CLAIRE: (is it really love)

by Grace Gervas

  "That'swhatIthoughtbaby,letmetakecareofyou." repliedRyanandpushedheronbed.Shescreamedoutinglee ashepulledherskirtdownherlegs,justtocontinuetowhere theyhadstopped.Heplayedheruntilshebeggedformoreand it'swhenhethrusthimselfintoher,hardandfast,forcingsome vulgarwordsouthermouth.

  Bythetimethey'rebothbacktoearth,Clairewasbreathless, satisfiedandspent;herfaceburiedonRyan'schestwithher bodycompletenakedagainsthis,exceptapieceofbedsheet aboutherwaist.Hewascaressingherbacksoftlywhenshesaid;

  "WhatareyoudoingtomeRyan?"Shewasreferringto everythingthat'sbeenhappeningsinceshestartedhangingout withhim.

  "Exactlywhatyoudotome;drivingeachothernuts!"Ryan repliedandtheysharedasmalllaugh."I'mstarving,shallwego outfordinner?"hechangedthetopic.

  Claireraisedherface."Onlyifyouhadn'trippedmyshirt off!"shesnapped.

  "Ohaboutthat,Ibroughtyousomeclothes."Hepointed twoshoppingbagsthatshedidn'tnoticetheentiretime. "Whendidyougetthem?"Sheasked,elatedly,while wrappinghernakednesswithRyan'sshirtjustlikebefore. "Earlieraftertheoffice."repliedhe.

  Clairetiptoedtothebagsandrevealedablousethat's almostidenticaltothetornone,andanotherbaghadadress andtwounderwear;disturbingtypeofundewear.Shelifted themupandasked,"Really?"andasusual,Ryanonlyshrugged, laughingly.Shesighed."Howdidyouguessmysize?Didyou shopyourself?"

  "MustIgointodetails?"

  "Yesplease..."

  "Alright?Itookyourtornblouseandaskedtheladyinthe shopforclotheswithsimilarsize,andaboutshoppingmyself, it'shalf-yes-half-no.Pleasedon'taskmetogointodetailshuh?"

  Shegiggled."Okay,atleastI'llhavesomethingtowear tomorrow."Shesaid."Ijusthopethedressfits!"

  "WellIhopeitdoesn't,thatwayIcanlockyouuphereand fixyourfoulmouth!"

  "Don'tyoudare!"Claireshothimaglare;heburstedout laughing.

  CHAPTER13 NextdayatworkClairearrivedasearlyasusual.Ryandroveher himselftotheoffice,andmadesuretheyhadplansfordinnerat night;whichClaireforcefullyrejected.Shedidn'twanttofallinto histraponceagain,despitethefactthathekeptinsistingthatit wasgoingtobejustdinnerandout;stillClairerefused.The truthwas,shewasreallydyingtohavedinnerwithRyan;to spendmoretimewithhim,butknowingthathe'dalwaysendup fighther,andtheninsideherpants,changedhermind.

  Atleastnothingoutoftheordinarywasgoingoninthe officewhenshemetNathanthatmorning.Hewasasfriendly andasrespectfulashehadalwaysbeen.Henevermentioned aboutherusualinvolvementwithRyanattheSKlobbytheother day;it'sasifNathanrespectedherprivatelifeandshewas eternallythankfulforthat.

  "You'lljointhedesigningteamstartingtomorrow."said Nathanastheywentthroughtheseveralpointsofcorrection andalterationonthepreviousdesigns.

  Clairewassurprised."Jointhedesigningteam?Butwhy?" Shequicklyjumpedintoskepticism,whensheentertainedthe ideaofRyanbeinginvolved.

  "BecauseIwantyouinLevy;itwasyourideasoit'sonlyfair thatyouatleastgiveusyourfullinsight."Nathanrepliedina professionalway."Look,IknowI'mbreakingtherulehere,butI can'tletachancetocreatesomethingmarvelouspassusbyjust becauseofasimpleformality;sobeready,I'llwanttoseeyour designideaswhenwestartworkingtomorrow."hesmiledhis usual.

  Clairewasatlossforwords.Shehadwaitedsoeagerlyto havethatopportunityandthereitwas,knockingonherdoor. "OhthankyousomuchNathan,Iswearyouwon'tregret!"she almostjumped,onvergetokisshimonthecheek,butdecided againstit."I'llgoandfinishallmypaperworksfrommy secretarialjob."shescowled.

  "Oops!That'snotmyfaultyouknow,it'stheruleandIt wasn'tpersonal."hesaidinabustedway.

  "Justadmititthatyouenjoyedmydeliciouscoffeewhileit lasted." "JustbetweenusLevy,you'recoffeetastesterrible!" "Oh!Isthatso?"Clairegrimaced.

  "Yeah."Nathanansweredtruthfully.

  Exactlyasshehadoriginallyintended,Clairespentherday workingendlessly,makingupformissingthatonecrazyday becausesomecrazymaniac,asshereferredRyanas.Andto thinkhe'dbeenpesteringher,wheneverhegotthechance, duringtheofficehourswithcallsandbundleoftexts,Claire couldnolongerunderstandhowtodealwitharollercoaster namedRyan.Whenitgottoosevere,shedecidedtotexthim back;

  FROM:Claire

  TO:RYANTHEJERK Tue***2:30PM

  (Subject)CanyoupleaseshutupforaminuteRyan!I'mtrying toworkhere.IsaidI'mnothavingdinnerwithyou,psycho.

  Sent. Shecontinuedwithherwork;typingsomethingonher computer,whileskimmingsomepapers,untilherphone chirped.

  FROM:RYANTHEJERK TO:Claire Tue***2:35PM

  (Subject)Oh!You'rehurtingmyfeelingsMs.Challenge.Ican't concentratewithmyworkrightnowbecauseofyou;you'vegot alittledebttorepayClaire.Noonemesseswithmyjob.And aboutdinner,I'mstillhopingyoucouldgrantmethehonors.

  Received. Clairecouldn'tresistlaughingwhilereadingRyan'sreply.He wasamixtureofcrazinessandwittywhichhadalwaysmanaged toboilherbloodindifferentdimensions.Hewascapableof makingherfeelangry,annoyed,irritated,andevenlikecrying; butalsohe'dmakeherlaughatverystupidthings,andeven confidentonherowntalentswhencametowork.Shedidn't understandwhyofallthemenithadtobeRyan;thecold,the jerk,andmostdomineeringpersonshe'devermet,incapableof anyemotionotherthatsexual;andnotsomeoneelse.She quicklytypedbacktohim.

  FROM:Claire TO:RYANTHEJERK Tue***2:38PM

  (Subject)Maybeweshouldstartbyfixingyourattitudethat you'reincontrolofeverythingandeveryoneSir,I'mgladyou can'tconcentrateinyourwork;thatwayyoucanunderstand howitfeelsliketobemessedaround;butthatdoesn't necessarilymeanIbelieveyourpick-uplineeither.LikeIsaid, I'mbusywithwork.Andaboutdinner,mydecisionstillstands. Firmly!

  sent. Sheplacedhercellphoneasideandallowedhermindto driftalittlebyleaningbackagainstherchair.Itwaslunchbreak untilthreeandtheofficewasempty.Either,shehadno intentionofleavingherofficestalluntilshewasdonewiththe work,andherintentiontostoodRyanwasstillintact.Iwon'tlet youplaymeagainRyan,shethoughtandherphonechirped again.

  FROM:RYANTHEJERK TO:Claire Tue***2:40PM

  (Subject)IloveitwhenyouplayfeistyClaire,butI'mnotin themoodforthat.Ireallywanttohavedinnerwithyoutonight, Sopleasebendyourfirmdecisionforonce,huh?BecauseIcan alwaystransferyourofficetoSKandhaveallthreemealswith you,everyday;Ohyes,I'mthreateningyourightnow.

  P.S:DON'TCALLMESIR!!!

  received. WhenClairereadthis,sheburstedoutlaughing.Itwas incrediblehowthatkindofhideousmessagecouldpossibly makeherlaughinsteadofgettingangryathisremarks.Firsthe beggedher,andthenhethreatenedherbetweenthesameline. Butthatwasnolongeranissueforher;she'dalreadyseenalot comingfromhiminjusthalf-a-week.

  FROM:Claire To:RYANTHEJERK Tue***2:42PM

  (Subject)Iknowyouhavethepowertopushthroughyour threatsSIR.Butifyoutry,IswearI'mgonnaquitmyjob.Oh! Andthat'snotathreatactually,it'sapromise!Nowletmefinish myjob,beforeIgetfiredfirst.

  Sent. Shesmiledbrightlyandcontinuedpinchingthekeyboards. Andjustasshebegantogetseriousagain,therewaswasan incomingcallandsheknewrightawayitwasfromhim.Witha heavysigh,sheslidthereceiver.

  "WhatnowRyan?Areyoutiredwritingthreats?"Sheuttered. Herepliedthroughthephone,"Areyoureallybeing adamantaboutdinner?We'lljusteatandI'lltakeyouhome afterwards!"hehadacalmtoneofvoiceforachange.

  "I'mnotbeingadamantoranything,Ijustcan'tgooutwith youtonight?"Shereplied.

  "Whycan'tyou?"Ryanasked. "BecauseIhaveotherplans!"Shelied;theonlyplansshe hadwasstayingintheofficeuntillate,andgobackhometo sleeponherownbed.

  "Otherplans?Withwho?Panther?"Hisvoicestartedtolose itscalmness. Clairerolledhereyes."Youdon'tthinkI'maloneror something,doyou?Ihaveotherpeopletohangoutwith,Soit doesn'thavetobemybossyoumaniac!"Sheblurted.

  Shecouldhearhislaugh."Okaywhoareyouplanningto meet?Gena?"Heinsistedonknowing.

  "No!I'mhavingdinnerwithmybrother,isthatfineofan answer?"Shebarked"Yourstepbrother?"Ryansnapped. Clairefrowned."Yeshim.Whydoyousoundsurprised?" Sheheardhislongsigh."Nothing!Wellhaveanicetime withyour...stepbrother."Ryansaidsarcastically. "YoubetIwill.OkayI'mbusy.Bye!"Shesnappedandhung up.

  **** ASthenightapproached,RyanwasheadingoutofSKbuilding withDorisbesideher.Theyhadbeenbothbusywiththelast minutedetails,abouttheremodelingprojectofMaryrosestreet, anditseemedtobecomingalonggreat.Whileheadingforthe parkinglot,Doristoldhimsomething;

  "TodayIheardaweirdrumorwhenIwasinspectingthe lobby,andnowthatIthinkofit,Ican'tconcealmycuriosityany longer."shesaidhaltinglyandheonlyglancedatherwithouta reaction."Iheardyouwerearguingwithawomananditlooked likeyoutwohadsomethingseriousgoingon!"Sheproceeded
.

  Ryanlookedatherwithafaintsmile."Youcan'tstoppeople fromtalkingaroundsojustignorethem,itwasnothingserious." Heansweredcasually.

  "Wasither?"Sheprompted,herlegsstucktotheground, andRyanhadtodothesamewhenheturnedaround."Wasit Claire?"shebrokeitdown.

  Ryanfrowned."What'sthematterwithyou?"Hereturned whenheapprehendedthechangeinherface;shewasseriously angry.

  "DoyouthinkI'mstupidRyan?ThatIdon'tunderstand what'sgoingon?"Sheutteredandhemovedcloserandclearly toldherintheeyes;

  "Don'tdothisDoris,pleasedon't!"Andoffhewentforhis car. Dorisfollowedher."Why?Areyouattractedtoher?Talkto me!"Shescreamedathim,andhestoppedbythedoor,gripping itshandlertightlyandmadly.Hefinallyreturnedaroundand suckinadeepbreath.

  "YouandI,don'thavethiskindofarrangementDoris, you'vebeenforgettingyourplacealotlately!"Hemutteredthe wordsbetweenhisclenchedteeth."Youdon'thaveanyrightto questionmyprivatelife,andit'swhatyou'vebeendoing,andI don'tappreciateyouractinglikeajealousywife."headded.

  Dorisswallowed,herfistsclenchedtohersides."Your privatelife?Sincewhendoyouhaveyourprivatelife?" "I'mnotdoingthisbullshit!"Ryansnappedandreachedfor thedooranditswungopenasecondlater.Heseatedhimself behindthewheel,andwatchedherwhilebucklinguptheseat belt."That'sanicecarbytheway,itreallysuitsyou!"Hetoldher, andshereflexivelylookedatherbrandnewredMazdabefore crackingherlongheelsawayfromhissight.Heonlyloosened histie,andhittheclutch.

  Inthemiddleoftheroad,RyandecidedtocheckonClaire andtheircallwasimmediatelyconnectedviaanearpiecehewas wearing.

  "Youjustcan'tletmebreath,canyou?"Clairesnappedand hislipsstretchedintoasmile.

  "Andyoujustcan'tbeniceforevenasecond,canyou?"He returned,eyesfixedonthemildtrafficwhenhiscarrested. "TrustmeRyan,I'mreallytryingtobenicebutit'sjustso impossiblewhencomestoyoubecauseyou'rejust--" "Imissyou!"Heutteredsoftly,thatevenwithoutseeingher, hecouldtellhowstartledClairewas.

  "AreyoudrunkRyan?"Sheremarked."Becausethatsounds likeadrunktalk."

  "I'mdriving."hereplied,andthensmiledwithhishead shakentothesides. "Oh!"Isallshecouldsay.

  "Areyouonyourdinnerdate?Withyourstepbrother?"

  "Ineversaiditwasadinnerdate!IonlysaidIhadplansto meethim."

  "So,areyouwithhim?"Ryanasked,andhiscarstarted movingagain.

  "YesIam.It'safamilytimeRyan,doyouseriouslyhaveto knoweverythingIdo,when,whereandevenwithwhom?" "Yes.Iwanttoknowallthat!"heansweredwithutmost seriousness. "You'reimpossible!FineI'mwithmybrotherrightnow,and we'reabouttohavedinnerathome,ofcoursewithmy stepmotheraswell."Sheansweredwryly."Areyouboredbyany chanceandinneedtofindsomeonetomessaroundwith? BecauseIdon'thavethetime."

  "I'mreallybored,butnotbecauseofwhatyou'reimagining atthemoment.Ijustmissyourpresence,that'sall.I'mnotsure howmycoldapartmentisgoingtofeeltonight."Ryansaid,with anexhaustedyawn.Clairewentsilentforawhile,probably contemplating.

  "JustbarewithitRyan.It'syourhouse."Shefinallysaid. "Andifyou'rethatbored,youcanalwayscallyourgirlfriend over.Becarefulontheroad,andhaveagoodnightRyan."She finishedandthelinewentdead.

  Hestayedcreepysilentinsidehiscar,feelingaforeigntype ofemotionthathequicklyshutawaybyspeedingup,oncehe hadfinallypulledthroughthejamtowardsafreeroad. CHAPTER14

  Joiningthedesigningteamwasthebestthingthatcould've happenedtoClaire.Shelovedit,andthememberswelcomed herfairlyenoughconsideringfewcircumstances.Shehadbeen workingwiththeminthreedays,andthingswereproceeding well.ItwasFriday,whenJorgesuddenlycalledherduringlunch hoursandinvitedherout.Shewasskepticalatfirst,butwhen shethoughtaboutthefavourhehaddoneherbyfindingGenaa job,Clairerealizedsheshouldatleastbekind.Shewinded thingsupintheoffice,andleftforherappointment;sinceitwas Friday,therewasn'tsuchtodointheofficeafterlunch.

  "Thanksforcomingonsuchashortnotice;Iwasaround nearbyandIthoughtwecouldhavelunch."SaidinJorgeinhis carefulmanners.Hewashandsome,nottoohandsome;aman withsuchcalmnessthat'seasilymistakenforkindness,buthe wasboth.Hehadmannersofanancientgentleman;ifhewere tochoose,he'dpickdresspantsoverajeans,asweaterovera jacket,andaloaferoveraJordan.Buthewasgood,andvery easytoconverse.

  "It'sokay,I'mgladyoudidcozIwasfamished!"Claire repliedonceshe'dpressedherorder.It'sbeenfewdayssince they'dseenoneanother,anditappearedbothofthemstayed outlongtoavoidtheirmother."ActuallyIshould'veinvitedyou first;IwantedtothankyouforhiringGena,itmeansalotme!" sheadded.

  Jorgesmiled."Itwasnobigdeal!Shehadgreatcredentials, andtherewasanopenposition."hesaidwarmly. "Eitherway,thankyou."saidClaire,andwhatfollowedwas asimpleconversationaboutboththeirworks,whichborefew brieflaughternowandthenuntilthefoodarrived.

  Theybothhadafill,andparticularlyhadanicetime.Itwas actuallythefirsttimeforthetwotohangoutandsharedameal outsidethehouse.

  "Umph!IthinkI'veeatentoomuch."Jorgeutteredwhileat hisfeet,readytogoclearthecheck. Clairelaughedbrightly."Metoo!Ididn'tknowthere'ssuch anicerestaurantaroundmyworkplace;it'sofficiallymynew spot."Sherepliedamidstfinishinghermilkshakefordessert.

  WithJorgegone,Clairestartedwanderinghergazearound inquestfornothingparticularly.Andthat'swhenherheartgave herapang,whensomeoneunexpectedwalkedintothe restaurant.Shequicklystraightenedup,whileabandoningthe strawawayfromhermouth.Doriswasenteringtherestaurant asgraciouslyasshewas;inacompanyoftwootherladieswith similarambiance.Hersmilewasradiant,asshespoketoher girlsonthewaytotheirtable,butdarkenedfastwhenhereyes metClaire.ButthenshegrantedhercivilitytoClaireanyway,by marchingtowardshertable.

  "Hellothere?"Dorisgreetedwithhersmileback;itwas impossibleforClairetodeterminedwhetheritwasrealor plastic.

  "Ohhi?"Clairereturned,withherbestsmile.

  "SuchacrazycoincidencethatIkeeprunningintoyou whereverIgo,"Dorissaid."seemslikewesharethesametaste

  ineverything."Andaddednonchalantly;somethingabouther wayofspeakingleftClaireabitdisturbed. "Ohperhaps,butIdon'tthinkso."Claireutteredwitha smallsmile."I'msurewedon'thavesimilartasteineverything! Butit'sgoodrunningintosomeoneyouknow,bypure coincidence,ofcourse!"shepolitelyadded.

  Dorisgrinned."Ihopeso;becauseitsohappensthatIhate sharing!"Shesaidpointedly,withoutkillingherownsmile."Oh sillyme!IforgotthatyouworkatStarlight,obviouslyyoumust comeherealot."

  Clairestaredarchlyather,alingeringsmileonherher perfectlips,withherheartbeatingathousandmilepersecond. AtthattimeJorgehadjustfoundhiswaythere;Clairethanked thehollyspiritforsuchadivineinterventionwhenheasked;

  "AmIinterrupting?I'mdonewiththebill."Hewasstanding behindClaire,andacrossfromDoriswholookedalittleamused atthesightofthemtwotogether.

  "Notatall,IwasonlysayinghitoClaire."SaidDoris, smilingly."It'smewhoseemstobeinterrupting." Jorgelookedbetweenthetwoladieswithquestionmarks; hehadzeroideaonwhatwasgoingonhencedecidedtostay quietasClairestoodupandstretchedherpalepinkwrap-dress thatRyanhadboughther.

  "WewereactuallyleavingDoris,toobad,I'dhavelovedto continuechatting,butweneedtogohome."Claireannounced. "Ohhome?Okay.That'snoproblemwithme,wecanalways finishwherewestoppedClaire.Goodeveningtoyouboth!"said Dorisandshenoddedcurtly.

  "Butofcourse,goodeveningtoyoutoo."Clairereplied. Onceoutside,sheexhaledheavily,asifshe'dbeenholding herbreathforever.Herheartwaspoundingheavily,andthe guiltyengulfeditwithcuffs.Howcouldshetalktoherlikethat? It'swhatClairewaswonderingasshewalkedpensivelytowards Jorge'scar.Doris'stonewasfullofsarcasm,asifshewasbeing nastywithoutbeingvulgar.Didsheknow,Claireaskedherself andtheideaterrifiedher.IfDorisknewthatshewassleeping withRyan,thenthatitselfwasaningredientfordisaster.

  "Iseverythingokay?"Jorge'svoicestartledher. "Huh?"shegasped.

  "I'maskingifyou'reokay,youlooklikeyou'veseena ghost!"Hereplied,laughingly. "Ohyeah,Iamokay."Clairereturned."Areyougoinghome earlytoday?becauseIam!"sheaddedafterregainingher composure.

  Jorgeanswered."Yeah,I'mdonefortheday." "Okay,let'sgo."Clairesmiledweaklywhilehoppingin.She tried,toohardtoforget,abouthertête-â-têtewithDoris;butit wasimpossibletoannihilatethetoneofhervoice.Sherunher handsintoherhair,followedbyacouplesighsuntilthecar started.

  "Whowasthatladyearlier?Youtwoseemedtoknoweach other,butthenlikeenemies."Jorge,whohadbeensilentthe entiretimeincontemplation,finallyspoke.

  Clairegiggled."Whywouldyouthinkwe'reenemies?"she asked.Aren'tyou?Hersubconsciouswarned.

  "Idon'tknow,Ijustsensed."Heremarked."WellIfeellike I'veseenherbefore,who
isshe?" "Maybeyouhave."repliedshe."HernameisDoris,she worksatSK,aPRDirectororsomething.I'veonlymether recently."shesaidvaguely.

  "Andyetyoutwolookedlikerivals?"

  "Ohplease,I'mnotsurewhatyousawtothinkthatway,but Iassureyouit'snot." "Okay."Jorgesmiled.

  "DoyouhaveagirlfriendJorge?"Clairesuddenlyasked.

  Helookedstartled,butreplied."Um--No,Ihadonebutwe brokeupnotlongago.Whataboutyou?"heaskedwithasmile. "Me?"Clairechucked,ridiculously."Idon'tthinkIhaveone. Imean,Idon'thave!"Shesaid.

  "Idon'tgetit,yousoundlikeyou'renotsureorsomething. Isitcomplicated?"

  Sheonlyhadamatingpartner.Shethought."It'snot complicated,Ijustdon'thaveone."

  "That'sodd."Jorgesaid."Arealltheguysinyourofficeblind orsomething?"Heremarked.

  "Jorge!"Claireexclaimed,andhelaughed."Whatareyou insinuating?"Shemadeitcasual. "Nothing,don'tgetmewrong.We'resiblings;bloodrelated ornot."Helaughed."Ijustthinkit'sodd,becauseyou'resmart, you'rebeautifulandmostofall,verykind."

  "WellI'mflattered!"Shesaid.

  Butthatwasexactlywhatshewastoldbysomeonewitha girlfriend;Ryan.Shethoughtinwardly,andkeptittoherself. Whenshefinallygothome,Clairereachedfortheshowerand tookthelongerone.It'dbeenonehellofamentalexhaustion foraday;especiallyafterseeingDorisattherestaurant.She blewairwhilewearingpyjamasforanight,withherheadjiggled withRyanandDorisimages.First,hehadbeensilentthewhole daysincehismanyattemptstohavemealswithher;from dinnertolunch,fromlunchtodinner;andClairerejectedthem all.Shewassupposedtobehappywiththeoutcome,butthe contrarywasthematter.

  Shejustdroppedonbed,andlieddownonhertummy, recheckingallhismessagesandtheirmanyexchanges.Asmile escapedherlipsandrealizedshemighthadactuallymissedhim; butshewasn'tgoingtocallhim.AwhilelaterGenacalledher, anditwasliketelepathybecauseshealsowantedtotalktoher badly;toventandmaybereceiveabest-friend-back-up.

  "Tsupsweetie?"Genasprawled.

  "Cool,howareyou?"Claireasked.

  "I'mfine,actuallyI'mhyped!"theformerscreamedonthe otherend.

  Clairesmiled."Okay,atleastsomegoodnewsfora change."

  "Harryinvitedmeovertohisplacetomorrow,andI'mso freakingout." "Alright!"Clairegrinned,beforesittingmorecomfortablyon herbedroomcouch."Whyareyoufreakingout?It'snotlike you'veregainedyourvirginityorsomethingthatyou'rescaredit mighthurtincasethehotchocolatemakesanindecentmove." sheaddedwithasmile.