Father in the Forest, #1

by R. K. Gold

  Yael glanced around, searching for any sign of life when her eyes landed on a single tree. It stood alone in a clearing just and stretched its limbs wide, soaking in all the light.

  The starborn walked beside it and crouched, her hands rousing half a man attached to its trunk while Yael kept her distance. Like the starborn, he had the same smooth russet skin. There wasn't a single blemish or wrinkle on him. The left side of his body, from the shoulder down, morphed into the trunk.

  “Are you—are you the Brother?” Yael approached the starborn and the man. She half-bowed, glancing up to see their red and white eyes fixed on her.

  “It’s really you.” His voice was softer than she expected. It floated through the air and met her ears like two lost friends embracing for the first time in years. “I can’t believe it.”

  “It’s really her. She’s been in Eselport this whole time,” the starborn said.

  “You’ve done wonderful, Miya,” the man replied. He brought his right leg back to his torso and pushed up from the ground like a piston. The bark around the left side of his body splintered with a loud crack. The wood broke into webs down his side. As he stepped forward and shook off like a dog stepping out of water, the bark dissolved in the air, trailing behind him in a sprinkling of white light that floated up to the fireflies. Their tails glowed brightly as they swarmed the dusty air. He brushed his left arm off and what was left of the trunk spilled to the ground like dry sand. "It's really you," he repeated and limped forward. His left leg was still entirely wood and locked straight. The thud of his heel on the ground pounded the air like the war drums of an opposing army. Her back tensed and though she wanted to run away, her legs felt rooted in the ground, as if at any moment she would sprout branches. When he was almost close enough to touch her, his leg cracked, and two sides of the wooden cast split off to the ground. He stood before her, a full man with dark black hair, shaved almost down to his scalp and a thin mustache on his upper lip. His eyes fixed on her like no one else ever had. For once, her own eyes looked back at her.

  She couldn’t smile though. “Where am I? What happened to Pace and the others?” Yael asked.

  "They're safe. We hopped the wall, and the twins couldn't keep up," Miya replied. The air around them hummed. Directly above the clearing was the star. It was so close to the world now, Yael could see it clearly during the day. Her eyes burned when she looked up for too long. When she looked back to the forest, colors flashed around in her eyes. Details were blotted out in ink, and her heart raced as she pressed two fingers to her throat. Her pulse tried to punch its way out as heat more intense than the stove drilled into her temples. She knew about fire—she knew just how much it burned. The scar on her forearm whitened as she clutched her hand into a fist.

  "Yael?" the man asked, and like the second hand on a broken clock, the world stopped. Her name caught her like a dangling rope. She squeezed the line in both hands and pulled herself back up. “You know my name?” she asked.

  “Of course.”

  “And yours?”

  “Long gone.”

  Yael swayed side to side in the silence. Her tongue was numb to the point she couldn’t even swallow. “What else do you know about me?”

  "Not nearly enough." He had the same hooked nose as her and the same skin. He and Miya were the only two people in the world looking for her, and when he tilted his hand, she saw five red dots on the back of his right hand. The world went dim and spun beneath her feet. She stumbled forward, trying not to fall. Two hands hooked under her armpits to keep her up, and the smell of peppermint tingled her nostrils.

  Was this how Jaja and Jomi spent every day knowing that someone else would be there to catch them whenever they fell? As she regained her footing and leaned on Miya for balance, she smiled from the starborn to the grown man and asked, “Dad?” Her throat tightened as she spoke, and the words squeaked out.

  “I always knew you were still out there.” He started forward as she did the same. Each sped up to a jog and eventually ran into each other’s arms. He lifted her off the ground and held her tight. She squeezed him back. It felt like an anchor held down by twelve years of emptiness was suddenly cut, and she could finally surface. Like she finally took the first real breath of her life.

  When he finally put her down, the light from the star above felt weak compared to her father's shine. "It's you. It's really you?" She held his shoulders, expecting him to disappear as quickly as a dream. His skin was more earth than shadow and caught the light in a way a shadow couldn't. When she held him, he was really there. Planted as firmly in her life as any of the trees in their forest. "Why did you go? Where did you go?" Her grip tightened as her legs trembled. If it weren't for her fingers squeezing his forearms, she would've toppled forward. Her father scooped under her arms and held her up even as she dangled like a rag doll.

  "I had no idea you survived. No idea until Miya saw you in Wydser." He looked to the starborn who bowed away, staying just out of the epicenter of their light. She kept her hands locked in front of her body as if she were waiting for a command. A light under the earth passed through the roots like a marble through a straw. White sparks shed everywhere it flowed, dissolving into the grass before the orb reached the tree. White light radiated inside, and shadows slithered out of the knots in the trunk before whistling away. The entire tree vibrated, and a deep groan echoed in the tree. Miya stuck her face through an opening while Yael’s father returned to her.

  “All the Mother’s shrines are connected to this forest. The whole continent—all three—are still connected in a sense.”

  A cool breeze shifted through the forest as another orb of light blasted through the roots. Yael’s poncho rose with the wind like the Mother hooked two fingers from the sky around the outfit and tried to fish Yael out.

  “When Miya spotted you, she sent a message back immediately. I had to see you.”

  “Why did you leave though?”

  The words came up like punches. She wanted to hug and throttle him. He held his arms out like twelve years was a minor inconvenience. As if traveling from one home to the next before finding a foster mom who thought she was worth the money was no big deal. Or being separated for her entire life up until that moment could one day be a funny story they share over dinner.

  “You left me!” Tears lined the brims of her eyes, and she closed her hands into fists. When her father didn’t move towards her, she ran into him once more. Her fists hammered his arms and chest as she cried into him. “Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me?” she repeated as each strike weakened. Her breath shallowed until her fingers began tingled, and her vision blurred. She wobbled on her toes but didn’t accept his embrace when her father went to keep her up.

  “I had no idea you were out there. Your mother—you—you were both swallowed whole by starlight the day you were born.” Each word he spoke felt deliberate. They stood alone between deep breaths.

  “How did you have no idea I was there?” She wiped her nose with her sleeve and looked up at the man. For the first time since laying eyes on him, his skin creased, and his nostrils on his hooked nose flared. There was no denying that face. The markings she was taunted for, he wore like armor. His shoulders tall and his chest out even as the silence weighed down on her more.

  "When you came into this world, you weren't born. The starlight from the heavens poured from your mother, leaving behind nothing but a flurry of glowing snow. They thrust into the air like steam and fell like leaves. She was gone, and all I could see was a pile of white, which slowly sizzled away.” With each word he said, his chest hinged forward until he slouched. It was as if these words had kept him up all these years. The truth he had that convinced him to keep moving forward, only to be wiped away by the proof before him now. His daughter was alive.

  “They took me away, ya know." Her lips quivered as the memories flooded back through her mind. Moving from home to home, passed around as a burden. She lived her whole life with a price tag for othe
rs to judge whether she was worth the struggle, and all that happened because he couldn't find her in starlight? "Did you look?"

  "Of course, I looked." His eyes left her for the first time since she arrived. He moved his two massive hands to his face. "I lost the most important people in my life that day. Of course, I looked for you, and your mother, but when I couldn't find her, what chance did I have of finding you?"

  "Do you want me to say it's okay? It's not okay." The words came out with marbles in her lips. Each letter exaggerated and syllable separated by a sob. "I had no idea who you were or if you existed. I had no stories about you or Mom. I was just there. Just plopped right there for the world to push around. It was like—it was like I was whatever happened to me that day." She moved her hand to her face, only she didn't cover her eye as she usually did. "I hid as much of myself as I could. If I could've folded myself in a corner and become the shadow, I would've, but even then, I'd react to the light of the day."

  “I don’t want you to have to say anything to me. I just—I needed to see you. The moment I heard you were alive, and you were here, I just—I—I couldn’t lose you again.” He curled his hands on his pants, pulling the fabric tight. “How did you survive?”

  “Survive what? I don’t remember that.”

  “No—I just mean, how did you find me?” He stood tall once more, and Miya left the tree after a third orb shook the trunk like a tuning fork, sending vibrations through the air. The sparks from the light shot into the sky and stayed there for the fireflies to swarm.

  “I heard about her.” Yael watched Miya stand beside her father. The invisible divide between their sides sprouted waist high. “It was the first time I ever heard of someone who looked like me.”

  “She has our eyes—the eyes of the Mother,” her father said. “The starlight that hid you made her. I sifted through the falling embers, trying to find anything I could, but nothing laid beneath the light. As I dug, I pulled more and more light to my chest. I could still feel your mother in it somehow. Maybe it was in my head, but I wasn’t ready to let go just yet.”

  “How did no one see?”

  "There was a doula, but she ran off to find help as soon as the light started to shine through her skin. It came in spots then engulfed her all at once. I didn't stop walking until I ended up back in the forest. I dropped the little starlight that was left and pooled it together. The petals locked in place and grew into a vase before reshaping itself as a body. When the glow faded, Miya stood in front of me. Newborn but silent. Her eyes looked to the sky with an understanding I'd never seen before, and she became my entire life these last twelve years." He wrapped an arm around his daughter and held a hand out for Yael to take. All her life, she wanted to take his hand. Now that it was in front of her, she could only think about how he left.

  “I lost more than a daughter that day, Yael." He spoke as if he could read her mind. His tone was gentler than before. "I swear I swept the place looking for you, but as I dug through the starlight, all I could think about how your mother was gone. The light was all that remained of her, and it was entirely my fault—my fault for ever thinking I could return to a normal life after this. My fault for ever thinking the world outside the forest would ever take me back.” Miya rested on her father’s arm and nuzzled the side of her head against him.

  “Could you tell me about her?” Yael’s eyes brimmed with tears. She knew her mother died giving birth to her, and all her life felt like it was her fault she grew up without one. She never heard of the starlight or the disappearance. Why wouldn't they tell her about that? It could've sent her to the forest from the start. Then again, he said the light faded. Could it have all disappeared by the time she was discovered? But what of her mom? They said she died. Was it the most straightforward explanation? It wasn't like she could've runaway moments after giving birth. Maybe the simplest stories were more important than the truth.

  "Your mother and I found each other during the darkest days of this continent. She was the only survivor from Lansing. She only survived because she went into the forest that day. She was a baker and would stay in the outskirts where the pollen is light. I used to watch her approach the edge, curious about what she was looking for. She never walked away with anything worse than a rash. I think the forest just liked her. She would only take what was dead and would move leaves so the plants on the ground would get more sun." His smile widened more as he talked about her.

  “But she wasn’t the only survivor of Lansing,” Yael cut in. Her father raised his chin. His thick lips parted. He looked like he had more to say but didn’t dare cut in.

  “The boy I was with.” Yael turned to Miya. “He’s from Lansing too.”

  Miya’s face remained still, but her father scratched his chin. “The resiliency of your kind.”

  The words drove a spike between them, and Yael’s knees buckled as if the ground cracked beneath her. An orb of light shot through the roots beneath her feet, momentarily illuminating a web under them. He said, "Your kind." Not his. He wasn't human, and neither was Miya. Whatever they shared was something Yael could never access.

  “Your mother was going to stay in the forest after the attack. Her entire family was gone, and her home was burned to the ground. She just wanted to go to sleep and couldn’t bring herself to leave.”

  Yael covered her mouth. All she knew about her mother was that she died during childbirth. It was the first time she heard anything besides her death. The first time she was spoken about as more than a name, even more than a memory, but a real person. She would still never know who her mother was or even what she looked like, but at least she knew she had a life, with family, with a home, with fears and regrets. She was real.

  “What happened?” She wanted to fish the stories out of his mind and swim inside them. Anything to see the woman her father was describing. Did she look like her? Sound like her? Hug like her?

  “I heard her rustling through the trees—I heard the fighting in the village and came out to find her holding a purple flower.” He plucked one of the bulbs growing in the light and ran his fingers over its closed mouth. It opened, and a brilliant purple glow emanated off its petals. Yael recognized the flower from Hizen. The outer tips of its petals were pale and dark bands stretched along its face. The center had five yellow spots.

  "Ghosts of the Mother, they glow brighter in death and feed the earth, so other plants can grow wherever it touches." He stepped forward and ran his hand over his daughter's head. A warmth shielded her where pressure usually built up, and he slipped the flower in her hair, her mother's favorite flower. When she touched it, she could almost feel a heartbeat.

  “She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, and I wanted to spend an eternity with her. When she told me you were coming along, I thought for the first time in almost a thousand years that I might actually have a family. That there might be a life for me outside this forest.”

  He said it as casually as Ms. White asking for that day’s pay. The wedge between them grew. “You’ve been here a thousand years?” Yael asked.

  “Except when I was with your mother.”

  Yael swayed in place. Her thighs burned and her feet cramped to the point she had to lower herself to the ground. The grass comforted her in a way nature never had, giving under her weight like a mattress and bending around her.

  “When I first lost my kingdom, I saw everything I ever loved crumble. I watched the world forget who I was until my humanity left me altogether. I lost all appetite for food. Never had to drink. I just sat in this forest until my name disappeared. When I found her, I felt a warmth flush inside of me. For the first time, I felt human again. I saw my reflection in her big, brown eyes. I couldn’t remember the last time I actually saw myself. I don’t know what I was expecting to see, but I looked like my old self. Just as young as the day I united the great continent.” The more he moved, the more dust fell from his body. His white shirt was baggy, and his pants were black. He stood barefoot. The white i
n the dirt climbed around his toes and dissolved into his skin.

  “We left. When she decided to leave the forest, she said she had to get far away from Lansing. We went south and eventually settled in Eselwayne. I had never seen the new continent. Never saw the new towns that sprouted up. I remember seeing the castle in Wydser and never wanted anything less. I had an entire empire and was reduced to a single forest for a thousand years. My original home snapped off the landmass I was now bound to, and it was entirely my fault. I never thought I’d get over it, but it brought me to your mother. It showed me how all I needed was a small garden and a woman to love.” Tears fell from his eyes, and flowers sprouted where his tears landed—yellow, purple, and red. "And then we were supposed to have you, and life never felt more complete. The thought of having a child with this woman was a greater joy than any kingdom.”

  Miya left her father’s side and poked her head in the woods as the frequency of light shooting through the root system increased. Gusts of wind blew Yael’s hair, carrying a comforting scent of jasmine as Miya glided through the air, effortlessly stepping over the uneven ground and slipping between the dense forest. She ducked under branches and hopped over roots.

  “We were going to start a farm. I was selling for another family and making enough money to get by. We had enough to buy a few hens and make a nice little garden in the backyard.” He rubbed under his eye with his thumb and sniffled. “But she started getting sick towards the end. When we first found out, she had a glow to her. By the end, she looked like she was burning. Like she was carrying a little star inside her that would erupt from her, and it was all my fault.” He rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. “I did that to her. In my youth, I became too greedy and tried to take a gift from the gods. With your mother, I became too greedy and tried to be mortal again.”