Many Mansions

by Isabel Bolton

  Bibliographical Note

  This Dover edition, first published in 2020, is an unabridged republication of the work originally published by Charles Scribner’s Sons, New York, in 1952.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Bolton, Isabel, 1883–1975, author.

  Title: Many mansions / Isabel Bolton.

  Description: Dover edition. | Mineola, NY : Dover Publications, Inc., 2020. | Originally printed: 1952. | Summary: “Isabel Bolton, an acclaimed National Book Award finalist, tells the spellbinding tale of Margaret Sylvester. She is in her eighties, lives alone in a New York hotel room, and decides, after considerable deliberation, to reread an unpublished manuscript about her life. Her poignant and sometimes tragic story is communicated with astonishing brevity and immediacy”— Provided by publisher.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2019041809 | ISBN 9780486843414 (trade paperback) | ISBN 0486843416 (trade paperback)

  Classification: LCC PS3525.I553 M36 2020 | DDC 813/.52—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019041809

  Manufactured in the United States by LSC Communications

  84341601

  www.doverpublications.com

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  2020

  Many Mansions

  BOOK 1

  ONE

  It had snowed in the night, but the snow had been removed from the streets. It rained. The asphalt shone black and glistened in the rain, the tops of the taxis glistened, the umbrellas of the pedestrians and the rubber coat of the policeman at the corner of Twenty-eight Street gave off a bright metallic sheen. The air heavy with clouds and smoke and rain hung like a shroud over the city. In the tall office buildings clustered at the foot of Madison Avenue the lights shining in the assembled windows gave the effect of countless diminished suns and moons peering dead and rayless into the gloom and diffused an ominous light like the amber glow that fills the atmosphere before a summer storm.

  A radio in the next room blared out the news, from the clouds above came the purr and drone of an airplane and from below the noises of the streets; motor cars grinding their brakes, tooting their horns; sirens, an ambulance, in the distance the louder siren screech of fire engines. In another room a telephone rang insistently. Wires under the pavements, cables under the seas, voices upon the air weaving the plots, weaving the calamities, thought Miss Sylvester, beating her breast in that dramatic way she had.

  She was a small creature with delicate bones and transparent parchmentlike skin and her fragility lent her the appearance both of youthfulness and extreme old age. Her face under its crown of perfectly white hair was illumined and animated by cavernous dark eyes that seemed in the most striking manner to isolate her spirit from the visible decay of her body and in the play of her expression there was that immediacy of the countenance to respond to the movements of the heart which is always so noticeable in the faces of children.

  Living so much alone she was in the habit of talking aloud—interrupting her thoughts—“My God, it cannot be! Preposterous. Impossible.” Old age was very obstreperous indeed and life perched up here in her sky parlor amid these congregations of lighted windows, looking into all these offices, watching people sitting at desks, at telephones, dictating letters, plowing through the most monotonous tasks, was bleak enough in all conscience and with this welter of imponderable event flowing through her mind, “Good God,” she frequently asked herself, “Who am I? What am I? And what’s the meaning of it all, these people—all this business conducted high in air—listening to these hotel radios, these telephones and this roar coming up from the streets as though escaped from the infernal circles?” After all, she was human; she had her human needs. Caged up like this!

  But now the protest and revolt that had lighted her face went suddenly blank and was replaced by gentle, reminiscent expressions, for she had had an extraordinarily beautiful experience in the night—the nights of the old were stranger than strange. She had waked from a dreadful dream, sobbing, still, it seemed to her, violently shaking her grandmother and when she had subdued the sobs there she’d lain trying to orient herself. She had touched, or imagined that she had done so, the edge of the bureau, her hand had knocked, or she’d thought she’d knocked it against the wall; the wall retreated while the doors and the single window of her room were replaced by other windows, other walls and doors, and she had had the most bewildering sense of knowing and at the same time not having the slightest idea where she was, listening to many voices while large vistas—lawns and trees and meadows and blue skies and oceans—opened up to her and people appeared and disappeared in all the various rooms through which she searched. Gradually she made out that she was in her own small bed which she had been sure was on the left of the window now restored to its proper position. Left was left and right was right. And there she was correctly located in space while a clock struck twelve. She’d counted the strokes and crossed a threshold. For it was, she’d remembered, her birthday, the first of February 1950, and if she could believe such a thing she was now eighty-four years old. Highly awake to the inordinate strangeness of it all she’d crossed her hands upon her breast aware that gratitude was streaming from her heart. Gratitude, she might very well demand, for what? Just for this—being alive, feeling the breath plunging up and down beneath her hands—her life, this river on which she had been launched, still warm, still continuing to flow. She knew quite well that her hold on it was most precarious—she frequently prayed to be severed from it altogether, and moreover, she realized that life was not likely to offer her change or variety, here she was cooped up in her small room in this treeless iron city. Nonetheless she had her memories. The Kingdom of Heaven was within her. For after all what kind of a heaven could anyone conceive without these images of earth—these days and winds and weathers? Estimated by human events she would not have said that her life had been particularly fortunate. There had been plenty of catastrophe. She had had to bear for many years an intolerable secret which she would carry with her to the grave. However, what did these personal tragedies matter when measured up against a moment like this—fully conscious of carrying in her heart the burden and the mystery, filled with awe and wonder and rejoicing in that warm shaft of living breath plunging up and down beneath her hands?

  Her condition had been a free gift. She had done nothing to induce it. There she had lain consumed with wonder, awe and reverence. What a comfort it had been to feel warm and without pain. The room must have been at just the proper temperature. The blankets felt so soft, the mattress so extremely comfortable. It had been a pleasure to luxuriate in flesh and bones that were not for the moment racked with pain.

  The life of the aged was a constant maneuvering to appease and assuage the poor decrepit body. Why, most of the time she was nothing more than a nurse attending to its every need. As for the greater part of the nights one’s position was positively disreputable—all alone and clothed in ugly withering flesh—fully conscious of the ugliness, the ignominy—having to wait upon oneself with such menial devotion—Here now, if you think you’ve got to get up mind you don’t fall, put on the slippers, don’t trip on the rug. There now, apply the lotions carefully, they’ll ease the pain; that’s it, rub them in thoroughly. Now get back to bed before you’re chilled. Here, take the shawl, wrap it round your shoulders. Turn on the electric heater. It won’t be long before you’re off to sleep. Try not to fret and for heaven’s sake don’t indulge in self-pity. This is the portion of the old—having to lie here filled with cramps and rheums and agues—so aged and ugly with your teeth in water in the tumbler by your bed and your white hair streaming on the pillow and the old mind filled with scattered thoughts and memories, flying here, flying there, like bats in a cr
acked old belfry—haunted by fears, visited by macabre dreams.

  Dear me, dear me, she thought, looking through the gloom into the lighted offices, if she could meet death upon her own terms how often she would choose to die. How beautiful to have floated away upon that tide of reverence. It was one’s ignorance of just how and where death might come to take one off that made it hard to contemplate. There were all the grisly speculations.

  Would she have a stroke followed by a helpless dotage? Would she die of some grave heart condition long drawn out? She might be run over any day by a taxi or a truck. She might slip on the sidewalk and break a leg or a femur. She could hear the clanging bells, the siren of the ambulance that gave her right of way, bearing her off amid the city traffic to the nearest hospital. She could see the doctors and the nurses going through their paces—everything efficient, ordered, utterly inhuman—all the nightmare apparatus attendant on keeping the breath of life in her another day—who knew? Maybe another week; maybe a month or two longer—the oxygen ranks and the transfusions, the injections—penicillin and the sulfa drugs—Heaven knew what! And would there be sufficient funds she wondered to pay for all this nonsense—keeping the breath of life in one old woman more than prepared to give up the fight? Expenses mounted to the skies. Nurses were worth their weight in gold. And as for private rooms in hospitals! All these extravagances. Dear me, dear me. Could she imagine herself in an Old Ladies Home—in a hospital ward?

  She worried woefully about her finances. Eating into her principal like a rat eating into the cheese, the only capital that remained to her those few government bonds. However, she’d figured it all out very carefully. She could live to be ninety—selling out a bond when necessary and keeping something for emergencies. Was it possible that she’d live to be ninety?

  Not likely at all; most improbable!

  And if she did, she’d have to take the consequences. She had always been a fool with money. She knew nothing about the care of it. When she thought about the foolish things she’d done—the naive way she’d listened to all those charming philanthropic young men who knew so well how to advise the single and unguided! It made her sick at heart. But the one decision she had made—capricious, unadvised—to settle on that unborn child a gift of seventy thousand dollars she wasted not a moment’s time regretting. After the completion of those arrangements if she’d had any sense she should have put her money into an annuity. They were, she supposed, fool proof. She was glad, however, she hadn’t done so (she did some swift and inaccurate sums in arithmetic). She wouldn’t be very much better off than she was now, and not a cent to leave to anyone. Those bonds, that balance at the bank could be bequeathed.

  What a great lift, for instance, it would give to Adam Stone—how surprised he’d be, how grateful if she were to die tomorrow, to find himself heir to all she had! Poor Adam, she thought, poor Adam! And why not? Wasn’t he after all the only person in her life today for whom she felt genuine concern? What if she had picked him up in a restaurant? What if she had known him only a few years? Why not?

  He was in his peculiar way as much of a solitary as she was herself—an odd, unhappy, interesting young man. He seemed to stand for her as a kind of terrifying symbol, seeing behind him many similar youths who had played their part in the great war and had returned without zest or hope or faith in life. And why would it not be so—marked and marred as they had been with the impact of the dreadful years? When she talked with Adam she seemed to feel the presence of a crowd of witnesses, all the young in every corner of the world. Against his bitterness, his utter disrespect for life, what was there she could say? She imagined that in his queer way he rather liked to feed upon his bitterness. You could not disagree with him; he resented argument. He would not brook contradiction. There was something rather superb about his anger—working it all out as far as she could see in a kind of sullen passion for art, music, literature. Books he devoured ravenously. He was, she gathered from his conversation, at work upon a novel. He had cast off his family. He had cast off one girl after another, or very likely one girl after another had cast him off. There was something hard, passionate and scrupulously scientific about the way he went in for these brief affairs of love—a short interval of violent passion followed by a tremendous battle of the egos—bitter, sensual, with neither romance nor beauty, but nonetheless rewarding because of some necessity he seemed to feel to further document his vast accumulating dossier on sex, all without doubt to go into the novel he was, if not at present, some day bound to write. He seemed to be driven from one sterile episode into another.

  Poor boy, she thought, poor Adam. Was she justified she wondered—“A young man you met in an Armenian restaurant,” she said leaving the window and going to her desk where examining her check book and still continuing to talk aloud she muttered, “yes yes, taking that twenty-five thousand dollars that still remains to me in government bonds and adding my deposit, let me see, let me see, $3,497 and some odd cents, there would be in all (she added up the two figures) exactly $28,497.26.”

  A tidy little sum. She supposed the proper people to think about were the poor old women of her acquaintance scratching along on almost nothing. She knew a number of them—there were several right here in this hotel, unutterably dreary, desolate and brave. How wonderful for one of them to wake up some fine morning and find herself heir to twenty-eight thousand four hundred and ninety-seven dollars and twenty-six cents.

  But the rub was of course how much of this would still remain when she was dead. The uncertain residue—she had practically made up her mind to it in the early hours of the morning—should go to Adam Stone. The weather prevented her from going, as she had resolved to go this very day, to Maiden Lane to see old Breckenridge.

  But then there were other things that she could do and as she was thinking so seriously of also bequeathing him her precious manuscript, she really should before she determined to do so sit down quietly and read it from beginning to end. What a strange thing it was she thought as she went into the bathroom to attend to the preparation of breakfast, finishing it, laying it away, never able to reread it. And why did she feel so urged to leave it in the hands of this peculiar difficult young man? What was it that consumed her—this hunger in her heart? And was not the most astonishing experience just this—old age? When all was weariness and pain and effort, when the chief business of every day was waiting on her body like a patient old nurse waiting on an unwilling absentminded child, to feel this fierce preoccupation! Was it because she had wanted to call in her conscience—her soul, her memory, as you might call in a priest at the last moment to offer absolution, that she had undertaken the writing of this book?

  Well, well now at any rate she must put her mind on breakfast—this smuggling in, hiding away, pretending you didn’t make a kitchen out of your bathroom and a refrigerator out of your window ledge was a technique she’d mastered to perfection, she thought, stooping to fish a saucepan and an electric plate from under the bathtub, filling the former with water and attaching the cord of the latter—putting the water on to boil, opening the window to bring in butter, cream, fruit. She flattered herself she pulled it all off pretty well. It wasn’t that she didn’t grasp as eagerly as a child whatever pleasures life still offered her, there was something even a little sly about her manner of enjoying her small gratuitous blessings, as though she’d stolen a toy from the attentive nurse who kept watch over her or cake and candy from the august angel into whose hands old Nanny might at any moment deliver her. She made it her business to make as much out of her days as her frail margin of health allowed, lunching or dining at a restaurant and, what with the sandwiches, the yogurt, all the queer food that you could find in little tins, managing somehow to sustain herself. There was something a bit miraculous about her little feats and arrangements.

  It took fortitude she admitted. The old deserved to be commended for their gallantry. Goodness, when she thought of the necessary chores—putting clothes upon their backs, food into th
eir mouths, getting on and off the busses and across the roaring streets. Courage, self-assertion, vanity were all required. As for herself how ridiculously vain she was—always shaking off the kind and attentive people ready to assist her, as though to say, “Thank you very much indeed, I’m quite capable of looking after myself,” still trying to look as though her appearance suggested youth and vitality, never able to forget that she’d been, and not so very long ago, an agreeable and attractive woman. She was capable, she acknowledged it, of the most absurd behavior—little coquetries, high and mighty airs.

  But maybe she could be forgiven for believing that she had in her eighty-odd years of life accumulated a little sagacity. She had her insights and divinations. Did she not carry all the seasons in her breast? All the ages of man were hers; and if she liked to watch the great human comedy with an impersonal yet highly sensitive and inquisitive eye, that was certainly her prerogative. If she was always skipping out of her own skin into the skin of somebody else was it not her way of editing her own experience to which she’d gained at her age a perfect right? Innocent and innocuous she might appear as she sat eating her lunch or her dinner and generally engaged in saying to herself—“Oh, yes, my dear lady, my dear gentleman, you may not be aware of it, but I know practically everything there is to know about you.” It wasn’t that she gave herself up entirely to staring. She enjoyed her food enormously. Her luncheon or her dinner out was the great event around which she planned her entire day. But she hoped and prayed she would never resemble the positively ghoulish old ladies she often observed addressing their plates as though the only passion that still remained to them was the appeasing of their hunger. How their table manners, their bright and greedy eyes betrayed them! She ate, she hoped, with restraint and circumspection. If she sometimes allowed herself a cocktail or a small bottle of wine it was with the belief that it sharpened her perceptions. She liked to lay herself open to every breeze of insight and divination.