by Galen Wolf
He gestures to Tye. ‘The bat shit crazy ginger mage.’
‘You’re gingerist,’ Tye says through narrowed eyes. ‘I knew it.’
‘Then there’s the smelly alchemist,’ Robin says, pointing at Bernard.
‘Are you deliberately trying to offend everyone?’ Bernard sneers, but sniffs his armpit anyway.
Robin sneers back. ‘Pretty much.’
‘Then why didn’t you offend Gorrow? You called him handsome.’
‘Cause he’s the boss,’ Robin says, turning to his Merry Men, ‘Anyways, boys, these kind gentlemen have agreed to take out Ol’ Quetzalcoatl for us.’
Friar Tuck nods, stroking his white and black beard. ‘That’s mighty decent of them, and what do they want in return?’
Robin sniggers. ‘A couple wagons full o’ shite. Least that’s what they looks like, but we know they’s glamoured.’
‘Can’t we unglamour ‘em, boss?’ Little John asks.
‘Doesn’t look like we got the skill.’ He casts a narrow glance over at Tye. ‘Guess this fool lookin’ mage, ain’t as fool as he seems, leastways, skill-wise.’
‘Damn straight,’ Tye glowers back.
‘Anyhow,’ Robin continues. ‘I don’t much care what’s in the waggons, if they deal with Quetzalcoatl.’
Little John shakes his head. ‘Don’t know how you manage to remember that damn dragon’s name, Robin. It’s so complicated.’
Robin smiles. ‘Cause I’s just smart, John. That’s it.’
Little John scratches his curly halfling head. ‘I guess.’
I sit forward. ‘So how do we damage the dragon? What’s his weak spot.’
Little John blurts out, ‘Damn thing don’t have no weak spot. That’s the problem.’
Fitheach speaks for the first time. He’s been watching our hosts warily. He says, ‘He must have a weak spot. There must be some combination of skills that can defeat him.’
Robin says, ‘Well we ain’t found it yet.’
Tye grins. ‘We will. We’re just better than you.’
Friar Tuck mutters, ‘That remains to be seen.’
I ask, ‘How far away is he?’
‘Over hill and under hill,’ Little John says.
Fitheach asks, ‘Is that a poetic way of describing the way?’
Little John shakes his head. “No, it’s over that hill, and then you take a tunnel.’
I stand. ‘Let’s go then.’
Robin stares at me with his one good eye. ‘You’re mighty keen, stranger knight.’
‘I want my shit back.’
With that there were loud guffaws all round. The outlaw rangers didn’t seem to be about to move, nor did my guys so I nod to Fitheach, who is always the most biddable and he stands. With a grumble, Tye stands, then Bernard who says, ‘I was just getting comfortable there.’
Tye mutters, ‘You can’t get comfortable, you’re not really here. You’re in a VR rig in your attic.’
‘Basement,’ Bernard says, dusting himself down. He peers through the trees. ‘Over hill?’
Little John’s still sitting. He jerks his chin through the undergrowth. ‘Yep.’
I glance at Robin. ‘You coming with us to see this dragon.’
Friar Tuck pulls on his beard. ‘We all got killed last time.’
That reminds me. ‘Anywhere we can bind down here? We don’t want to go all the way home if we get killed.’
Tye says, ‘We aren’t going to get killed, boss. We aren’t like these lily-livered milksops.’
Little John bristles at that, standing and starting at Tye. ‘Who you callin’ a milksop?’ But Robin stands up and dusts down his pants. ‘Easy, John, it don’t mean no offence, a milksop is just a pretty little flower, like you.’
Little John’s face breaks into a grin. ‘Aw, that’s nice of you to say that, Robin.’
I grow impatient. ‘Okay, let’s get going. Show me to the milestone?’
Robin leads us through the ranger encampment, under the big-boughed trees with their treehouses and platforms and we see a small sandstone milestone, crowned with moss. It says, ‘The Forest of Bowland’. As I approach, I get a message on my HUD:
I bind so that if I die, I’ll come straight back here. I advise the rest of my gang to do the same. Tye looks at me. ‘Leave the horses here?’ I nod and ask the rangers to take good care of Spirit, Henry, Bessie and Fitheach’s mare Laireog.
‘We’ll come along with ye,’ Robin says. I always think he’s winking until I remember he only has one eye. ‘Me, John and Tuck.’
‘That we will,’ Little John says. ‘I’d like to have another crack at that ol’ dragon.’
Tuck looks less keen. ‘We all got killed last time.’
‘You already said that, chickenshit,’ Tye says. He’s walking along in his blue wizard’s robe, flame coloured hair sticking up, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. For me this is an unwelcome intrusion. We need to get moving south with the crystals and Jabberwock essence (as I’m calling it) to help King Arthur.
As we walk up the hill, I ask Robin what he knows about the Siege of Caer.
He clears his throat. ‘Bad from what I hear. Old King Arthur’s done for. The enemy has the city besieged and has set out a girdle of darkness around the city so that his night walking monsters can ravage the land without fear of the sun’s rays burning them. If I was a gamblin’ man, and by heck I is a gamblin’ man, I wouldn’t put money on the King winning.’ He turns and waits for the rest of our party who haven’t yet made it to the top of the forest hill. ‘In fact, why don’t you stay here in the forest with us? You can join our Merry Men.’
I shake my head. ‘No can do.’
Tye has been listening. He echoes. ‘No can do, buster.’
I interrupt him before he says something extra crazy and annoying. ‘We have to get to King Arthur, loyal servants of the king and all that.’
Robin shrugs. ‘I don’t get that really. Never been a joining type.’
‘More an outlaw,’ Tye says. If he means it as an insult, Robin doesn’t take it that way. He smiles. ‘Yeah, more an outlaw.’ Then he points ahead. ‘See them trees. There’s a tunnel mouth inside them. The tunnel runs on for about three hundred yards, then we’re real close to old Quetzalcoatl.’
‘And no weak spots?’ I ask.
Robin shakes his head. ‘None we’ve found.’
I sigh. Fighting any dragon is hard work, but it sounds like this one is tougher than most. Bernard sidles up to me. ‘Word in your ear?’
‘Sure.’
Bernard gestures noisily for me to move away from Robin and his rangers. I shrug and follow him. I see Robin watching us as if wondering what’s going on. Once we’re out of earshot of the rangers, Bernard whispers loudly. ‘What if we can’t beat the dragon, Gorrow? What then?’
I’d been thinking the same thing. I suck my teeth. ‘We’ll beat it. Don’t worry.’
‘If we don’t, we don’t get our shit back. Let’s just go back to Silver Drift and dig out more crystals and get more Jabberwock poop.’
I’m very uncertain about this. I say, ‘Did you hear what Robin was saying, that Satanus has put a girdle of darkness around Caer? It sounds like they’re moving to End Game. If we get the crystals and Jabberwock essence…’
‘Essence?’
I nod. ‘The Jabberwock essence, then we move south, get to Caer and help the King with vorpal weapons. And, even if we went back to Silver Drift and got more raw materials.’
He narrows his eyes. ‘Raw materials? Gorrow shit is shit. Don’t polish the turd.’
‘Whatever you want to call it. We could get waylaid again by Robin or worse.’
He strokes his straggly brown beard. ‘Okay. You have a point.’
Robin calls over. ‘You girls finished discussing netball?’
I ignore the jibe and we go to rejoin Tye and Fitheach who are standing with Little John and Friar Tuck staring at the stand of trees that covers the tunnel entrance.
<
br /> ‘What’s up?’ I ask.
Tye says, ‘Something moved in the trees.’
Tuck shakes his head. ‘No, it didn’t. The wizard’s imagining things.’
Tye scowls. ‘I ain’t imagining nuthin’.’
Fitheach says, ‘That means you are imagining something: double negative.’
Tye’s scowl deepens and twists. ‘I saw somebody in the trees. Somebody’s watching us.’
Robin says, ‘Well it’s not one of our boys.’
Little John says, ‘Nah, there ain’t no one comes into our forest and we don’t knows about it.’
Tye says, ‘Unless he’s got better stealth skills than you.’
Fitheach says, ‘Or she. It could be a woman.’
They both look at him and he pouts. Tuck waves away Tye’s concerns. ‘There’s nobody there. You’re just spooked because of the dragon. You’ve got dragon fear on you.’
Tye shakes his head vigorously. ‘No, I do not. I’m afraid of no dragon.’
Robin says, ‘Well you should be. He’s mean.’
I step forward. ‘Let’s go.’
We trot down the first hill and come to the stand of trees at the base of the second. There is a path into the grove that was invisible from back where we were standing but now it’s plain. I check out the damp ground to see whether there are any tracks but my Spot skill isn’t high enough so I see nothing. Maybe the rangers could, but they don’t appear to be paying attention. Robin leads the ways through the trees. The branches obscure my sight, but I brush them out of the way and soon I see a rough cut mouth into a tunnel. it looks natural. Water drips from a rock and pools in a hollow on the rocky lip of the entrance before running away into the trees in a small clear rivulet. Forest birds call behind us. The whole place is a network of hidden life.
‘I’ll go first, Robin says.’ His hand goes to his short-sword which he withdraws from its scabbard. I see Friar Tuck ready his mace and a shield appear on his left arm from his inventory. Little John brandishes a thick-looking staff. ‘I’m a big f’n stick build. Big on agility, lots of dodge. Hit fast, you know?’
‘Sounds impressive.’
Tye says, ‘Let’s see what the dwarf can do.’
Little John sulks. ‘I ain’t a dwarf, I’m a halfling.’
Fitheach adds helpfully, ‘That’s another word for a hobbit, Tye. Little guys with curly hair and hairy feet.’
Tye says, ‘I know what a hobbit is. I’ve seen the remake.’
Fitheach shudders. ‘The Hobbit II was a terrible film.’
‘Let’s get on,’ I say. ‘Why the weapons anyway, Robin? I thought the dragon was past the end of the tunnel.’
‘Yeah but there’s usually a mob or two in the tunnel.’
‘Palug Cats mainly,’ Little John says.
‘The odd Phase Spider,’ Tuck adds, but their leader Robin has already gone into the tunnel. I step forward and there’s a scene transition and we’re now in a deep dank tunnel. It’s dark. Tye clicks his finger and a dancing Wizard Light sprite flares up and casts the tunnel into eerie shadows. ‘Onward,’ Robin says. The tunnel is wide enough for us to go two abreast so I walk along with Bernard. Tye and Fitheach are behind us and Friar Tuck behind them. Little John and Robin Hood are in the lead.
I hear our boots click on the stone floor. Water drips somewhere out of sight.
So far nothing.
We proceed, and I notice Robin and Little John get increasingly wary. We’re about fifty yards in and still nothing has happened until there’s a snarl in the darkness and a great snarling beast rushes us from a side tunnel to the right. Little John vaults up on his quarterstaff, and leaps forward bringing the staff in a quick circle round his head and striking the beast. This must be a Palug Cat. There were some near St Herbert’s Island. With blinding rapidity, Little John brandishes his staff thwacking the thing about its head. Before my eyes, Robin Hood disappears into a cloud of dark motes as he enters stealth mode. Stealth is a skill that rangers share with rogues. The Palug Cat rips at Little John, catching him in the chest. Blood wells up through rips in his leather armour, and there’s a glow of silvery light as Friar Tuck pushes forward and heals him up. Then there’s a scream as Robin Hood re-appears from stealth and stabs the Palug Cat in its chest. One blow from Little John’s quarterstaff and the thing falls dead. Friar Tuck heals Little John again, and the ranger is whole. They’re a team who are obviously well practised and fighting together, each one knowing their role.
‘And we didn’t have to do nothing!’ Tye says out loud.
‘Not bad,’ Bernard says.
‘I thought they were quite good,’ Fitheach says.
I nod. ‘Me too.’
Robin winks at me with his one good eye. ‘Thanks. Let’s go.’
We go further down the tunnel and sure enough a Phase Spider attacks. These creatures blink in and out of our dimension, travelling to the Shadow Plane which is their natural home and then back again to attack and feed. The ranger team go into action but Tye gets lucky and shoots of a Flaming Ray which sets the spider on fire. It hurts it, but more importantly the fire effect persists even when the spider phases out, so you can see where it should be.
‘Good shot!’ Robin says, ‘Usually they count on hitting you from behind when they phase back in, but this way we can see where the damn critter has gone.’
We are developing a mutual admiration society it seems.
The halo of fire circles round as if to prove Robin right, but the ranger can now see where it is, and he’s ready for it. As the skittering, chittering thing reappears, he slashes it at right and left with his two swords but Tye fire again and hits the spider in its multifaceted eye. The thing screams like a deflating balloon and dies.
I get a message.
I didn’t actually have a part in the fight but I got the xp because I’m partied up with Tye. I watch as he lights a cheroot smugly. The game is so clever that I can smell the tobacco. ‘Guess that one’s down to me,’ Tye says.
‘We had it licked,’ Little John says moodily.
Tye grins. ‘Whatever.’
We proceed forward still in party order but there are no more incidents. Ahead I see the glowing diamond that shows a game transition point. Robin waits at the exit and says, ‘Okay guys. Real quiet now. If you’ve got stealth skills, use them. The dragon is two stones’ throw from the tunnel exit.’
I put down my visor and step forward. Then I’m transitioning and I appear in a forest glade. I get a message that says.
This is it then.
12
Into the Dragon's Glade
We step out from the tunnel into the glade and it’s a massive anti-climax. There is no sign of anything, least of all a massive crystal dragon, just the sound of the little birds chirping in the surrounding trees, the fluffy clouds passing above, and the calf high grass in front of us. Even so, I consider my sword: It has base damage of 900, but added to that is holy damage, fire damage, cold damage from the saints’ blessings, and a bleed rune provided by Bernard a while ago now. I also have a 5% dropsy chance on the sword where my enemy drops their weapon, then 10% demon-slayer, except the dragon, if and when it turns up, doesn’t carry a weapon and isn’t a demon. Also, I have 5% vorpal which might work as it is supposed to work on any creature with a neck to simulate a decapitation effect.
‘Can’t see it,’ Tye says.
‘Doh, it can go invisible,’ Bernard says.
‘Oh yeah,’ Tye says.
Bernard looks to Robin Hood for confirmation. ‘That right, Robin?’
‘It’s right,’ Robin says.
‘Are you going to help us out here?’ I ask.
‘No, they’re not. The chicken-shit yellow-bellies are going to let us do all the work,’ Tye says.
Robin sighs. ‘You got a cork you can put in ginger’s mouth?’ He asks me.
I smile.
Tye points at him. ‘Hey, gingerist! You’re ginger!’
Robin continues somewhat wearily. ‘But, no, we’re not going to leave you to it. We will help.’
‘For what it’s worth,’ Little John says, still brandishing his quarterstaff.
Robin shoots him a glance but Little John grimaces. ‘True.’
‘How far is it?’ I ask, my sword billowing multicoloured flames of yellow and white and blue, little snowflakes blowing off it.
‘Just ahead. Are you guys ready?’ Tuck and Little John fall into line with Robin Hood. Little John goes on point, Tuck at the rear. I look round my boys. ‘Usual strategy?’ I ask.
‘Yeah, just rush it,’ Tye says. Bernard sniggers. Fitheach gives a wan smile.
Robin raises his eyebrows but doesn’t comment. He says, ‘Onward?’
‘Aye.’
We advance into the glade. It’s big enough for a dragon. At the back is a cliff face of rough grey rock, piled up in heaps about a hundred feet high. On either side are big oaks and a small bright stream runs across it.
‘How beautiful!’ Fitheach says.
‘No dragon,’ Tye says.
‘Invisible!’ Bernard says
‘Oh right, yeah. You said.’ Then the fire mage points. ‘What’s that there?’
I follow his finger and see a heap of gold. ‘It’s a heap of gold.’
‘Dragon hoard,’ Robin says helpfully.
‘Yeah, I know what but what’s that in it, sparkling.’
He’s right, there is something the size of a big chocolate Easter Egg, the kind you get with chocolate buttons in them, but it’s made of clear crystal, maybe quartz.
‘Looks like a quartz egg.’
‘We believe it to be a diamond,’ Friar Tuck calls from behind.
‘So that’s the loot?’ I ask.
Robin nods. ‘Better than it looks too. That Dragon Egg allows you to summon a Crystal Dragon once a day.’
I whistle. ‘Pretty nice. But you have to kill the dragon first.’
Robin grins. ‘I’m sure you will.’
There is a rustling in the grass in front of us. I can’t see anything but the grass flattens as if something big has just dragged its way across the glade.
