith, I’m begging you to stop this shit. It’s been long enough. Let’s just…” He pushed his lips together, his sapphire eyes assessing me with frustration. He wore a thin black t-shirt, which shifted with his arms as he tightened his hold on my hips. Memories swam through the small distance between us, fusing into the pads of his fingers as they pressed against my sweats. They begged me to wrap my arms around his neck and give in. They sang of a time when he was my whole world.
I closed my eyes, inhaled through my nose, and slapped at those images, tossing them to the dust-covered floor, where they’d been for the past five years.
“No.” I shook my head, keeping in my tears, my hurt, all the nicely folded things I’d carried for so many years. “Go. Please.” I stepped out of his grasp and headed to the door.
“Pip, please,” he begged again. Hearing that name after five years, now two times in a row…it was a cruel move that made my anger rage.
“You can’t just walk back into my life and suddenly want me because you feel bad for me. It doesn’t work like that,” I angrily explained, opening the door.
He stepped closer to the exit, and he was nearly through the door when he gripped the frame with one hand.
“No.”
Bereft of words, I stared, unsure of what to say. He turned until he was facing me fully.
“I didn’t fight for you back then. I just let you go because…” He trailed off, looking down. All it did was serve as a reminder that there were still secrets and lies between us. I crossed my arms in frustration.
“This isn’t the way you fight for me, Jace. You don’t—”
“I was trying to be honorable. I thought you were still with him.” He leaned closer.
“Why didn’t you ask?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His eyes softened, a gleam now sitting inside them. My heart beat hard in my chest, begging me to close the distance between us.
He stepped closer.
“Why didn’t you come up to me at that barbeque and tell me you were going to be single, tell me it was over and you were coming back?” he whispered, running his fingers along my jaw.
“Jace, you ripped my locket from my neck without even hearing more than a handful of words from me.”
“I’m sorry.” His voice hitched, and I knew if I dared to look into his eyes, I’d find those tears falling.
“I need you to go,” I whispered.
“I tried to come after you, after I got out…” he started, forcing my eyes to jump to his. He stepped closer, cradling my jaw in both hands.
My knees nearly gave out. He came for me?
“What stopped you?” I whispered, heat spreading from my face, dipping to my chest.
“You.”
I scrunched my brows together in confusion at his answer.
“The way you looked at him, the way you kissed him…you looked at him with a devotion you’ve never had with me.”
“That’s not true.” A tear slipped free. “I’ve never loved anything or anyone as much as I loved you.” I shook my head as much as his firm fingers would allow. They splayed into my hair, moving back to wrap around my neck.
“That may be true, but that look was still enough to stop me. You loved him, and I wasn’t so selfish that I’d take you from that.”
That humbled me. It didn’t make me jump into his arms and kiss him, but it did make me take a step back and consider what he was saying. After a few seconds of heavy breathing, I finally responded.
“Just…give me tonight. Let me think about this. I hate how mean you’ve been. I hate how horrible you’ve made this. I’m confused. Just give me a little time.”
He moved out of my doorway, watching me from the hall, as though waiting for some other reaction, something other than what I was offering. He finally nodded, lowering his head as he did so. Just as I was about to shut the door, he dug something out of his back pocket. I held the door between us and watched him curiously as he grasped a stack of white letters tied together with a piece of white string.
“Here. These…” He cleared his throat, his eyes searching the parchment in his hand. “I didn’t want you to see these, but…” He shoved his free hand through his hair. “But I had a feeling you’d shut me out. I just need you to know…”
He placed them in my hands, turned on his heel, and walked away. I shut the door and tried to regulate my breathing. Did that just happen?
I settled into bed and carefully opened the letters. I gently unfolded the first one and began reading.
Dear Pip,
For so long, all I wanted was to erase you, but I realized you’re stitched within me. I would have to cut you out, remove you surgically, but I’m not sure I’d survive.
Love, your fool
I drew in an unsteady breath as I pored over his words. The letter was dated five years ago, August…during the time he would have been in jail.
I went for another.
Dear Pip,
Do you still hear it? The thunder that broke open our souls that night? It’s still inside me, like lightning trapped inside a bottle. Except there’s no light in my soul, Pip. It’s all darkness and loud cracking thunder. You broke me, love. I’ll never work right without you.
Love, your fool
I fell asleep reading letter after letter of his confessions, his love, his heartbreak. Tears stained my face and clogged my throat as darkness invaded the world and left it cold and empty of light.
Knocking woke me, again. I blinked against the sun that was already invading my bedroom because I had no defense set up yet. I leaned toward the empty side of my bed where my phone was charging and pressed the side button. Eight in the morning and someone was knocking.
I trudged out of my room, peering through the tiny glass eyehole, and was met with a blurry version of the man I’d kicked out the night before. Confusion muddled my choices as I tugged the door open.
“Jace, what are you doing here?” I swiped at the matted hair that fell into my eyes. Oh, right, I was in my pajamas. Shit.
Before I could cover my shirt, I saw a generous grin break out across his face.
“I was wondering where that t-shirt went.”
Heat overwhelmed my face as I stammered a response, finding that nothing was coming to my mind as a good justification for stealing his oversized shirt in high school and still wearing it at night all these years later. I walked back toward my bedroom, letting him in behind me.
I heard him laughing as I quickly pulled on my sweats and traded his shirt for a bra and tank.
Once I came back out, I found him in the kitchen, opening all my cupboards and peeking into my fridge.
“You’ve got absolutely nothing in this house. You’re basically a squatter.” His voice echoed as he peered into a lower cabinet.
I walked to the pillar, near the edge of the counter, and crossed my arms. “I haven’t gotten out yet because of my car.” I tried to push past my knowledge of the letters, of all the tiny pieces of his soul that he’d shared with me. He wasn’t acting like he wanted to talk about them, so I tried to follow suit.
He stood from his squat and eyed me skeptically. “What’s wrong with your car?”
I flushed and looked anywhere but his face. “It was still stuck at my parents’ house, dead battery and all.” I moved away from the pillar and headed toward the fridge where I knew I had leftover Chinese. “By the way, why are you here? Didn’t I kick you out last night?” I stood up with my white takeout boxes and handed him one. “Or did I dream that?” I quirked a brow as I opened my container and dug into it with the plastic fork that’d come with it.
“You did.” He nodded and lowered his head to look into his box then glanced toward my fork. In a flash, he leaned forward and grabbed it from me.
“Hey,” I whined around a mouthful of kung pao chicken.
He dug into his box and shoveled a large scoop into his mouth, stepped closer to me, and gave me the fork back.
“So, you had it towed to a garage?”
“Yeah, Ace’s Auto.” I stared at the green pea he had stuck in his teeth. “Gross.” I waved my fork at him.
“You don’t have anything to drink!” he argued while digging for more food.
I furrowed my brows, searching my kitchen. White, blank space met me. There was an empty sink and a white older-style fridge, but nothing else. The kitchen was small too, such a stark change from the one in my house in Nashville, which I hadn’t even been allowed in because we had a chef who made all of our meals, including my coffee. I could do nothing in that house, and it drove me insane.
“Suppose you’re right,” I conceded.
“I am, so go get dressed. I’m taking you shopping. We’re getting this apartment furnished and buying groceries, so you don’t die.” He shoved my shoulder with his.
Butterflies took flight in my stomach at the contact, at the realization that I was getting a glimpse of the boy who’d rescued me during a lightning storm then gave me my first kiss.
“You don’t have to help me.” I cleared my throat and moved away from the counter.
“I know.” He assessed me with those eyes and dark eyebrows drawn in. I waited, not sure for what, but I was certain he was going to say something else to explain why he was doing this. When nothing came, I let out a heavy sigh and headed toward the shower.
“Fine. I want to go to IKEA.”
“IKEA? That’s all the way in Memphis!” he yelled at my back.
“You want to help me or not?”
“Yeah, yeah…fine. Just hurry your cute ass up,” he joked, and I nearly tripped into the door frame with how it made my pulse jump.
I knew this might be a colossally bad idea.
Twenty-One
“So, you have a list or somethin’?” I gripped the steering wheel with one hand and looked over at Faith. She had her arm resting out the window and the summer heat hitting her face.
“Yeah, it’s pretty long though, so if at any point you decide you can’t handle it, just head to one of the staged bed areas and take a nap.” She smiled at me with those red lips slung to the side.
I wanted to pull over, drag her toward me, and remind her exactly where she had always sat in my truck—where she belonged. The urge was especially strong after seeing her that morning, wearing my old football shirt with those bare legs on display. Shit had me hard as hell.
“I think I can handle a little furniture shopping, plus they let you refill at the food court and stuff. It’ll be fine.”
She glanced over at me and smiled. “Okay, just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
We pulled into the vast, ridiculously packed parking garage and settled into a rhythm, an oddly refreshing one I strangely didn’t mind at all. I had imagined what being with Faith was going to be like a million times when I was younger, but nothing could compare to how delicate she looked standing next to me and how normal it felt grabbing a shopping cart and following her around a store.
“Jace, you’ve got to follow the arrows, or we’ll get all messed up.” Faith eyed the floor and held her hand out to gesture at the path.
I resisted the urge to let out an annoyed sigh because this place was packed with people. “Fine, lead the way.” I smiled.
I watched as she maneuvered her cart toward the display rooms and slowed to watch as she took down little notes about different things she liked. I paused at one display in particular that had dark leather recliners with fur throws and a fake fireplace. It looked like a little winter setup, but I liked it. It was masculine and nice, something I could picture in my house.
“I love those recliners!” Faith exclaimed next to me, her warm shoulder brushing against mine. It sent a jolt of excitement and nervous energy through me.
“Yeah, I was just thinking how nice they’d be one day,” I mumbled then wandered toward a different part of the store.
“Did you ever end up going to college?” Faith quietly asked while moving down the row of open displays of living room sets.
I picked up a random magazine a staged coffee table and contemplated not telling her, but I’d done this. I’d showed up on her doorstep saying I wanted to be back in her life and her to be in mine. So, I heaved a sigh and said, “No. Everything changed after jail…then Mom. I ended up just taking a few business courses and opening the garage.”
We walked ahead until we’d transitioned into the staged kitchen area. Faith walked toward the middle where there were bins and shelves of different glassware, silverware, and other items. She started piling things into her cart, and I stood ready to help but not sure what she was looking for.
“What happened with June?” Faith was standing near her cart and watching me with those eyes, the ones I’d fallen into, drowned in, and nearly died in.
I took my empty extra cart and headed toward a new section of the kitchens. “Couldn’t keep up with the meds, insurance wasn’t covering it. She was in too much pain, and I was…” I trailed off, hating the feeling of that memory slicing me down the middle, hating how attached it was to Faith and to him.
“Jace, that’s plenty. No need to keep goin. I’m so sorry…” She pulled me by the arm toward the wall so we weren’t facing all the other people passing by. I didn’t hate the feel of her hands on me, so I let her guide me.
“She couldn’t take it. I was in jail for six months, and by the time I got out, she was gone. Dad said she’d overdosed…said she’d found a way to get her hands on drugs without me there to get her the meds she needed.” I murmured my story close to her ear, because it wasn’t meant for everyone to hear. I wished we were at her apartment, in private, so the world didn’t have a front-row seat.
“What on earth happened, Jace? I mean, I know some of the specifics because I asked, but I know you…you’d never break the law.”
You happened.
“That’s a long story, one for another time.” I shifted my weight and moved the cart back toward the path everyone else was on. Faith followed with her basket and we continued shopping.
Things went smoothly the rest of the trip as she picked out things to fill her home with. She f
ound a decent couch and chairs, an entertainment center, and little side tables. She found two stools for the bar area in the kitchen and said she didn’t want a table. The way she said it, though, was sad, like she didn’t need it or didn’t expect to use it.
We laughed a lot, especially when we went to the bed display area and I tried lying down on every single one. Faith plopped down next to me on a few, and it took all my resolve not to roll on top of her, store full of people and all.
We transitioned to the end of the store where we had to pull out the larger pieces that were boxed up. We soon realized even with our two carts we’d need a larger, flat roller cart to get the rest of her things. I tried not to blink at the total amount that showed in green against the black register screen. She was dropping close to $3500 in just a few hours. It was money I’d only ever dreamed of spending at one time at a store like this.
I had saved a good nest egg to use as a down payment for the shop, but otherwise I’d never had that kind of money.
We loaded the back of the truck together, which was hilarious because Faith was scrappy as hell. She heaved the flat boxes over her head like they were nothing but always made this cute little sound like she was exerting all her muscles to do it. She explained that Dwight Schrute said to make extra noises when carrying heavy things and it’d make you stronger.
She made me laugh, real laughter with real smiles, and I wasn’t ready for our day to end.
“Okay, we’ve got your apartment covered. Now all we need to do is get you some food,” I said while getting on the freeway toward Collierville.
“You’ve done enough, and I can just order more takeout. Uber Eats is a thing now.” She smirked at me from her seat. Her hat was off, and her blonde hair was tied back into a low bundle at her neck. Little strands were falling across her forehead, and my fingers itched to tuck them behind her ear.
“I’m getting you groceries then I’m eating dinner with you,” I promised. She chuckled and shook her head but didn’t refuse.
We walked around the grocery store, and again that oddly normal rhythm fell back into place. We had just one cart this time, so her shoulder bumped mine every so often, and when she couldn’t reach something on the top shelf, I’d reach over her and get it, feeling her warm body press against mine for the smallest of moments.
