by Galen Wolf
‘Hey,’ I say, ‘I’m Sir Gorrow of the Bloody Field.’
Tye darts a glance at me. ‘I thought we were under cover.’
I don’t explain our mission to the rangers, but I figure the best way of getting our stuff back is to come clean and reveal ourselves as not being servants of the Enemy.
Robin Hood nods. ‘I’ve heard of you.’
I lift my visor. ‘You have?’
‘Sure, you be famous.’
‘Famous?’
‘Your exploits against the enemy have been discussed at length on forums and bulletin boards.’ He lowers his bow and gestures for his men to do the same. ‘In fact, people say that you’re so good at this, you must be an alt of King Arthur himself. How ‘bout that?’
I shake my head. ‘I’m flattered, but that’s not true.’
Robin Hood plants pulls down his mask to reveal a mouthful of irregular teeth and a beard. He says, ‘But the real question is why are you travelling through my wood, disguised as goblins, hauling four wagons full o’ shit?’
Tye says, ‘Fair question.’
Fitheach nods sagely. ‘Fair indeed.’
I say hastily, ‘We’re on a mission.’
‘Top secret,’ Bernard says.
‘Hauling shit to King Arthur,’ Tye adds, revealing some of our top secret secret.
‘An’ why would King Arthur want shit?’ Robin Hood asks.
Tye laughs. ‘You fool! He doesn’t!’
Robin Hood looks at him like he’s an idiot which he sometimes is. Robin sighs wearily. ‘I’m ain’t gonna ask you boys no more ‘bout this. You’s too irritatin’.’
‘Can we have our wagons back,’ I ask. ‘Now we’ve established that we’re not bad guys.’
Robin Hood shakes his head. ‘We steal from the rich, and you are purty rich, I think. Then we gives it to the poor, ain’t that so, boys?’
The other rangers let up a loud hurrah.
Tye points at the wagons, guarded by fifteen rangers. ‘You want to give poop to the poor? I think that’s insulting, given that they’re poor already. It’s like adding insult to injury.’
Robin Hood says, ‘You think I be a fool, boy? It’s obviously glamoured, just like you was.’ He peers. ‘What is it really?’ He’s clearly changed his mind about asking us about the poop.
‘Half of it is real manure,’ Tye says. I raise a hand for him to shut up before he lets the cat out of the bag.
Robin Hood cocks his head. ‘And the other half?’
Tye taps his nose. ‘That’s for us to know, and you to find out.’
I hiss. ‘Tye, be quiet.’
He looks at me like a whipped dog, but shuts up. I say, ‘So, can we have our wagons back?’
Robin Hood shakes his head. ‘Nope. We stole them fair and square.’
‘But we need them for our mission,’ I say.
I begin to think. I don’t care that he’s neutral, we’ll fight him to get the wagons back if we have to. I look at the fifteen rangers plus Robin Hood. Arithmetic is against us, and if we die and resurrect back at Silver Drift, we’ll never get the stuff back. Of course, now I have the skill I can mine more crystal, and the Jabberwocks will produce endless poop, but it will be a delay and I know that the Enemy’s armies are besieging Caer and if it falls, that could be the end of King Arthur’s realm of Logres.
Robin Hood reads my mind. ‘Working out your chances, then Sir Fancy Dan Gorrow?’
No, there’s no easy way through this, not by fighting at least. I go back to negotiating. ‘Look, it doesn’t have to come to this. What can I do to persuade you to give us the wagons back?’
He shakes his head. ‘Nuthin’. Best thing is if you go on your way.’
Fitheach’s eyes are blazing. ‘We can’t let the King down. I will kill you if you stand in our way.’
Robin Head shakes his head. ‘Fanatical, ain’t he — your saint?’
I give a wan smile. ‘It’s important for the war effort.’
Robin shrugs. ‘It ain’t our war. We be neutral.’
I stare at him. ‘It will be your war if the Enemy takes over the country. Do you think Satanus will let any neutral players operate in his territory?’
‘We’ll cross that bridge when we comes to it.’ He waves toward the forest path behind us. ‘ Go.’
I breathe deeply. It looks like it’s going to be a fight.
Bernard says quietly, ‘We can’t win this. Let’s just start again.’
I send Bernard a personal message: Could take us weeks to mine an equal amount of crystal.
Bernard: Then sooner we get started. We can’t win this fight, then we’re back at Silver Drift, anyway. Let’s leave.
Then one of the Merry Men, a curly-haired halfling player, steps forward and whispers in Robin Hood’s ear. Robin listens and nods. Then he looks at me and back at the player who shrugs. Robin says to the other ranger, ‘Worth a try,’ then turning to me, he takes a step forward. ‘Hey, Gorrow.’
Tye says, ‘Sir Gorrow to you.’
Robin glances at the ginger mage. ‘Quiet it, boy; I’m talking to the organ grinder, not the money.’
Tye snarls and I see his fingers wiggle. I snap, ‘Tye, no!’
The Fire Mage looks disappointed but does as I say. I stare down at Robin Hood from the back of Silver who is now transformed back to his normal stallion good-looks. ‘What?’
‘Just been thinking. Little John, reminded me about Quetzalcoatl, who’s settled in Sherwood Forest to the south of here. He’s been killing my guys and stealing their gear.’
Little John, the halfling ranger says, ‘He’s a dragon rogue.’
‘A dragon rogue?’
Robin Hood nods. ‘Silver Dragon by race, but he be a rogue by class. So he can steal stuff and all.’
I frown. ‘But dragons are huge. How stealthy is that?’
The halfling called Little John says, ‘He can change his size.’
‘And he can go invisible too,’ Robin Hood says. ‘He’s a real pain in the ass.’
I’m getting an idea, but I say, ‘So what’s this to do with us?’
‘We can’t kill him on our own, we’ve tried. But you’re a pretty mighty Knight. I saw how you dealt with my guys. And you’ve got these three too.’ He gestures at Fitheach, Bernard and Tye. ‘Which might be a benefit. If you join forces with the Merry Men, we might kill him. Or at least teach him to steer clear of us.’
Fitheach sits up in his saddle. ‘Join forces with thieves?! Never! We’d rather kill you first.’
I look at the four captured wagons and the fifteen rangers standing round them. ‘We’ll do it.’
A message appears on my HUD.
I glance up briefly and hit
11
The Quest of the Crystal Dragon
Once we’ve accepted the Crystal Dragon Quest, Tye has to log off so I decide to do some RL stuff and we arrange to meet with Robin Hood in four hours for a parley. I’m back first, but then the others materialise in the woodland glade. Robin and Little John are waiting for us. Robin gives me a broken-toothed smile. ‘Hey, Gorrow. You’re back.’
Still mounted on Spirit, I nod. When he sees we’re all back Robin gestures. ‘Let’s go to our camp, now we’re all friends.’ Our wagons of crystal and Jabberwock manure have gone ahead but I see them guarded by rangers as we enter the ranger settlement. It’s pretty cool. Huge oaks and ashes dominate the woodland.
The rangers have built their huts and platforms up in the trees. Strings of lanterns criss-cross between the trees. The dusk is coming in and so they’re already let in yellow and reds and blues. It looks really pretty. There’s a campfire in the middle of the glade and the whole of the clearing is roofed in big leaves that look to my eye like Giant Hogweed.
Smoke from the campfire rises through a gap in the leaf roof and Robin leads us down towards the fire. We dismount outside the roofed area and then follow R
obin in. There are low benches and some rangers are already seated. I recognise curly-haired Little John, who is pretty little, and snaggle-toothed Robin, but there are a couple of others.
Robin nods and gestures, ‘John you know, this is Will Scarlett and this is Friar Tuck.’ Tuck in this game is a thin elf but he has a clerical collar round his neck. He wears a pointed black and white beard a little like the Devil’s. ‘Priest class?’ I say.
Tuck nods. ‘That’s me. Battle medic.’
We sit and John starts to talk. ‘See these boys,’ he points at us. ‘The handsome knight.’
I nod.
‘The wizened saint.’
Fitheach frowns. ‘Not sure I like wizened.’
‘The batshit crazy ginger mage.’
‘You’re gingerist,’ Tye says through narrowed eyes. ‘I knew it.’
‘Then there’s the smelly alchemist,’ Robin says, pointing at Bernard.
‘Are you deliberately trying to offend everyone?’ Bernard sneers, but sniffs his armpit anyway.
Robin sneers back. ‘Pretty much.’
‘Then why didn’t you offend Gorrow? You called him handsome.’
‘Cause he’s the boss,’ Robin says, turning to his Merry Men, ‘Anyways, boys, these kind gentlemen have agreed to take out Ol’ Quetzalcoatl for us.’
Friar Tuck nods, stroking his white and black beard. ‘That’s mighty decent of them, and what do they want in return?’
Robin sniggers. ‘A couple wagons full o’ shite. Least that’s what they looks like, but we know they’s glamoured.’
‘Can’t we unglamour ‘em, boss?’ Little John asks.
‘Doesn’t look like we got the skill.’ He casts a narrow glance over at Tye. ‘Guess this fool lookin’ mage, ain’t as fool as he seems, leastways, skill-wise.’
‘Damn straight,’ Tye glowers back.
‘Anyhow,’ Robin continues. ‘I don’t much care what’s in the wagons, if they manage to deal with Quetzalcoatl.’
Little John shakes his head. ‘Don’t know how you manage to remember that damn dragon’s name. It’s so complicated.’
Robin smiles. ‘Cause I’s just smart, John. That’s it.’
Little John scratches his curly halfling head. ‘I guess.’
I sit forward. ‘So how do we damage the dragon? What’s his weak spot.’
Little John blurts out, ‘Damn thing don’t have no weak spot. That’s the problem.’
Fitheach speaks for the first time. He’s been watching our hosts warily. He says, ‘He must have a weak spot. There must be some combination of skills that can defeat him.’
Robin says, ‘Well we aint found it yet.’
Tye grins. ‘We will. We’re just better than you.’
Friar Tuck mutters, ‘That remains to be seen.’
I ask, ‘How far away is he?’
‘Over hill and under hill,’ Little John says.
Fitheach asks, ‘Is that a poetic way of describing the way?’
Little John shakes his head. “No, it’s over that hill, and then you take a tunnel.’
I stand. ‘Let’s go then.’
Robin stares at me with his one good eye. ‘You’re mighty keen, stranger knight.’
‘I want my shit back.’
With that there are loud guffaws all round. The outlaw rangers don’t seem to be about to move, nor do my guys so I nod to Fitheach, who is always the most biddable and he stands. With a grumble, Tye stands too, then Bernard who says, ‘I was just getting comfortable there.’
Tye mutters, ‘You can’t get comfortable, you’re not really here. You’re in a VR rig in your attic.’
‘Basement,’ Bernard says, dusting himself down. He peers through the trees. ‘Over hill?’
Little John’s still sitting. He jerks his chin through the undergrowth. ‘Yep.’
I glance at Robin. ‘You coming with us to see this dragon?’
Friar Tuck pulls on his beard. ‘We all got killed last time.’
That reminds me. ‘Anywhere we can bind down here? We don’t want to go all the way home if we get killed.’
Tye says, ‘We aren’t going to get killed, boss. We aren’t like these lily-livered milksops.’
Little John bristles at that. ‘Who you callin’ a milksop?’ But Robin stands up and dusts down his pants. ‘Easy, John, it don’t mean no offence, a milksop is just a pretty little flower, like you.’
Little John’s face breaks into a grin. ‘Aw, that’s nice of you to say that, Robin.’
I grow impatient. ‘Okay, let’s get going. Show me to the milestone?’
Robin leads us through the ranger encampment, under the big-boughed trees with their treehouses and platforms and we see a small sandstone milestone, crowned with moss. It says, ‘The Forest of Bowland’. As I approach, I get a message on my HUD:
I bind so that if I die, I’ll come straight back here. I advise the rest of my gang to do the same. Tye looks at me. ‘Leave the horses here?’ I nod and ask the rangers to take good care of Spirit, Henry, Bessie and Fitheach’s mare Laireog.
‘We’ll come along with ye,’ Robin says. I always think he’s winking until I remember he only has one eye. ‘Me, John and Tuck.’
‘That we will,’ Little John says. ‘I’d like to have another crack at that ol’ dragon.’
Tuck looks less keen. ‘We all got killed last time.’
‘You already said that, chickenshit,’ Tye says. He’s walking along in his blue wizard’s robe, flame coloured hair sticking up, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. For me this is an unwelcome intrusion. We need to get moving south with the crystals and Jabberwock essence to help King Arthur.
As we walk up the hill, I ask Robin what he knows about the Siege of Caer.
He clears his throat. ‘Bad from what I hear. Old King Arthur’s done for. The enemy has the city besieged and has set out a girdle of darkness around the city so that his night walking monsters can ravage the land without fear of the sun’s rays burning them. I wouldn’t put money on the King winning.’ He turns and waits for the rest of our party who haven’t yet made it to the top of the forest hill. ‘In fact, why don’t you stay here in the forest with us? You can join our Merry Men.’
I shake my head. ‘No can do.’
Tye has been listening. He repeats, ‘No can do, buster.’
I interrupt him before he says something extra crazy and annoying. ‘We have to get to King Arthur, loyal servants of the king and all that.’
Robin shrugs. ‘I don’t get that really. Never been a joining type.’
‘More an outlaw,’ Tye says. If he means it as an insult, Robin doesn’t take it that way. He smiles. ‘Yeah, more an outlaw.’ Then he points ahead. 'See those trees. There’s a tunnel mouth inside them. The tunnel runs on for about three hundred yards, then we’re real close to old Quetzalcoatl.’
‘And no weak spots?’ I ask.
Robin shakes his head. ‘None we’ve found.’
I sigh. Fighting any dragon is hard work, but it sounds like this one is tougher than most. Bernard sidles up to me. ‘Word in your, ear.’
‘Sure.’
Bernard gestures noisily for me to move away from Robin and his rangers. I shrug and follow him. I see Robin watching us as if wondering what’s going on. Once we’re out of earshot of the rangers, Bernard whispers loudly. ‘What if we can’t beat the dragon, Gorrow. What then?’
I’d been thinking the same thing. I suck my teeth. ‘We’ll beat it. Don’t worry.’
‘If we don’t, we don’t get our shit back. Let’s just go back to Silver Drift and dig out more crystals and get more Jabberwock poop.’
I’m very uncertain about this. I say, ‘Did you hear what Robin was saying, that Satanus has put a girdle of darkness around Caer? It sounds like they’re moving to End Game. If we get the crystals and Jabberwock essence…’
‘Oh, essence is it?’
I nod. ‘The Jabberwock essence,
then we move south.’
***
Once we’ve accepted the Crystal Dragon Quest, Tye has to log off so I decide to do some RL stuff and we arrange to meet with Robin Hood in four hours for a parley. I’m back first, but then the others materialise in the woodland glade. Robin and Little John are waiting for us. Robin gives me a broken-toothed smile. ‘Hey, Gorrow. You’re back.’
Still mounted on Spirit, I nod. When he sees we’re all back Robin gestures. ‘Let’s go to our camp, now we’re all friends.’ Our wagons of crystal and Jabberwock manure have gone ahead but I see them guarded by rangers as we enter the ranger settlement. It’s pretty cool. Huge oaks and ashes dominate the woodland. The rangers have built their huts and platforms up in the trees. Strings of lanterns criss-cross between the trees. The dusk is coming in and so they’re already let in yellow and reds and blues. It looks really pretty. There’s a campfire in the middle of the glade and the whole of the clearing is roofed in big leaves that look to my eye like Giant Hogweed. Smoke from the campfire rises through a gap in the leaf roof and Robin leads us down towards the fire. We dismount outside the roofed area and then follow Robin in. There are low benches and some rangers are already seated. I recognise curly-haired Little John and snaggle-toothed Robin, but there are a couple of others. Robin nods and gestures, ‘John you know, this is Will Scarlett and this is Friar Tuck.’ Tuck in this game is a thin elf but he has a clerical collar round his neck. He wears a pointed black and white beard a little like the Devil’s. ‘Priest class?’ I say.
Tuck nods. ‘That’s me. Battle medic.’
We sit and Robin starts to talk. ‘See these boys,’ he points at us. ‘The handsome knight.’
I nod.
‘The wizened saint.’ Fitheach frowns. ‘Not sure I like wizened.’
