Rock My World

by Lauraine Henderson

  Julianna jumped up to do the dishes. J.R. cleared the table and put away the leftover food. Mama said she was going to watch her shows in the living room.

  "You don't need to feel bad." J.R.'s whisper tickled Julianna's ear as he brought the dirty dishes to the sink.

  Julianna turned on the hot water to rinse the dishes. "I know. But I could have been more sensitive. I didn't need to rub it in that she won't be here when the world wakes up from winter."

  "She understands. This has been in the planning for a long time. In fact, it probably would have been done sooner if I had simply come back before now."

  Julianna turned away from the sink to face J.R. "I'm glad you came home, you know. Mama is too."

  "If you're so glad, you should marry me and prove it."

  She laughed. "J.R. you can't just ask me every day to marry you."

  "Why not?"

  "Because...because...I don't know. You just can't. But before you go away all pouty, you should know I'm considering it."

  J.R. smiled and pulled her into his arms. "I promise not to pout. Is there anything I can do to help you make up your mind?"

  Julianna giggled. "You already know, and you're already doing it. Now, shoo, I need to finish cleaning up the kitchen."

  She could hear him whistling all the way down the hall.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  P ortland hadn't changed in the few years since Julianna had been to the city. In the three hours they'd been there, they had spent at least one of those hours in traffic. The only bright spot in shuffling down the highway was J.R. holding her hand. They took J.R.'s truck and Julianna squeezed in the middle, cuddled next to J.R., giving Mama plenty of room next to the door. In fact, if she could sit like this in traffic all the time, she wouldn't mind at all.

  The longer she spent with J.R., the less thought she gave her haunted past. Perhaps she was blowing it all out of proportion. When she was baptized, Pastor Doug said her sins were washed clean. Her faith was growing every year, and the thought that she didn't have to carry that burden any longer gave her courage to face a future with J.R. He would understand, wouldn't he? After all, he had left for college, and she'd been alone.

  As they drove between the two job sites and Julianna could see what kinds of project J.R. was involved with, her respect for him grew. He had certainly done well for himself in only a few years. She was glad they came with him and she could see for herself his success in business. He introduced her and Mama to the subcontractors working on his jobs. She knew he wanted to introduce her as his fiancée, but she thought "girlfriend" had a nice ring to it. Before she knew it, they were stopping for lunch.

  "Is this okay?" J.R. asked, pointing to a national chain of diners.

  "Fine with me," said Julianna. "Okay with you, Mama?"

  "I don't care where we eat." As Mama's enthusiasm for the trip had steadily diminished since they stopped at the first job site, Julianna's concern had increased.

  "This is good," Julianna said, trying to keep everyone's spirits up. "Something for everyone's taste."

  J.R. parked the truck and ran around to get Mama's door. Julianna realized it was the little things like that that added to J.R.'s attraction. Watching him help Mama to the door, she felt a wave of peace and happiness. Surely this was the direction the Lord was pointing her.

  She made her decision. She would tell J.R. about the past and start planning for their future. She just needed a private moment to let him know.

  Once they were seated, they ordered without delay. Mama was acting more restless all the time.

  "Mama," J.R. asked, "what's wrong? Aren't you feeling well?"

  "I'm not sure. I don't have any pain. I seem to be fine," she said, touching herself on her head, her arms, and her stomach. "I just can't shake this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach."

  "Maybe you're just hungry," Julianna offered. "After all, breakfast was a while ago."

  "Maybe that's it," she agreed. "J.R., if I don't feel better after lunch, can we head home?"

  J.R. glanced at Julianna. "Sure, Mama. I've seen all I need to see today. But I thought we were going to shop for the house."

  Mama closed her eyes and there was a paleness to her face. "It can wait."

  It didn't take long for their lunch to arrive and everyone gave the food their full attention. When she finished eating, Mama set her fork down and excused herself to the restroom.

  As soon as she left, J.R. turned to Julianna. "What do you make of that?"

  "I'm not sure. She's actually been doing much better since you got home. Before that, I was worried she tired too easily and didn't have the energy she normally had to do her daily chores."

  "I noticed when I first got home that she was hobbling a little. But it seemed to clear up quickly, and I hadn't thought about it again."

  "I wonder if she's just sad about leaving the house behind. I really am sorry for what I said last night."

  "I don't know. I've been talking to her about moving into the retirement home for a couple years."

  "Yeah, but sometimes talking about something and actually doing it are very different."

  "True. Maybe that's it."

  "J.R.," Julianna began to tell him about her change of heart, but she stopped.

  "Yeah?"

  "I...I think we'd better keep a close eye on her. Maybe there's something she's not telling us." Julianna was pretty sure that wasn't true, but a little voice in her head held her back from telling him her decision now. Maybe there wasn't enough time considering Mama would be back any minute. Certain that's what it was, Julianna finished her soda and excused herself as well to the restroom.

  When she passed Mama on her way to the back of the restaurant, her sallow countenance and troubled eyes put Julianna on alert. She hurried to use the restroom, then returned to the table.

  "We need to leave now, J.R." Mama said, stopping Julianna from sitting down.

  "You're still not feeling well?" he asked.

  "I can't pin it down. I just want to go home."

  Julianna helped Mama into her jacket while J.R. paid the bill. They were on the road home in minutes. J.R. took a couple back roads until it was absolutely necessary to join the stream of vehicles on the freeway. It saved some time and soon enough, they left the masses behind. The ride home was hushed. J.R. played a soft-rock radio station with the volume low; everyone lost in their own thoughts.

  Julianna allowed herself a little smile when J.R. took her hand and rested it with his on his thigh. She hoped Mama would be pleased with her decision to marry J.R. If any of her comments since he got home were indicative of her feelings, Julianna felt certain they would be celebrating soon. There would be nothing to wait for. J.R. was an only child who had arrived late in his parents' life. Julianna had no family. It was just the three of them. Her mind contemplated how long it would take to put a wedding together once they made their engagement official.

  As they drove through Cooper Springs, an intensity struck Julianna. She looked over at Mama, who was moving her lips, but no words could be heard. She's praying, Julianna thought and that brought her anxiety up a notch.

  Turning the corner onto their road, they were stopped by a police officer and his car which was sitting sideways in the street, lights flashing. J.R. rolled down his window to speak with the officer.

  "Hey Luke," he said. "What's going on?"

  "Oh, hey J.R. Um...go ahead." Officer Luke Goodwin waved them on through, and J.R. maneuvered his truck around the police car.

  "He didn't answer my question," J.R. muttered.

  "I wonder—oh my gosh!" Julianna cried.

  Rounding the bend, J.R. slammed on his brakes. The house was totally engulfed in flames!

  Mama cried out as though she'd been stabbed.

  J.R. felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He briefly let go of Junior's hand as he pulled alongside one of the police cars in front of the yard. Smoke billowed from every window and actual flames whipped around the roof. It l
ooked like one of those training videos for firefighters where they burn down a partially framed house to practice their techniques. Only this wasn't a training house. This was Mama's house.

  "Oh, J.R.," Mama sobbed. "I can't believe it."

  "Mama," he said, "I want you to stay in the truck. I'm going to find out what's going on and how this happened."

  Mama's soft whimpering tore at his heart as he slipped out of the truck. "Stay with her, okay?" he said to Julianna.

  She nodded; her shock clearly reflected on her face.

  J.R. closed the door and surveyed the area surrounding the house, only now registering the number of firefighters on the scene. Two large fire trucks filled the driveway. He could hear orders being shouted from behind the fire chief's truck, and J.R. headed in that direction. Once in sight of the chief, Joseph Grimes, J.R. flagged him down to get his attention.

  Chief Grimes leaned away from the radio in his hand. The exasperation on his face told J.R. most of the story. "We got here as soon as we got the call, J.R."

  "Can you tell what happened?"

  "Not yet. We'll do a full investigation once the fire is out. In the meantime, we're trying to save the garage and the trailer in the back—Durrant! Watch that hose!"

  "Is there anything we can do to help?"

  "Yeah, stay out of the way." He moved slightly and pulled the radio up to his ear, his focus once again on the inferno before them.

  J.R. moved back, the intense heat pricked his eyes. Thoughts assaulted his mind, burning like the raging fire in his view, and threatened to overwhelm him as he mentally questioned whether they put away all the chemicals and paint. The sheer magnitude of the blaze left him in shock, and he stumbled back, breathing heavily as his brain tried to register the reality of the loss. He found a spot off to the side and listened to the firefighters call back and forth as they doused the garage over and over again, keeping the flames at bay. The crackle and roar from the burning timber reverberated in his chest.

  The roof of the house collapsed, and he heard men yelling, as if he was watching a police drama on television. A dullness wrapped itself around his soul, and he didn't feel the tears that streamed down his face.

  Mama.

  He needed to go to her. Drawing on whatever energy he had left that hadn't been sucked away by the awful sight before him, he made his way back to the truck. He couldn't look the women in the eye. He watched Julianna slip from the truck, the shock still piercing her eyes, and instinctively, they embraced. Her arms held him tight as his spirit struggled for the meaning of such devastation.

  "I need to go to Mama," he whispered.

  "Of course."

  "Has she said anything?"

  "Not yet. Do they know what happened?"

  "No. They'll investigate when the fire's out."

  "She's trying to be brave, but I think she's on the edge of screaming."

  "Understandable, I guess." J.R. walked around to the passenger door and opened it. "Mama," he said, "I'm so sorry."

  Another portion of the roof caved in and all three of them jumped. More yelling and more running around to the back of the blackened house.

  Mama's eyes were dry now, but the vacant look that remained scared J.R. more than tears. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away," she mumbled.

  "I don't think the Lord did this, Mama."

  "I was too greedy," she said.

  "That doesn't make any sense, Mama. What are you talking about?"

  "I'm ashamed to say I was hoping you would stay here, and we could keep the house and you and Julianna would get married and have kids and we could live in the house as one big happy family."

  "That's not being greedy, Mama. The thought had occurred to me, too."

  "Well, it can't happen now."

  Her deflated tone held the tiniest amount of despair and J.R. felt a surge of power run through his body. "They're trying to save the garage and the trailer."

  "I guess that's something."

  "The new appliances are in the garage and all the boxes we took out of the house are there too."

  "The boxes?"

  "Remember when I told you to pack up all your knickknacks and favorite things because we needed them out of the way for the renovation?"

  "I remember."

  "I put all those boxes in the garage."

  "When?"

  "Earlier this week."

  "And they're saving the garage?"

  "It looks like it. Stuff may be pretty wet, but it won't be burned up."

  "All those boxes?"

  "Yes. I think so." J.R. didn't know if she was really hearing what he said. He decided to wait until the fire was out and they could assess the total damage before he counted on anything being saved. Still, if the garage survived, all was not lost. He glanced through the truck windows and saw Julianna hugging herself as tears rolled down her face. What would she do now? Would she stay and help figure it all out? Would she leave? His confidence that she was warming up to the idea of them being together waned a little. Showing her his projects today was supposed to be another weight on his side of the scale. He wanted to prove to her he could support her and provide for a family. But would she stick around long enough for them to regroup?

  "Mama, we need to get you somewhere else. Who can we call to help us?"

  As if he conjured them up with his question, J.R. noticed two women standing on the edge of the road, looking up at the fire, and recognized them from church. The sun would be down soon, and he wanted to get Mama away from this nightmare before darkness intensified the image. Talking to the two ladies, he made arrangements for Mama to go with them until he could figure out what they were going to do for the night.

  Julianna came up beside him and placed her hand in his. That simple act meant the world to him. Mama got into the car with the ladies from church. He shook his head and wondered why he couldn't remember their names, watching as they drove away. Hopefully it would come to him before he had to find her.

  "Do you know who Mama left with?" he asked Junior.

  "Mm hmm," she responded.

  He sighed. Facing the fire, they silently stood side by side, holding hands, and witnessed the final moments before the flames disappeared and only putrid smoke remained.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  N ews of the fire spread throughout the town, and Mama was inundated with offers for help. Every time she turned around, people stopped by or called. Expressions of remorse, encouragement, and shared tears swamped the three of them throughout the next week.

  Julianna hadn't given a thought to her job at the store when she was sifting through the mess at the house, but Brad had stopped by to say they would keep her position open and whenever she was ready, she could come back. The questions about his strange behavior and the missing money went unanswered for now. But Julianna knew her place was beside Mama and J.R., figuring out what their next step would be.

  The garage and everything in it had been saved. The trailer had been choked with smoke, but Julianna's belongings survived. They set up a receiving station in the garage, and day after day, people dropped by with donations of household goods and clothing. Mama didn't want everything but was too polite to refuse any gift. Julianna saw months of sorting ahead of her as Mama decided what she would keep and what she might pay forward.

  J.R. pulled up with a bag of take-out food and motioned to her and Mama to meet him in the back of the remnants of the house. The charcoal blackened timbers that didn't completely burn stood as somber sentinels while the fire department worked on their investigation behind the yellow police tape.

  "I brought lunch," he said as they met him in the back. Henry had brought over a picnic table and although the days were chilly, it was more comfortable than sitting in the trailer. The trailer had become their headquarters, but whenever the sun shined, they sat outside instead.

  "I'm starving." Mama sat down, setting her notebook down on the table. They had stopped at the store and picked up a spiral notebook and
a package of pens. Mama made notes all day to keep track of what they found, what they received, and what they still needed. She had contacted her insurance company and was waiting to hear back from the fire department. Once they knew the cause of the fire, the insurance company would complete the claim. J.R. was helping to figure out the cost of rebuilding.

  "I'm hungry too," said Julianna. "What did you bring?"

  "Burritos from Pedro's."

  "Yum."

  He smiled at her. There hadn't been a lot of smiling since they arrived on the scene of the house going up in smoke, but every evening they worked on a plan to see what was possible and what they still had to figure out.

  "Did you talk to the excavator?" Mama asked.

  Julianna was pretty sure once the debris had been cleared away things would be looking up.

  "I did, but we need to wait on the fire department and their determination. I don't want to spend any money until we have the settlement from the insurance company."

  "So, we wait." Mama's reticent attitude couldn't be called positive, but she hadn't gone to pieces. Julianna was grateful for even that much.

  "Chief Grimes said they should have their report done today. We have an appointment to meet with him at the fire station this afternoon. He asked us all to come."

  As ominous as that sounded, Julianna was glad to be included. She would much rather get the information first-hand than wait for J.R. and Mama to tell her. If J.R. was ready to start clearing the remains of the fire away, she should probably start thinking about getting back to work at the store. They hadn't bugged her about returning, but she knew she had to start thinking that direction before long.

  Julianna looked more closely at J.R. and wondered for the millionth time why he hadn't kissed her or held her or even really touched her since the fire. Did he worry it was her fault? If it was, even inadvertently, would he tell her to get lost?