Love, Lust & Friendship

by Elizabeth Stevens

  The idea that you could be in love with someone that much, even after they’d made it clear they didn’t love you, plainly terrified the pants off me. But, by the time I’d made that realisation of course, I already loved Ander more than every other person on the planet combined. But that was different than being in love with him so I gave him a pass and vowed he would just always be the love of my life.

  My brothers and I had done what we could to avoid the fallout of the Parental Infinity Cold War. Mac and Linc had got out of the house as soon as possible; they’d bolted and rented with their mates basically as soon as they’d hit eighteen. Petey found refuge at a bunch of his mates’ places, or bunked with Mac or Linc, as often as possible. And I had Ander’s place; Aunt Jelly took me in and made me feel welcome at every opportunity. And, I made shameless use of it. Even if it meant I had to see Topher more often.

  Which was becoming even more than often now he was driving me around twice a week. Still, knowing him, he could have complained far worse than he had, so I thanked the old gods and new for small mercies. But, Topher being Topher, he had to tease me when I’d spent like five minutes staring at my parents’ front door and not made any move to get out of his car.

  “Are we going in, or are we admiring yet another change Sonya’s made and I just haven’t noticed it?” he asked, leaning over the steering wheel to look at the house.

  I still didn’t say anything as I tried to work out if Mum was home or not based on little more than telepathy, apparently.

  “Don’t tell me. I’ll work it out eventually,” he mused.

  Still radio silence from me as I started frowning at the house like that was going to give me x-ray vision.

  “I can’t even tell if anything’s changed. What if she changed it, then changed it back again before I saw it? I could be right and wrong all at once.”

  I was about to open my mouth to tell him to shut up, but he spoke again.

  “She’s redone the topiary? No! The moulding’s now opal instead of white. Wait! Okay, I’ve got it this time. I’m sure the roses used to be pink not red.”

  I threw him a look to see if he’d finished, but I was smiling.

  Topher knew most of my home-life issues by default. It wasn’t like I made a habit of confiding in him like I did with Ander, but it wasn’t something I hid at the Hendersons’ either. The Hendersons’ was my safe place; I knew anything I said within those walls wasn’t going to stop them accepting me for me.

  And honestly, it wouldn’t have been surprising if my mother had actually done any of those things. Not in the least because she had already done each of those things at least once in her quest for the perfect life to fill the hole made by her less than perfect marriage and her disappointing children.

  “I’m just trying to work out if she’s home actually,” I replied, trying to look annoyed with him.

  “You got superpowers I’m not aware of?”

  “Shut up.”

  He grinned. “She’ll be fine. It’s me after all.”

  He swung out of the car and made for the front door as I scrambled to keep up with him. And, he wasn’t wrong; my mother ensured her preference for Topher over Ander was made known at every possible opportunity. Actually, I think she would have been quite happy to just swap me for Topher with Aunt Jelly and be done with it.

  I stuck my key in the door and Topher preceded me like we’d just walked into his place, not what was supposed to be mine. But then, Topher had always been more comfortable in my parents’ house than me. And, he’d probably only been there like ten or fifteen times over the years at most.

  “Hello?” he called and I whacked him with a, “Shush!”

  He chuckled and, no matter how anxious I was at running into my mum, it still made me smile.

  “Relax,” he said easily. “It doesn’t look like–”

  “Kit Henderson, as I live and breathe!” came a rough laugh.

  We both turned and saw one of my brothers walking out of the hallway from the kitchen. Unlike me with Dad’s green eyes, all my brothers had Mum’s browns to accompany Dad’s brown hair.

  “Yo, Pacman,” Topher replied as they embraced the way boys did when they wanted to show affection but couldn’t possibly be seen doing so legitimately. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing much, you?”

  “Same old, same old.”

  Petey had been in the year ahead of Topher and his best mate had been Topher’s Head Prefect the previous year so they’d become relatively good friends. At least as far as male posturing went. I wasn’t sure how close they actually were.

  “I’m here, too, Petey. In case you hadn’t noticed,” I muttered, shutting the front door and locking it.

  “Hey you,” he laughed, coming over to give me a proper hug. “Fair warning–”

  “Christopher, darling!”

  All three of us cringed as she came swanning elegantly down the stairs and I threw Petey a glare for his incredible lack of fair warning. She might have become a wretched bitch, but the woman still looked good.

  Mind you, we looked nothing alike. The woman had been dyeing her hair blonde since she was my age and she had those stunning brown eyes. Had she not sworn up and down that I ruined her figure with my incubation (a bold-faced lie, just FYI – her figure was amazing) and her vagina with my birth (can’t say I’d been keen to check the validity of that one), I’d have assumed I was the bastard progeny of one of Dad’s mistresses and he’d insisted they take me in – at least, that might explain why she seemed to hate everything I stood for. There was no question I was my father’s; you could see my eyes in Dad’s green and we had the same nose and jawline. Who knew, maybe my mother was hiding natural auburn under all that peroxide?

  “Sonya, lovely to see you,” Topher said with his absolutely winning smile, his voice dripping charm.

  Most girls swooned when he put that act on. I did not. It was probably the only time I wasn’t swooning along with everyone else. But, that act was one of Topher’s least sincere ones. He pulled it out when he despised the person but knew it was better to be polite and keep on their good side. Well, at least one person in the room was trying to keep on my mother’s good side.

  “You, too, darling,” she practically sang. “When I heard Addison, I assumed your brother was here.” Cue the look on her face that told everyone just how little she thought of Ander and, while she was at it, me. And, all without needing to look at me, too.

  I watched the muscle in Topher’s jaw twitch and Petey’s wasn’t far behind. But, they both hid them behind honeyed smiles. I, being the reigning champion of the International Resting Bitch Face Awards – or IRBFA, for short – just rolled my eyes.

  “Nope, it’s just me.” Topher grinned.

  God, even my mother swooned over Topher. She fluttered her eyelashes like a woman at least half her age and giggled. Knowing women like my mother found him attractive always put me off him for a while, so that was at least one positive to the whole thing.

  “I’d invite you to stay for dinner, but I’m afraid I have plans,” she said, waving her hand about aimlessly and I had to lock my arm by my side so I didn’t mock her and risk her actually looking at me.

  Of course, she did.

  Topher’s smile widened. “No worries. Aunt Jelly’s home tonight, anyway.”

  My mother had the audacity to pout as though she was disappointed despite the fact that she’d just said she wouldn’t be home anyway. “Another time, then.”

  “Definitely,” Topher answered.

  Mum nodded, gave him another (what passed as) warm smile, and kept swanning wherever she’d been heading before my presence so rudely interrupted her life for the umpteenth time.

  “Definitely,” Petey mocked Topher and he gave my brother his usual grin.

  “The day Satan skates to work, I will voluntarily have dinner with your mother.”

  Both boys laughed and I left them to their unfunny banter
as I jogged up to my room, trying to remember what it was I’d come back for anyway.

  As I was rummaging through my wardrobe in the hopes I’d remember, I heard Topher speak, “You okay?”

  On a scale of ‘not on your Nellie’ to ‘hells yeah’? No.

  I nodded, but didn’t look at him. “Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Dunno. Your mum not looking at you once maybe?”

  I frowned to myself. “I’m fine, Toph.”

  “Okay. But, we could talk about it, if you wanted. You know, if you weren’t.”

  “Thanks,” I sighed as I stood up, putting my hands on my hips.

  “What?”

  “I can’t for the life of me remember what I came back for.”

  I heard Topher snigger. “Yeah, aren’t the majority of your clothes in Lex’s wardrobe?”

  “Sort of. I rotate them.”

  “Rotate them?”

  “Yeah. That way I don’t feel like I’ve just moved in with him.”

  “I somehow don’t see him complaining,” Topher chuckled.

  “Yeah, but the girl?”

  “There’s a girl?” he asked quickly.

  I shrugged as I stared at my clothes for inspiration. “There’s usually a hope there will be a girl.”

  “A specific girl?”

  “That’s usually how these things work, Toph, yes,” I chuckled.

  “Which girl?”

  I turned to face him and smiled. “I’m not telling you.”

  “Why not?”

  “Best Friend 101 – I don’t tell people who Ander’s crushing on and he doesn’t tell people who I’m crushing on.”

  “You’re crushing on someone?”

  Why the hell did Topher look so surprised? Great, now I just felt self-conscious about it.

  “Is that…okay?”

  Topher tried to rally and failed a little towards the end. “Yeah,” he huffed, “of course.”

  “It doesn’t sound like it,” I laughed, always enjoying Topher in discomfort; at least I felt less uncomfortable again.

  He huffed again. “No. I just…” He cleared his throat. “You’ve just never dated. I…” He shoved his hands in his pockets and scuffed his foot awkwardly on the floor.

  I snorted. “Right. Because those of us who have never dated must never get crushes.”

  “Nah, I just…didn’t realise you…”

  “Had normal teenage hormones like everyone else?”

  He looked up at me through his hair and gave me one of those sincere smiles. “Yeah, I guess.”

  “I’m not sure if that says more about me or you. But, whatever it is, I don’t think it’s a compliment.”

  “Nah. It’s cute. You having a crush, I mean.”

  “You say that like you don’t get crushes on people,” I laughed.

  “Well, I don’t really.”

  “Oh, no,” I giggled, “I forgot, that’s just insatiable lust.”

  “What would you know about insatiable lust?” His smile turned cocky.

  “Undesirable does not a nun make, Topher.” I raised my eyebrow at him so he couldn’t possibly miss what I meant.

  His cocky grin fell and he got all awkward again. But, he tried to hide it. “So, this crush. He reciprocate?”

  I shrugged as I turned back to my wardrobe; the talk about crushes reminding me I needed the only remaining dress I owned for the Hendersons’ party on Saturday. “I think so. But, then I always think so and I turn out to be wrong. So, who knows?”

  “What do you mean, you turn out to be wrong?”

  I pulled my dress off the hanger and went back out to my room to find a bag to shove it in. “I’m not sure what about that sentence could be confusing you.” I shot him a wry smile. “I like them, I think things are going well, then it becomes painfully obvious that they don’t like me back. Not like that anyway.”

  “Obvious how?”

  I shrugged again. “I dunno. Usually, they’re kissing any girl other than me. That seems to knock a certain amount of finality into it, don’t you think?”

  He didn’t say anything and I looked at him to see him frowning at me like there was something seriously bugging him. It wasn’t like it was the first time he’d ever looked at me like something was bugging him because I was usually that thing, followed closely by Ander. But, there was something different about this, like there was something he couldn’t place.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Really?”

  I was surprised. “Really, what?”

  “That’s how guys treat you?”

  I did a perfect imitation of awkward Ander and fiddled with my bag. “Uh, yeah. I guess. It’s not like they owe me or anything.”

  He scoffed derisively. “No, why the hell would they owe you or anything?” he asked sarcastically.

  “Look, just leave it, Toph. Yeah?” I told him. “It is what it is.”

  He didn’t look happy about it, but he nodded and didn’t press. “You need anything else?”

  “Yeah, just…”

  He waited patiently, leaning in my door frame, as I grabbed a few other things and then we managed to get out of my parents’ house without running into anyone again.

  ****

  The next day was Valentine’s Day. Probably the worst day in the world to the perpetually unlucky in crush, especially when those annoying teenage hormones got involved. It was barely Recess and already there were just flowers and chocolates and serenading everywhere. It was enough to make a girl want to puke.

  I was usually in a self-imposed state of ‘meh’ about Valentine’s Day. No one except Ander had ever given me anything resembling a Valentine’s Day present and that year was no exception. Even Ander had forgotten to get me anything that year – the punishment for which was me eating all the chocolates I’d bought him. So, I just tried to keep out of the way of love and presents and all that jazz.

  Until I got to my locker as usual at Recess and found a single blue rose had been stuck into it. I looked around, wondering who the hell would have left me a rose. I quickly snapped it up and looked at the card.

  Roses are red, but this one is blue,

  Poems are stupid. Don’t argue, it’s true.

  From one jackass to apologise for the others.

  Happy V-day. RD x

  I laughed, easily recognising Topher’s handwriting, and shook my head. I put the card in my pocket and pulled my phone out.

  Addy MacFantastic

  That would mean so much more if I didn’t know that v-day for you meant getting your hands on as many virgins as possible, Ranger Dan.

  I was sniffing the flower when I felt Ander beside me.

  “Woah, someone got lucky this year,” he chuckled.

  “They didn’t, actually. It’s from your brother,” I answered, pulling the card back out to show him.

  He read it and laughed. “Jackass isn’t wrong. Virgin day, more like,” he scoffed.

  I snorted. “That’s basically what I told him.”

  “What did he say?”

  “No reply yet.”

  “Probably with the first virgin of the day.”

  I nodded. “Probably,” I answered as my phone buzzed and I unlocked it.

  Mr. Dillweed esq.

  You got it then?

  Addy MacFantastic:

  I did. Where the hell did you find a blue rose?!

  Mr. Dillweed esq.

  Ranger Dan never tells. You like it?

  Addy MacFantastic:

  Yeah. Thanks, jackass.

  Mr. Dillweed esq.

  You’re welcome, Ads (;

  Ander nudged me with his shoulder. “Okay, enough flirtexting with my brother and let’s go already.”

  “I’m not…” I paused. “How did you even know it was Topher? It could have been anyone.”

  “Best Friend 101, babe. Mind-reader.”

  I snorted as we closed our
lockers and started down the hallway towards the side doors. Where we happened to walk past Liam. I got that weird little flutter in my tummy and I smiled as I saw him. His face broke into a wide grin and his eyes were warm and had this sexy little twinkle to them.

  “You’ll be at the party?” he asked me.

  “You might see me there,” I replied coyly.

  He chuckled and gave me a wink. “I hope so.”

  Ander nudged me encouragingly as we continued out to meet the others and I giggled like a little bit of an idiot.

  Chapter Four

  I froze and seriously considered being upset by it. But, mainly I was just annoyed and over it all. Give the universe another point on the scoreboard.

  Behind me, Ander breathed out heavily. “Ouch. Sorry, babe.”

  I shook my head, trying to shrug it off. “Nah, no worries. It’s fine.”

  “It’s not fine. He’s a jackass.”

  I looked down at myself. “I put a dress on for that jackass,” I huffed and felt Ander’s familiar chuckle vibrate against my back. Sure, it was probably better described as an over-sized singlet, but it was the only dress I owned after rebelling against the mother and taking the rest to the Salvos.

  “You did. I guess he likes the heeled look over the trusty Vans?”

  “What’s wrong with Vans?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” he said almost too quickly. “That’s why they’re trusty.”

  “I know. Right? Jackass,” I mumbled, but couldn’t drag my eyes off said jackass and his lips getting to know a hell of a lot of Misty.

  “How about a beer? Or, I bet Aunt Jelly’d be happy to break up the party for you? Bring out her inner banshee.”

  I smacked him. “Yeah, because Topher would so love that,” I scoffed.

  “I believe we call him Kit now.” Ander did his snooty, posh voice.

  “I believe we call him Butt-head, still,” I replied in the same voice.

  “That’s just because you like his butt.”