The Adventures of a Three-Guinea Watch

by Talbot Baines Reed

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX.

  HOW I WAS UNEXPECTEDLY ENLISTED IN A NEW SERVICE, IN COMPANY WITH ANIRISHMAN.

  The first thing I was conscious of, after partially recovering from theagony, mental and bodily, of my late accident, was a sharp tugging at myhandle.

  "Watch! I say, watch!" I heard a voice whisper, "what's to be done?"It was the watered ribbon.

  "How should I know?" I growled; "if you had done your duty we shouldnever have been here!"

  One is always ready to blame somebody for everything that happens amiss.

  "Oh, yes, I dare say," it replied; "if you hadn't poked your nose intothat hole we should never have been here."

  I did not like being thus talked to by a disreputable piece of wateredribbon, and so kept a dignified silence.

  "What's to be done?" presently repeated my companion, giving me anotherrude tug at the collar.

  "Hold your tongues, if we've nothing to say," was my curt reply.

  "Oh, but I've a lot to say," went on this irrepressible chatterbox; "inthe first place--"

  "_Will_ you be silent?" said I, angrily; "isn't it bad enough to be downhere, all through your carelessness?"

  "But it's not through my carelessness; it was through the hole in thepocket you got down here."

  "If you had half the sense of a--"

  "Of a nickel watch, let us say," said the watered ribbon, losing histemper; "and that would be precious little. Well?"

  "If you had half the sense of a blade of grass, you would have been ableto prevent it."

  "But you see I hadn't half the sense of a blade of grass, or a quarter,or an eighth, or a sixteenth. If I had I should have known better thanto lend my moral support to a good-for-nothing, tarnished, ill-regulated, mendacious piece of Britannia metal, that chooses to callitself a silver watch. Ha, ha! what do you think of that?"

  What I thought of that this impudent ribbon was not destined then tohear; for there came at that moment a sound of approaching footstepsacross the field, which made us both hold our breaths. Unless thecomer, whoever he was, could get sight of us, he was sure to tread righton the top of us! Luckily the moon was out, and with her aid I mademyself as bright as possible. The footsteps belonged to a youth, not,certainly, oppressed by melancholy, to judge by the tune he waswhistling, or very infirm, to judge by the pace at which he advanced.

  He came nearer and nearer, and in another step would have been upon mewhen suddenly both he and the whistling halted. He stooped, and, withan exclamation of surprise, picked me up.

  "Man alive, an' it's a watch! Hout, boys! there's luck for yez!"

  So saying he thrust me and the ribbon into a pocket crowded with allsorts of oddments, and walked on more rapidly than ever.

  I was too bewildered at first by my narrow escape and the sudden changein my fortunes to pay much heed to my new quarters; but presently thateverlasting ribbon jerked my neck roughly, and called out in a loudwhisper,--

  "I say, watch, he's an Irishman!"

  "Oh!" said I, as briefly as I could.

  "Yes, and there's a lucifer here tells me he's no better than he oughtto be. What do you think of that?"

  "I think you and he ought to understand one another, if that's thecase," growled I, unable to resist the temptation of a sarcastic reply.

  "Ho, ho! that's pretty good for you, watch. However, there are somefolk who are not as good as they ought to be, let alone better."

  After a brief pause he began once more.

  "He's young; only eighteen, I'm told."

  As no answer was necessary here, I vouchsafed none.

  "And he's trying to get a job on some ship, there's a nice look-out!What a poor figure _you'd_ cut if you went to sea!"

  I could not stand this, probably because I knew it was true; so I turnedmy back, and in self-defence bade good evening to an old pocket-combwhich lay near me.

  "Whew! good evening! whew!" replied he. He had a curious way, thiscomb, of giving a sort of half-whistle, half-sigh, between every fewwords he spoke.

  "I suppose you are an older resident here than I am?" I suggested, byway of making myself agreeable.

  "No, I'm not, whew! I belong to the other pocket, whew! I don't knowwhy I'm here, whew! but make yourself at home, whew!"

  "I hear your master is going to sea," said I.

  "Not at all, whew! Who told you that? whew! but I tell you what,whew--"

  "What?" I inquired.

  At this moment our master stopped still in the middle of the road. Ilooked out and saw that he was standing face to face with a finesoldierly-looking fellow in uniform, who wore a cockade of ribbons onhis shako.

  "Good evening, my lad," said the soldier.

  "Good evening, cap'n," said the youth.

  "Not cap'n just yet," said the other, laughing; "call it sergeant."

  "Well, sargint. Good evening to ye, sargint."

  "I've been looking for you all day, that I have," said the sergeant.

  "What, me!" said my new master, in astonishment.

  "Well, I was told to look out for the finest young fellow in the place,and that's about the same thing."

  The lad chuckled at this vastly, and then said,--

  "And what might ye be wanting me for, gineral, at all at all?"

  "Faith, Patrick," said the sergeant, adopting the Irish brogue as if hehad been a native, "to give yez a message from the Quane, just."

  "The Quane!" shouted the Irishman.

  "Sure, no other. She wants your help, my lad."

  "And she shall have it, bless her! What can I do at all?"

  "Arrah, she wants yez to foight a blackguard or two that's guv' herimpidence."

  "They have! I'm yer boy for a shindy. Where are they, colonel?"

  "Not far off. And, by the way, she sent ye this bran new shillin' withher best respex to ye, Pat; and sez I'm to axe ye what you'll take todrink her health in; so come along, my lad."

  Patrick did come along, and of course was duly and willingly enlisted byhis new friend, who promised him honour, and glory, and riches enough tomake a commander-in-chief's mouth water.

  My new master, perhaps, was fond of making himself out a greatersimpleton than he really was. At any rate, he appeared to believe everyword the recruiting officer told him. And having no friends to saygood-bye to, and no luggage to pack up, and no money (unless he pawnedme) to spend, he was ready for marching orders immediately. To mysurprise, he showed no desire now to dispose of me.

  "What 'ud I want to give him up?" he said to himself as he held me inhis hand. "Shure he'll be handy to tell the toime by on the faylde ofbattle." And with this satisfactory assurance he put me back in hispocket, which, greatly to my relief, was not the one which containedthat asthmatic pocket-comb.

  Patrick had not to leave for his depot till next day, and took a longstroll through the streets of Seatown along with the recruiting officerthis evening. He was in high spirits and very proud of being a soldier,so the sergeant had very little difficulty in keeping him in goodhumour. Indeed, he stood that officer in good stead once; forencountering a compatriot acquaintance, a likely sort of fellow too, hehelped her Majesty's army to a fine recruit.

  "Here, Larry, ye blackguard," called he, "here's a gentman axing foryez."

  Larry, a hulking sheepish young Irishman, did not look particularlyhappy at this information, and replied,--

  "And what's to prevent him axing?"

  "Man dear, and is that the way ye address one of the Quane's foightingmen? Spake to him, meejor dear."

  The "dear meejor" at this point took up the discourse.

  "Faith," he said, "till I saw Patrick here I thought there wasn't asingle boy in the place smart enough to wear a red coat, but I seethere's two of ye anyhow."

  And the sergeant laughed loud and clapped Larry on the back, and toldhim it was a shame for him to be walking about in boots full of holes,when he might be strutting up and down as fine as any gentleman in theplace, to say nothing of regular
pay and quarters, and all the chance ofglory. And Patrick added his persuasions, and quoted his own example asa great argument. And between them Larry let the shilling drop into hishand, and the three went off to drink her Majesty's health, and thencontinued their pilgrimage through the streets.

  At one street corner there was a rush of people, reading a newly-postedbill. Fancy my astonishment as I read:--"L20 reward! Lost yesterday(February 4th), near Seatown Gaol, an old silver watch, of very littlevalue to any one but the owner. A piece of black ribbon was attached.Any one bringing the above to the Reverend James Halliday, at 2, QuayStreet, will receive L20 reward."

  How my heart beat as our party halted in front of this announcement.Alas! my new master was not a scholar, and on satisfying himself theobject of the people's assembling was not a fight, he took no furtherinterest in the matter, but shouldered his way past with no more thoughtof me just at that moment than of the North Pole.

  That night, as I lay in the dark in my new quarters, I had leisure tothink over the strange turn which my fortune had taken. Here I was in atown where three of those whom at some time or other I had called masterwere living. One was a common prisoner, one a hard-working curate, andone a raw recruit. Of my other masters, one was a London thief, one layin his grave, and the other, and best loved of all, was far away inscenes and perils which I could not so much as picture to myself. Whatwould become of me? I knew not; but I could not help feeling the bestpart of my life was spent, for who could be to me again what some ofthose whom I now remembered had been?

  I had arrived thus far in my meditations when I all of a sudden turnedfaint. I knew what the matter was at once, and what did this lump of anIrishman understand about watch-keys and winding up?

  I called faintly to the watered ribbon--

  "I'm running down!"

  "Down where?" ejaculated he, in well-feigned alarm.

  "Wretch!" gasped I, "somebody ought to wind me up."

  "Up where?" again asked my unsympathetic tormentor.

  "Brute!" was all I could say.

  "That's just the way with you clever people," began the ribbon; "as longas you are all right no name's bad enough for poor people like us; butas soon as ever you get into trouble--"

  Here with a groan I ran down, and was spared the end of his speech.

  I only had a vague, dim idea of what took place for the next few months.I was conscious of long railway journeys, and arriving at a big,dreary-looking sort of prison where there was nothing but soldiers.

  All day long the place rang with bugle notes and words of command; andall night my master slept in a great room with a lot of noisy men, ofwhom I have an impression he was not the most silent. In due time heput a coat over the waistcoat in which I lived, and was mightily proudthe first time he walked abroad in his new dress. And so things went onfor nearly a year.

  But one day it was evident some great excitement had come to vary themonotony of our barrack life. Officers talked in clusters instead ofdrilling their men, and the men instead of doing their ordinary workcrowded into the long shed to talk over the news.

  And it soon came out what the news was. The regiment had been orderedto hold itself in readiness for immediate service at the seat of war inIndia! What excitement there was! What cheers and exultation! Whatspirits the men were in, and what friends every one became all of asudden with everybody else! Among the rest my young master's blood rosewithin him at the thought of fighting. He had grown sick of the dullroutine of barrack life, and more than once half repented his easyacceptance of the Queen's shilling, but now he thought of nothing butthe wars, and his spirits rose so high that the sergeant on duty had topromise him an arrest before he could be reduced to order.

  At night the room where we slept was a perfect Babel. Men talked ofnothing but the voyage and the campaign that was to follow, and wishedthe marching orders had been for to-morrow instead of next week.

  Suddenly (and I don't exactly know why) my master remembered myexistence, and I heard him call out,--

  "Does any of you boys know anything about a watch, at all?"

  "Duck Downie does," replied one or two voices.

  "Duck Downie, me jewil, will ye step this way just?" called out mymaster, "and cast your eye on my watch?"

  The gentleman rejoicing in the name of Duck Downie was a ferocious-looking little fellow who had, before he decided to devote his energiesto the extermination of her Majesty's foes, been a watchmaker'sapprentice. He came, forward at the invitation, and cast his eye in thedirection indicated. It was evidently the first time he had known thatPaddy so much as owned a watch; for he stared hard at me, and then saidwith a knowing wink,--

  "Did he struggle much?"

  "Faith and he did a wee bit, Duck, but so did I too, ye see," saidPaddy, entering into the joke.

  "Let's have a look at him," said Duck, taking me and stripping the coatoff my back. "Give us the key."

  "The kay!" said Paddy, whose notions of a watch's interior weredelightfully vague; "sure there's no kay. Here, Edward I will ye lendMister Downie a kay!"

  The youth addressed as Edward fumbled in his pocket and pulled out thekey of his locker, which he handed to my master.

  "That's the boy! Here's a kay, Duck darlint, since ye want one."

  Duck was rude enough to laugh immoderately at this--so much so, that mymaster, who was unconscious of a joke, grew quite angry.

  "Ef that's all ye can do--gape like an ould money-box--I can do that aswell myself; so hand up the watch!"

  Duck Downie laughed again at this, and then said,--

  "I want the key of the watch, puddin'-head, not this thing!"

  "Arrah, it's got no kay, I tell ye. What ud _it_ want a kay for?"

  Duck laughed again at this.

  "Paddy," said he, "next time you borrow a gentleman's watch be sure youask 'im for the key, do you hear? You want the key to wind the thingup--that's why he don't go."

  Paddy, who had sense enough to see that Mr Downie knew more about awatch than he did, held his peace, and took no trouble to refute theimputation on the way in which he had come by me.

  Duck Downie having, with some difficulty, borrowed a watch-key, wound meup, greatly to my delight and that of my master. It was delicious tofeel the blood tingling through my veins once more, and to have my heartbeat again with renewed animation. My master's glee was only equalledby his astonishment. He looked at first as if he suspected Duck Downieof being in league with supernatural powers; but when that eminentmechanic took the trouble to explain to him the value of the operationhe had just performed on me, Paddy without a word rushed out, at therisk of all sorts of penalties, into the town, and knew no peace till hehad possessed himself of a "kay," which henceforth became theinseparable companion of me and the watered ribbon.