Before, There Was You

by Kit Harlow

  I could still remember the way my hands shook as she walked out of the apartment for the last time. I never wanted her to leave, but all my pleas fell on deaf ears. I’d even gone after her a few weeks later, but she’d moved on like our relationship was nothing. I never forgave her for walking away and now we were thrust into a situation where we couldn’t escape each other. What would David think? I stared at the cab waiting by the curb and decided to walk.

  We could always move back. Surely my old boss would hire me back on the spot. I’d happily grovel my way back into his good graces if it meant that I wouldn’t have to be around my ex.

  My ex...it had been so long since I'd admitted that, or even reflected on it. For the last five years, David had been my life. Everything in the past was just background—white noise that made the change and the shift to being with him that much easier. I hadn't allowed myself to think about Katie, let alone contemplate what she was doing with her life. I'd been so eager to move on, I pushed her and our entire relationship to the back of my mind, hoping to forget about it, to abandon the pain. Now, confronted with the reality that she was in my life again, I wanted to scream.

  It was an hour before I made it back to my apartment, but the walk had cooled my temper a bit. At least the tears weren’t lurking at the surface. I unlocked my door and stepped into the refuge of my apartment where David greeted me with a very large glass of wine.

  “How was it?” he asked with a huge smile on his face. He expected me to be elated.

  I lied. “It was great! I’m just exhausted. I already have five assignments due by the end of the week and I’m not sure how I’ll keep up with the deadlines.”

  I cringed inwardly. He didn’t know about Katie and I certainly wasn’t going to tell him now.

  He poured himself a glass of wine and sat next to me on the sofa. “You’ll be fine. You’ve handled worse,” he reminded me.

  “What if I don’t get along with my coworkers?” It was an innocent enough question, but I was only worried about the one coworker.

  He laughed. “Elizabeth Markley, you get along with everyone you meet. You’ll be fine. The first day is always tough. Tomorrow will be better. You’ll love it. I know you will.”

  I forced a smile, clearly not believing him, but wanting to all the same. His deep green eyes and mop of unruly brown ringlets always made me smile. His unwavering faith in me made me feel like I could take on the world. I loved him and it was enough.

  I put my wine glass down and tucked myself in against his warmth.

  “I got some bad news, Liz,” he whispered. “I’m leaving first thing in the morning. They want me to help with orientation for the freshmen, so I need to be in Chicago by tomorrow afternoon.”

  My heart sank. I thought we had at least one more week. David’s choice to be a visiting professor is what made the move to Boston possible, but the thought of being without him made me cringe and made me want to pack a suitcase and go with him all the more.

  “When will you be back?” my voice cracked, revealing just how on-edge I was.

  He sighed. “Not for a month. The first month is always the toughest and since I’m teaching two freshman seminars, I need to make myself available to my students. You remember how it was…all that work scares the crap out of ‘em when they’re new.”

  I vaguely remembered. Smith was never really challenging for me. My first week as a student was spent partying with the few members of the rugby team that had come to campus early. I tried out my fifth day on campus and was immediately welcomed to the team. Academics had always been a strong suit of mine and even with a full course load, I found plenty of time to party and be social.

  “I just don’t see why you have to leave so soon,” I replied, embracing the whine.

  David smiled against the top of my head and pulled me close. “I know. It’s sooner than I thought, but it’ll be okay. You’ll be fine. You’ll be so busy, you’ll hardly miss me.” His laugh couldn’t help but make me smile.

  “Of course, I’ll miss you. What am I going to do without you?”

  “Find friends,” he said sincerely. He was trying to be helpful, but it fell flat to my sad desperation. He gently pushed me aside so he could look at me. “What am I going to do without you? I haven’t faced a ‘first day of class’ without you in years. That’s going to be strange,” he added studying my face. I reached up and touched his cheek, studying his deep green eyes for what might be one of the last times for a while.

  “I never imagined it would be this hard,” I whispered.

  David heaved a heavy sigh. “We both agreed this was an opportunity neither of us could pass up. We’ll make the best of it, Liz. We have to. Besides, if they’re impressed with me in Chicago, it could earn me a real position. Just think! Chicago! You’d have no end of opportunities there!”

  I studied his face and saw the same sadness and hope for the future etched in the hint of crow’s feet at the corners of his eyes. Hesitantly, because I was afraid of what might happen if I closed my eyes, I leaned up and kissed him. His lips were as soft as ever, but the hint of desperation—that was new. I savored the feel of his tongue moving in and out of my mouth and followed his lead in a game of chase that I wished would never end. David was everything I could ask for and I wouldn’t trade this moment for the world.

  His calloused hands slid underneath my shirt, deftly unlatching my bra before moving to the front and undoing the buttons one by one, agonizingly slowly.

  I leaned into him, my desire pushing me to make him move faster; there was too much tension built up, too much need and our touches became desperate. I shifted my weight and straddled him, pinning his shoulders against the worn cushions.

  “Tell me you love me,” I demanded, bending down and biting his lip.

  His smile faded and his expression grew serious. “More than anything,” he replied sincerely.

  “Tell me you love me,” I demanded, needing to hear those exact words.

  David looked up at me, face full of worry and passion. “I love you,” he whispered.

  I leaned in and kissed him, gently nipping his lip in my teeth. The answering groan was enough to drive me wild. His hands roamed my back freely and I followed in kind, taking in the feel of his skin beneath my fingers for what would be the last time for over a month. I was hungry for his touch and couldn’t fathom the idea of coming home to an empty apartment.

  His hands pulled me down on top of him where I lay for a moment, content to simply exist. David flipped me over gently, arms firmly pressing against my shoulders. Our eyes met and I couldn’t help but smile.

  Before I knew it, we were left breathless on the floor, wrapped in each other’s arms completely content yet both terrified of what the future would bring.

  “This is going to be a long month,” David whispered, staring at the ceiling.

  I angled myself so I could look at him, tracing the strong line of his jaw with my eyes. “How are we going to make it?” I asked in a hushed whisper. David sighed.

  “We can make it through anything,” he said gently.

  I sighed and tucked my head beneath his chin, too tired to consider what his leaving might mean and too preoccupied by the realization that I was going to be alone for a full month for the first time in my adult life. I’d never been on my own completely and I was not thrilled by the idea.

  I stared at the ceiling and ignored the tear that slid down my cheek. “I wish I could go with you,” I said softly. His grip around my shoulders tightened momentarily and I clung to him in response.

  “I do too,” he said firmly. We lay like that for a few more minutes before pulling ourselves back together to make dinner and face the prospect of our last night together. It wasn’t something either of us was in a hurry to do.

  The rest of the night passed both slowly and quickly. We ate dinner, watched TV and cuddled on the couch, content to pass the rest of the night that way.

  Chapter 2

  When the sun peeked th
rough the blinds, David got up to make coffee while I puttered around the bedroom moving things around for the sole purpose of feeling busy. His suitcase was already packed and by the front door. There was absolutely nothing I could do to make him any readier than he already was. I knew that all my movements were attempts to make myself feel better—useful in some way, but everything fell flat. I finally made the bed, threw the pillows into place, and headed to the kitchen to enjoy one last cup of coffee with my husband.

  David leaned against the kitchen counter, just as he always did, sipping his coffee with a smile on his face.

  “What?” I asked, taking the mug from his outstretched hand.

  He smiled. “You are the best thing to ever happen to me, that’s what.”

  I grinned behind my mug, but said nothing. We stood there in silence, content to enjoy each other’s company for a while.

  Finally, I couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

  “When do you need to leave?” I asked, keeping my eyes fixed on the coffee in my mug.

  “Sooner rather than later. I need to get to the airport,” he whispered, disappointment clearly audible in his voice.

  He glanced at the microwave and grimaced. “Much sooner,” he said in dismay. “My shuttle should be here in 30 minutes.” He looked at me, sadness evident. It was a change we’d both have to adapt to, but it would all work out, I told myself. Everything we were doing was for the right reasons. We’d made the right decision.

  Before I knew it, I was kissing David goodbye at our door, watching him head down the stairs to the waiting airport shuttle. As the blue van drove off, I turned around, locked the door behind me, and slumped to the floor. There was nothing fun about this and the fact that I had work in less than two hours was the second least appealing part of the day.

  I stared around the empty apartment, trying to comprehend what it meant. I was on my own in Boston for at least a month, had no friends, a job that could easily turn into a living hell, and an apartment that suddenly felt far too large. My living room was silent and it wasn’t something I was used to. David usually managed to make any number of loud noises when he did nothing more than exist. My life just got a lot quieter and I wasn’t sure how I felt about the entire situation. With a heavy heart, I forced myself to get ready for work, throwing my sadness into picking an outfit that would make everyone notice me.

  ◆◆◆

  I got to work and immediately sat down at my desk with my to-do list. I needed to meet with Nate to discuss the upcoming shoot, but truth be told, I desperately wanted to avoid his office. Anything I could do to not have to talk to Katie was worth my while. I stared at my screen and tried to determine if there was anything else I could do to eat up the time just so I wouldn’t have to talk to her.

  There were a few outlines I could go ahead and take care of, so I sat back, grabbed my notebook, and dove right in, creating a game plan for the next few articles that I hoped to have completed by the end of the week. Before I knew it, the outlines were done and it wasn’t even 9am. With a sigh, I pushed my chair back, stood up, and headed to the breakroom. Katie was right about one thing. I was a coffee fiend even if it was bad coffee and that was all that ever came out of a Keurig.

  The office was still in its early morning quiet phase. Phones rang occasionally, but mostly all I heard was the sporadic typing of keyboards and the odd muffled conversation from people sitting at the community tables. A few nodded at me in passing and I forced a smile. I felt like an outsider, alone in a roomful of people. It used to be a liberating feeling. Instead, I struggled to break out of my own sense of isolation. I craved community more than anything else at the moment.

  I found the breakroom without too much trouble and nearly collided with Stephanie as I opened the door right as she was trying to leave.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said quickly, feeling the first genuine smile of the day.

  Stephanie laughed, wiping what I assumed was spilled coffee off her hand onto her black jeans.

  “No worries,” she said happily. “Coffee time?”

  I muttered an affirmative. “It’s always coffee time in my book,” I said, approaching the dreaded Keurig with more trepidation than I cared to admit. Stephanie lingered in the breakroom watching me closely.

  “Lord,” she said sadly. “You’re not a coffee Luddite like James, are you?”

  I popped the pod compartment open by way of response. “No, just a traditionalist,” I said firmly, attention completely given to the process.

  A harsh laugh drew my attention away from the Keurig and to the doorway.

  “More than a traditionalist, she’s an addict,” Katie said gruffly, placing her mug on the counter next to the machine with more force than was strictly necessary.

  I did my best to ignore her, but Stephanie took the bait. “I thought you were supposed to be on assignment,” she said bitterly. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Katie’s lips turn slightly. She was enjoying the fact that we were both uncomfortable.

  I grimaced and returned my attention fully to the Keurig in front of me. I made the process of putting the cup into the maker far more involved and intricate than it could ever be. I was willing to do anything as long as it kept my attention away from her.

  She leaned against the counter, arms crossed, and studied me and Stephanie at the same time.

  “The shoot was moved to this afternoon,” she said softly. “Looks like I’m free and available all morning,” she added a wink at the end of the statement clearly directed at Stephanie.

  “Oh come on,” I said, annoyed at my own outburst.

  “What?” Katie asked innocently. Stephanie continued to glare at her.

  “You’re as bad as a high school jock,” I said, angrily putting creamer and sugar in my coffee. Katie stared at my actions, clearly in shock. Throughout our entire relationship, I’d never once put cream and sugar in my coffee.

  Katie put her mug in the machine, tossing my coffee pod away for me. “Funny, considering I was never the athletic type,” she added as she angrily punched the brew button. “You were the one on the rugby team.”

  Stephanie looked back and forth between us and waited for me to make up my mind. I rolled my eyes and all but ran out of the break room and down the hall away from Katie. I ignored the fact that my hands were shaking as Steph caught up with me.

  She looked at me, concerned. “What was that about?”

  I shrugged. “We knew each other in college. Our—” I paused to think of the right word, “friendship ended on a sour note.”

  Stephanie raised an eyebrow. “Friendship, huh?”

  My coffee turned sour in my stomach. “It was a long time ago,” I said firmly and continued walking. Stephanie jogged after me.

  “Long time or not, spill the beans!” The smile on her face spread from ear to ear. Here was the office gossip and I was about to indulge her.

  Drawing a deep breath, I closed my eyes and collected myself. “We were together until we weren’t. It was a long time ago.”

  Stephanie grinned. “As if that’s enough to satisfy my curiosity. Come on,” she said, smacking me lightly on the arm.

  “Really, that’s it. We dated for a while before life pulled us in different directions. It’s kinda a boring story.”

  Stephanie blinked. “You dated Kate Masterson?” she asked in shock. “The psycho bitch herself?”

  I grimaced. “Yep.”

  “Jesus!” Steph gasped. “How long?”

  “Six years,” I whispered.

  She said nothing, just blinked in shock as I mumbled a ‘see you later’ and tried my best not to run back to the safety of my cubicle.

  I walked back to my desk and put my headphones on, ignoring the horrible coffee, and focused on slamming out the next article as quickly as possible. All thoughts of talking to Nate were pushed to the back of my mind. If he needed me, he could find me. I was not going into that office until I knew Katie was on assignment.

  The morning pa
ssed quickly. Before I knew it, I was halfway through my to-do list and just about ready to take a lunch break. I pulled my headphones down around my neck and stretched, smacking James in the arm as he walked towards my desk.

  “Oh! I’m so sorry!” I quickly apologized.

  He laughed. “You’re fine. Listen, do you have plans tonight?”

  “No. Why?”

  “There’s a band I need you to interview and a show you’ll need to attend.” He handed me a piece of paper with information on the venue, the music, and the band. “It was supposed to be covered by one of our freelancers, but they had a family emergency.”

  “Who’s shooting?” I asked absently.

  “Kate,” James said, tone bland.

  I gulped and hazarded a glance at his face. He stared coolly down at me and I knew it was more of an assignment than a request.

  “And there’s no way I can beg out of this, is there?”

  James looked at me apologetically. “You’re the new girl, so, no. All my other writers are busy or working on assignments. You’re all I have.”

  I stared at the sheet. It would give me something to do—a way to pass the time since David was gone. “Sure thing!” I said, forcing my voice to convey excitement that I definitely did not feel.

  He nodded and walked away, leaving me to research the band, watch a few YouTube videos on their performances, and prepare a list of questions to ask in case I ran out of inspiration when I was there.

  The rest of the afternoon passed quickly and before I knew it, I was at home getting ready and putting way more effort into how I looked rather than focusing on the fact that I was about to cover a live event for the first time ever. It made the process less daunting and far less intimidating.

  I struggled to fix my hair into something that didn’t resemble a rat’s nest. After much fighting with my hairbrush, I finally got it pulled back from my face and deemed it good enough. Katie would be there and, in spite of the fact that I was married, all I wanted was to make Katie feel jealous—to remember that she was the one that left and I was the one that got away.