This Much is True

by Louise, Tia

  “It’s okay.” I smile up at her. “I want to hear it all.”

  I’ve missed so much. I want to hear everything he wants to tell me. My hand is on his little back where he stands in front of me at the coffee table showing me all his school work, and every few minutes, I lean forward to kiss the back of his head.

  “Look what I got for my birthday!” He takes off running to the back of the house, and my grandma shakes her head.

  “He spends the whole day running. He has so much energy.” Then she chuckles. “But it’s just the one. Not like the two of you.”

  “You loved it.” Scout pushes off the wall where he’s been leaning with his arms crossed. “You were always on the front row decked out in all our team colors.”

  “I was also fifteen years younger!”

  “Does somebody need another hug?” My brother starts towards her, and she lets out a little holler.

  “Bradley Scout! Don’t you pick me up again. You’ll break my back!”

  “Check it out, Dad!” Jesse runs in the room carrying a football as big as him. “Poppy got it for me. He said it’s regulation size!”

  I choose to ignore the bitterness in my throat at the mention of my father. Instead I focus on this little guy between my legs with one arm around my neck doing his best to hold an adult-sized football under his arm.

  “Want to play with me, Dad?”

  “Heck, yeah, I do.” Scooping him up, we start for the door, where Hope hasn’t moved.

  She’s watching us, and her eyes are shining. When they meet mine, my chest tightens, and I want to put my arm around her and pull her into this twosome. A sensation deep in my bones says this would be right. Would she change her life for this mess I’m facing?

  “He’s adorable.” Her voice is soft, and her cute little nose wrinkles with her smile. “I was right. He does look just like you.”

  “He looks like my brother.” My voice is different, gentler.

  “Who looks just like you.”

  Jesse is restless on my hip. “Come on, Dad!”

  I know it will eventually get old, but right now I love it when he shouts that in my ear. “Hey, Jess, I want you to meet a friend of mine. This is Hope.”

  “Hi-ya, Hope!” He waves a hand over his head, and I laugh. “Who taught you that?”

  “Hi, Jesse. It’s really nice to meet you. Your dad’s told me a lot about you.”

  “Did he tell you we play football?” I’m not sure why my son is shouting, but I don’t care.

  My brother swoops up beside us and swipes the ball from his hands. “Give me that.”

  “Hey!” Jesse bucks on my hip, and I let him go.

  He charges out the metal door right behind my brother into the yard, and I shake my head. “I’ve missed a lot.”

  “You’ll get it back.” Hope Eternal is standing beside me. “He’s so happy to see you.”

  “I never let him forget you.” GA is at my side sliding her arm around my waist. “I showed him your picture every night and told him you were thinking about him, praying for him… I told him you were coming back.”

  It hits me hard to hear her say those words. Turning, I pull my grandma into a firm hug, my eyes burning.

  “Thank you, Gran. You have no idea…” My voice breaks.

  “Dad!” Jesse yells from the yard. “Come on!”

  “Now get out there.” My feisty grandma pats my back and pushes me to the door. “That little guy’s going to rupture something if you keep making him yell.”

  That makes me laugh, and I head out into the yard where Scout is tossing him easy passes. Every time Jesse catches it, he runs straight to my legs and gives me a hug. I bend down and hug him back.

  “Help me throw it to Uncle Scout!” He hands it to me, and I drop to a knee, taking the ball in one hand.

  “You ready?” I look up at my brother, and he spreads both hands.

  “When am I ever not ready?”

  Rearing back, I pass it then give my son a nudge. “Go get him, J!”

  He takes off running at top speed, which isn’t super-fast for a five-year-old. Still, my brother slows down and lets Jesse catch him. He even pretends to fall and they both roll around on the ground, making Hope laugh.

  “Come on, Hope. I’ll teach you to pass the ball.”

  She walks to where they’re tussling, and I step up beside my grandma, who’s watching them with a big grin on her face as well.

  “She’s a doll.” GA glances up at me with one eyebrow raised. “She sure gives you a lot of loving looks.”

  “I haven’t noticed.” It’s a lie. I’ve noticed. “I can’t drag her into this mess.”

  “Drag her? Looks to me like she’s walking towards it.”

  I can’t argue with my grandma, so I don’t even try. “Is he here with you full time now?”

  “Pretty much.” She exhales a deep sigh. “It was clear after the honeymoon your father didn’t want his grandson around every day.”

  The fist of anger is back in my chest. “I’m going to see him.”

  There’s still so fucking much left undone. It’s all I can think about.

  “Did you see me, Dad?” Jesse runs with all his might to where I’m standing beside my grandmother. “I caught it! Uncle Scout threw it, and I caught it!”

  “I saw you, little man.” I drop to my knee and return his hug. “You’re amazing.”

  He holds me a little longer, turning his face to my ear. “I love you, Dad.”

  My heart splits as he takes off running back to where Hope is talking to Scout. I’m torn between wanting to hold him no matter what that means and wanting to smash everything so we can be together again.

  “Where are you three planning to sleep?” GA calmly takes out her iPhone. “Scout can stay here. I think Regina’s entire BnB is empty if you and Hope want to stay there. No breakfast, of course.”

  Rubbing my hand over the back of my neck, I’m all twisted up inside. “I need to take care of my business first.”

  “Your business can wait a few hours. Have dinner with your family tonight, spend time with your son. Talk to your father tomorrow.”

  “I don’t have much time.” What I’ve done hangs over my head like a sword waiting to fall.

  If I’m discovered here, it would ruin all my plans and possibly my life. I’d never see Jesse again… Still, watching my little boy showing Hope how to run out for a pass, and Scout laughing and throwing the ball at her, as painful as it is, I want to linger a little longer.

  “The day’s almost over. Give us one night?”

  “One night is all I have left.”

  Hope

  “It’d probably help if you take off those boots.” Scout holds the football at his shoulder, waiting as I toe off my boots. “Now go long.”

  Hesitating, I look side to side. “What does that mean?”

  “It means run!” Jesse grabs my hand and starts running to the other end of the yard, dragging me behind him.

  He’s really the cutest thing, and no matter what JR says, he looks just like his dad. The only problem is I can’t chase him across the yard, and I definitely can’t roll around on the ground like he’s been doing with Scout.

  The ball spirals towards me, and I squeal, holding both hands over my head and ducking.

  Jesse jumps up beside me, but he doesn’t catch it either. The ball bounces wildly and flies in the opposite direction.

  “What the heck was that?” Scout jogs up to us laughing.

  Jesse takes off after the ball. “She’s not on my team.”

  That makes his uncle laugh louder, and my jaw drops. “I’ve never played before!”

  Scout tosses an arm across my shoulders and gives me a reassuring shake. “Just a tip. You’re not going to catch anything throwing your hands over your head and screaming like a girl.”

  Looking around, I lean into his ear. “I have a problem.

  He steps back, curling his lip at me. “Aunt Flo? But you and JR were just—
”

  “No!” I push his arm hard. “Not that. I need a shower, and I need… Leaning forward I try to say it without moving my lips urhnderwhuur.”

  “Who’s Aunt Flo?” Jesse is back beside us, carrying the football.

  Scout’s eyes narrow as he tries to figure out what I murmured.

  I quickly answer Jesse. “She’s a friend of mine.”

  “Why do you call your friend your aunt?”

  “I mean, she is my aunt.” I struggle, trying to think of anything. “She’s also my friend. Or not. She’s not a very good friend.”

  “Oh, shit!” Scout’s eyebrows shoot up, and I see he’s finally figured out what I said. “Hey, Jesse, run this to your dad. I need to help Miss Hope with something.”

  “Okay!” he yells, running to where JR is talking to his grandmother. “Catch, Dad, catch!”

  Scout takes my arm. “Come on.”

  We head into the house, and he goes straight to the back room. “They’re probably going to be the size of a tent.”

  “I can’t believe we’re doing this.” I wait in the hall, watching the door. “You think she’d mind if I took a shower?”

  “I think she wants you to stay… Oh, hell no.”

  “What?” I whisper, looking into the lavender room.

  The windows have lavender chiffon curtains with dark purple butterflies that appear hand-painted.

  “I did not need to know this about Gran.” He holds up an egg-shaped device, and my eyes go wide.

  “Is that a…”

  “We-vibe,” he reads, and my hands fly over my eyes.

  “That’s none of our business! Focus, Scout!”

  “Kinky grandma.” He quickly shoves the vibrator back in the drawer and lifts out a pair of white panties. “I don’t know, but I don’t think they’ll fit you.” He holds them up high between us. “They’re as big as my head.”

  “I’ll make it work.” I snatch them from him and head into the bathroom. “Make an excuse for me.”

  Stepping into the pink bathroom, I close the door and cringe when I see myself in the mirror. My hair is in desperate need of a wash. I’ve been in this same dress for three days, but at least we did all shower halfway through the drive.

  Ten minutes later I’m clean, hair washed with honeysuckle shampoo, which actually smells amazing, and I’m quietly searching under the sink. I manage to find travel size deodorant, a toothbrush, and toothpaste, but there is not a safety pin in sight.

  I do find a pair of scissors, which I use to cut the waist down from under my armpits, then I cut the sides apart. Stepping into the massive, white-cotton undies, I make two little snips on each side and tie small knots, top and bottom securely on my hips.

  “Dang,” I whisper, turning side to side in the mirror. “That’s not half bad.”

  While I wait for the world to begin again, maybe I can host a YouTube channel for wardrobe emergencies. Knotted panties could totally be a thing.

  Giving my dress a sniff, I decide it’s not too bad to wear again, like I have a choice. All I have is this dress, my teddy coat, and my iPhone. It’s equipped with Apple pay at least—not that I have much money to spend.

  Exiting the bathroom, I hear rattling coming from the kitchen. Following the sound, I find JR sitting at a small, yellow Formica table across from Jesse. They’re playing Uno while Scout stands beside Alice at the counter, slowly cutting thick slices of bread.

  It’s such a homey scene. It makes me so happy. “I can help!”

  When Alice sees me, she smiles big. “There you are! Were you able to find everything you needed?”

  Scout grimaces. “How’d it turn out?”

  I want to pinch him. “Good! All good! I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first. We were playing, and I suddenly realized how long it had been since I’d showered.”

  “Nonsense!” Alice waves a hand at me and returns to the pot where she’s stirring what looks like Marinara sauce. “But you’re wearing the same dress. John, why don’t you get Hope’s suitcase out of the car?”

  “Suitcase?” He looks up just as Jesse yells Uno.

  “Oh,” I jump in. “I, um… I didn’t bring a suitcase.”

  Alice draws back confused. “But you’ve been driving for three days! You didn’t bring a bag or anything?”

  I’m panicking, looking from Scout to JR. “You’re not going to believe,” I exhale, putting a hand on my hip. “I didn’t realize we were taking such a long road trip. JR told me, but, you know…”

  “Yeah, we, ah, got our wires crossed, Gran.” Scout jumps in as Jesse lays his last card down.

  JR groans at his handful of cards, but his son laughs loudly.

  “Sometimes I don’t listen.” I do my best to look contrite. “JR’s always saying I should listen better.”

  JR hasn’t said a word. He’s leaning back in the chair studying me in a way that makes my stomach squeeze and tickle. We know I’m lying, and he’s not helping me at all.

  “Well, don’t you worry. You’re here now.” Alice pats me on the arm. “I’ll ask Regina if her daughter has anything you can borrow.”

  Regina? I look at JR. He’s shuffling the cards for Jesse’s demanded rematch.

  “My friend Regina Winthrop owns a bed and breakfast in town.” Alice continues. “She said you could stay there as long as you need.”

  “That’s so nice…” I start to ask more when she takes my arm.

  “Now come sit and have your dinner. Boys, put away those cards.”

  Scout carries a bowl of fettuccini pasta while Alice produces a platter of mouthwatering marinara with fresh boiled shrimp. It’s spicy and delicious, paired with the crispy, warm French bread and generous glasses of red wine. It’s the nicest meal I’ve had in a long time, months probably.

  An hour later, we’re stuffed and Jesse is asleep with his head on his daddy’s shoulder. Scout’s turning back the bed in Alice’s guest room, and I look around, wondering where JR is going to stay.

  “Regina said she left a few things for you to have if you want them. She said coffee is in the cabinet, but the fridge is empty. You’ll have the whole house to yourself.”

  JR is still at the table holding a sleeping Jesse. His large hand is on his little boy’s back, and he hasn’t stopped hugging and petting him since we arrived. They’ve both been so attached, it almost hurts to watch, knowing how they were separated for so long and without any warning.

  “Give him to me.” Alice reaches for her grandson, and the reluctance in JR’s eyes makes my chest ache.

  He stands as she takes him. “What time does he leave for school in the morning?”

  “Seven, but he’ll be home at three. You’ll see him every afternoon.”

  He winces ever so slightly. I might not have seen it if I hadn’t been watching his face all evening. Alice steps into the hall, and I go to where he’s now standing. I want to slip my hand in his like I did in the tent, but I’m not sure he wants it.

  “Are you okay?” My voice is quiet.

  He looks at me for the first time since dinner, and when our eyes meet, he seems to relax. Still, something is troubling him.

  “You two get going. Regina said there’s a bottle of wine in the refrigerator.” Alice gives me a wink, and my cheeks heat.

  We’re both staying there? Alone? My bottom lip slips under my teeth.

  JR goes to his son’s room, and I follow quietly, waiting at the door. The room is all little boy stuff, with Iron Man illustrations and football stickers on the walls. Jesse is the cutest thing sleeping all tucked under his Iron Man covers. It’s so clear how much he’s loved.

  JR slides his hand over his sleeping son’s head, checking the blankets around him, making sure he’s completely comfortable.

  Alice watches with a smile. “He’s good. Time for you to get some rest.”

  Reluctantly, JR steps away, and when our eyes meet in the yellow light of the hall, his expression worries me. It’s like a warm hello and a sad goodbye all mix
ed up in one.

  “Ready?” He takes my hand, and a niggle of hope squirms in my chest.

  Maybe things haven’t changed between us? I just wish I knew why he seems so grave.

  “She left cookies.” I stop at the table just inside the kitchen of the gorgeous old home where we’re spending the night. “They’re still warm!”

  The kitchen is all stained pine and red and white checked everything. It’s very farm-country, with a tin rooster in one corner and a milk churn in the other. A note on the table reads, Enjoy your stay! And a bouquet of colorful flowers is beside it.

  “Regina has owned this place since I was a kid.” JR steps up beside me, lifting the note and reading it briefly.

  He was quiet the whole drive over, and my body is tight with desire, worry, anticipation… and so many questions. What’s going to happen now? We were spectacularly together this morning… Is he sorry?

  He’s been so focused on his son, and so distant since we got here. I mean, he should be focused on his son—they haven’t seen each other in almost two years…

  But why this distance?

  Ugh… I wish he’d talk to me.

  Of course, when has John Roth Dunne ever been chatty? Once on the entire three-day drive?

  He touches my shoulder, and I jump out of my thoughts. “Oh… Sorry, what?” I exhale a nervous laugh.

  He lifts his chin towards the stairs. “We have our pick of the rooms. Which do you want?”

  My heart sinks, and I blink away the disappointment heating my eyes. He doesn’t want to share a room.

  “That’s not right. I’m the stowaway. You pick the one you like.”

  We walk slowly towards the stairs, where the biggest calico cat ever is lying on the fourth step like a cuddly distraction just for me.

  “Look at you!” I drop to my knees to pet him, and he slowly lifts a head like he’s used to strangers fawning over him. “Who is this big guy?”

  JR smiles, taking a knee beside us as well. “This must be Cosmo.” A crooked grin splits his cheeks, and my heart melts. “I can’t believe he’s still alive.”

  “He’s just a big ole boy.” My lips pucker out as I talk to him in my kitty-voice, scrubbing my fingers around his ears. Cosmo closes his eyes and purrs. “Yesh, you’re just a big ole cutie boy.”