This Much is True

by Louise, Tia

  We’re quiet again and Taylor Swift is back singing about love stories. I don’t know what to say.

  “Does Taylor Swift just write the same song over and over?” he growls, turning down the radio.

  Reaching forward, I switch it to the original station. “My dad liked the 60s, but I prefer the 70s. It’s old, but it’s better for a road trip.”

  He doesn’t answer, and this isn’t going how I’d hoped… not that I have any idea how else it might’ve gone with him driving. “I’m sorry I didn’t help more.”

  His brow relaxes, and he gives me a half-smile. “You helped a lot. He needed to get that off his chest. It’s hard to lose control of your reputation.”

  “Like what happened with you?” My eyes are heavy, but I don’t want to lose this moment. JR never talks this much.

  “People back home think I’m a drug dealer, a felon.” His voice is quiet. “I’ve got to clear my name… for Jesse.”

  “And for you.”

  Scout snores loudly from the backseat, and I glance over my shoulder. “He really should get that checked out. Snoring is bad for you.”

  “Pull his arm down.”

  I give him a glance before leaning over the seat. It takes me a minute of struggling to catch his brother’s forearm, which is tossed over his head, but once I do and pull it down, he stops snoring.

  “You were right.” I’m a little breathless when I drop into the seat again, and I notice we’re slowing down. “What’s happening?”

  “Taking a break.” JR turns the car, pulling off at an exit for Livingston. “I need to clear my head.”

  Jr

  Hope’s little round ass wiggling in my face as she wrestles to get my brother to stop snoring is the final straw.

  My blood’s been hot since we fought those thugs outside the tent. Having dinner, listening to Scout confess what a dumbass he was when he first moved to Los Angeles relaxed me a bit, but once he passed out and Hope slid into the seat next to me, leaning closer, blinking up at me with those bright blue eyes…

  I had to take a break.

  The rest stop is dark with no big trucks in the lot. It’s strange, but welcome. I put the car in park and kill the engine under a massive live oak tree, but I leave the key on so the headlights shine.

  Stepping out, I walk around to the front, reaching to the side to ease the tightness from the fight. One of those fuckers caught me in the kidney, and it’s aching.

  “Want the rest of this?” Hope comes to where I’m standing.

  She’s holding what looks like two fingers of whiskey in a paper cup, and I frown, taking it. “How much did he give you?”

  “He kept pouring, but I can’t drink that fast. I’m not used to whiskey.”

  I shoot it and toss the cup in the trash. “We’ll set an alarm and nap a few hours. Then we can get on the road again.”

  She nods quietly. Her chin is down as she walks away.

  The air is thick and humid, and a giant streetlight shines behind her. It lights up her hair like a halo and turns her thin dress transparent.

  I can see the silhouette of her slim body as she walks, flat stomach, nipples high and tight. My cock stirs in my jeans, and I realize shooting the whiskey might’ve been the wrong call.

  She stops at the car and watches me like she wants me to do something. The radio plays softly, and she’s waiting, studying me.

  It makes me angry… or fuck it, maybe I’m just pissed at everything right now.

  “What?” It’s a rough sound.

  “I was just thinking…” A smile lifts the corner of her mouth.

  “Are you going to tell me?”

  “I wonder how my life would be different now if I’d gone into the house instead of climbing in the backseat of this car that night.”

  My hands are on my hips, and I walk slowly to where she’s standing. “Why did you?”

  “My dad said this would be the year of perfect vision.” I’m standing in front of her now, and her pale brows pull together. “I’ve been trying to make sense of it all, you know, see it clearly… but it’s not working. Everything feels pointless and cruel.”

  I don’t know what to say. I’ve been struggling with the feelings she’s describing for almost two years.

  “But when I look at you…” Our eyes meet, and she steps closer.

  An old JT song about making promises surrounds us. She puts a slim hand on my chest, and her eyes close as she smiles. “Would you dance with me?”

  It’s a mistake, but I can’t seem to stop myself. My hands slide around her waist, learning the shape of her curves. Her body presses against mine, warm and soft.

  Lowering my face, I inhale the side of her hair. She smells like flowers and coconut, fresh and sweet as a summer day.

  She exhales a sigh. “Remember when people used to go out to bars and dance?”

  My eyes close briefly, and I’m in this space of memory with her. “I haven’t danced in a long time.”

  We sway side to side, holding each other.

  “You’re still good at it.” Her chin pulls back, and she blinks warm blue eyes up at me.

  Our gaze tangles and heats and she rises on her toes. Her fingers curl in my shirt. “I’d like to kiss you.”

  Heat flares in my veins. I’ve wanted to kiss her for two days, but I’ve been fighting it. “Hope…”

  Hope Eternal Hill is light and pure, and I can’t be the black storm that smashes all her dreams with my quest for revenge.

  “It’s been too long.” She whispers, sliding her nose along my cheek. “For both of us.”

  Her fingers trace behind my neck, into my hair, and it’s like a match striking. I push her back against the door. Cupping her cheeks, I cover her full lips with mine and devour them.

  She makes a little noise, and I kiss her deeper. Her mouth opens, and I slide my tongue against hers, tasting her sweetness.

  She’s syrupy whiskey mixed with a hint of coffee.

  Her arms are around my neck, and her soft breasts crush against my chest. Sliding my hands up her torso, I cup them through the fabric, squeezing them and circling my thumbs over the hardened tips. She moans, and my dick is an iron rod in my pants.

  “God…” I lift my chin, and her lips move to my throat.

  Her tongue slides along my skin, and I’m fighting. I want to fuck her. My whole body craves it, the satisfaction I know is waiting between her thighs. It would be so easy to lift her leg and plunge deep… again and again.

  Her hand is on my waist, tugging at my shirt, and I catch it. “Wait.”

  Her brows clench as she looks up at me. “What’s wrong?”

  Our eyes meet, and I’m hanging on by a thread. “You don’t know me.”

  “I know enough.” She leans up again, putting her hot mouth against my jaw. “I know you didn’t touch me last night when I was naked in your hotel room. I know you ran into danger to protect your brother. I know you’re fighting what’s happening right now…”

  “You have no idea.”

  Her lips are at my ear. “Haven’t you ever been reckless?”

  My hands tighten on her shoulders, and Scout’s prediction is in my ear… when we get back, you’ll ask her to stay. No.

  “I’m sorry.” I have too much unresolved shit to drag her into it.

  The rod in my pants will have to take a rain check. I made this mistake once, and it almost broke me.

  She blinks a few times, dropping her face into her hands and exhaling a frustrated noise. “I think I must be doing this wrong.”

  Stepping away from her magnetic field, I shove my hands in the sides of my hair. “You’re not doing anything wrong. Trust me.”

  Squinting up at me, she smiles. “Then what are you afraid of?”

  “You’re going to wake up in the morning and realize this is not what you want.” Stepping back, I open the door. “And if it’s not then, it will be eight hours later, when we’re in Fireside.”

  “I think you’re wrong.�
�� Her chin lifts.

  “I think you’re drunk, and you’re seeing what you want to see.”

  “I’m not drunk, and I see you better than you see yourself.”

  Shaking my head, I lean the passenger’s seat forward and climb in across from Scout, who has managed to get his arm over his head again and is roaring like a grizzly. “We could go on like this all night. I need to sleep.”

  Hope stands for a moment with her hands on her hips then shakes her head, climbing into the front seat. I pull Scout’s arm down before rolling up my jacket and putting it on my brother’s hip, doing my best to get comfortable.

  “Would you pass me my coat?” Her voice is soft and so tempting.

  I’m a fucking pussy is what I am. I should’ve given her what she wanted. What we both wanted…

  Swallowing the fire in my throat, I grab the teddy bear skin off the floorboard. “Lock the doors.”

  She does it and rustles around in the front a few seconds before finally getting still. It’s quiet in the car. The noise of cicadas grows louder. I can hear the chirp of frogs, and I’m pretty sure a screech owl is mixed in there. I wonder if I’ll sleep.

  I’m too pent up to sleep. The shot of whiskey only fueled the fire in my veins.

  Rolling onto my back, I look out the window at the stars flickering through the tree branches.

  “You awake?” Her voice is soft. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t wake me if I was asleep.

  Still I hesitate.

  “Yeah.” I finally respond—clearly, I can’t do what’s right.

  “Tell me about your little boy.”

  My chest warms. I close my eyes, and I see his towhead, his blue eyes.

  “I don’t have much to tell. He was only three last time I saw him.” A fact that twists my stomach. What does he think of me now? What have they told him about where I am?

  “He’s five now…” Her voice is thoughtful. “You must’ve been young when you had him.”

  That makes me laugh softly. “Just finishing college. He was a surprise. The one time I was reckless.”

  “Too bad for me.” A grin is in her voice.

  “I like to think I’ve learned from my mistakes.”

  “So tell me about him.”

  We’re quiet a bit, and I picture my son. His sweet little voice and happy eyes relaxes the anger in my chest. It’s what used to get me through the nights in prison, thinking about the day when I’d be out and go home to him.

  “People said he looked like me.” I’m a little embarrassed to sound so proud, like one of those doting parents that buttonhole you in the supermarket. “He was already a little bruiser. He loved to play football.”

  “I bet he did.” Hope’s voice is warm and full of smiles.

  It draws me to her, makes me want to climb up front and kiss her again. It makes me want to hold onto her.

  Damn, this girl.

  “I don’t remember what I looked like as a kid. I thought he looked like Scout.”

  “You look alike. Haven’t you seen pictures?” I can’t see her face, but it sounds like she’s being sincere. “I’m sure he looks just like you.”

  “I don’t know what he’s going to do when I see him.” My stomach is a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. I want him to be happy, but I worry he might be angry… Or afraid of me.

  “He’s going to be so happy to see his dad. You’ll see.”

  Tomorrow.

  God, I can’t worry about it now. We’re almost home.

  Closing my eyes, I think about holding Hope in my arms, pressing my lips against hers. She’s like a warm, dry blanket on a frigid, San Francisco day. She smells like warm coconut and fresh flowers, and her body is soft against mine.

  She felt so good leaning into me, wanting so much more. I can’t decide if I’m an idiot or a wise man, but I know for certain next time it won’t be so easy to hold back.

  Which is why there can’t be a next time. This is a road trip, not a romance.

  Hell, it’s starting to sound like a mantra.

  Hope

  “So ultimately being a gay porn star was a good thing?” I bite off the end of a Red Vine.

  Scout’s behind the wheel, not seeming too hungover after his whiskey binge last night. JR’s still asleep in the backseat, and I’ve been stealing glances, alternately reliving the intensity of his kiss, his hands on my body… and swooning over his adoration for his son.

  “I mean, yeah.” Scout nods. “I learned being an ally means more than partying with gay guys at Mardi Gras or Halloween—or not being weirded out when a guy thinks I’m hot. It’s about stepping up when it’s inconvenient or awkward.”

  “Basically, being a good human.” I tuck my windblown hair behind my ear. “That’s very evolved of you.”

  “Maybe.” His lips press into a frown. “There’s also the other side, where being a gay porn star is a career killer. Any porn star, for that matter.”

  Propping my feet on the dash, I hold the sides of my skirt. “Yeah, but don’t you think we fetishize wealth too much in this country?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like we treat people better because they’re rich. Like making a lot of money means someone is good or admirable, whether or not they really are.”

  “Oh, yeah.” He nods, sliding his hand up the steering wheel. “Or not taking a job that might help somebody because it won’t make you a lot of money?”

  “Sure. Or thinking people aren’t so good because they don’t have a lot of money.” My eyes drift out the window to the big green sign telling us we’re almost to South Carolina. “You know who didn’t have a lot of money?”

  “Who?”

  “Jesus.”

  “Yep.” Scout nods.

  We’re quiet a minute, thinking. The tires hum on the road and Heart sings softly about Dreamboat Annie.

  Scout glances at me and winks. “I still want to make a lot of money.”

  “Me too.” Grabbing another Red Vine, I contemplate our dilemma. “Maybe knowing we fetishize wealth too much is enough?”

  “How did I sign up for Philosophy with the Blonds?” JR groans, sitting up in the backseat.

  Shifting in my seat, I rest my chin on my hand and smile at him. “Sleep okay?”

  “No.”

  My lips press together, as I try to stop a laugh. He’s such an old grump. “Maybe tonight will be better.”

  “Doubt it.” He rubs a hand over his face. “Where are we, Scout?”

  “Just past Augusta, closing in on the state line.”

  “Three more hours.”

  I glance out at the mixture of pine and oak trees flying past. They’re a blur of deep, forest green almost black and shimmering pine needles almost yellow. It’s so different here from California, where it’s all palms for days.

  Speaking of California, as soon as my phone came back to life, it blew up with texts from Yarnell.

  “I really should call home. My friend’s probably wondering why I never showed up at her place.”

  Scout glances in my direction with a smile. “Won’t bother me.”

  “Maybe I could get in the back?” I look to where JR is focused on the window.

  It’s down, and the strong breeze musses his golden-brown hair, making it flop over his brow. It’s shiny and thick with a slight curl at the ends, and it’s so soft.

  I remember threading my fingers in it, giving it a tug… I imagine doing it again, with him on top of me pressing me into the mattress.

  Ice blue eyes level on mine, sending a flush through my body. “What?”

  “I just need to make a phone call… I was thinking I’d get back there so I’m not talking in Scout’s face.”

  “You want to switch places?”

  “Is that okay?”

  He scoots to the side, and I climb onto my knees before diving over the bench. My dress catches on my knee, and the top pulls down, exposing the top of my bare breast. Finding my seat, I pull it up quickly, but JR’s eyes
are on me, hot as a brand.

  He doesn’t say anything, but his expression is fierce as he slides into the front. I know he saw it. I know he liked it, and it’s a thrill low in my stomach even if he’s fighting it.

  Pulling out my phone, I tap Yarnell’s number and wait for the ring.

  She answers fast. “Hope? What the hell? I was about to drive to your house, start a search party, drag the shoreline for your body—”

  “I’m sorry!” I cry, trying not to be too loud.

  “You called me from the bridge and said you were coming here, then you never showed up! I texted and texted…”

  “I know! My phone died, and I just saw—”

  “Don’t ever do that again!” She’s shouting in my ear, and I hold the phone away, smiling and feeling like I might cry at the same time.

  My emotions are so twisted, and I miss my friend so much.

  “Where are you?” She demands.

  “I kind of took a road trip.”

  “A road trip? But I thought you sold Metallicar?”

  “I did.” My eyes are on the side of JR’s face. “I kind of met the new owner, and… it’s a long story. He needed help driving.”

  “You’re on a road trip with a complete stranger?” Her voice goes loud again.

  “And his brother.”

  “Do I need to call the police?”

  “No! Like I said, it’s a long story, but it’s kind of fun. They’re nice.” My eyes drift from scowling JR to relaxed and happy Scout. “We’re getting to be friends.”

  Yarnell’s voice is worried. “Things are strange right now, Hope. People aren’t making the best decisions…”

  “I’m fine, Yars, really. We’ve been driving pretty much nonstop, but I didn’t want you to worry.”

  “Too late.” Her voice is sarcastic.

  “It’s going to be okay. We’re almost there, and then…” My heart catches in my throat, and I can’t say it.

  “Then you’ll come home?” She finishes for me.

  “Yes.” It’s a quiet reply.

  “Good. And I want you to check in when you’re on the road headed back.”