The Woman Who Pretended to Love Men

by Anna Ferrara

  Dr Jones smiled in return and shrugged. Then, she did something really strange. She spoke, with her lips, but without sound. The shapes her lips made were more than clear. They said, ‘Sometimes, a professional must put aside their personal prejudices for the sake of the job.’ And then, she added, again in silence, ‘I think that time is happening right now for me.’

  She turned and resumed walking away the moment she finished her second silent sentence. The smile I had been wearing fell off my face as if gravity had abruptly knocked out my cheek muscles. I stared at her, in stunned silence, not because she had admitted having personal prejudices against my taboo relationship with Milla but because... her words were the exact same ones said by someone else I knew, under vastly different circumstances, in a completely different voice.

  “Alpha?” I said, before my brain could generate enough sense for me to stop myself.

  She didn’t turn; she was too far away to hear my whisper.

  “Alpha.” I said again, in way less of a whisper, even though I was painfully aware I was flouting the rules of my contract with Everquest. There will be consequences, de Roller. There will be consequences.

  Dr Jones turned back to me but didn’t stop walking. “I’ll see you upstairs, okay?” she said, as if she hadn’t even heard me say the word ‘Alpha’.

  I watched her go with prickling skin and a heart that felt as if it had gone hard with dread. Dr Jones disappeared into the stately glass building of MDYM as if it was another regular day for her. As if she hadn’t just told me something she never should have.

  The calm of a seasoned agent, I realised. The level of calm Benny used to say should be my ultimate goal. The calm of the perfect Security Agent.

  I saw then what I really should have seen way, way before.

  Dr Jessica Jones was Dr Jessica Jones, obstetrician and gynaecologist, in the same way I was Sandra Sum, journalist.

  And I had delivered Milla and her baby right into her hands.

  Just as they knew I would.

  Chapter 26

  31 Dec 1999, Friday

  As I sat alone in the grand waiting room outside MDYM Hospital’s labour and delivery wards, my stomach churned and I began feeling a little unwell. I was seated next to a giant painting of cheery flowers that had been put up in a classy gold frame, engulfed in soothing classical music and surrounded by decor that was easy on the eyes, and yet I felt sicker than I ever felt while suffocating between King George Hospital’s grimy walls. My heart pounded vigorously, my skin got all damp, and I eventually had to leave my seat to deal with my need to move at an isolated corner furthest from the waiting room’s entrance.

  As I walked in circles, and sometimes diagonally, in the tiny square that was my corner, the other people in the waiting room eyed me with curious looks on their faces. They were mostly local and, judging by their clothes, shoes and bags, a tad better off, in the financial sense, than the average Hong Konger. There was a father and his daughter; a large family that included a grandmother, grandfather, three middle-aged ladies, one young man and five children possibly between the ages of four and eleven; a grandmother with three young children sleeping on the chairs next to and in front of her; and a Filipino domestic helper with a young boy dressed in uniform. I was the only one alone in the room, the only one without a magazine, book or Game Boy in front of me, and also the only one standing and moving about. I could tell I was attracting more attention than I should be yet I couldn’t stop myself. My body was causing me a great deal of discomfort; I needed to move to think; to figure what was really going on—

  My boss lied; Dr Jones lied. Why? Why not just tell me they wanted to monitor the development of Milla’s baby? And on that, why did they want to monitor the development of Milla’s baby? Because it was C39’s baby too? More CSR? To make sure the baby would live to be born? Why not just say so? We were a team, weren’t we? I wouldn’t have told Milla who Dr Jones really was; I had done nothing to suggest I would be disloyal, and God knows I had no intention of being disloyal, so why didn’t they trust me? Another test? Part two of the same test? What?

  A nurse in baby pink scrubs and a hair net walked into the waiting room. Everyone turned to look at her, myself included.

  “Mr Cheng, congratulations,” she said in Cantonese with a huge smile on her face. “Your wife had a baby boy! Please come along with me, I’ll take you to them.”

  The man with the daughter jumped up, grabbed his bag and his daughter in his arms and went along with the nurse with a huge grin on his face. The other people smiled at him as he passed; some even said a word or two of congratulations. I didn’t; I simply remained in my corner, as still as a statue, with a blank expression that felt like it had been fixed in stone.

  Was Dr Jones even a real gynaecologist? If she was, why in the world was she working for Everquest as a security agent? If she wasn’t, why in the world did Everquest deny Milla and C39’s baby proper pre-natal care? How was that in any way ‘socially responsible’?

  “Sandra? Sandra!”

  I blinked and found Dr Jones right in front of me, staring at me with concern all over her pale face. Behind her, the entire room of seated individuals had their eyes on me too.

  “Are you alright? I’ve been calling you for the past minute or so,” Dr Jones or whoever the hell she really was said.

  That would explain why everyone else was looking at me that way all right. “Sorry,” I said as I wiped my sweaty palms down on my reporter pants. “What’s up? How’s Milla doing?”

  “She’s about six centimetres dilated and she just requested a self-controlled epidural so the nurses are getting her set up…”

  I watched her as she spoke. No spectacles. No earphones. No bag that might be full of hidden cameras and plasticine. Nothing about her that screamed ‘Agent’ at all. Just a white doctors’ coat and an accent that sounded authentically British and female. Alpha didn’t have a British accent nor did he or she sound female; his accent was more American-ish and his voice was deep. How could they both be the same person?

  “...birth in a couple of hours and... Look, are you sure you’re okay?”

  My heart skipped a beat. I blinked and found Dr Jones staring right at me with a frown on her pale face this time. I got my eyes away from hers, cleared my throat and made a big show of nodding, like I truly meant it. “I, uh, I was just thinking of asking something, Dr... Jones.”

  “Of course. Go ahead.”

  I cleared my throat again for it suddenly began to feel really dry and scratchy. “Will they... be okay? Both of them?”

  “What do you mean?” Dr Jones put her intelligent-looking black eyes into mine and suddenly seemed a great deal taller and more imposing than usual.

  I forced myself to keep looking back into her eyes even though it made me feel sicker than ever when I did so.

  “I mean... are they going to be in any... danger? Milla... and the baby?”

  “Oh, I see.” Dr Jones cleared her throat and, to my horror, mouthed the word ‘yes’. But before I could properly process what I had seen but not heard, she said, aloud and with conviction, “Of course not. We have all the latest technology and training here. You don’t have to be in the least worried.” She even smiled when she was done.

  My heart skipped another beat. My muscles stiffened. I felt my mouth go open so I said, to cover up my true feelings about the matter, “Oh, really.”

  I saw it at once—Dr Jones’ lips mouthing the word ‘no’, clear as day. Then, very quickly, her lips added, ‘Get them away. Fast.’ Again, there was no sound whatsoever as she did so. And less than a split second afterwards, I saw and heard her say, “Of course. She’s in good hands, Sandra.” As if she hadn’t just said anything otherwise with her lips!

  Damn. I scanned every inch of her person as quickly as I could and found my eyes eventually drawn to the pearl earrings she always wore on both ears.

  The pearl earrings she always wore. They dangled
like raindrops from metal pieces that stuck out of her ear lobes. Metal pieces that were... decorated with little black dots. Dots just like—Damn!—the ones at the front of the metal glasses my office had given me to wear!

  Somebody was watching and listening in, through her! Just as she had been watching and listening in, through me!

  “Thanks. I believe you,” I said quickly. “I’m just too nervous, I think. Never been through a birth before.” I forced out a smile as I struggled to decide whether or not to trust her. Why was she telling me all those things in secret if she was, technically, under the same employment contract I was. She would be getting herself into big trouble, and what for? She didn’t even know Milla all that well. It would harm her financially and professionally if Everquest ever found out she did so, so why take the risk? Unless there was no risk? Was this just part of another test? A test of loyalty? It had to be, right? That was the only way all this would make sense?

  “You know what?” Dr Jones said. “I think you really should sit down. You’ll feel much better with water in your system.” She put a pale hand on my arm and gave it a gentle squeeze before pulling me over to the nearest armchair and setting me down.

  I looked up just in time to see her mouthing, ‘This is not a test. If you don’t get them away, Milla will never see her baby ever again.’

  That was all she said. She left me to go to the fancy refreshments counter at the other end of the waiting room right after and I found myself sinking into the cushiony surface of the lime-green armchair I was on in shock. Milla will never see her baby ever again? Ever? But she loved her child! Hell, I loved her child too!

  Dr Jones returned with a porcelain teacup full of steaming hot water that was set on a matching saucer. She asked, aloud, if I was feeling better and I said, aloud, that I was.

  I put the cup to my lips and sipped at the scalding hot water whilst keeping my eyes on her lips.

  ‘After thirty-two minutes, you have seventeen minutes to get her out by the stairs,’ her lips said, soundlessly. ‘I’ll distract them. Start counting now.’ “I think I better leave you alone to rest,” she then said, aloud. “I’ll go check on Milla in the meantime.” She smiled again and suddenly looked quite pleased with herself.

  “Okay,” I said. I took a deep breath and tried my best to look a little bored. “I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Great. I’ll be back here to update you in an hour.”

  I nodded, smiled, thanked her and watched her go with that same calm manner she always possessed, not letting on that my brain and heart were moving like crazy inside me.

  I knew what I had to do; I couldn’t take any risk with Milla’s baby! But how the hell was I going to be able to get a woman in labour out of a hospital full of... what were they? Security agents? Spies? And where would I take her? Another hospital? I didn’t even know where the nearest other hospital was, and after what they did with C39, I couldn’t say she would be any safer there.

  On the luxuriously soft leather chair I was on, I continued sipping from the tea cup in my hands. The pleasant music in the background continued to play. The waiting room never once stopped smelling good. The other people in the room flipped through the books and magazines they were holding, pounded the buttons of their Game Boys, sipped tea and ate thick chocolate bars from the fancy refreshments counter. Everybody seemed to be in limbo, waiting for someone else to tell them they could move on; even me.

  Three minutes gone. The large clock on one of the wallpapered walls said it was exactly 8pm in the evening; exactly what my watch said. Twenty-nine more minutes to get ready; seventeen minutes to do the impossible. Question was, should I? My boss didn’t say I should, raspy Alpha didn’t say I should. Hell, should I? Really? Or was there some way I could ensure Milla’s baby’s safety without going against my office? There had to be, right? I forced myself to think of something but came up with nothing at all.

  Twenty-five minutes to get ready. Nobody’s going to tell you what to do this time, Fleur! You’ve got to make up your own mind this time. Think! What will you do? Twenty-four minutes to get ready!

  A nurse entered the waiting room, waved at the only Filipino lady in the ward, made a show of cradling an invisible baby in her arms and gestured at her to come over to the door. When she did, with a kid’s backpack on her back and a sulky seven or maybe nine-year-old boy in tow, the nurse told the boy, in Cantonese, that he now had a baby sister.

  Neither the boy nor the young-ish Filipino lady appeared particularly happy when she said so. The boy didn’t say a word and dragged his feet out of the waiting room like he were being forced to go somewhere he really did not want to go while the Filipino lady simply followed after him in a manner that suggested more boredom than excitement.

  I watched them till they went out of sight, and suddenly got an idea.

  Chapter 27

  31 Dec 1999, Friday

  My idea was a selfish one that would hurt innocent people I never even met, that I knew; unfortunately, it was also the only idea I had. I had to help Milla, I decided, because I was the reason she was where she was. This was all my fault. I brought her to Dr Jones, I told Everquest about her baby; had I not been the brainless robot I was, she and her baby would have been safe. She wouldn’t be going through labour all by herself too! Even so, I didn’t want to disobey my boss or go against the clauses in my contract; I wanted to keep my job and keep Milla safe and if hurting strangers in the process was the only way I could do both, then so be it!

  Nineteen minutes left. I walked out of the waiting room, tossed my office’s glasses and Nokia into the first trash bin I saw, then marched along the hospital’s corridor until I got to the hospital’s nursery.

  I couldn’t go in—a sign outside the door said ‘No Entry’—but I could see into it because of the large plate of glass in front of it in place of a wall. Inside the nursery were numerous little babies, bundled in either blue or pink woollen blankets, sleeping inside transparent plastic boxes set atop wooden cabinets on rollers.

  Some were crying, most were sleeping, none of them, to my dismay, looked in the least Caucasian. They were all Chinese babies. A hundred percent Chinese, all of them! Which meant... there was no way any of them would be able to pass off as Milla and C39’s baby.

  Dammit. I stood with my nose to the glass window and tried everything I could to think of an idea but soon realised I had none. There was nothing else I could do but... what Dr Jones suggested. And according to my Casio, I had only thirteen minutes left.

  I ran. Out of MDYM Hospital and all the way to the departmental store just two streets away.

  There, I grabbed two black-haired wigs, one male, one female; two trench coats, one for a man and one for a woman; three large towels; some bottles of water; and also a large haversack to carry it all in.

  Where would you take her? I asked myself as I stood in queue to pay. Where would Milla be safe from Everquest’s prying eyes? Not in her old apartment, that was for sure. Not in any of the apartments I rented with Everquest’s money. Not in a hotel; we wouldn’t be able to check in because we didn’t have passports. Not another hospital; it wouldn’t be safe. The only place left was... my mother’s house, or, more accurately, her husband’s house.

  His house—the house I lived in during my teenage years—had a security system which would set off alarms and notify the police if any of the locked doors got breeched. It was three storeys tall, big enough to confuse intruders and buy time for escapes, and also had a ventilated room in the basement that could be locked only from the inside. Milla would be safe in that room and Carla, the obstetrician, could help deliver the baby after all since she was there, with her fiancé, having dinner with our parents. That I knew because my mother had invited me to the same dinner. I declined, not so much because I wanted to avoid having to meet Carla’s fiancé, although that was also partly true, but because I wanted to spend it with Milla, alone in the privacy of our hom
e—our first New Year’s Eve together. I didn’t want it to be our last.

  I didn’t have my StarTAC with me so I couldn’t call my mother to warn her; I’d just have to show up. She’d be shocked but she would help, I knew. My mother was annoying but she was always there to get me out of trouble. Always.

  And what would I tell my boss afterwards? How would I explain my disobedience? Was I really going to cut ties with my office just to make sure Milla’s baby stayed safe?

  Yes, I decided. Everything else, you can figure out later.

  Right now, you’ve only got five minutes left!

  At 8:30pm, I walked into Milla’s ward with the large haversack slung over my shoulder and found her lying on a hospital bed in a thin, white hospital gown, connected via tubes and wires to various electronic monitors.

  She had her hair in a bun on the top of her head and was a little sweaty but was otherwise looking fine. She looked surprised to see me but I could tell she was no longer as angry as she had been before.

  “What do you want?” she asked, right before she tossed an arm over her forehead and closed her eyes as if she was more interested in going to sleep than in talking to me. In one hand, she held on to a device with a button; a device that was connected to one of the many beeping, blinking machines around her bed. Around her stomach was a belt that held some sort of electronic device.

  I went right up to her and began disconnecting her from the machines. “We have to go, Milla,” I said as I unbuckled the belt around her stomach and dragged it out from under her.

  That woke her up alright. She fought to keep me from flinging the belt away. “Are you insane? I’m in no state to go anywhere! Stop that!”

  I flung the belt onto the floor anyway and grabbed her by the shoulders to keep her still. “Milla, listen, you were right. There’s something not quite right about the organisation I work for. I can’t say what it is just yet but I’m going to do all I can to make sure you and your baby stay safe.”