Loss Recovery (Alaskan Security: Team Rogue Book 1)

by Jemma Westbrook

  Bess shook her head, the long blonde hair Wade dreamed of almost every night swinging over her shoulders. “I haven’t been with anyone.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Not since you.”

  Wade stilled. “Who is Chris then?”

  He should have listened to Brock. If he’d looked at her file he would know everything. Would know how much he would have to punish the man who hurt her.

  “He’s my ex.”

  Wade tried to catch up. Tried to remember everything he knew of her.

  “The one from when we met?” He knew she was trying to break free of someone. Find her way from a bad relationship. It was what drove her to him no doubt, and he’d been grateful as hell.

  But now he didn’t feel the same.

  Two years and this guy was still chasing her? Not just chasing, but stalking. Assaulting.

  Kidnapping.

  Rage fired through him, hot and angry. Anger at fucking Chris Snyder.

  But mostly at himself.

  Because he knew Bess was different after just one night with her, and he should never have left. He should have stayed. Done what he wanted to do in spite of how wrong he convinced himself it was.

  Fuck the consequences.

  Wade tried to reach for her again but Bess stepped back, away from his touch.

  Still out of his reach.

  He took a step toward her but one small palm came up between them, stopping him dead in his tracks. “Stop.” Her tone was strong, unwavering. “I—”

  A sound from the first-floor bedroom cut her off.

  The sound of a baby crying.

  CHAPTER 2

  “SHIT.” BESS SPUN away, rushing from the room.

  She hurried to the portable crib one of the men from the security company her parents hired brought in for Parker to sleep in. “It’s okay.” She scooped him up, cradling his little body against hers as she pressed a kiss to the dark hair on his head, breathing in his smell, trying to ease the rapid fire of her heart.

  This was a moment she never thought would come. Even in this digital age filled with personal data and internet and DNA, she’d never been able to find him.

  And she’d tried.

  “Bess?”

  The sound of her name in his voice sent a wave of warmth rippling through her. It was something she’d imagined more times than she could count on the long lonely nights sitting in a rocking chair, holding her baby.

  Possibly their baby.

  “Yes?”

  “That’s a baby.”

  She nodded. “It is.”

  “How old is...” The man she knew as Whitt stepped in beside her. “He?”

  “He.” She turned, making herself look up at him, trying to find the same bravery she felt that night so long ago. “What is your name?” Bess qualified the request. “Your real name?”

  “Wade.” He reached out to touch one finger to Parker’s shoulder, stroking the fuzzy fabric of his footed pajamas. “Denison.” His eyes hadn’t left Parker since he walked into the large bedroom. “What’s his name?”

  “Parker.” She stood silently as Wade stared at the baby she held, gently touching his arms. His back.

  “How old is he?” The question was barely a whisper. So soft it was impossible to tell what Wade was hoping to hear.

  “Fourteen months.” The math was simple to do, but only if he remembered when they met.

  And based on his reaction to seeing her, Wade very much remembered. It was a fact she refused to let herself spend too much time on.

  Wade’s dark gaze immediately snapped to hers. “He’s mine.”

  It wasn’t a question. “I think so.”

  “Think?” Wade’s eyes were back on Parker. “We could find out.”

  It’s what she’d prayed for every night as she tried to find sleep. That somehow, some way, she would find this man. Prove Chris wasn’t Parker’s father without risking what would happen if she was wrong.

  Because there was a slim chance she might be. But any chance was too much when it came to Parker’s safety. “Could we go now?”

  Wade’s attention lifted to her. He barely shook his head. “Not now. Not yet.” He shifted closer, the hands that had been on her son, coming to rest on her face, cradling her cheeks with the same soft touch Bess was sure she remembered as being genuine.

  But after two years she’d begun to doubt herself. Question the truth of her memories of the night they spent together.

  It couldn’t have been all she thought. He couldn’t have been as handsome. As gentle.

  The connection she thought they had couldn’t have been real.

  It was one night. A single interaction. How could it have meant as much as it seemed like it did?

  And it wasn’t just because it might have created her son. Even if nothing else had come of that night, Bess would still be right where she was.

  Wishing for something impossible.

  But the look in Wade’s eyes made her hope that maybe it wasn’t as impossible as she thought.

  And that was freaking terrifying.

  “I never thought I would see you again.” His eyes closed.

  She waited for him to say something else. To explain why he never tried to find her.

  Because he could have. Bess didn’t know enough about him to go on, but Wade definitely knew enough to find her. He knew where she lived. That her family owned a very large and very well-known construction company. Finding her would have taken five minutes.

  And he hadn’t done it.

  “Why didn’t you try to find me?” The question sounded weak. Accusatory.

  And damn it, maybe it should.

  Two years she’d been alone. Pregnant. Scared of a man who believed the baby she was carrying had to be his.

  Wade could have fixed it all before—

  Before it came to what it had.

  “I’m not the kind of man a woman should want, Bess. I knew if I found you I wouldn’t have been able to stay away.”

  “Not the kind of man—” She stepped back, suddenly feeling the anger that had flashed a few times over the months she’d been alone. “Do you have any idea what kind of man I’ve been dealing with?” Her chin threatened to quiver and she bit her tongue, trying to keep the fear from her voice. She didn’t want him to know how scared she’d been. How many times she thought her life could be over at any minute.

  Knowing someone wished you were dead was an odd feeling. One that didn’t move to the back of your mind easily. It stayed with you, front and center every hour of every day. Especially when you were all that was standing between that person and the little boy that meant more to you than anything in the world.

  “You don’t have to worry about him anymore.” The matter-of-fact way Wade said it made her blink.

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m going to kill him.” Wade sounded like he was simply explaining that the sky was blue.

  “You can’t just kill someone.”

  “I can, and I have.” The tone in his voice made her think he wasn’t kidding.

  Wade’s whole body went still. Just like the night they met, right before a car almost ended her life.

  Would have ended her life if Wade hadn’t pulled her to safety in the blink of an eye and shielded her body with his.

  Wade stepped back, moving toward the door of the bedroom. “Stay here.” The tone of his voice was low and sharp.

  Bess gaped at his back as he reached into the waistband of his jeans and pulled out a gun, moving without a sound as he left the room, pulling the door silently closed as he went.

  Her heart picked up speed.

  Had Chris already found her? Her father said this was the only way to keep them safe. Ship her and her son to an isolated town in the depths of Alaska where they would be guarded round the clock.

  Protected by men who would do whatever it took to keep her safe.

  And one of them might be the key to ending this whole mess.

  Or he could make it all wor
se.

  Parker whined. The kind of sound that said he was considering throwing a fit if he wasn’t fed soon. “Shit.”

  She was going to have to stop using that word or it was going to be her son’s favorite.

  But how bad would that be considering his father might be a mercenary?

  That’s what someone who killed people was called, right?

  Her son’s father was either a kidnapper or a murderer. That was great. Just freaking great.

  Parker’s complaining amped up a little. She had to feed him or he was going to start wailing, and considering Wade just walked out with his gun pulled, silence was probably an important thing.

  Going to the kitchen to make him a bottle wasn’t an option. That meant she had to give him something she’d finally narrowed down to only being a bedtime thing.

  Bess sat in the glider brought in with the crib, and wrestled the v-neck of her shirt down as Parker wiggled, kicking his feet in anticipation. Before he could latch on she pressed a finger to his cheek. “Be nice.”

  He was one bite away from being completely cut off, and right now weaning an unwilling child wasn’t high on her list of things to add to her plate. Bess tried to focus on rocking as she stared at the door, listening for any sounds that might tell her what was happening on the other side of the door.

  Shawn assured her this place was secure when he brought her here. Swore no one would find her, and even if they did, there was no way for them to get inside.

  The sound of steps on the other side of the door sent her heart to her throat. The urge to stand and be ready to fight was overwhelming.

  But she didn’t have to fight anymore, and having that taken out of her hands was comforting and terrifying at the same time.

  The door clicked open and Wade stood in the doorway. He was silent for a minute before his deep voice filled the room. “Are you hungry? Shawn brought lunch. Takeout.” He moved into the room, eyes never leaving her. “Do you have everything you need?”

  Bess couldn’t look away from him. From the almost wonder in his eyes as he watched her. “I’m okay.”

  He shook his head. “You have to need something. Make a list of anything you need and I’ll have it brought in tomorrow.” Wade stopped just beside her chair and slowly lowered to his knees. “Anything he needs I’ll get.”

  Every day since she saw those damn pink lines on that pregnancy test a month after her night with Wade, Bess had wondered what he would think if he knew.

  How he would react to the possibility that he was a father.

  She never expected to find out.

  “Are you upset?”

  “Not with you.” Wade stroked the same soft hair she kissed every morning and night. “He has dark hair.”

  “He does.” Bess struggled to breathe. Finding this man was a pipe dream for so long. A means to an end. Proving he was Parker’s father and that Chris was not, would mean her ex had no legal footing to fight for visitation.

  But now she realized Chris might not be the only man wanting time with Parker. “That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s yours.”

  Wade’s eyes lifted to hers and the hurt she saw there would have sent her stumbling back if she wasn’t seated.

  Was it that easy to wound a man who murdered people?

  “What color are his eyes?”

  The question sat between them. Bess didn’t want to answer. This was all happening too fast. She needed time to think. To consider the possibilities.

  “Bess.” Wade’s tone was soft as he leaned in closer, his hand coming to cradle her cheek. “What color are Parker’s eyes?”

  Tears bit at her lids, born of fear and longing. Fear this man might try to take away the only thing that mattered to her. Longing for a completely different sort of outcome. One she was sure could never be. “They’re dark.”

  It was why she was almost positive Parker belonged to the man she couldn’t forget. The nameless stranger who gave her so much more than he realized that night.

  Until now.

  “Brown?” It was hesitant. Like Wade wanted to hold back. Wait to be sure, before letting himself believe it could be true.

  She understood that completely. The minute Chris discovered she was pregnant, he began harassing her, positive the baby was his even though she assured him it wasn’t.

  And that made everything worse.

  Wade slowly leaned to one side, clicking on the lamp sitting on the table at her elbow. Parker squinted, kicking a little at the sudden change. He pulled from her breast and rolled toward the man watching him with the same intensity she remembered.

  The sharp intake of breath was almost as unmistakable as the midnight eyes her son had developed over the past few months. Wade leaned closer, black eyes staring into their match.

  Parker swung at Wade’s face, catching one cheek with a slap before patting it a few times. Wade never flinched. Never even looked close to considering moving away. He kept watching Parker as the baby’s attention turned to the hat covering his head, little chubby fingers grabbing at the knit beanie hiding Wade’s own dark hair. “You had to take care of him alone.”

  “Not alone. My friend Cricket was there to help. And my parents.” Bess struggled to swallow as Parker finally managed to pull Wade’s hat free. His lips lifted immediately as the baby swung the cap in the air between them. It was the first time she’d seen his smile in almost two years, and it was just as devastatingly perfect as she remembered. “I had help.”

  “Not the kind you needed.” The words sounded bitter. For the first time something about him was different. Carried an angry edge she didn’t remember.

  It was an anger she shared. Not necessarily at him.

  Maybe a little.

  “You could have found me if you wanted.” The knowledge sat cold and heavy in her stomach, souring any happiness she wanted to feel.

  Wade was part of a team that hunted people. It was his business to be able to find anyone.

  Yet he never tried to find her.

  “I told you. I’m not the kind of man you should be with.”

  All the emotion she felt at seeing him again, the warmth, the gnaw of excitement, it all disappeared in an instant. “I agree.”

  Maybe it was better this way. Better that she know right up front his stance was still the same.

  Better that it was. It meant chances were good he didn’t think he was the kind of man Parker should have as a father either. Parker would still be only hers.

  And that was perfectly fine.

  Wade stared silently at her. “You should.” He slowly stood. “Come eat.”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  His ebony eyes narrowed on her for a second, assessing. “Fine.” He stepped toward the door. “The food will be in the fridge if you change your mind.” He turned to leave.

  “Wait.” Bess clamped her mouth shut.

  Why did she just stop him? She should let him go. Literally.

  Wade’s head tipped to look at her over one shoulder.

  She fumbled through her overwhelmed brain for something to say. “Are you leaving?”

  His head barely shook. “No.”

  “Oh.” That was perfectly fine too. She could handle him being here. Hell, she’d dealt with freaking Chris, and he’d tried to kill her. “When do the shifts switch?” Shawn said there would be a team of two men covering her, taking turns unless things got serious.

  Hopefully they didn’t get serious.

  Wade turned back to face her and slowly stalked toward the chair where she sat. “The shifts won’t be switching.”

  “Shawn said—”

  Wade leaned down, resting one hand on each of the arms of the glider. “Shawn was wrong.”

  “But—”

  His eyes moved down to level with hers. “No one will be here but me, Sweetheart. You’re stuck with me for the foreseeable future.” His gaze barely dipped to Parker before coming back to meet hers. “Only me.”

  His closeness was all it t
ook to make her heart rate pick back up. The familiar scent of birch and earth flooded her mind with memories of that single night they shared. A night that still meant more to her than it probably should.

  Because whether she wanted to admit it to herself or not, it was real. In spite of Wade’s belief that he was not the man for her, she still wanted him. Still had to fight not to lean closer, hoping he might hold her the way he did when he first came here.

  Before he found out about Parker.

  The realization added one more layer to the mounting pile of turmoil burying her alive.

  Had Wade thought they would share another night like before? That their time here would be filled with cabin coitus until he saw there was a baby to piss all over his passion parade?

  Wade dropped to a crouch. “What about you, Buddy? Are you hungry?”

  Parker immediately grabbed at Wade, falling into his waiting arms with a giggle and squeal that only got louder when Wade lifted him high in the air as he stood. “How about you come with me so your momma can have a break?”

  Bess jumped up from her seat. “You don’t have to do that. I—” She reached for Parker and to his credit, Wade didn’t try to pull him away.

  But he didn’t immediately hand him over either. Wade tucked Parker into one arm, cradling him close as the baby bounced in his hold. “We will be right outside the door, Bess.” His voice was soft. “There’s a Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. Go. Relax. I’ll bring him back in an hour.”

  “You want to take him for an hour?” A familiar fear bit at her gut. “But what if—”

  “Nothing will happen to him, Bess.” Wade’s free hand came to cradle her cheek. “I swear to you. Parker will always be safe with me.”

  “Because you’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt him?” She pressed her lips together too late, shutting down the question after it had already been asked.

  “Yes.”

  The answer was simple and honest.

  Wade would kill anyone who tried to hurt Parker. It should scare her a little that he was more than ready to murder to protect her son.

  But it didn’t. Not at all.

  Because so was she.

  CHAPTER 3