Before, There Was You

by Kit Harlow

I grinned, enjoying the familiarity of the space. “The usual,” I said, knowing Jean wouldn’t have forgotten it.

  She winked. “Cheeseburger, extra cheese and pickles and Reuben with dressing on the side coming up.”

  Without asking, she poured us each a glass of Smuttynose IPA and went to place our order.

  Lunch was filled with happy conversation as Katie and I reminisced on our lives in Northampton. My heart was full to bursting with happiness and by the time we made it back out to the car, I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face.

  “To Amherst?” she said gently.

  “Where else?”

  ◆◆◆

  The auditorium parking lot was packed, but we expected it to be. After all, it was one of the largest schools in the state and with multiple departments having their ceremonies that afternoon, the parking lot would stay packed for hours. What we didn’t expect were the scowling faces of Katie’s mother and father as they caught sight of us walking closer to the entrance of the auditorium.

  Katie stopped dead in her tracks.

  “Did Em tell you they were coming?” she asked nervously.

  I shook my head. “No. And judging by your expression, she didn’t tell you either.”

  She clung to my arm tightly. “I can’t do this. Let’s go. Em will understand.”

  Her parents were already making their way towards us, disgust clear a mile away.

  “Too late. Here they come,” I warned. Katie bit her bottom lip nervously and I turned to face her.

  “They have no hold over you anymore. Besides, I’m here with you. Whatever they throw your way, I’ve got your back,” I said quickly.

  “Please, Liz. Let’s just go,” she begged, tugging me back towards the car.

  I shook my head. “Em matters way more than they do.”

  I turned around and came face-to-face with Katie’s scowling mother and father. It was all I could do not to take a step back at the force of their judgment.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Masterson,” I said brightly. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” I extended my hand politely, doing my best to ignore the way Kat’s mother’s lip curled up as she recoiled from my outstretched hand.

  Katie’s father glanced at me, face set in what appeared to be a permanent grimace. Even so, Katie got most of her looks from him.

  “And you are?” he asked gruffly. “Surely not some queer my daughter has decided to bring to such an important event.”

  Wow. She really wasn’t kidding when she said they were awful.

  Katie practically hid behind me. “Mom, Dad, this is Liz. She’s a coworker.”

  It mollified the older couple slightly, but it set my nerves alight. I glanced at her, trying to meet her eyes. She looked away.

  They promptly ignored me and turned their attention to their oldest daughter who was quickly regressing into a scared teenager before my eyes.

  “Are you still a homosexual?” Katie’s mother asked bitterly. “Because if you are, I highly suggest you leave. No one wants to be around your type.” She glanced at me. “Well, save for other…faggots,” she hissed.

  “Hey,” I started angrily, ready to throw my filter away for good. Katie squeezed my hand firmly.

  “I’m staying,” she said bluntly, meeting her mother’s eyes with a determination I doubted they’d ever seen before.

  Her mother scoffed and walked away, leaving us alone with Katie’s father.

  “You should really know better, Katherine. Upsetting your mother…” He shook his head. “You could at least have enough decency not to flaunt your sexuality in front of her.

  I moved to release Kat’s hand, trying to be as accommodating as possible. She held it tight and set her shoulders.

  “You’re right. I should just deny my own happiness and pretend to be straight because it’s what you and Mom have always wanted.” She widened her stance and stared him down. “What about what I want? What about what makes me happy?” she asked angrily. He took a step back in surprise, eyes glancing around the parking lot to see if we were being watched. His face paled as he noticed several passersby hovering in case things took a turn for the worse.

  “Dad, I want you to meet Liz. She’s a coworker of mine, but she’s also the love of my life.”

  He swallowed audibly and took another step back.

  Katie glared him down. “I never got the chance to tell you that I met the woman of my dreams over ten years ago. Why? Because you were too fucking selfish to see that your daughter needed you. Both of you. You have no right to criticize anything about me anymore. After all, you stopped supporting me when I was still a kid. So whatever ‘discomfort’ I cause you, deal with it. I’m here for Em. As far as I’m concerned, you and Mom can fuck off.”

  The sound of applause surrounded us. Kate glanced around, startled to see so many people watching her confrontation. She blushed and smiled from her embarrassment. I nodded at the spectators and gently pulled her towards the auditorium. All I wanted to do was get her away from her parents as quickly as possible. By the time we were inside, she was shaking visibly, but I couldn’t be prouder. We found a quieter corner to tuck into and I pulled her aside.

  “You were amazing.”

  Her cheeks colored as she worked to regain her composure. Laughter bubbled up inside her and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

  “I’ve never told them off before,” she said surprised.

  I chuckled. “Maybe not, but you’ve been rehearsing that speech for the last ten years. I’ve lost count of how many versions you’ve had.”

  Katie grinned. “Thanks for listening to them all.”

  With a shrug, I pulled her into a quick kiss. “Come on, let’s find a seat and watch Em get the degree that will earn her more money than we’ll ever make.”

  She squeezed my hand and led the way into the auditorium. We found seats right along the railing and spotted Em immediately. We embarrassed ourselves by shouting at her and waving like maniacs and she responded in kind, earning no shortage of strange looks from her classmates.

  The ceremony was long, but as soon as we heard her name, we cheered and shouted as loud as we could.

  She posed for a picture with her department head and started making her way towards the edge of the stage, pausing only to look back at us with a grin on her face and genuine appreciation for the fact that we were there.

  We headed out of the auditorium before the end of degree confirmations and waited for Em anxiously. As soon as it ended, she burst through the doors and enveloped us in a hug, her Master’s cap barely staying on her head.

  “I’m so glad you guys came!” she said happily.

  Katie paused for a moment. “Did you invite Mom and Dad?”

  Em blinked in confusion. “No. Why? Are they here?” She scanned the crowd anxiously.

  “They were initially. Katie finally got the chance to tell them off,” I explained. Em’s jaw dropped.

  She gently slapped her sister’s arm with a grin. “I’m the only one who’s supposed to have a major life-changing moment, Kat! Way to steal my thunder!”

  Katie smiled sheepishly. “They had it coming,” she whispered.

  Em shrugged and threw an arm around each of our shoulders. “So now that I’m officially done with school and basically unemployed, where are you two taking me to celebrate?” she asked enthusiastically.

  I laughed. “Wherever you feel like. My treat.”

  Katie smiled at me as we headed out the doors towards our waiting car. Much to our surprise, the Mastersons stood hovering by Katie’s old Fiat, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

  Em’s arms slid from our shoulders as she took point. “Mom, Dad,” she said stiffly. Though they’d always approved of Em, she lost all respect for them when they disowned Katie.

  “Congratulations, sweetie,” her mother said brightly, ignoring the fact that Katie and I were even in the vicinity.

  Em’s jaw clenched as she was enveloped in a hug. “What are you doing here?”r />
  Her father forced a smile. “Watching our daughter make something of her life,” he added with forced cheer. “Let us take you out to celebrate.” It was a demand, not a request.

  Em stiffened. “I’m celebrating with Kat and Liz,” she said plainly.

  Her mother sighed. “You don’t have to associate with their kind anymore, Emily. You’re free to make your own way.”

  She stepped back closer to us. “I am. That’s why I didn’t invite you.”

  “The event was for family, Emily,” her father said earnestly.

  Em cringed. “Yes, it was. That’s why you weren’t invited.”

  “We’re your family, Emily,” her mother said firmly. “Now come and let us take you out to lunch.”

  Kat squeezed Em’s shoulder. “It’s okay. We’ll catch up later,” she offered.

  Em shook her head. “No.” She turned towards her parents, fists clenched. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re not my family. My family is right here.” She gestured towards us. “You lost the right to that title when you disowned my sister.” She glanced at Katie and smiled. “Please leave.”

  Her mother struggled to fight the fake and dramatic tears that she no doubt used to elicit reactions from others while her father simply glared.

  “You’re making a mistake,” he warned.

  Em laughed throatily. “No I’m not. You’re the ones that fucked up.”

  Kat shook her head sadly. “You shouldn’t have done that.” Her eyes followed her parents down the length of the parking lot.

  “Yes, I should’ve. They don’t deserve us.”

  With that, she pulled the door open and slipped into the backseat of the car. “Now, come on! I’m starving!”

  Chapter 16

  Katie sat nestled against the arm of the sofa reading as I opened the door of what had rapidly become our apartment. She didn’t look up at me as the door creaked and shut with a thud, letting me watch her, taking in the gentle downturn of her lips as she concentrated on the words on the page. Anytime she was in the room, I came alive. I knew the moment she walked into a room even if I wasn’t looking.

  “You’re staring,” she said playfully, eyes still glued to the page.

  I laughed. “I will always stare at you. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.” My bag slipped off my shoulder and landed with a thud against the worn wood floor. A groan escaped my lips as I stretched the stiffness out of my shoulders.

  “Long day?” she asked, carefully placing the book on the coffee table.

  I dragged my feet as I shuffled to the couch and collapsed on the cushions. “You could say that.”

  She stretched out her arm and wrapped it around my shoulders, possessively—protectively—and kissed the top of my head.

  “What happened?”

  “You don’t want to know,” I groaned.

  “David?”

  “Yes.”

  She was silent for a moment, but the tension in her shoulders gave her away.

  “Say it,” I prompted.

  She sighed. “Why don’t you just divorce him?”

  Why didn’t I just get a divorce? It was the same question I’d been asking myself for the last few months. When I was with Katie, everything made sense. I knew who I was, felt motivated in everything I did, and never questioned my decision to be with her. But the moment I talked to David, the last five years came rushing back and I couldn’t stop remembering the good times. Before Boston. Before my affair.

  It, in short, sucked, but I didn’t have an answer for her.

  “He’ll be back here soon,” I whined.

  She nodded and pulled me closer. “We need to talk about that,” she said, carefully keeping her voice calm. Inside, I knew she was as torn up as I was.

  “What do you mean?”

  Katie sighed. “What are you going to do once your husband is back? You can’t randomly disappear and stay over here whenever you feel like it, Liz.”

  My stomach lurched as I twisted to meet her eyes. “I just thought we’d figure out as we go along.”

  She took a deep breath and scooted a few inches away from me. To me, it felt like she was miles away.

  “I don’t think I can handle stolen moments or secrecy,” she explained honestly. “You need to make a choice.” She bit her bottom lip and glanced up at my face. “I need you to choose.”

  “Between you and David?” I asked in disbelief. “Or what?” I pushed myself out of her arms. She looked away. “Or what, Kat?” I demanded.

  “Or we can’t be together anymore.”

  Anger, fear, and sadness warred with my heart as I stared at the woman I loved more than anything.

  “You said you were okay with this. Remember?” I asked.

  A tear slipped down her cheek as she nodded. “I remember.”

  “So what fucking changed, Kat? We’ve been fine. You said you’d fight for what we have. Please don’t ask me to throw it away.”

  She swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “I want more,” she said quietly. “I want all of you. Not just a come-hither glance across the office. I want to come home to you. I want to grow old with you.” She pushed her glasses to the top of her head and wiped her eyes. “I will fight for you, but I have to fight for myself, too.”

  For the last five months, it felt like you were mine. And I don’t want to—I can’t—go back to just having an affair.” She squeezed my hand and smiled sadly. “I love you, but I can’t share you.”

  “You want me to divorce him?”

  She looked away, embarrassed. “I want you to make a choice.”

  “Okay.”

  She turned back and looked at me with such hope that it brought tears to my eyes.

  “Kat, I love you. I love David too, but you’re right. It’s not fair…to either of you.”

  She heaved a sigh of relief and I pulled her close, ignoring the tightness in my chest. For Katie, I would give up everything. I would throw away my five year marriage without hesitation, because my home was here. With her. I still had a few weeks until he came back, and I would live those two weeks to the fullest. I knew what was coming and how difficult it would be, even if I planned on immediately moving out of my apartment and permanently into Katie’s.

  Chapter 17

  Katie flopped on the couch, looking utterly exhausted as I gently set my bag on the dining table. My shoulders ached, my feet hurt, and I thought I could fall asleep standing up. Instead, I took the few short strides to the couch and sat next to her. Today had been the longest day of our professional careers.

  We'd been working since 7 a.m., helping set up for the HRC summit and then covering the event. It had been years since I'd spent time with any number of LGBT people, but today, I felt like I was part of the community again. Though I was exhausted, my heart felt full to bursting with happiness.

  Now that the event was over, all I wanted to do was sleep, but I was too exhausted for that. So was Katie. She slid to her side and put her head in my lap. I couldn't help the smile that spread on my face. If ever there was a defining moment for contentment, this was it. This was where I should be.

  "I love you," I whispered, smoothing out her hair and memorizing her features for the ten thousandth time. She smiled, revealing slight dimples, and creases around her eyes.

  "I love you, too."

  We sat in silence like that for a few more minutes before my ringtone tore us out of our stupor.

  "David?" She asked, clearly annoyed.

  "Yeah," I replied. "I haven't answered his calls all week. I should take this"

  Katie nodded and sat up. I headed to the kitchen so she wouldn't have to listen to the conversation. And I could busy myself by making dinner. Kate flipped on the TV to drown out the sound.

  "Hey," I said tiredly.

  "Hi! Long day?" David asked, immediately reading my tone.

  "You have no idea."

  "Are you working late tonight again?"

  "No," I said busying myself with bo
iling water. Ramen was all I had in me. "Just trying to recover from a really busy day."

  He paused for a second. "Where are you?"

  I was too tired to know he'd gone on the defensive. "Home," I said, not realizing I was lying. I'd come to regard Katie's apartment as home over the last five months. "Why?"

  Silence. I heard him walking around his apartment. "No, you're not," he said confused.

  My heart dropped. "Where are you?" I asked, panicked.

  "Here. At home. Liz, what’s going on?"

  "I'm at a friend's place. I was going to stay over here. It’s closer to the office."

  He was quiet. Too quiet. "Why is half your closet gone?"

  "Cleaning out."

  "Don't lie to me, Elizabeth. Come home. We need to talk."

  "David—"

  "Come home," he demanded and hung up the phone.

  I stared at the phone in my hand. This couldn't be happening. This shouldn't be happening. He was supposed to be in Chicago. I was supposed to have another two weeks before he came home. Shit.

  Numbly, I headed to the living room. Kate immediately knew something was wrong. She leaped to her feet and crossed over to me in two quick strides.

  "He's at my apartment."

  "What? Why?"

  "I don't know. I guess it was a surprise visit. But he's there, he knows something is up, and he's demanding that I go home."

  Katie put her hands on my shoulders. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Remember that. He doesn't own you."

  I met her eyes and tried to commit them to memory once again. "I know, but I owe him an explanation at least."

  "What are you going to tell him?" She asked softly.

  "I don't know." I took a deep breath, grabbed my bag off the table, and forced a smile. "I love you," I whispered.

  "I love you too," she said as sincerely as she could manage. I turned to the door, heart already racing.

  "Lizzie," Katie said desperately. "Will you be back?" It was barely more than a whisper, but it stopped me cold in my tracks.

  My heart ached. "Probably not tonight, but yes." I turned and faced her. "I'll be back." She nodded and I headed out the door and down the stairs. Silently, I prayed that I was telling the truth. But in all honesty, I wasn't sure. I had no idea how to respond to the situation and I really did love them both.